Just how awful is natural labour and delivery?

[squashie34]

Apologies in advance for the ridiculous thread title- although I guess this is essentially what I want to know.

I'm under no illusions that it's not extremely painful, and I am not worried about pain. but I am suffering from such severe anxiety and fear about giving birth naturally that it's making me have nightmares and lose sleep 😟 I can't help but picture the most horrendous situation where after a 25 hour labour baby gets stuck/heartbeat drops and there's a huge commotion to try and save baby or that she doesn't survive, or that baby is delivered and I bleed out and it's all so traumatic that I end up with something like PTSD or complete incontenance from awful tears. I have nightmares about it every night and it's really taking away from the joy of carrying this baby that we want so much. I guess it doesn't help with the current pandemic and my fear that there won't be enough midwives etc.

I've convinced myself that I want a csection as I know the recovery is worse but I'm eliminating that element of the unknown with labour, but I'd want more than anything to be able to shake this fear and have the mindset this is what my body is meant to do. I watch so many videos of water births etc and I'm in awe of how ladies do it but I'm just convinced my labour wouldn't go like that. I've had endometriosis for 15 years and countless operations, so getting pregnant has been the first time down below has worked as it actually should instead of causing me trouble!

I guess what I'm asking is just for some honest stories from you lovely ladies about natural birth- I don't know where else to turn really. I'm sorry if I just sound like a whimp too, I hate myself for feeling such fear!

Thank you xx

I was told your labour could be similar to your mothers

Well, it could be. Could also be similar to your next door neighbour's. Mine was better than my mother's was with me.

My mother had 2 EMCS and didn’t progress beyond 6cms. I delivered mine vaginally in 6 hrs. No similarity at all but it was my fear of having an experience like hers that nearly made me opt for ELCS. So glad I didn’t.

I had a very positive experience for my first labour. I laboured at home for 3 hours (in my lovely living room on all 4's) before feeling the urge to go hospital. Got to the hospital (being 4/5cm) and was taken to a room with a pool 😊 laboured with just gas and air for a further 4 hours before an hour of pushing. So a total of 8 hours. It was blissfull. I made sure to focus on my breathing and tried to relax as much as possible.

Everyone will have unique experiences. For me I went in with an open mind and if I needed further pain relief I would have asked for it... but I didn't and I wouldn't change anything for the world.

@squashie34 for me: it was hard work and uncomfortable. There was no point where I would have described it as ‘agony’ or ‘the worst pain imaginable’, it was just my body get on with a huge job.

I used a TENS for ages and then a pool. Stayed very upright and active and never lay on my back. I ‘breathed’, in through my nose, out through my mouth, for hours. I didn’t let anyone talk to me or get up to activities around me. I was ‘in my space’ and getting in with it.

28 hours back-to-back labour.

It was like setting off up a long mountain walk and thinking ‘bloody hell, this is hard’ but just getting in with it.

Look at a huge stadium crowd: each of those people was the result of a woman giving birth.

And: if you need help, ask for it. If you want an epidural: have one.

That simple, really

Others have mentioned it already but I’d also recommend hypnobirthing. I was terrified of labour but I read “your baby, your birth” by Hollie De Cruz and it totally changed my frame of mind.

My labour was painful but I got through it with gas & air and recovered just fine, only one stitch.

Honestly, for some people it is terrible and for some it is really not too bad at all. In my experience, from my social circles, most first time mums seem to be in labour for about a day. I was lucky, both my kids took only five hours and were very straightforward.

I would say:
Prepare to be really tired.
Pack things to spoil yourself (snacks, nice and comfy clothes)
Arm yourself with as much information as possible beforehand - are there online birthing classes being held?
Make a birth plan for scenarios a through to z and make sure they know you have done so when you arrive, and also make sure your partner knows it well since they will be your advocate. You can include things too like who will cut the cord etc.
Tell the Midwives when you get there that you are very nervous, it is good for them to know so they can give you extra support (although I would presume it is a given that most women are!)

Good luck!

Stop saying 'natural'. Anything a human does is by virtue 'natural'. Say vaginal or medication-free or something actually accurate. All 'natural' does is make women who have c-sections worry that they're 'unnatural' when of course they're not.

No two labours are the same so don't worry about something that you probably won't have any control over. By all means prepare and plan but there's a good chance all that will go out the window when baby has other ideas.
My 2nd (now 8 weeks old) was born in 50min. No time to prepare or do anything really! He just flew out. I just had to go with it...(very painful! But thankfully no problems).

Stop saying 'natural'. Anything a human does is by virtue 'natural'.

It's really not. Going to space is not natural. Any surgery is not natural.

Natural is defined as, 'existing in or derived from nature; not made or caused by humankind'

Thus, a C-section is not natural. Vaginal birth is. That's not to say C-section is wrong, it's just not natural because people have to intervene to make it happen.

Hi ive not long had baby no.6 try not to worry its bad at the time but its not that bad i kinda enjoy it, ive had hard and easy births.
My advice take what they offer & have gas & air, thats all ive had also ive done it with nothing so u will be fine ,trust me its not going to be as bad as u think. Good luck u will be fine, midwifes are amazing they will look after u x

Reading these posts just highlights how different an experience it is for everyone. I’ve had four and each of those felt different in my body and happened differently but I don’t identify with many of the posts on here at all!

FWIW I used a tens with all of mine, took paracetamol with two of them, had one of them in the water. I went in with the attitude that I’d take whatever pain relief I needed at the time. As it happened I was lucky enough to not feel I needed anything more. Yes it hurt, at times it felt like I couldn’t take much more but it was ultimately ok. Even if I was to have another I’d still go in with an open mind regarding pain relief though.

The worst thing for me was not having any break between contractions, they just overlapped so as soon as one was easing another was building. In transition I thought I was going to die each time (after the first I was expecting this though so knew it was nearly over), crowning hurt a lot but was a short lived pain, even with the one that got stuck as he had the cord round his neck.

I’m not sure any of this will help though if it’s the fear of the unknown that is worrying you...

Ds was a natural birth with no pain relief at all as I went into labour at home and by the time I got to hospital I was pushing. Nearly 10lb baby, no stitches or anything needed and I was home in 6 hours.

Dd I just had gas and air, high risk when I arrived at labour ward as she was in distress so I couldn’t have a water birth. Also a big baby 9lb, delivered well but then I haemorrhaged and had to go to theatre for emergency surgery. Stayed in overnight that time.
Unfortunately you can’t prepare for what the labour will actually be like until it happens. I didn’t even write a birth plan with ds as dd’s had gone out of the window. See what happens and if you want an epidural/gas/nothing then just go with it. If the worst happens you are in safe hands and more likely than not, you will be absolutely fine, even if something does go ‘wrong.’

My first labour: contraction started at midnight, spent a lot of time bouncing on my ball and had a bath. Went to hospital at 6am and she was born at 7.21am on all fours. Spent the rest of day in hospital as she struggled to feed. But was a lovely relaxed day and came home at 8pm.
Second labour: contraction started at 4 am. I mainly get contraction in the top of my thighs. Went to hospital at 11am was 6 cm dilated. He was back to back and took a lot of pushing, over 2 hours. Tried gas and air but made me feel so sleepy and out of it so stopped using it. He was born at 4.21pm and home at 1am.
I enjoyed both my labours, but glad not to have to go through it again.

My first, many years ago, was a planned c-section as she was in the wrong position. Afterwards, as you say, it took a while to recover - in my case I couldn't even get up to go to the toilet (let alone wash) for days, was in hospital for 10 days in all and took weeks to be able to walk and push the pram normally. It hurt - the first night there were issues with the way the painkillers were administered and I was basically awake and in pain all night. That's not how it's supposed to be - if all goes according to plan - but when you have surgery, things don't always go the way they are supposed to, either.

My second was a vaginal delivery, and immediately after the birth I was allowed to get up and go in the shower. Washing felt like such a luxury compared to the first birth. And the pain basically stopped as soon as the baby was out. I felt like I could have danced up and down the corridor. Sure, it was a bit sore later, but I could walk about normally.

Getting a c-section does not guarantee that the pain management will go according to a tight schedule.

Note that even after the painful first birth, I went and had a second child. The pain you have is short-term. It ends, and you know it is going to end. All you have to do is wait it out. It's a pain that is happening for a good reason. If all goes well, you come out with a new person to cuddle, not an amputated leg or a lifetime of medication. It's not the same as someone suffering with no end in sight.

Oh, and I had no painkillers with the vaginal delivery, not for any particular reason, just as I always thought I'd wait until it felt really bad, and before that happened, the baby was born.

I was induced and then after 6 hours I had an epidural at 3cm and slept my way to 10cm. The first bit was pretty intense but definitely not traumatic at all and the last bit was actually quite enjoyable. You'll be fine x

Bless you!!! Mine were both absolutely fine!! And I actually didn't mind it. I know I'm probably in the minority but it can happen! It bloody hurts but you know it will end and that's all I kept thinking it will end it will end it will end

My labours were both established at 6 hours but I would say longer at around 10 hours each time but I didn't push for long.

Trust your midwife when you go into labour she is all you need listen to everything she says with regards to pushing and panting.

I had both my daughters without any tears and barely any blood loss - I would 100% go through labour again but the hyperemesis I suffered in each pregnancy means I won't be having a third!

Good luck