Just how awful is natural labour and delivery?

[squashie34]

Apologies in advance for the ridiculous thread title- although I guess this is essentially what I want to know.

I'm under no illusions that it's not extremely painful, and I am not worried about pain. but I am suffering from such severe anxiety and fear about giving birth naturally that it's making me have nightmares and lose sleep 😟 I can't help but picture the most horrendous situation where after a 25 hour labour baby gets stuck/heartbeat drops and there's a huge commotion to try and save baby or that she doesn't survive, or that baby is delivered and I bleed out and it's all so traumatic that I end up with something like PTSD or complete incontenance from awful tears. I have nightmares about it every night and it's really taking away from the joy of carrying this baby that we want so much. I guess it doesn't help with the current pandemic and my fear that there won't be enough midwives etc.

I've convinced myself that I want a csection as I know the recovery is worse but I'm eliminating that element of the unknown with labour, but I'd want more than anything to be able to shake this fear and have the mindset this is what my body is meant to do. I watch so many videos of water births etc and I'm in awe of how ladies do it but I'm just convinced my labour wouldn't go like that. I've had endometriosis for 15 years and countless operations, so getting pregnant has been the first time down below has worked as it actually should instead of causing me trouble!

I guess what I'm asking is just for some honest stories from you lovely ladies about natural birth- I don't know where else to turn really. I'm sorry if I just sound like a whimp too, I hate myself for feeling such fear!

Thank you xx

It's the best thing I've ever done, I felt like a goddess, do what you need to to enjoy the experience as much as you can.

I recommend a pool, I had one for my second, in the hospital not at home. The pain relief difference was amazing, and the whole experience was more relaxed.

My first was a bit grim in comparison but never completely unmanageable because you know it will end and every contraction is one step nearer.

Everyone loves a gruesome birth story but it's completely random what happens and there is nothing to say yours won't be fine.

I've had two 'natural' births (I prefer to call them uncomplicated).

Contractions really hurt. Less so with gas and air that you get at the end.

Actually pushing the baby out is nothing in comparison to the contractions. If you tear you won't feel it or care. I remember worrying about tearing with my first, I didn't with my second. I remember dreading having to go through the contractions again.

It is painful, but the pain stops in between contractions. Nothing quite like it. I was breaking off chatting with the midwife about random stuff to breathe through a contraction and then pick up where I’d left off a minute earlier.

Unfortunately there is no way of knowing if you will have an easier birth or a more difficult one, and I agree with posters above who say that if you are this anxious, it will likely affect your chances of a more manageable natural birth. You have to look at the pain and discomfort positively - hypnobirthing etc can help. I used entonox and a TENS machine which helped a lot in the early stages. Nothing really takes the edge off the sensation of crowning, but that’s likely to be all over in seconds.

I agree with jen who posted before me, it's madness to prefer a cesarean unless you have a medical need. You heal and get about faster with a natural birth.

No one can say what your labour would be like, trust me I've had 4 and they were all totally different. I've had a very natural delivery in hospital, a home birth, a forceps delivery and an EMCS. One of them was totally painfree, it was my first and I was a naive teenager and couldn't understand why women lied about it. Then I had my 2nd, we'll gloss over that one just to say I was in bed with flu and I am just amazed I had the strength to push baby out. The forceps was the fastest labour, I was induced and the doctor informed me I was already 5 cms dilated and I hadn't felt a thing, the EMCS was a long hard labour, a very fast run down a corridor to theatre with doctors and midwives pushing me along on a trolley like an Olympic event.

So all I can say is unless you find someone with a very good crystal ball there is no way of knowing how you will feel, it isn't always painful and with two of mine I was orgasmic (bloody embarrassing and I do hope everyone thought the panting was due to pain.)

Good luck.

1at labour back to back stuck baby and it was awful, epidural but natural in the end.

2nd labour I had discovered I don’t like losing control so did hypnobirthing. Was so chilled I went in too late, had her head at a bus stop, swept up into the hospital by midwives and gave birth still wearing my sundress and sunglasses 😂.

3rd she got stuck, back to back, chin up, group b strep infection lots of “fuss” BUT hypnobirthing kicked in, stayed calm, self managed the pain with just gas and air and ended up natural.

To me you would benefit for having something you can control, and all you can control is your mind and approach. Try hypnobirthing!

I have had 3 labours. All luckily very quick. It was painful but a very different pain to anything I had experienced before as ultimately there was a point to it and I also was centre of attention and allowed to do whatever i wanted. I found all my births very positive. However, I had no birth plan or expectations at all even in my later births and would have had any and all interventions without worrying about it.

I’d say that the fear of waiting and not knowing what it would be like was almost the worst part for me. Once my waters broke the contractions started to come very quickly and close together, but once I had access to the gas and air I felt calmer, obviously it was incredibly painful but the gas and air took the edge off and really calmed me down, which was a huge help, for me. DS arrived inside 5 hours after my water broke. I also had a TENS machine which I’ve since loaned to a few friends and they’ve all found it to be a help.

Everyone’s story will be different, I guess the best thing you can do is not overthink!

Please look into hypnobirthing OP, it did absolute wonders for me and my mindset for my second birth which turned out to be actually amazing, and the hypnobirthing preparation I'd done had a huge part to play in that. It really gave me confidence in my own body and my mind. I would recommend it far beyond anything else. Wishing you all the best x

Also, infants delivered by C-section were shown by a study to have more than double the risk of developing food-borne allergies and asthma by their third birthdays than babies born vaginally. They reckon it's something to do with the bacteria in your vagina priming the baby's immune system.

Everyone is different.
No 2 Labour's are the same.
I've never experienced pain like my first labour. Ds was laid the wrong way and I needed several doctors and had forceps in the end, I felt the forceps too .
Ds 2 was much quicker and as a result I didn't have any pain relief at all.

48 hours for me from waters breaking (first contraction 20mins after m) to a beautiful baby girl :) it was hard yes, I did get rushed to surgery for forceps but I was treated with such kindness from all the staff that looked after me and I felt like superwoman after it for at least a month :) don't be scared, you can do it xx

Everyone is different.

I had 2 drug-free labours and found them pretty easy. My first was a 9.5lb back to back bruiser, but it was fine. Second one was ridiculously easy.

I have 3 sisters that all thought childbirth was the most awful thing ever and had to have epidurals.

Wow ladies you are all amazing, thank you so much for the replies and hearing all your different experiences. I have started the positive birth company videos which talk about hypnobirthing as I've read lots about that helping women.

Quite a lot of you mention the fact that being stressed and anxious inhibits labour and I think that's my fear; I will constantly be worrying something is going to go drastically wrong and it's almost a self fulfilling prophecy as I know it lowers oxytocin which stops your body doing what it needs to do. That post about wheeling you down for an EMCS like an Olympic sport just highlights my exact fear 😟 I can't ask for a csection just because I'm petrified of giving birth though can I? I'm sure the midwife would just look at me and laugh! I wish I had all your strength

It absolutely varies. With DC1, I wanted to wait for gas and air until the labour hurt mire than bad period pains. I had a baby before the pain got that bad. With DC2, it was very painful, but also very quick (45 minutes of active labour) and I honestly didn't care in the slightest about the pain because my body produced some kind of amazing natural high which felt like I imagine heroin must be like. I spent the next year or so really craving childbirth, even though I didn't want a third baby. And I have friends who had horribly painful births without the bliss.

There's stuff you can do (like hypnobirthing and having some control over your birth environment, and moving freely and feeling safe) that that can stop an otherwise low-pain birth from becoming needlessly painful. But if you have the sort of labour that is going to hurt whatever you do, then that's what anaesthesia is for.

I have had two natural births, at home.
The first went perfectly, long, had contractions for about 36 hrs but active labour less than 4.
No problems at all. I used a tens, had g&a when MW got to us, no complications at all.

I then had 4 miscarriages with various procedures to sort them out.

With my second birth, I had it at home too. It was much quicker but the same pain level, baby came OK but placenta wouldn't come out and had a small drama with that including nearly passing out, minor haemorrhage, ambulance run and spinal anaesthetic causing spinal headaches for 5 days.
Sounds awful but the worst pain I've ever had was a tooth abscess requiring root canal.

Birth is agony but I found it to be a deep muscular agony, like you're being forced to run a marathon, rather than an excruciating, sharp pain like I'm imagining torture would be.

Doulas are supposed to be worth their weight in gold.

Good luck OP

My two births were the most exciting events of my life!
Ds1 I went into labour at 6pm and he was born at 3.50am . I had some diamorphine towards the end and went in the pool for pain relief. 2nd stage lasted less than 30 minutes and I had a small graze. It was such an amazing experience! Yes it hurts but it's not like broken leg pain , its positive pain if that makes sense.
Ds2 came very quickly after a sweep. Kept very active and upright and had nothing but gas and air for pain relief. Had 3 stitches because he came whooshing out. It was amazing!

I've had two really good birth experiences. I feel like a bit of a dick saying It when some women have such a hard time of it, but it's true. I was not labouring for hours on end, babies were fine, pain was intense but manageable with gas and air, and I felt really bloody fantastic afterwards- truly, the best high of my life after giving birth to my first.

Downsides: I felt fearful at times for my babies, which was harder than the pain, but I had ace, supportive midwives who got me through that. I had an episiotomy first time and was worried about my stitches quite a bit afterwards (would they heal ok? Would they get infected?), but healing was uneventful. After my second I didn't have any stitches and was not uncomfortable at all afterwards. However, I discovered shortly the birth that I can not jump vigorously on trampolines with a full bladder without pissing myself a bit.

So, all in all- went very well and I look back at childbirth with enormous joy.

I was stressed and anxious up the wazoo. I had antenatal depression and I’d barely left the house in months, I did zero birth preparation.

I bloody loved giving birth. I’d do it again tomorrow. It was like needing to sneeze for nine months and finally, finally getting to, crossed with the feeling you get when you summit a mountain crossed with the high you get from really good drugs. And you get a baby! Which is surreal and brilliant and just.... right.

Excellent. And when I did it again, it was even better.

I did it twice without any pain relief. First time was fine second time awful. Second time was a big baby and a bully midwife

Water birth.
I've had three live births, first got an epidural and also got shouted at and it was horrid.
Second I knew what to expect until I heard "we haven't got time to give you anything, use as much gas and air as you want" and it. did. not. compute. until a midwife said "the quickest way to stop the pain is to get the baby out". Some trippy shit happened just before he crowned that got me through it. (hallucination? I don't know how to describe it but it was fucking weird and involveALL women telling me to stop fucking about and push)
Third I was told that I could only have a bath and a couple of painkillers because I hadn't dilated, I was in the bath about 4 minutes when I was overwhelmed by pain and then THE SAME trippy shit happened and he was born about 6 minutes later.
I was able to hold all 3, change nappies and walk within ten minutes with each.

Baby 4 didn't make it and despite going into labour my body couldn't 'pass' her out, I got sepsis and had an emergency caesarian.
A C Section is MAJOR surgery and I knew about it for about 3 weeks afterwards, I was stuck in bed for days having to use a bed pan and then there were issues with the stitches.

In truth the terror and the trippy shit of the 2 natural births are good memories. I don't quite know how that happened. I wouldn't wish a c section on my worst enemy

No one knows, everyone's is different - even for the same person with second or third baby compared to first!

For DC1, I had a pretty fast labour (for a first baby - c3 hours established labour) and didn't find the pain that bad, but then he pooped meconium at the end and had to be rushed out, so the last 30mins or so we're fairly traumatic.

However, you get through it one way or another. I am now pregnant with DC2, so can't have been that bad!

I would say try not to be anxious - you can't control it, and if anything being more relaxed is likely to mean things go better, or at least that you cope better if they don't go to plan. I know it's easier said than done - have you considered a birth prep course or Hypnobirthing?

Look up the Positive Birth Company and get the online pack - hypnobirthing plus just generally preparing you for birth. I’m pregnant with my first too and the PBC is the most consistently recommended thing I’ve heard so far so I’m going with it!

It depends hugely on their person. And the delivery. No two labours are alike, even for the same mother.

My first was just gas and air. And it was fine. It wasn’t pleasant, it hurt a lot. At one point I thought I couldn’t keep going, and thought I begged them to make it stop, but my husband says I didn’t actually say anything out loud.

The second one I only had gas and air for the last few minutes. And again, it was fine. It wasn’t fun, it hurt a lot, but it ended.

Labour pain is a funny thing. It has such a definite end.

I know I was lucky with mine, but any experiences you read about will be different to what you will go through. You’ll get the “I had 3 days of the worst agony imaginable” and “I had a few period pains, then sneezed and out popped a baby”.