Just how awful is natural labour and delivery?

[squashie34]

Apologies in advance for the ridiculous thread title- although I guess this is essentially what I want to know.

I'm under no illusions that it's not extremely painful, and I am not worried about pain. but I am suffering from such severe anxiety and fear about giving birth naturally that it's making me have nightmares and lose sleep 😟 I can't help but picture the most horrendous situation where after a 25 hour labour baby gets stuck/heartbeat drops and there's a huge commotion to try and save baby or that she doesn't survive, or that baby is delivered and I bleed out and it's all so traumatic that I end up with something like PTSD or complete incontenance from awful tears. I have nightmares about it every night and it's really taking away from the joy of carrying this baby that we want so much. I guess it doesn't help with the current pandemic and my fear that there won't be enough midwives etc.

I've convinced myself that I want a csection as I know the recovery is worse but I'm eliminating that element of the unknown with labour, but I'd want more than anything to be able to shake this fear and have the mindset this is what my body is meant to do. I watch so many videos of water births etc and I'm in awe of how ladies do it but I'm just convinced my labour wouldn't go like that. I've had endometriosis for 15 years and countless operations, so getting pregnant has been the first time down below has worked as it actually should instead of causing me trouble!

I guess what I'm asking is just for some honest stories from you lovely ladies about natural birth- I don't know where else to turn really. I'm sorry if I just sound like a whimp too, I hate myself for feeling such fear!

Thank you xx

I had a leg cramp during labour - the leg cramp hurt more than the contraction.

I had both an epidural and a c-section and was absolutely fine. You say none of these options are available for you - who is telling you that?

Maybe it’s a midwife led birthing centre - that’s where I planned to have mine (didn’t work out.) Not that it takes the option away as such, but you’d need to get an ambulance to the nearest hospital if you have a change of heart or if there’s complications. But I suppose you have to go in with the mindset that you won’t be getting an epidural if you decide to give birth there.

It was awful for me and after many days I had a c section anyway. For my second I booked in for a c section and it was much more calm, reasonable and humane. Best decision.

If you want a c section and you can get it, my advice is to do it.

All the best. You will be fine x

I would only have a c section I've had 2 and they are fine
First one I had a general for so I was very very sore after as I hadn't had a spinal block for pain. I was in agony for about 12 hours
second one had a spinal block. A truly wonderful experience. Home next day and then walking on beach the day after (literally like 50 hours later) cooking dinner etc
And drove within a week

Why anyone would risk a huge injury to their vagina and rectum is beyond me. Having been gravely ill in my first pregnancy I really needed a guarantee that things would be done as safely as possible.

I would request a c section so you don't have to worry about this.
Xx

I found the pain unbearable at the point of actual delivery - forceps, episiotomy without anaesthetic. ( the anaesthetic was given inaccurately and didn't work). However there is a solution which was not offered to me on my first birth but which I will be taking for my second, in a few weeks - epidural :) I was taken in by the idea that natural birth is in some way better than medicated birth, and for that reason I went through unnecessary trauma. Please don't fall for the same mistake I did. Suffering and pain is fetishised by some but it doesn't make you a better mother at all. Take the pain relief that is available.

Labour isn't fun. Giving birth (however you do it) isn't fun. BUT if things go wrong, there is so much you can do to be okay afterwards.
I had an 'easy' delivery first time around but ended up with pelvic floor damage and PTSD. For a few months life was really hard. But we had a second baby just over two years after our first and his birth was emotionally fantastic and we are all happy. And my kids are bloody brilliant.

Honestly it was fine. I was natural with my first and then induced with my second. I was more freaked out on my second but they were both fine. Some stitching but that was all. I was also soooo anxious when I was pregnant on my first.

@YouJustDoYou I skim read the cows on here who are desperate to tell their horrible stories to someone who is frightened. I had an awful experience with a medically managed MMC, if I saw a thread ‘please tell me are mmc’s awful’ i wouldn’t rub my hands together ‘ooh here’s a great opportunity to scare the shit out of someone vulnerable and scared’ i’d move on and not write anything.

I focussed on the nice people giving positive messages of support

@ShirleyPhallus my midwife and a consultant on the phone.
Life or death is the state of play for my hosp essentially. 1 anesethist will be dealing with EMCS. No capacity for anything elective. Essentially ‘choices’ aren’t really a thing right now.
@Pinkblueberry no this is a hospital with both MLU and labour ward.

OP this is a really terrible way to make a decision, you can't tell what your experience will be like based on other people's.

There are good and bad experiences of both CS and vaginal birth. Choose based on your own risk factors.

For what it's worth, I've had one CS and one vaginal birth and I far preferred the latter because of the faster recovery.

I didn't have a great birth with my first and was anxious when pregnant with no2. - to the point of insomnia. I started hypnobirthibg cds which really calmed me down ( made dh piss Himself laughing if he came into the room) however DD2's birth was amazing literally just had gas and air when she was crowning. Walked away from delivery thinking yeah I could do that again- hence DD3's arrival .

Every birth is different, but I would recommend the hypnobirth cds ( thought I could blag it with dd3 and had an epidural instead.

Birthing DD2 was awesome with the help of hypno-birthing; at home, no need for pain relief as there was very little pain, quick and easy.
DD1 was trickier but an epidural literally made the pain go away in an instant.

I had my first baby when I had just turned 20 - I convinced myself I wanted to be A First Class Mother and that meant having as much of a natural labour as possible...I regret it so much. I didn't feel in control of my labour whatsoever, I was shrieking and swearing and it wasn't the stress free, happy birth that I'd wished for. I was so convinced that I wanted a natural, painkiller free birth that I ended up in a MLU where the only intervention was pethidine, which promptly made me throw up.
Eight years later, pregnant with baby number two and I will be having a great big fat epidural and no one will make me think any less of myself for doing so!

@mumworkstudywine I had an epidural in my birth plan, didn’t get it! There was no anaesthetist available when I got to 6cm as I gave birth mid Sept in peak baby week (hospitals were rammed with no postnatal beds).
I went 2-6cm in about an hour and I progressed pretty fast after that. Not trying to put you off one, but like all birth plans they often go to shit!

No epidural available was a huge fear I had too so MW and DH didn’t tell me I wasn’t getting one, they decided I was better off. Probably right, I’d have panicked. Once I was pushing it did dawn on me it was rather too late...

Thank you all so much for the hundreds of honest replies about your labour ladies. I really do appreciate it and my god aren't females incredible for what we do to to our bodies! ❤️

I'll be honest though and say that (as anxiety loves to do I guess) I can't help but fixate and constantly reread over those posts who told me it was the most awful experience ever for them and now I'm even more terrified than ever about the process of labour and just how not in control I'll be, how that fear slows it down and stops body doing what it's meant to do. I'm frozen with fear about it already so who knows what I'll be like when it actually happens!

I'm going to try and see if I can ask for an elective csection but as another PP mentioned with this coronovairus pandemic I bet it's more than likely they will just laugh me out of my next midwife appointment ( have never seen the same midwife twice) and say in the current climate you give birth however they can facilitate what scares the living ** out of me knowing that even an epidural might not be possible! 🙁

im due 2nd August and I do have my first consultant appointment at 34 weeks on the 22june due to my endometriosis and my 6 operations I've had but I imagine they will just say the same thing if I raise the C section question.

In the meantime I am going to take one born every minute off the series link and download the positive birth company course for hypno-birthing lots of you suggested and give it a try. Keeping everything crossed this might help

Again thank you so much for sharing your stories and sorry to those of you who probably read this and think 'what a whimp' I really wish I wasn't 😣

An you afford a doula OP? It's a birth coach, they meet you antenatally, stay with you for birth etc
Highly recommended.
Good luck

as another PP mentioned with this coronovairus pandemic I bet it's more than likely they will just laugh me out of my next midwife appointment ( have never seen the same midwife twice) and say in the current climate you give birth however they can facilitate what scares the living out of me knowing that even an epidural might not be possible!

OP I mean this kindly but I think you really need some help for your anxiety. One poster in a thread of 5 pages mentioned not being able to have an epidural but there are plenty of trusts where one is very much available. Please please speak directly to your midwife about this as all the trusts have different rules and you’re getting yourself het up about something that may not even happen

Just how awful is natural labour and delivery? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3876017-just-how-awful-is-natural-labour-and-delivery#95550290*@DontBuyLangClegCashmere* we could afford a doula yes, but seems a bit pointless at the minute as @DontBuyLangClegCashmere we could afford a doula, but it seems at the minute it would be a bit of a waste of time as hospitals are only allowing one birth partner .. I wouldn't be able to choose the doula over giving my OH the opportunity to be there at the birth. Also with this social distancing what's the chance we would even be able to meet face to face anytime soon?

I have tried to speak to the midwife before but like I said I haven't seen the same one twice and they honestly can't wait to get you out of there in each appointment which has made me sad as I wanted to build up some sort of relationship with my MW but also understand the nhs pressure right now. My 25 week midwife appointment is now a telephone appointment too.

Sorry about that mis mash of a reply, trying to do it on my phone!

I know things must be so stressful for you at the mo.
Even a digital chat with a birth coach or doula once a week might reassure you and help you focus and grow your positivity? Just worth a look into it, imo.

I was told your labour could be similar to your mothers. My mum told me well it’s not a walk-in the park but doable and I found that to be the case for me. My son ( only child) was 8lbs 4.5oz I went into hospital at midnight 4.5 cms dilated and he was born at 4.31am. I had gas and air and it was fine. I have had a couple of dental abscesses since then which have been a hundred times worse

All I can say is stay calm, don’t try to live up to anyone’s expectations ( including your own) and listen to your body.
It isn’t always that painful, but it is exhausting.
Get plenty of rest beforehand, eat well and remember, the only thing that matters is that you and baby both come home safely.

OP it was me who mentioned epidurals not being available - your due date is long enough away to hopefully have missed the current peak of the crisis, although it would be naive to assume you would ever 100% have one available, you are more likely to than say someone (like me) giving birth very soon.
The best you can do is try and block the horror stories people are so keen to tell from your brain, dont allow anyone to tell you any in real life, stop them and say ‘sorry, i dont want to hear about that as i’m very worried’ and take some practical tips re hypnobirthing, which other people have suggested. I might even try the last one myself although it seems too late for me.

Thank you so much @123456kent and best of luck for your upcoming labour! ❤️

My labour was more long than anything else. I was due on the Sunday 30th august 2015, I was booked in for a sweep originally on the Wednesday, but I started having contractions on the Tuesday so I decided to see if things would progress naturally. They didn't so I ended up having a sweep at 3pm on the Friday (40+5).
I got to the hospital at 9 that evening, was in the birth centre by 10.30, had my waters broken around 2am, then gave birth at 6.58am the Saturday morning (40+6).
It didn't hurt or feel uncomfortable at all and it did help move things along (the head wasn't fully engaged so things wouldn't have progressed on their own).
If I’m honest I was more physically exhausted after 4 days and nights of contractions. I think if I hadn’t been so tired I would have dealt with it better.
For pain relief I had my tens machine as long as possible, it really helped me. I started using it at home after my sweep, then took it off to go to hospital. I put it back on when I was settled in the birth centre. I also used the birth ball to try to get my waters to break which helped with pain. The birth pool was amazing, I loved being in there and would have stayed in longer and even given birth in there. But the midwife could see I was struggling and needed to rest before I had to deliver. So I had a pethadine injection so I could rest. It really helped.
I tried a bit of gas and air but it gave me a bad headache and made me feel sick so I didn’t want it. And I knew I didn’t want an epidural. I wanted as natural a birth as possible, minimal drugs.
I did tear from involuntary pushing and had stitches after. It wasn’t that bad though.
As I say for me personally it was more how long it went on than the pain. Good luck.