Just how awful is natural labour and delivery?

[squashie34]

Apologies in advance for the ridiculous thread title- although I guess this is essentially what I want to know.

I'm under no illusions that it's not extremely painful, and I am not worried about pain. but I am suffering from such severe anxiety and fear about giving birth naturally that it's making me have nightmares and lose sleep 😟 I can't help but picture the most horrendous situation where after a 25 hour labour baby gets stuck/heartbeat drops and there's a huge commotion to try and save baby or that she doesn't survive, or that baby is delivered and I bleed out and it's all so traumatic that I end up with something like PTSD or complete incontenance from awful tears. I have nightmares about it every night and it's really taking away from the joy of carrying this baby that we want so much. I guess it doesn't help with the current pandemic and my fear that there won't be enough midwives etc.

I've convinced myself that I want a csection as I know the recovery is worse but I'm eliminating that element of the unknown with labour, but I'd want more than anything to be able to shake this fear and have the mindset this is what my body is meant to do. I watch so many videos of water births etc and I'm in awe of how ladies do it but I'm just convinced my labour wouldn't go like that. I've had endometriosis for 15 years and countless operations, so getting pregnant has been the first time down below has worked as it actually should instead of causing me trouble!

I guess what I'm asking is just for some honest stories from you lovely ladies about natural birth- I don't know where else to turn really. I'm sorry if I just sound like a whimp too, I hate myself for feeling such fear!

Thank you xx

I've had three precipitous labours, one of which was back to back. It meant they were incredibly quick and no time for any drugs. It wasn't pleasant but added together from start to finish my labours lasted a total of four hours. Everyone is so different.

I've had both

dc1 very fast (1.5 hour active labour), no time for pain relief despite my begging. Back to back & the contractions were excruciating, but the actual crowning wasn't as bad & bizarrely as soon as the baby is out the pain completely went. 4 stitches & absolutely no pain just felt a bit achy as if I had done loads of exercise. Was a bit scared going for a no 2 but no issue.

DC2 semi elective CS, procedure went well but I didn't like the feeling of the epidural or been strapped to the bed/board. Breastfed straight after, hated the catheter feeling but was discharged the next day & told to take paracetamol& ibuprofen. OMG those first few days were awful, I naively thought I would have zero pain & also lots of people have different experiences eg staying in hospital longer &/or much stronger pain relief so it's quite hard to compare. Wasn't scared of doing a no2 so that was a bonus. I really hated the incision area & was quite squeamish about looking/seeing it. Very vain but it doesn't look the same as the area did after dc1.

The CS was 100% the right decision for dc2 but if I went for dc3 I would chose a VB every-time.

Mine were both fine. Pain was only really there during contractions and they come and go so it's not like it's constant. You know what the pain is for so I found that easier to deal with than an unknown pain (didn't have the "omg why am I sore" anxiety, if that makes sense). First labour lasted 10 hours, second 6 hours and both times started off feeling like bad period pain (more in my back for the first because he was back to back), and both times just needed gas and air. Once the babies were out the pain stopped. Afterpains were a bit worse with the second, but manageable and again just the uterus shrinking down.

Stayed in the hospital for 3 nights with DC1 because he was born at 36 weeks and was slow to start feeding, could have gone home after 6 hours with DC2 but stayed the night because it was late and felt DH would be more help if he went home for a sleep and brought us home in the morning.

I read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth which really helped me rationalise and understand the process of labour/birth, and I also read loads about vaginal and cesarean birth and intervention pathways and the pros/cons of different pain relief options so I didn't have anything sprung on me in the middle of labour, and made sure that DH knew what my preferences were so he felt prepared and I didn't have to worry about him flapping in the delivery room.

My first baby I was in long slow labour at home, it was awfully painful. So by the time I got to the hospital I was 4cm and asked for an epidural immediately. Took 12 hours more for him to be born, but was fine in the end. I just didn't enjoy the whole thing. SEcond baby was born within an hour of arriving at hospital, so no pain relief, 7 hours labour start to finish - totally amazing. 3rd another slow labour to get going at home, then gave birth so fast they could barely get me in the room. Also no pain relief. It was hands down the most amazing experience of my life. If it's your first baby, I'd just keep an open mind, it's so hard not to worry about the unknown. REally pissed me off in my NCT class when they said "oh if you're scared it'll hurt more, fear feeds the pain". Errr, right, thanks for that!!

Worst thing I ever did and would never do again but got the best thing in the world out of it x

Oh & needed a ventouse with my CS, didn't know that was a thing.

Just want to say that you absolutely can ask for an elective C-section for mental health reasons, i.e. debilitating anxiety. NICE guidance states you should get an offer of mental health support to deal with the anxiety, which you can accept or decline, and if you still want a c-section after that offer it must be provided to you.
Having said that I would also massively recommend doing a hypnobirthing course if you can as it is all about replacing negative ideas of birth with positive visualisations and releasing all you anxieties and stresses and looking forward to whatever kind of birth you have. I can't say it did much for the pain side of things for me (I had an epidural which was brilliant) but it massively helped my anxiety about birth and becoming a mother. Good luck

I appreciate I have been very fortunate but I wanted to give you some confidence that birth doesn’t have to be a horror story and hopefully give you a different narrative. I have had three vaginal births; from start to finish my labours were between 5-6 hours long so admittedly not that long to cope with the discomfort of labour but what really helped me was doing a hypnobirthing course with a well qualified hypnotherapist. I found the way it changed my mindset regarding birth incredible as I had previously been very frightened. I also did antenatal yoga which helped me with breathing and active birth techniques. Finally, I was fortunate enough to have two waterbirths which I found very helpful for trying to relax and stay calm. I won’t sugar coat it, the pain was intense and not pleasant but I was able to cope with techniques listed above and paracetamol. I’m not some hippie mum and I certainly don’t have a high pain threshold in day to day life but I worked on the hynobirthing techniques a lot during my pregnancy and it was very helpful- I think it would have been helpful if I’d need any intervention just to stay calm and not as a substitute for any pain relief if I needed it. I hope you can access some support for how you’re feeling.

I had my 11lb1 baby with just gas and air.
There was no warning he was going to be a big baby so it took everyone by surprise. I was really well looked after all the way through and felt really safe. It did sting a bit though I won't lie

Oh OP, it’s normal to be scared! I haven’t had a baby for 10 years but you’ve reminded me how frightened I was before dc 1. But it was fine, painful but in a different sort of way - I found having a blocked kidney which dilated more painful as was dry socket after wisdom tooth extraction. And labour pains have a purpose, so it is very different mentally once it happens. For me, my body took over and I was “in the zone” pretty unaware of dh or anything really, had gas and air (which I thought was pretty cool) and it hurt but was totally manageable, I remember afterwards saying “I can do that again”. Second dc was a very quick labour, more painful but over and done with very fast!

Hi
My little beauty is 10 years old and a only child .
I’m 47 now so I had her pretty late .
I’ll be honest I had a great pregnancy but a horrendous labour, 20 hours my partner told me .
I had a third degree tear and was on morphine so I couldn’t breast feed her and when I could she wouldn’t latch on as she was so used to the little mini bottles .
After 3 weeks I recovered from the pain but it took me a long time to recover mentally from the Labour .

I got lucky with my labours. But I found giving birth better than being pregnant!

I'd rather be in some (ok - quite a lot) of pain for half a day than in constant discomfort and rage for 9 months. (Unfortunately they tend to go together!)

I was in active labour for 36 hours, I had an epidural after 26 hours and then further drugs to try and speed up my labour. In the end my baby’s heart rate dropped every time I pushed. The midwife pushed the panic button and what felt like half the hospital stuff run in. I was told the baby was in distress and they were going attempt ventouse and if that was unsuccessful I would be rushed to have a section.

He was out in under 3 minutes after that (he was facing towards my leg with his arm over this face) the midwives and the doctors were brilliant and I do not feel as though I had a negative experience at all.

Honestly it will be okay I was terrified towards the end of my pregnancy but would happily do it again.

Although I do recommend an epidural

OP, when I was pregnant I spent a lot of time here reading horror stories, it made me very anxious. Everyone is different and has diff pain threshold and diff deliveries depending how baby presents.

My advice to is to do a course on hypnobirthing or daisy birthing (maybe online in these circumstances). I did both and I preferred daisy birthing. Both help you feel in control and more focused on birthing and less panicky. I highly recommend doing one of them and stop reading these forums or any birthing forums.
Ps I had a good experience with the NHS considering I had low expectations and high anxiety around labour ingeneral because of the horror stories I spend my pregnancy reading.
It will be fine x

Op - I’ve only done it twice - 1st was induction and 48 hours later ended in a cs. 2nd was VBAC.

I’m not going to lie to you. It hurt, on both occasions. It really hurt. But literally the minute that baby gets out you forget it. Genuinely.

Post birth - some people do have problems, my pelvic floor is definitely not the same. I know people who had tears that needed a repair some months later. (I had a 2nd degree year with VBAC) . It’s not always neat and tidy again.

BUT I don’t remember the pain, I don’t regularly pee my pants and I still get anxious about my dc. You won’t stop having anxiety about them, ever, that’s being a mother. Try not to let it overwhelm you. Your body will
do the work and if it finds it hard you might get some medical intervention. X

Straight forward birth. Water birth with gas and air.

Labour for 24 hours, Coped well with contractions, only bit I found god awful was crowning. Lasted no more than 5 minutes.

Whole thing went pretty well. Obviously doesn’t feel pleasant but I remember thinking ‘ that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be’.

Also, I have found that women like to try and outdo each other with how awful and painful their labours were. The best thing to do, go in blind.

Good luck!

I had all 3 with just gas and air and paracetamol. I am a wimp when it comes to pain but twice they said it was too late for an epidural and the third time the anaesthetist arrived as Ds2 was born. It wasn't terrible and between contractions I had no pain. I only had a tiny tear with DS1 and nothing with the other 2. It felt quite amazing as they were born. DH thinks I am superwoman! I think it was probably worse than I remember. I recall after DS1 saying I would never, never do it again.

Have done it twice, honestly it's do-able. Clearly, or I wouldn't have done it twice! The best thing you can do to prepare is do a good pregnancy yoga class and read up on hypnobirthing. I didn't go full on hypnobirthing but even just a few bits of it stuck in my head and really helped. Mindset is a huge part of it.

I've had two natural births. Obviously they were painful, but they were quick. I would take that over a section any day.

You don't know what is going to happen so there is no use in worrying (easy to say I know). Try not to think about the birth at all, it's going to happen regardless.

Best wishes.

Gas and air. I became delusional with first. Second very fast and not so bad! Your body is an amazing thing! Celebrate it!

It's not that bad - yes it hurts but you know why it's hurting so you've no need to be afraid. You have a fabulous midwife with you, who knows exactly what they're doing and supports and encourages you. And at the end you have this amazing beautiful sweet smelling baby - that YOU grew - lying on your chest and looking at you with beautiful dark sleepy eyes. It's amazing even though it hurts. Relax op and remember it's a natural process that your body was built for - and at the end you meet your child.

And I've had two - and i am not an earth mother type!

My dc are 7 and 4 and my hospital didn't offer epidurals so I had no choice tbh. I didn't know any different my first birth I did with gas and air and a shot of pethindine ... it was fine imo. But I have a high pain threshold. My second was trickier as I a slight complication and blood loss and only gas and air! Yes it's painful but I wouldn't say it was awful.

Being honest it wasn't the worst pain I've ever felt. It's intense but not continuous. The time between contractions gave me time to rest.

Compared to the worst pain I've had as 10 (on a one to ten scale) it was a 6.

I had a quick labour. Waters broke, contractions started and 5 hours later DS was born.

Everything progressed so fast my birth plan went to dust. I didn't plan for a natural birth (just gas and air) but that's what I got because I far to far gone for an epidural.

I was at home 3 hours after the birth and frankly feeling fine.

I'm not suggesting it doesn't hurt, but the reality is everyone has a different experience (and though I have an "only" my friends with multiple children have had very different births each time).

Upshot is it's fine to feel anxious, but when the time comes, listen to your body (it's amazing that it seems to know what to do when the time comes), importantly trust in the midwives looking after you and be prepared to be flexible about birth plans.

With Dd1 it was a 36 hour labour with just gas and air.
It was honestly fine.