Just how awful is natural labour and delivery?

[squashie34]

Apologies in advance for the ridiculous thread title- although I guess this is essentially what I want to know.

I'm under no illusions that it's not extremely painful, and I am not worried about pain. but I am suffering from such severe anxiety and fear about giving birth naturally that it's making me have nightmares and lose sleep 😟 I can't help but picture the most horrendous situation where after a 25 hour labour baby gets stuck/heartbeat drops and there's a huge commotion to try and save baby or that she doesn't survive, or that baby is delivered and I bleed out and it's all so traumatic that I end up with something like PTSD or complete incontenance from awful tears. I have nightmares about it every night and it's really taking away from the joy of carrying this baby that we want so much. I guess it doesn't help with the current pandemic and my fear that there won't be enough midwives etc.

I've convinced myself that I want a csection as I know the recovery is worse but I'm eliminating that element of the unknown with labour, but I'd want more than anything to be able to shake this fear and have the mindset this is what my body is meant to do. I watch so many videos of water births etc and I'm in awe of how ladies do it but I'm just convinced my labour wouldn't go like that. I've had endometriosis for 15 years and countless operations, so getting pregnant has been the first time down below has worked as it actually should instead of causing me trouble!

I guess what I'm asking is just for some honest stories from you lovely ladies about natural birth- I don't know where else to turn really. I'm sorry if I just sound like a whimp too, I hate myself for feeling such fear!

Thank you xx

It’s fine, I’ve had three and yes it’s painful but it’s really okay.

Honestly the pain was horrendous for me! I know people say it doesn't hurt sometimes etc and they loved it but it was horrific pain!!!! A pain you cannot escape and believe you are going through it is unbearable! Sorry to sound scary. There is no point in worrying about c sections etc you could plan and plan and it's gonna go the way it will go, there is nothing you can do in advance. I had 2 births just gas and air, first baby pre pregnancy I weighed under 7 stone and 5ft2 so I was small framed and managed it. I was sent home and told to come back 2 days later, well 3 hours later I was back in the hospital ready to push, legs in stirrups and had the ventouse on the babies head, there were a load of Dr's that had to come in all staring with my legs in the air, cord was round the neck and sometimes you could hear a gap in the heartbeat monitor that's why the Dr's came in, that all sounds dramatic BUT it was fine and not a huge hoo-ha, second baby all fine and straightforward. I wouldn't worry about what may happen it's just the pain that's the worst!!! If you get sent home etc don't hold off too long if you feel you should be in the hospital! I suppose that's when things could get complicated if you're not in the right place quickly

@LoveIsLovely I totally agree!!! It's not calming and I don't think it is a controllable pain, it consumes your whole body and takes you to an out of control pain I was howling the hospital down!

It's fine. It isn't horrendous for all!
I was in labour from Weds-Sat couple of tears but no big deal they were 2nd degree. Healed nicely thankfully. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Yes it hurts but worth it!

Just to add I wasn't in full on labour until about Friday evening

Natural delivery here with a tiny bit of gas and air (I didn't like it and my labour was too fast to have anything else). He was 9lb 2oz and twisted in my pelvis because he dropped so suddenly when my waters broke - I had to push for over an hour but had no intervention. Total labour time 3h 24mins.

I was up and walking around as soon as we'd done skin to skin/he had fed. No catheter, blood clot injections or major surgery. A few stitches but done by the midwife in the birth centre and over quickly. My recovery was so much easier than a CS.

I'm not sure I'd even say labour was painful, for me it was the pressure that was overwhelming - I just wasn't expecting it because all I'd heard people talk about was pain. It's normal to be nervous and I'll still be nervous next time but it really is amazing what you can do x

My experience of giving birth (vaginally, both times) was that first time around I was induced after going ten days after my due date, resulting in a spinal anaesthetic and forceps delivery. The labour was a challenge as my daughter was large (9lbs 3oz) but absolutely not unmanageable in terms of pain at all.

Second delivery was in a very different environment (birthing centre adjoining hospital). I was able to use the pool which was amazing for relieving pains to the point that I actually forgot to ask for any pain relief! I had DD2, who was 9lbs 14oz, on two paracetamol, basically. I made myself relax as much as possible when I knew I was going to actually have her and just focused on getting through it. It was amazingly manageable - I tore and didn’t even realise. I didn’t even notice them stitching me. I have such appreciation for the marvel of my body after going through that - I think the endorphins and whatever your body and mind do to get you through the experience must be something pretty extraordinary.

The thing is, every labour is different. For some people, baby pops out easily. For others, not so much. The one with the easy labour was lucky, that's all. They didn't do anything "better" than the woman who struggled.

My own experience is that the early contractions weren't too bad and I could manage. That went on for 9 hours or so. I arrived at hospital at 4pm and for the next few hours I went in the pool with gas and air. I actually enjoyed that bit. Floating around in the pool feeling nicely light headed while my DP fed me peanuts! Unfortunately everything ground to a halt at that point and I needed to be moved into the high risk unit to be put on the drip. I ended up needing diamorphine and pethidine, but that was only because of the complications making the labour longer (He didn't arrive until 11am the following day!) I honestly think that if everything had gone smoothly then gas and air would have been fine.

Don't be too rigid in your birth plan. Keep an open mind when it comes to pain relief, just in case things don't go to plan.

It’s different for everyone of course, I was pleasantly surprised, not as bad as I imagined, I had both of mine with natural delivery, managed without any pain relief just had a tens machine. 10hr & 2.5 hr labours

It's not that bad the contractions only get very intense and painful when your close to pushing I've always had very short labours but the contractions have only bothered me at the end and by then I'm ready to push. I've never had pain relief but I am a believer of breathing through them to relieve the pain if you tense up and panic for some reason it hurts more

@LoveIsLovely That's not at all what it means, I'm sorry if you take it that way but there's an overwhelming body of scientific evidence to support it. If you are dreading and fearing birth because all you hear is horror stories then the hormones that help your body to labour (primarily oxytocin) are overwhelmed by adrenaline and you essentially go into fight or flight mode. Contractions and the dilation of the cervix are slowed or stopped altogether because your body thinks it isn't a safe environment to give birth in (all mammals can pause early labour if they are disturbed) and the natural pain relief that is released during labour is interrupted. It's why so many women go into hospital in labour to be told they're not as far on as they thought, or their labour slows down when they get there from home.

It doesn't mean that there aren't complications in birth and it doesn't mean that women shouldn't choose whatever pain relief they want - everyone is going to experience labour differently and if you want an epidural then go for it. I just think it's important that women understand what happens and can prepare themselves for what is going to be a huge moment in their lives as well as possible, so they don't have to rely on media portrayals of terrible pain and trauma.

Both of my babies were born in hospital. My choice, I would always prefer to have all medical stuff nearby, although not needed.

First birth.....went to hospital after waters broke and baby born approx 9 hours later. Contractions are like period pains but worse. Mine were easily bearable and then suddenly ramped up. I was given pethidine, which completely knocked me out. According to ex H I would try to put the gas and air mask to my face occasionally, but generally miss. The next thing I remember was being moved by the nurses to the delivery room. I was very drowsy due to the pethidine. Giving birth is like trying to pass a football out of your backside but I don't remember the pushing as hurting. I do remember saying I needed to do a poo and I would push afterwards haha. All went ok, I was still high on pethidine after the birth.

Second baby, waters broke but nothing happened, so I had to go on a ward for a few days. All attempts to start labour failed until they decided to hook me up and gave me some injection. I had four contractions, called for pethidine, and started to push. I heard the midwife saying to ex H that it was too late for pethidine. I gave birth quickly using gas and air.

The second birth was a more positive experience purely because I knew how it would feel.

My advice is to take whatever pain relief is going that you feel comfortable with. I personally never wanted an epidural, but I accept that plenty of women are more than happy to do so. It's all a matter of what suits you. Just remember, whatever does and doesn't happen during labour, whatever pain relief you did or didn't have, the baby won't care or be impressed!

@Flora20 Well see I listened to all that "if you just relax, it will be fine" crap and no, it did not work.

Oxytocin? What a laugh. If it was that easy, we'd all be sailing through.

Don't pat yourself on the back too hard, it is absolutely about luck, as well as privilege.

The pain was horrendous but women have been doing it forever. I've done it 3 times without pain relief it cannot be that bad.
It is scary but once you are in it it's different.

I've given birth 4 times. 2 were awful and 2 were actually quite enjoyable and afterwards I felt a surge of euphoria I've never experienced since.

So they are not all horror stories.
I was terrified like you, panic attacks and the whole works but when the time comes trust me your body knows what it's doing.

I was taken into hospital and told that unless I went into full labour I would be induced as my son had reduced movements. I was 9 days overdue. I quickly naturally dilated, I had been having contractions in my lower back for most of day, aching though not massively uncomfortable. I found labour it's self more of an ache than a pain, I had oramorph and gas and air (I didn't feel like gas and air did much in my case). It was all going fine then I felt the need to push pretty quickly but having been examined not that long ago they didn't really want to do it that soon. I was in a room with a 1-1 midwife due to the reduced Movements.

Then my body decided it needed to push so they had a check and I was fully dilated, a few pushes later and boom my water burst and covered the midwife and the wall 😂😂
Then he was on his was way! This was all pretty standard even being constantly monitored etc no cause for concern, labour was progressing nicely. Then the monitor watching baby started to beep, and the midwife became a bit concerned so called a colleague. They both monitored, then a doctor was called in. I was told I needed to push as hard as I could as baby was in a little bit of trouble and needed to come out. He was right down the birth canal so a hook was placed into his head so they could monitor his heart rate. Then they lost the monitor wouldn't pick it up very well. I was told they were going to have to get him out by whatever means it took. To be honest I was still ok with it all, my husband on the other hand found it all very traumatic. I was given an episiotomy and forceps were then used. Unfortunately I lost a lot of blood as the placenta then wouldn't come out quickly. My husband thought I was going to die. I just felt that it was what needed to be done and I honestly wasn't concerned by it, maybe I'm weird. I was fine, baby was fine. I had a lot of stitches and had to inject iron for a week but i never felt that the pain was unbearable. I never screamed or felt that I couldn't do it. From hospital admittance to my son being delivered it was 6 hours. That was just over a year ago and I'm due another baby in 6 weeks.

It is something that people do all the time. Whatever happens you will be in the best of care. Try not to have any expectations of how a 'perfect' birth will be and it will honestly help you so much. Good luck!

My two were both born in hospital but with just gas and air and the tens machine.

With DD, it started getting very painful and I demanded an epidural. When the anaesthetist arrived about 15 minutes later, he was just in time to catch DD as she crowned. After that it was one more push - 2nd stage of Labour was about 10 minutes.

DS took longer and hurt more, but he was 9.7lb rather than 6.7lb so it was pretty inevitable. He was three pushes. Again, there was a point where I really wanted an epidural so climbed out if the birthing pool, put my dressing gown on and demanded the midwife find me a bed downstairs so I could have one. She persuaded me to kneel down while she got someone to make up a bed, DS crowned immediately and was fully born within 15 minutes.

Let’s put it this way. I’d do it again! So it couldn’t be that bad 🤭

I think some women tend to enjoy scaring others with war stories etc. Yes it's painful, but in the grand scheme it's only for a tiny amount of time - and you get the ultimate reward. Whatever happens you will cope with it and once it's over you will (almost) forget all about it

It’s frowned on on Mumsnet to say this, but it’s my truth.... I enjoyed my labour.
Don’t get me wrong, it was intense, but for me it wasn’t like pain when you stub your toe- it was more like that weird euphoria/ache/ intense feeling when you do plank in a fitness class and you’re right on the edge of what’s bearable.
And it’s not constant- contractions are obviously spaced apart, and get gradually closer.
During transition it felt so intense - again not what you would think of as painful but hugely intense- that for a minute I did think I wanted an epidural... but I was transitioning in a waiting room at the delivery suite (midwives didn’t realise I was so far along and I’d laboured at home for 7 or 8 hours) so I wasn’t exactly in a comfy space...
Anyway- by the time they checked I was fully dilated, was whisked into a room and and gave birth 2 hours later.
The birthing itself was fine- pushing for an hour (vomited a lot but from force not pain) and then panted him out in 3 pushes.
Honestly- it’s not always awful - it’s still the best day of my life, and I appreciate it’s not like that for everyone, but it was for me.

I haven't read all the replies as I find thinking too much about labour a bit traumatising tbh, but I've had 4 babies, vaginal, c-sec, vbac, c-sec.
Have a vaginal birth if you can. A c-sec is unnecessary and damages your tummy and your womb putting future pregnancies at (slightly) increased risk. It's just not worth it.
Have an epidural. They're bloody brilliant now. You just have to manage the pain until you're 4cm, by pethidine or gas and air, or both, and then the epidural will take all the pain away. You top it up yourself every 15 minutes, you're in control, pain free, everything's fab. Antenatal classes slate them because they're expensive and women suffering in pain is cheap. Some women think of not having pain relief as something to boast about - they're idiots. Nobody's handing out medals for bravery. Have an epidural, you'll be fine.

@Mangofandangoo I don't see it as scaring women. I see it as telling the truth as it was for me. Should I lie and say "bounce about on the yoga ball and you'll sail throughout without a care in the world."

I don't go out of my way to tell women it was awful but if they ask how my personal experience was, I won't lie. I tone it down a lot with women who've never given birth though.

A friend of mine had a symphisotomy.

I was having a cesarian before I got pregnant - nothing was changing my mind. If you want a cesarian then ask for one.

I haven’t read the thread.

Both of mine were born naturally without pain relief. In each case I had the baby about 3 hours after getting to hospital. My first was less painful because I could walk around the whole time which helps. With my second I had to be monitored so was lying down and that was definitely much harder to cope with, but still doable. Contractions weren’t that painful (except for transition, that really did hurt), just felt like really strong period cramps.

You've said it right there though @LoveIsLovely you tone it down, but lots of women don't. When I was pregnant I was in the office with 3 women who seemed to enjoy rubbing it in about how terrifying the whole experience was and what went wrong how they endured the worst experience. That isn't helpful for a worried expectant mother.