Just how awful is natural labour and delivery?

[squashie34]

Apologies in advance for the ridiculous thread title- although I guess this is essentially what I want to know.

I'm under no illusions that it's not extremely painful, and I am not worried about pain. but I am suffering from such severe anxiety and fear about giving birth naturally that it's making me have nightmares and lose sleep 😟 I can't help but picture the most horrendous situation where after a 25 hour labour baby gets stuck/heartbeat drops and there's a huge commotion to try and save baby or that she doesn't survive, or that baby is delivered and I bleed out and it's all so traumatic that I end up with something like PTSD or complete incontenance from awful tears. I have nightmares about it every night and it's really taking away from the joy of carrying this baby that we want so much. I guess it doesn't help with the current pandemic and my fear that there won't be enough midwives etc.

I've convinced myself that I want a csection as I know the recovery is worse but I'm eliminating that element of the unknown with labour, but I'd want more than anything to be able to shake this fear and have the mindset this is what my body is meant to do. I watch so many videos of water births etc and I'm in awe of how ladies do it but I'm just convinced my labour wouldn't go like that. I've had endometriosis for 15 years and countless operations, so getting pregnant has been the first time down below has worked as it actually should instead of causing me trouble!

I guess what I'm asking is just for some honest stories from you lovely ladies about natural birth- I don't know where else to turn really. I'm sorry if I just sound like a whimp too, I hate myself for feeling such fear!

Thank you xx

I'm not going to go into detail on my labour with ds as I don't think it's helpful as everyone's labour is different.
It wasn't pleasant at all, but we both survived and you do really forget about it after a while.

It's bloody painful, but the thought of a c section terrifies me.

I had quite a bad hemmorage after my second labour, needed theatre fo resolve it and I'd still rather that than a section.

You forget about it, promise.

You know what, the horror stories are far worse than reality for most people. As long as you are happy to throw your birth plan out of the window and go with the flow it will be great. I didn't have the birth I planned with either of my girls, but it was their birth so perfect :)

The Positive Birth Book is gives a great, positive approach to birth whilst also being realistic and informative so I’d definitely recommend that.

I had one horrible traumatic birth followed by very healing positive experiences the second and third time- both ‘natural’ without epidural.

I do completely respect the right to choose a c-section. I have a friend who chose to have to her 2 via c-section without medical needs and it was the right choice for her.

It's not something I enjoyed, but I found it weirdly empowering. A positive, if painful, experience. My first was induced on the drip so they offered me an epidural. I'm glad I turned it down. I know a couple of people that had complications with theres

Two fab birth stories from me. I had water births for both DDs with paracetamol and gas and air. With DD1 my waters broke about 2.30pm, walked to the hospital with DH (only 15 mins) and gave birth about 7pm. With DD2 I went in to hospital about 4.30pm and gave birth about 8pm.
The best piece of advice came from a friend who told me not to 'loose it' and remain in control - I told myself that all the way through both births, especially when contractions got bad. I don't know how much it helped but both births went really well, people just love to tell you a horror story.

Mine was fine. I went from 3cm and waters going to 10cm and it’s on it’s way in 7 hours, and active labour was 35/40 minutes. Felt quick, hurt but other than “the ring of fire” not as bad as I expected and I didn’t actually make a sound throughout.
I’m prepared for the fact that my next could be horrific though.

3 natural labours with nothing. Not by choice. They were all so fast, there was no time and ds 23 months was born on a hospital corridor. I would have preferred pain relief.

I wasn’t scared, had a natural birth and I was left with serious lifelong injuries.

Second time (with absolute terror) I had a c section, which was amazing.

Don’t be afraid of c sections!

A lot of people saying don't listen to the horror stories and that's really good advice, as well is to accept pain relief when you need it. But also, things like "your body will just know what to do" and "anyone can do it" should also be taken with a pinch of salt. There could be many reasons your body cannot do it alone and you might need intervention and I think it's good to go in accepting that too. A "I can do this" mentality is the right one to have but it's not going to work miracles. If for any reason your body needs support then that doesn't make you a failure. Loads of women need intervention. It doesn't have to be a horror story by any means, in fact the opposite because what would a horror story is avoided by the very important medical care mother and baby receive, be it an emergency c section, forcep or venteuse delivery, additional pain relief, or even being put under anesthetic. It's good to come to peace with that in advance, rather than exclusively believe that Mother Nature will always see you through.

Terror inhibits labour tremendously. I was only 21 and absolutely terrified and did not progress so was induced. When/if you are induced the pain becomes horrific because induction speeds up the contractions to 10/10 pain hence my epidural. If I was induced I would not attempt a natural birth as isnt natural any more.

@weary with teens absolutely agree.

I was induced with first and it was fine. Everyone's different.

I had a long back to back labour ending with an emergency section. I am usually a massive wimp, and although it hurt, it was actually OK.

Hypnobirthing really helped me to feel more comfortable with labour & what was happening to my body, so I felt a lot less frightened during labour & more in control. Even though it wasn’t the ‘natural’ straightforward birth I had hoped for, it was still fine, and everyone caring for us was wonderful.

What ShirleyPhallus said. I'd done ante-natal yoga and although it was still painful, it wasn't half as much as I thought. I think keeping upright, using my breathing to relax and having a doula helped. I must have even enjoyed it a little as I remember thinking, as soon as she was out, 'I could do that again'.

I'd had a planned c-section with my first. That was also a good relaxing birth. Recovery was good. Breast-feeding was no different from if I'd given birth naturally.

Everyone has a different experience. I had prepared for a natural birth, did all the breathing, yoga ball, massage, had a water bath in the room and it did no good at all, it was hell.

I had an awful midwife though and she made me feel like I was being a pain in the arse which made it impossible to relax.

But I know other women who've had great experiences. I hate when women act like no one gets through birth without it being awful.

At the same time, the whole "if you just breathe properly, you'll be fine" shit annoys me too - my husband told me to remember my breathing and I told him to shut the fuck up.

It's the luck of the draw really but it's only one day and then it's over.

I found the whole contractions stage totally manageable (16 hrs first baby, 7 second, 29 third although very stop start). Painful by the end, but I could absolutely pace/blow through it.
The pushing stage I found absolute agony - an hour and a bit with the first, gas and air, episiotomy in the end, and it was horrible. Second and third it was even more unspeakably painful but lasted about 5 minutes each!
Glad I’m not doing it again, to be honest, but it was more than worth it. Also what was amazing was how the second it was over I felt incredible!

I haven't read all the previous posts but saw a few very negative ones so wanted to share mine. I had an amazing birth (first baby) that was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Had a home birth, with a birth pool in my bedroom and the cat on the bed the whole time! Realised I was in labour about 6pm, midwife arrived at about 9, baby was born just after 1am. The pressure was so intense and the whole process of birth was so powerful, you have no control over it at all which could be scary if you let it be, but I kept saying to my husband it doesn't hurt! There wasn't any pain, but it was incredibly intense and overwhelming. For me, I think if I'd been in a hospital I think that would have translated into pain and panic, but because I was in my own space, with dim lighting, candles etc and just my husband (midwives waited outside the door most of the time!) I felt able to go with it more. It might sound crazy but it's a proven fact that being able to relax is a massive part of making labour easier. If you're expecting it be to be terrible and painful it's much more likely to be as you'll be fighting your body all the way.

Do whatever you can to read up on hypnobirthing, relaxation techniques, and read as many positive birth stories as you can.

Some births are horrible, there’s no point buttering it up for you because they just are. I had three natural deliveries and they were all pretty crap in their own way. The first one was 24 hours long and DS’s shoulders got stuck so needed emergency forceps under a spinal. It was a back to back labour too meaning I had constant contractions, horrid.

Second birth was much more pleasant. I stayed at home till I was 9cm dilated, she was born half an hour after we arrived at hospital. I didn’t have any pain relief either, found the whole experience rather empowering. But then the placenta got stuck and I needed emergency surgery to remove it, I had a huge haemorrhage and needed two blood transfusions.

Third one was back to back again so constant contractions, just so agonising.

I had an elective c-section with DC4 and will be doing again in July. I really enjoyed the c-section experience, I enjoyed being more in control.

It’s your choice. Personally I’d have opted for a c-section with all of them if I had my time again. Some women have straight forward births and just sail through, there’s no way of telling how it will go because it just is unpredictable.

I was in labour for a long time, it was inconvenient and painful at the time. But I have literally forgotten the details or how it felt (3.5 years ago). I ended up with an EMCS which was also fine. In fact should I ever have a second child, I'd absolutely have an ELCS.

I did hypnobirthing, which probably helped with any worries I'd have otherwise had.

I took a lot of comfort from the fact that people have been having babies for at least 100 years now ;-)

It's a bit of a "how long is a peice of string" question. I've had 2 and they were completely different. One was painful and difficult, the other was easy and I have had more difficult shits.

I have had a c section and a vaginal birth. I much preferred natural delivery. Your body just gets in with it and I just felt very in tune and kind of knew when to push etc. It was painful but not unbearable. Just as I was beginning to think I might want an epidural it was too late so I just had gas and air which was pretty good. Worrying about it is a waste of time as no one knows exactly how your body and baby will react. This is one occasion where you have to go with the flow.

I do think mindset can help a lot which is which hypnobirthing might help you. I didn’t do hypnobirthing but felt like my natural instincts and thoughts leaned toward this anyway and I genuinely didn’t find labour that bad even though on paper it wasn’t good - had an uneventful and straightforward 9 hours of contractions until I was fully dilated but did have 2.5 hours of pushing followed by an episiotomy and forceps. At this point all they could give me for pain relief was a local anaesthetic injection.

Despite all this I still found labour to be an overall enjoyable experience and I’d do it all over again & wouldn’t change a thing. The reward is so worth it and I was so surprised at what my body was capable and what I could handle.

Whatever happens I’m sure you’ll surprise yourself and I’m wishing you the best of luck. It’s not easy but the reward is so worth it.

" If you're expecting it be to be terrible and painful it's much more likely to be as you'll be fighting your body all the way."

I hate this crap. It blames women for their own pain. No one else is expected to relax in the face of huge amounts of pain. Had your leg blown off? Stop screaming and breathe, have some lavender, bounce on the yoga ball.

If you're able to relax, presumably your contractions aren't that strong. Asking me to relax during labour was like asking a cat to do a tango, it just wasn't happening.