Just how awful is natural labour and delivery?

[squashie34]

Apologies in advance for the ridiculous thread title- although I guess this is essentially what I want to know.

I'm under no illusions that it's not extremely painful, and I am not worried about pain. but I am suffering from such severe anxiety and fear about giving birth naturally that it's making me have nightmares and lose sleep 😟 I can't help but picture the most horrendous situation where after a 25 hour labour baby gets stuck/heartbeat drops and there's a huge commotion to try and save baby or that she doesn't survive, or that baby is delivered and I bleed out and it's all so traumatic that I end up with something like PTSD or complete incontenance from awful tears. I have nightmares about it every night and it's really taking away from the joy of carrying this baby that we want so much. I guess it doesn't help with the current pandemic and my fear that there won't be enough midwives etc.

I've convinced myself that I want a csection as I know the recovery is worse but I'm eliminating that element of the unknown with labour, but I'd want more than anything to be able to shake this fear and have the mindset this is what my body is meant to do. I watch so many videos of water births etc and I'm in awe of how ladies do it but I'm just convinced my labour wouldn't go like that. I've had endometriosis for 15 years and countless operations, so getting pregnant has been the first time down below has worked as it actually should instead of causing me trouble!

I guess what I'm asking is just for some honest stories from you lovely ladies about natural birth- I don't know where else to turn really. I'm sorry if I just sound like a whimp too, I hate myself for feeling such fear!

Thank you xx

My contractions were irregular and very painful from the offset. They were coming every few minutes but only lasting 45 seconds so midwives asked me to head in, and I was only 2cm. This was about 2pm and they decided to keep me in as they were concerned about the level of pain and distress I was in.

Baby's heart rate was high and I was advised to have constant fetal monitoring. After a while they came to the conclusion that he was wriggling around so much, triggering irregular contractions, which were raising his heart rate.

About 5pm, I opted for an epidural once their concerns about heart rate were settled and this helped me a lot, so I had a really bad few hours but after that, it was okay.

Baby came around 10pm after 30 mins or so of pushing with no interventions, he was quite big as well, I had a 2nd degree tear but was sewn up and no further issues.

I guess I'm trying to say, yes, it was bad for a little while, but once I got to hospital they helped me consider my situation and how best to manage it, and then everything was ok.

Have a google of 'positive birth stories' and positive birth affirmations, you can get spoken affirmations on audio on your phone as well if you think that would help you.

Labour hurt so much more than I thought it would, but I obviously got over it as I did it twice

My second born, ds, did nearly end up needing assistance as his heart rate was dropping whilst I was pushing, but I really didn’t want an episiotomy or forceps, so pushed harder and he was out!

You won’t forget that it hurt, but you forget HOW it hurts if you get what I mean

It's the contractions that are the worst part, especially the transition phase, I can't remember much of that I just lost the plot at that point 😂 I do remember thinking the pushing didn't hurt at all compared to the contractions. I also remember crossing my legs as it felt like my insides were coming out... I think that was the urge to push that takes over!

Yes the pushing doesn’t actually hurt all that much. Crowning stings IIRC.

Bless you. Try and not worry as it will not change anything. To be honest you can read everyone’s story on here but I guarantee your time will not be the same. Everyone labour expérience is different. My friend had four boys. And literally she sneezed in labour and they were born. It was a breeze for her. I have just had my 6 th and have had a range of experiences. 4 c sections. ( emergency ) forceps and a so called naturel that felt far from naturel. Try and not worry. Your body will do the work. Take care. 😱

My first birth was pretty much ideal. Just over 12 hours in labour (not too quick, not an endurance test), gas and air and a water birth. I had a tiny tear that needed a couple of stitches and gave me no trouble at all and we were all home within another 12 hours.
Like you and an awful lot of women I was worried about the unknown and whether I would be able to do it at all or what could possibly go wrong.

I agree with Loveis
I too hate all this sanctimonious drivel about if you do x y and z it will all be fine.
It's natural so it can't be that bad. I was fit and looked after myself so my Labour was easy blah blah blah.easy
Doesn't help anyone.
It is what it is but it is not natural, not if you believe in evolution it's not.
That's why humans suffer pain during childbirth, we were not designed to do it this way. No offense to anyone's beliefs here btw.

I found it horrific. I had a natural labour with my first and honestly if I'd had a gun I'd have shot myself. The next one I was so scared I begged and begged and was allowed a csection due to the "trauma" of the first. It wasn't even traumatic in the normal sense, it was straightforward but I couldn't do it again. My third I also had by c section

Is anyone else desperately struggling? I hve three kids (two babies one older) and feel SICK to the back teeth of this. Not sure I can cope much more

Apologies thought I was starting a thread. How embarrassing

I too hate all this sanctimonious drivel about if you do x y and z it will all be fine.
It's natural so it can't be that bad. I was fit and looked after myself so my Labour was easy blah blah blah.easy Doesn't help anyone.

I disagree with this. There is scientific evidence that being in a safe, calm environment can help with the birth process. It isn’t for everyone but to discount it as being unhelpful to anyone isn’t accurate. That’s why a lot of people find hypnobirthing useful. If you didn’t, find, but don’t disregard everyone’s experience of it.

It works both ways though as I spent some time on here before my CS & then thought I knew what to expect & I was very surprised.

Most posters describe their CSs as a lovely positive experience & how they are up walking around 24 hours later. I was scared & anxious during the op, didn't like not feeling my body, felt exposed (literally) & yes I was discharged & "walked" to the car but it was more of a hunched shuffle.

I had my appendix removed when younger & was kept in hospital for 4 days on morphine. CS you're out the next day with paracetamol! I felt very guilty & thought I wasn't coping because how could it be bad, CS is meant to be the easy option.

Women are expected to have a baby (by whatever method) & just get on with it & manage the discomfort & pain, exhaustion, trying to feed the baby etc. I think it's outrageous, as if men would cope.

@emilybrontescorsett

I’m sorry ... human labour and birth are “not natural”???
Is that what you actually meant to say?!

Yes thesheep If you believe in evolution , look up Professor Robert Winston, he gives a very clear account of why humans find child labour hard as opposed to other mammels.
Of course not everyone believes in evolution and various religions give their own reasons as to why child birth is hard.
As I said earlier, everyone and every Labour is different.
Just as people are different and have varying levels of coping.

@squashie34 If you've been through the pain, stress and heartbreak of endometriosis and have multiple surgeries for it under your belt as so many of us do, I feel you will find that you are psychologically much better prepared for giving birth. You are already stronger than you know! I do think birth is shocking or traumatic for some people because they haven't been through anything remotely like it before. I'm not saying endo is the same, but I do think you'll be much better equipped. xx

Evidence does show that a lot of factors can influence how labour runs its course in women and there is a biological need for a safe, calm, uninterrupted environment with low lighting and minimal noise, trusted birth partner and continuity of care from a healthcare professional they know.

That doesn’t mean some women aren’t pretty much set up to NEED a c-section or other intervention because of factors beyond their control, that will happen whether or not they have started with all the above things. But it’s no case to then dismiss it all as ‘pointless’ because it won’t help some women.

The same with birth plans- very useful, educational tools that really encourage women to learn and understand about the realities of labour and what could happen, enabling them to have more choice if different eventualities do happen. Just because labour can sometimes take a course where women feel like they don’t have any other options, doesn’t mean birth plans should then be dismissed for everyone else.

I think with birth trauma it’s very complex and there are so many different layers to it. Sometimes it’s poor attitudes and disrespectful treatment from staff, lack of dignity, sometimes it’s the scariness of an emergency situation, sometimes old memories of sexual abuse triggered- I don’t think it’s as clear as ‘women who don’t know what to expect are traumatised’, lots of women have a perfectly good first birth then experience trauma the second or third time.

I had a wonderful Labour with my second, I had a water birth. It was so calm and I just let me body take over. It was a killer when he was crowning (genuinely thought I was being ripped apart) but that was the worst bit and over quickly.

It was such an empowering and positive experience! He was born with the core wrapped around his neck but the midwife was amazing, I didn't even know! It was only when DH told me after!

With my first it was very long and tiring, I had diamorphine and gas and air and was very sick.

But the amazing feeling after giving birth is just incredible!

Would do both again in a heartbeat (but preferably DS2s ).

Best advice I was given was don't listen to the horror stories. Everyone's labour is different. Try to focus on what you want and not what's flavour of the month. I went for epidural both times as I didn't see the need to go through the pain if I didn't need to. I also thought that if anything was going to go wrong I was already numb so whatever they needed to do I wasn't going to feel it. There were problems but all turned out fine. Try to remember whilst Labour is a big deal, it's the baby that matters, not supposed kudos for a natural birth. Go with what you want, remember it's not set in stone, you can always change your mind.

The thing is, you really can’t prepare in advance for an extremely difficult, dangerous or otherwise horrific labour/delivery/aftermath. So it doesn’t help anything to focus on all the things that could go wrong.

If you prepare as much as you can by arming yourself with techniques for relaxation/meditation/breathing to control pain/reducing stress and anxiety then you may find some or all of it works well for you, or you may still have a very difficult time. But being prepared at least allows you to feel as if you’re going in with an understanding of how to hopefully help yourself as much as you might be able to.

Or it did for me, at least. But I was raised in a very hippy-dippy family/‘community’ so natural childbirth very much tied in with the general approach to just about everything (for better and for worse!). I wasn’t frightened when my first labour happened - I’d been present at the delivery of one of my siblings when I was 14 so I had an idea of what to expect, and I was able to relax into the experience. I was also young, so my body was in top form for childbirth. But at the end of the day, I got lucky. If I had needed painkillers or any other intervention I would have happily taken it and I don’t take any personal or moral credit for the deliveries I had, it’s just the way it happened to go for me.

I would encourage you to stop watching birthing videos. I found them a bit traumatic when I was pregnant. Focus on yourself and your health so you can be in the best mindset for labor.
Both of mine were positive experiences. Not without pain, but epidurals and gas and air are great and really allow you to enjoy the birthing process.

Strangely my first I had epidural and everything else for that matter, 2nd I had nothing. It wasn't any more painful! It was fine and o wish I'd known as I would have had both naturally

It's different for everyone. I've had 3 children with no pain relief, not because I'm so brave, but because I didn't need it. I'd rather give birth than have a filling at the dentist,tbh.
Some of it is positive mental attitude, so hypnobirthing, yoga techniques, visualization etc can all help, but some labours are long, exhausting and require medical intervention.
Learn breathing and relaxation techniques, try to keep on top of it mentally, and it can be a fantastic experience. But there no guarantees.

A few things. First the “get an epidural” thing.
Well it did nothing for me. It was actually worse as I couldn’t move.
Hypnobirthing is very good.
My first hospital labour, not so great due to what you learn in hypnobirthing.
Second labour, good. Yes, pain but just for the pushing and to be honest it was the fear of the pain that was worse, the pain itself was ok. I suffer on an off from piles and I rather give birth.

Do your hypnobirthing. C Section recovery is much harder, so if you need one, sure, but if you avoid one better

Oh sorry! First was in hospital with epidural
Second at home without

It was awful. Painful and scary and I hated it. As soon as DC were born though it became unimportant. Managed to recover well, but will never do it again.