Just how awful is natural labour and delivery?

[squashie34]

Apologies in advance for the ridiculous thread title- although I guess this is essentially what I want to know.

I'm under no illusions that it's not extremely painful, and I am not worried about pain. but I am suffering from such severe anxiety and fear about giving birth naturally that it's making me have nightmares and lose sleep 😟 I can't help but picture the most horrendous situation where after a 25 hour labour baby gets stuck/heartbeat drops and there's a huge commotion to try and save baby or that she doesn't survive, or that baby is delivered and I bleed out and it's all so traumatic that I end up with something like PTSD or complete incontenance from awful tears. I have nightmares about it every night and it's really taking away from the joy of carrying this baby that we want so much. I guess it doesn't help with the current pandemic and my fear that there won't be enough midwives etc.

I've convinced myself that I want a csection as I know the recovery is worse but I'm eliminating that element of the unknown with labour, but I'd want more than anything to be able to shake this fear and have the mindset this is what my body is meant to do. I watch so many videos of water births etc and I'm in awe of how ladies do it but I'm just convinced my labour wouldn't go like that. I've had endometriosis for 15 years and countless operations, so getting pregnant has been the first time down below has worked as it actually should instead of causing me trouble!

I guess what I'm asking is just for some honest stories from you lovely ladies about natural birth- I don't know where else to turn really. I'm sorry if I just sound like a whimp too, I hate myself for feeling such fear!

Thank you xx

You do have the strength, you are going to be the best mother that little baby ever had.

@lilmishap I’m intrigued. Bet I get a really boring labour with no hallucinations at all!

Awful.
The worst pain I've ever experienced. But that's what I chose.
I did it three times all over 9lb and ranged from 14 hours to 3 hours.

I only had G&A and a water birth and if I had to do it again I would.

I liked the freedom and I liked getting back to normal ASAP.

I had natural labour/birth. No pain relief.

Take the drugs. Take ALLLLLL the drugs. Good luck!

Oh squashie, it's not bad for every body, honestly. Some people have labours that don't last long and the pain is not too bad. Please do try to think positively about it, worrying as you are will spoil your pregnancy.

If you intend to have your baby hospital which I imagine you will, there will be pain relief available and lots of help. When you start labour though, it's a good idea to stay at home as long as possible so you can walk about, crouch down, do as you please. I think many women do go into hospital early on and they have less freedom and control. I went in when my waters broke and my baby was born two and a half hours later.

I hope all goes well and smoothly for you. Obviously if you have complications you may have to go into hospital early but if not, you could sail through it.

Good luck and many congratulations.

Read Birth Skills book. Practice.

Read Ina May Childbirth book.

Read Gentle Birth Method book. Reviews the visualisations into your phone and listen every night.

Do this yoga sequence every night. Do 30-90 squats or lunges every night.

Get yourself mentality, physically, emotional and spiritually ready for labour. Keep focused and calm. Keep the oxytocin growing and you'll be fine.

I also had stress balls and a hot compress for my lower back.

I got my husband to describe my Safe Space due the first 30 seconds of each contraction for baby 2.

For baby 1, I counted the 30! Seconds in my head.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0091922143/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ref=plSrch&keywords=birth+skills+juju+sundin&dpPl=1&dpID=51BjAldpbiL&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1492921047&sr=8-1

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0007176848/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ref=plSrch&keywords=gentle+birth+method&dpPl=1&dpID=41ADR8JXTWL&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1492920947&sr=8-1

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0091924154/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ref=plSrch&keywords=ina+may+gaskin&dpPl=1&dpID=513lzvndAmL&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1492921161&sr=8-1

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1570671044/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?ref=plSrch&keywords=ina+may+gaskin&dpPl=1&dpID=61yXjuzodUL&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1492921161&sr=8-2

First labour 24 hours although had contractions on & off for a total of 84 hours. Pushing for 1 hour (I think). Midwife broke my waters at my request after 21 hours. Gas & air. 3 stitches worth of tearing. Fine after.

Second labour 6 hours. Didn't actively push, just let my body take over. Gas & air. Bigger baby but no tearing. Shoulder got trapped but they released it by doing the mcRoberts (I think) manoeuvre. Did the nursery run the next day.

I've had no lasting effects from labour, just pregnancy

Hello - sorry you are worried about it. I found doing some hypno birthing really helpful as it helped me regulate my breathing and also taught me to hold on to the end goal - meeting my baby. I think the real trick is to trust your body, we are designed to do this. You get rest between contractions so you can gather yourself. I had two very intense natural births - one where the baby went from back to back to the right way round and out and from 3-10 cm in an hour after 2 days of pre labour - very painful but manageable with gas and air.

Good luck.

Also I second the recommendation to read Ina May, one of the most empowering books I have ever read.

18 hrs here in labour. I stupidly said to my midwife I wanted to do as much as I could at home. So she took me at my word and kept popping back at various times during the day.

I took paracetamol, used a tens machine and had baths. By the time my waters broke I was almost there, there was meconiun in the water, so she rang an ambulance to get me to hospital quicker just to be on the safe side. Paramedic turned up in a car she told him to go and I had to wait another half hour for the next ambulance (I live in the sticks), nearly gave birth in the ambulance, by the time I got to hospital, I asked for drugs and got told it was too late, my dd arrived 10 mins later. Hurt like mad but was very straight forward looking back.

Funny looking back, the paramedic was at the business end telling me I might give birth, my dh at my head with the gas and air. Someone pulled out infront of us so the driver had to slam the brakes on. The poor paramedic ended up with his head up my vag and my dh almost stuck the gas and air through the back of my head

5:30am waters broke, waking me up. Contractions started almost immediately.

Homebirth, in a birthing pool, quite reliant on the gas and air for pain relief, prayed and sang hymns through it all.

2:16pm. My daughter was born, 7lbs10.

All went smoothly. Small tear but no stitches. No drama (other than when I woke up in a panic when my waters broke! . And I'd had a complicated pregnancy and a complex gynaecological health history.

I had two PPHs but am still alive, so even the worst situations are not the death sentences they used to be, so try and remember that. My second daughter also had her cord around her neck but was still born naturally and was absolutely fine, so again, we are really lucky to live in a time where these things aren’t the horrors they once were.

I had two “nice” labours in that I didn’t end up with PTSD or anything but both were just on gas and air and it does hurt like a Bitch. My best advice would be to be open to all eventualities: my friends who have had PTSD or been badly traumatised by their births have seemingly been those not with the worst birth stories, but those who had the most rigid ideas about the birth experiences they wanted.

Consider talking to your midwives about your worries. They’ve heard it all before and hopefully should be able to calm your mind. Good luck.

As someone who felt exactly the same way as you, I feel your pain! I was so scared of the idea of birth I didn’t want to have children but then my DD was a big surprise! Strangely enough I opted for a natural birth from the get go as I was scared of having to get a catheter put in for the epidural (oh hindsight! ).

I laboured first 46 hours, 40 of those were at home as I had planned for a home birth. Baby was back to back and struggling to move down so had to go into hospital, by the time I got there she had flipped herself round and it was go time. At no point did I think I needed an epidural and managed the pain surprisingly well. No, it’s defo not something I’d choose to do on my day off, but I wouldn’t be scared whatsoever if I had to go through it again. It was such an amazing experience for me I’m now a student midwife

Everyone is different, just trust that your body knows entirely what it has to do, and in the worst case scenario you are surrounded by people who can handle absolutely anything! X

It's totally understandable for you to be anxious op. When pregnant with my 1st I cried myself to sleep every night through sheer terror about giving birth. When it actually happened I wondered what I had been so scared for. Like a pp said, your body just takes over, this is what we're designed for after all.
I had gas and air and diamorphine and would definitely recommend 😁
With my 2nd I didn't have the same feeling of fear as I knew I'd done it before and even though it was a much more painful birth I'd happily do it all again tomorrow.

You absolutely can ask for a c section if you want one. When I had my DS last year I really didn't want to be induced. The midwife had me booked in w. the consultant but DS arrived early anyway.

It does hurt like hell, took about 8hrs from water's breaking to birth. I had a 2nd degree tear and retained placenta, so there was quite a lot of fannying about afterwards. Jealous of pp who was up and about straight away, it took me 12 weeks to be able to walk distances or stand for a while.

It's was not that painful, I had no drugs at all. Try to get a balanced view of how birth is rather just those who had a rough time

Another vote for hypnobirthing. I did an online course and it was amazing. I've had three previous traumatic deliveries and my fourth (hypnobirthing baby) was so much quicker, easier (it was still painful, but I could cope) and so much quicker. Check out Birth-ed on Instagram

I’ve had two births. Both not fun but both fine. I remember that it hurt but not the actual feeling of the pain.

For both of my labours contractions were no more painful than a bad period. I was at home mildly uncomfortable for a long time until I was very dilated and hadn’t noticed. Both times... you’d think I learn.

Pushing was very much not fun for me. First time was around 4 hours. Too much.

Second time I remembered I didn’t want to push for a long time so I pushed really hard and it took 20 minutes!

Both easy and manageable. Home within 5 hours the second time. Happy and healthy baby. All forgotten now. Both very much not enjoyable...

Ida May’s Guide To Childbirth is good for positive natural childbirth stories. It does hurt but I also found it very empowering and it gave me a lot of confidence afterwards that if I could do that, I could do anything.

My first delivery was pretty bad. It’s a long story, but we both survived. Baby had stomach pumped, I had post delivery surgery and I needed a year of physio after to repair the damage.
I was offered a c section second time round and I declined.
Mainly because I didn’t want such a major operation but also because the hospital made me a number of ‘promises’ which they followed through on.
The 2 births were completely different. Both natural deliveries. No pain relief at either birth (my choice). One was an absolutely nightmare, one almost a joy.
My advice would be, do your research. Make your decisions in advance. Agree a plan with your DH but be prepared to flex it when the time comes.
And trust your instincts. I knew at the first delivery something was wrong but no one would listen to me. I wish I had escalated it there and then but I doubted myself and trusted the professionals. At the end of the day they are human and can make mistakes.

Mine were quick as well - 6 hours, painful but I have very painful periods so it’s not novelty. But I had huge problem with breastfeeding afterwards as my breasts were literally blocked and DD was too weak to cope with them.

I think being open to it going any number of ways is helpful, as I really think every labour is different. Maybe you'll find it easy and wonderful, maybe not, but either way you'll get a beautiful baby at the end of it!

My first labour was around 20 hours, I did it with gas and air and pethidine and only had a small graze. Pushing was about 20 minutes and the best bit but the contractions never felt unbearable. Felt very positive about it straight after and was very much like 'it's not that bad!' to people from then on.

Second labour (last week!) was much less pleasant and I won't be saying it's not that bad to people as breezily (!). 30 hours, when I'd been told how much quicker a second birth would be, and because of the Coronavirus situation I had to do much of the labour alone which meant it stopped and started and mentally I wasn't in a good place. Had to have a pessary about 20 hours in and contractions were just unbearable. But then I had an epidural, something I'd been quite anti, and it was wonderful. I still completely felt the urge to push, and I managed to push her out in a grand total of 3 minutes - the midwives on the ward kept coming in to say congrats on the speed! Felt quite negative afterwards but I think that was the exhaustion and the toll of having to do much of it alone.

Basically - it could go any number of ways but you will get through it, either with mental strength / luck or with drugs!!

I had a really great birth. She's my first born, I had a water birth with gas and air, contractions started at 4pm lightly, ramped up after a stretch and sweep at 6pm, waters broke at 8:30pm, in the water, pushed for a bit and she was out just after 9. Slight tear that needed stitches as I pushed when I shouldn't. Placenta came out fine. It was amazing.

The last 15 months of waking around eight times a night every night not so good lol

I had the most awful experience after my c section. Bad infection and a paralytic isleus. Second birth was a Vbac in the pool (had an amazing consultant who agreed this). Defo recommend the second!!

I used just gas and air, was in early labour for 2 days and active labour for 5 hours, it went really quick once it got going and the gas and air really helps if you use it probably. Millions of women have given birth most not in safe secure clean places, you’ll be fine you can do it.