Just how awful is natural labour and delivery?

[squashie34]

Apologies in advance for the ridiculous thread title- although I guess this is essentially what I want to know.

I'm under no illusions that it's not extremely painful, and I am not worried about pain. but I am suffering from such severe anxiety and fear about giving birth naturally that it's making me have nightmares and lose sleep 😟 I can't help but picture the most horrendous situation where after a 25 hour labour baby gets stuck/heartbeat drops and there's a huge commotion to try and save baby or that she doesn't survive, or that baby is delivered and I bleed out and it's all so traumatic that I end up with something like PTSD or complete incontenance from awful tears. I have nightmares about it every night and it's really taking away from the joy of carrying this baby that we want so much. I guess it doesn't help with the current pandemic and my fear that there won't be enough midwives etc.

I've convinced myself that I want a csection as I know the recovery is worse but I'm eliminating that element of the unknown with labour, but I'd want more than anything to be able to shake this fear and have the mindset this is what my body is meant to do. I watch so many videos of water births etc and I'm in awe of how ladies do it but I'm just convinced my labour wouldn't go like that. I've had endometriosis for 15 years and countless operations, so getting pregnant has been the first time down below has worked as it actually should instead of causing me trouble!

I guess what I'm asking is just for some honest stories from you lovely ladies about natural birth- I don't know where else to turn really. I'm sorry if I just sound like a whimp too, I hate myself for feeling such fear!

Thank you xx

Don’t focus on what could go wrong. Yes, it might not go to plan, but that’s what doctors/hospitals are for - they know what they are doing if they have to.

I’m no expert (only have 1), but being prepared helps. I was actually surprised by how straightforward it was - yes, it hurt, but your body sort of just gets on with it, so it was really not as bad as I thought. Your ind just kind of goes elsewhere and you concentrate on the breathing and the hard work, and the pain seems kind of irrelevant. I made far more fuss when they were inspecting my tear afterwards! The midwife seemed quite amused that I complained so much about her cold hands.... I just wanted everyone to leave me alone so I could try to get some sleep!

I had what at the time felt like insurmountable pain, I couldn't believe that after doing hypnobirthing and learning all about labour it could be so painful and that I was a complete wuss for being in such agony. Then I went back over my birth notes after the baby arrived and discovered I had a back to back labour, where I dilated from 3 to 10cm in 2 hours and meant I couldn't have the epidural I was begging for from the moment I arrived. Which explains the pain! The actual pushing the baby out hurt less than the contractions.

The reality is, whatever situation your labour throws at you, you can get through it. Might not feel like it at the time, but it will end with the arrival of your baby.

In the lead up to the birth, the thing I was most worried about was a haemorrhage. I'm terrified of blood and the thought of heavy bleeding makes me feel sick. After my little boy arrived I had a massive PPH and three tears (a cervical and two external) and was whisked off to theatre to fix it. I healed up brilliantly, I did have a bit of an extended stay in hospital to have a blood transfusion but a couple of weeks later was pretty much back to normal. I'm not sure if next time I would want to go through a drug-free birth again, but the experience hasn't put me off wanting another child!

Each birth is different - and I’m pretty sure for some it’s simply more painful than others, none of this ‘pain threshold’ crap. I found contractions very painful, but my labour was quite short so it was fine overall, and pushing was fine. But a friend of mine had a long labour, thought the contractions were fine but then found the pushing bit awful. So really I think you just need to take it as it comes.

Evert labour is different so it's hard for people to tell you what to expect. I've had 2. Both straightforward. I was induced for the first and that one was more painful. But I didn't have an epidural for either Just gas and air. I didn't have particularly long labour's though. The best advice I can give is remember the pain won't last for ever. You know there will be an end to it. And just do what you need to and take whatever pain relief you want and need.
Good luck.

Haven't rtft (sorry!) Just to say, when I was pregnant with my first everyone seemed eager to share their horror stories of labour. So just to even things up I will share mine.
First pregnancy, horrible pregnancy (high blood pressure, suspected blood clot in my chest, miserable throughout) Was told just before my due date I would have to come in next day to be induced. Really upset, as didn't want that.
Woke up 2am with first contraction. Thought I'd run a bath. By the time bath was run, contractions were every 5 minutes and waters broke! Went to hospital, gas and air and being in pool helped. Couple of hours later felt like I was getting distressed, thought it was time, midwife said no, I made her check...yup, fully dilated, dd1 delivered 20 mins later, at 6 am.
So 4 hours, start to finish. Sore, yes, but very doable, just gas and air. No stitches. Lovely experience, if that doesn't sound too weird!
Everybody's experience is different. But don't be scared about something that might not happen. Good luck, whatever you decide!

Before I went into labour (first baby, 6 weeks ago) I was 'threatened' with induction and spent ages working myself up into a panic about it as well as the thought of any needles or a C section.

In the end, he set himself off on the day of the induction, sparing me that, 11 hours in total and 20 minutes of pushing after just over 2 hours in hospital. The pain was very strange, wasn't so much pain to me, just a very uncomfortable feeling you wouldn't choose to have!

Body did it for me I found, I couldn't stop it so just went with it. I didn't have any pain relief in the end because gas and air I found stopped me concentrating on breathing through it but did have a cannula for fluids which fell out in the end (which was one of the things I was most scared about but it didn't even register at the time) and a 2nd degree tear because I was so keen to get him out over episiotomy!

The best thing you can do is go in with an open mind. Things may go absolutely wonderfully as you'd want or things might happen that you'd rather not but just listen to your body. Your body will get you through it one way or another but just try not to fight it and take all the pain relief you want if that's what you need. It's really not something you'd want to do everyday and as much as no one talks about it, the days after are bloody awful (worse for me than labour) but having baby can take it all away. Good luck, wishing you all the best

One thing I would say is to expect it to be extremely painful, and if it's bearable then it's a win win.

What I found the most upsetting was the feeling of utter helplessness I felt. All I wanted was for it to slow down or stop, to give me a breather and get back in control of my panic. It doesn't do that of course, but if you are prepared to just go with the flow and let your body take over it's not so bad.

Some of these messages are so unhelpful for those of us about to give birth. Why do people not think about how much they can frighten others.
“It’s 2020 - get an epidural”
“Why would you go through horrific pain, get an epidural”
“My birth was horrific, get a c section”
Turn on the news.... None of these things are available to us for now/for the forseeable. For those of you lucky enough to not have given birth during a national emergency you are giving advice that is impossible and upsetting. I personally have zero options open to me for my impending birth. I’ve already been told epidurals wont be available, elective c sections certainly won’t, and I’ll most probably be on my own. Not to make everything about bloody Covid, but it’s highly relevant for giving advice to anyone pregnant right now.

Haven't RTFT but honestly, it's FINE, in fact I'd say it's GREAT.
I had 2 labours of 24h+. But in a MLU, only has & air & minimal fanny damage

From my two experiences i honestly wouldn’t worry. I didn’t need an epidural, it wasn’t horrific and although it was painful, a pp was correct - you do go into a kind of zone mentally where your body just takes over and does its thing. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a straightforward labour and delivery, of course, but on the other hand many, many people do manage just fine.

Others have mentioned already - but - HYPNOBIRTHING. Try the Positive Birth Company digital course, it's only £40. It's so informative. The fear element will slow down labour and make it more painful - this is science - due to adrenalin taking oxygen from your uterus (which has two muscles, doing the contractions, so really needs the oxygen) and puts it into your arms and legs (flight or fight mode). Without the oxygen going to your uterus, you will have more painful contractions. If you can shake the fear even a little bit and have a more positive mindset, much more likely to have a straight fwd labour. It's always a scary thing and bound to have scary moments but ultimately, relaxation techniques can really help and hypnobirthing is not just some wooly magical thing, it's science. Check it out! And good luck! x

Labour hurts, but it's ok. My son was back to back, which is incredibly painful and I wasn't able to have any pain relief - but having done hypnobirthing I definitely felt in control and like it was a positive experience at the end of it. Labour obviously isn't pleasant, but it can be empowering and positive - you'll feel like a warrior afterwards. Good luck

OP, I had the "nightmare" birth you describe. However, it was FINE. DH and I did the online hypnobirthing course and it really helped me to understand what was happening to my body.

I had a long labour, baby got stuck and I lost a lot of blood. HOWEVER I had no idea any of this was going on. I was so calm and focused on my baby that I really didn't realise how unwell I was until DH told me afterwards and I read my notes. I knew my options for pain relief and I had thought through what I wanted and under what circumstances and I got through it. A lot of the fear comes from the unknown. I'd really recommend the positive birth company course and the access to the birth stories that go with it.

Key message: whichever way it ends!
Whether C-section, vaginal, with drugs, or without drugs.

Keep the end in sight and respond along the way.

I've had 8 children. 1st emcs 2nd forceps - had meptip, 3 through 8 nothing other than gas and air. Not going to lie...it's painful...but just as you think you can't do another contraction you get to pushing. Pushing is hard work but it's not painful in the same way. And really and truthfully - you forget the hard work and pain when you've got that baby in your arms! I'd do it again in a heartbeat! Good luck everyone!

We are all different.

I have two children. The first was more painful (back to back) but perfectly manageable with just gas and air. It was all over in six hours from the first contraction.

I had the second at home in a water pool, again just gas and air, and that was much easier.

I know I was lucky. But between us my sisters and I have had 13 children. Only one caesarean (planned, because breech).

Worst most horrific pain of my life that I have never forgotten to this day, ended in emergency c sec, put me off Labour for life. SIL popped two out no trouble, no pain relief, easy as fucking pie. Apparently she "was so amazing and brave and pain-resistant and strong that she didn't even make a single noise as they came out". It's different for everyone. Plan as best you can, take things as they come, ad I'm sure everything will.be fine.

Prepare to be amazed at what your body can do, it's ok to be worried but it's also ok to embrace it and work with it. I think many of us retreat into our own world at various points of the labour. Try not to resist the pain but to let it wash over you. Every contraction brings you closer to delivery. I found a TENS machine made a massive difference too. I was really thankful that I could get around quickly afterwards, it must be really hard to get a newborn right after major surgery. It gave me a respect for myself I'd never had before. Good luck.

For those of you lucky enough to not have given birth during a national emergency you are giving advice that is impossible and upsetting

Op asked. You don't have to read, but you chose to.

It’s so different for everyone. I was unlucky with my first birth, which was very traumatic. I had an elective section the second time and it was far better for me. Much quicker recovery too, although I have no ‘normal’ experience to compare it to.

Some of these messages are so unhelpful for those of us about to give birth. Why do people not think about how much they can frighten others.
“It’s 2020 - get an epidural”
“Why would you go through horrific pain, get an epidural”
“My birth was horrific, get a c section”
Turn on the news.... None of these things are available to us for now/for the forseeable. For those of you lucky enough to not have given birth during a national emergency you are giving advice that is impossible and upsetting.

Hi @123456kent I gave birth 2 weeks ago during the pandemic and I can confirm that none of the things you’re worried about happened to me. I had both an epidural and a c-section and was absolutely fine. You say none of these options are available for you - who is telling you that?

Enjoyed my three births!!! Yes I vaguely remember some pain but, wow, what an amazing feeling. I do consider myself very fortunate to have not any problems which is the absolute game changer of course. I had three water births, just gas and air with all three and last two were home births. Lovely memories.

Actually it would be something I looked forward to if we decided to have a fourth and I'm a little sad my time for having babies/giving birth is over!

@squashie34 It was better than expected.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I had similar fears to you and was booked in for a c section at 39 weeks.

My other concern was that (in my mind) an attempted vaginal delivery was quite clearly all going to go wrong and end in an emergency c section anyway so I thought by having an elective one, I’d reduce some of the risks.

I didn’t read a thing about labour or giving birth (this was before I was booked for a c section) as it made me feel sick and I just couldn’t look at it.

In the end, I went into spontaneous premature labour at 34 weeks and knew that a vaginal delivery (or at least to try and have one) was far better for the baby than a c section. So I ended up having a vaginal delivery which I was completely unprepared for. It was not as bad as I feared (I didn’t have a epidural which I definitely said I was having when labour started) and none of the awful things I had been worried about happened.

Had worse period pain. Very easy for me.