Just how awful is natural labour and delivery?

[squashie34]

Apologies in advance for the ridiculous thread title- although I guess this is essentially what I want to know.

I'm under no illusions that it's not extremely painful, and I am not worried about pain. but I am suffering from such severe anxiety and fear about giving birth naturally that it's making me have nightmares and lose sleep 😟 I can't help but picture the most horrendous situation where after a 25 hour labour baby gets stuck/heartbeat drops and there's a huge commotion to try and save baby or that she doesn't survive, or that baby is delivered and I bleed out and it's all so traumatic that I end up with something like PTSD or complete incontenance from awful tears. I have nightmares about it every night and it's really taking away from the joy of carrying this baby that we want so much. I guess it doesn't help with the current pandemic and my fear that there won't be enough midwives etc.

I've convinced myself that I want a csection as I know the recovery is worse but I'm eliminating that element of the unknown with labour, but I'd want more than anything to be able to shake this fear and have the mindset this is what my body is meant to do. I watch so many videos of water births etc and I'm in awe of how ladies do it but I'm just convinced my labour wouldn't go like that. I've had endometriosis for 15 years and countless operations, so getting pregnant has been the first time down below has worked as it actually should instead of causing me trouble!

I guess what I'm asking is just for some honest stories from you lovely ladies about natural birth- I don't know where else to turn really. I'm sorry if I just sound like a whimp too, I hate myself for feeling such fear!

Thank you xx

Bless you. The worrying really is awful isn't it! I wish I'd known before going into labour just how pointless all the worrying was.

I've had four babies, and I can honestly say I would do it again tomorrow. They were all straight forward births, I've never needed stitches, everything went very smoothly each time. One piece of advice I would like to give you is that fear and anxiety intensify the pain. My fourth Labour was an amazing experience, and I really put it down to just letting go completely, and trusting my body. If I were you I would start looking into hypno birthing, it helped me so much!

But in terms of pain, I really didn't find it that bad. Please don't listen to any horror stories, they will only worry you. Good luck OP!

@lilmishap I would like some trippy labour shit. Are you able to elaborate at all?

I didn't find childbirth that bad to be honest. Maybe the Hypnobirthing worked after all

First child - water birth and only pain relief was gas and air and a tens machine (which is useless!)

2nd child came too quickly so He was born in the hospital reception. I was very disappointed not to get gas and air! It wasn't actually that painful. The advantage of not having any pain relief at all was that when ds2 was born, I was actually conscious of what was happening. When he was born, that feeling of him slipping out of me is like having the best poo ever!

Agree with a pp that your body just does it for you

Like others have said, labour varies so much from one woman to another. I had two natural births and didn't find it particularly unpleasant, but I realise I'm very lucky. First birth was less than six hours from onset of labour to delivery, second one started with mild contractions in the morning, which continued throughout the day. I ended up having "real" contractions starting around midnight and he was born at 9am. But it wasn't properly painful until he entered the birth canal (he was born arm first so his shoulders were in an extra painful position). In comparison my horse kicked me in the wrist recently and I sat down and cried -- that hurt much worse than labour!

I was up and walking within an hour after each birth so there are definitely pros to natural childbirth, but don't be afraid to ask for an epidural or arrange a c-section if you prefer!

And OP you can ask for an elective Caesarian if you are really that anxious. I personally wouldn't, as it is a serious operation and takes a lot longer to recover, but perhaps even the knowledge you have the choice of how you give birth will help you to stay calm?

I've done it 3 times and it was absolutely fine. I used a TENS and focussed on my breathing and didn't even need gas and air.

It does take mental self discipline not to let yourself panic, which makes the pain feel far worse. And it does hurt, but because it comes in waves you can always focus ahead to the fact it's going to stop again and give you time to regroup before the next one.

For me it was absolutely fine. Yes, it did hurt, but always at manageable levels, and it was well worth it for the lovely snuggles afterwards too.

I was nervous about it first time but happy to be confident that I wanted a natural birth for the subsequent 2.

I had two pain free births. Both were planned sections which I choose to have.

Recovery was really really easy, honestly my periods are worse by a huge amount. We were entertaining friends, going on trips out to see people, shopping, and I was pottering round doing chores within about 3 days. Out of everyone in my NCT group, I had the easiest recovery.

Everyone's experiences differ, but if you want a section, I highly recommend one. Mine was glorious.

That post about wheeling you down for an EMCS like an Olympic sport just highlights my exact fear Oh God no, don't let it scare you. I wasn't scared, I was thinking how impressive the NHS is when they spring into action, then I tried to shuffle over onto the operating table and was told to lie still as they lifted my huge whale like body and then the anaesthetist told me not to panic as he was going to press on my throat so I wouldn't inhale any vomit, I hadn't starved for surgery as I didn't know it was going to happen, I was just thinking how amazing they all were. I think you go into a different state when things are so dramatic. Then I woke up and my husband was sitting there with this beautiful baby. Magic so unbelievable amazing and wonderful.

Less wonderful the next day when he decided to be witty and gave me the giggles, the more I tried not to laugh the worse it got until I burst my stitches and the midwife threw him out while she called a doctor to sort me out. DH was in big disgrace with them all.

It is sore but I had worried about it so much, it was better than I was expecting. In fact, after fixating on the birth, the whole parenting a baby situation was a bit of a shock.

So sorry I shouldn't have said the bit about the stitches but honestly if you husband is a normal human being who doesn't try out his stand up routines while you are recovering from surgery that really shouldn't be a problem.

I have had 3 dc and all were very different experiences of labour and birth, but I can honestly say that I enjoyed labouring in all 3 cases. I found lots of things helpful with the pain and lots of positive affirmation and hypnobirthing stuff was useful especially when things didn't go to plan - they helped me to keep calm (er) and to stay centred.

I found movement, dancing, stretching and swaying really helpful. Pre birth yoga classes came in handy and really helped when I had a long latent ihase for my first.

Warm water was incredible for me, I spent a lot of time in the bath and shower and had 2 of my babies in water.

I don't like trasition/crowning but it's over very quickly and I found it useful to know that everyone hits a point where they think they can't do it, and it's normally when the end is in sight.

My labour's challenged me but I treasure the memories of them. Many women have been where you are op, we understand and are rooting for you.

My labours were short - I went from 1cm to 10cm in about half an hour (took 4 hours to get from 0 to 1) so there wasn’t time for them to administer pain relief.

On the second, I was better able to ride the contraction and let my body get on with what it was doing. It was more painful than the first, but easier psychologically. And dh was surprised when I said that because I was very calm and he assumed it wasn’t particularly painful.

The part of pregnancy that I struggled with was the first trimester. If I could labour twice and skip the nausea I would .

@squashie34 Any woman who goes into labour the first time is shitting herself about what will happen, it's a normal response to something that can kill you.
We don't ALL have horrific first deliveries.

The biggest shock to me is that there is no 'adjustment period', you give birth and immediately you are the responsible for a baby, who (I'm told) might give you a few hours sleep to adjust and recover, none of my three did me that kindness so within minutes of giving birth it's old news and you're focused on gazing at your baby or shitting yourself because they are fucking tiny and there are a million ways that you might let this baby down or get things wrong and this tiny thing might come to harm or you're totally overwhelmed because you didn't know it was possible to love something this much.

The whole thing is a head fuck to be honest!

I nearly went for ELCS as I was terrified. I was 41 and considered higher risk.

In the end I didn’t and had an easy birth, active labour was 6hrs. I was scared and it was surreal, and so intense. But literally the second she was born I felt astonishing, like I had superpowers.

I recovered almost instantly, no pain afterwards, intact undercarriage!

Honestly it is the best thing I’ve ever done. Don’t be frightened.

I used to take a list of questions along every time I saw my midwife - all the things that were worrying me, all the what if scenarios. We would talk them through and I was then able to mentally tick them off the list. Is this feasible for you - it might allay some of your fears and make you feel more in control.

I've had three btw. First was a long induced labour ending in emcs. Followed by two vaginal birth, one with pain relief, one without. It hurts, it is the most intense thing you'll ever do (probably) but it is the best feeling once you're through it. Keep your eye on the prize.

Mine was fine and very quick. 3 hrs and 29 mins from start to finish. Two quick pushes and DS arrived.

Only had has for the stitches after - nothing while in labour.

Oh and the first poo afterwards isn't as bad as you think it will be so just get it over with!

I've had 3 natural births and because of a blood condition, I'm not allowed epidurals or even pethidine.
If I could have, I would have had an epidural every time. Why put yourself through agony if you don't have to?

I had (mostly) lovely experiences with both of mine. Yes it hurt but was manageable with gas and air. The thought of having a caesarean gives me the shudders.

I've had three and mine were all honestly great. I quite enjoyed labour in a funny sort of way and didn't find it terribly painful. I had two home water births with no pain relief (and none needed, it wasn't like I was being a martyr) and an induction in hospital with just gas&air. I would take labour over pregnancy any day.

It is the most painful thing I have ever endured. In a weird way it's quite a beautiful thing though.

I got to a point, in all three labours that the pain became unbearable. The pain stopped for a few precious minutes just before I started pushing. I will never forget those few quiet pain free minutes.

@BuffaloCauliflower I think it's when you cross the pain threshold, it was a bit out of body, I couldn't feel anything and I was aware that every woman who EVER lived was in the room. It was trippy but only lasted a second or two.

It's not that bad. I don't see the need to suffer if you don't need to so I was all set to have an epidural and anything else I could get my hands on. As it was, through a serious of unfortunate incidents I ended up getting absolutely no pain relief whatsoever, not even gas and air. This was my first baby. It's a bit like what I imagine being electrocuted feels like. Very intense. Not the worst pain I've ever been in. I've had a couple of surgeries that were more painful. In all likelihood you'll get some pain relief and it'll be ok. My advice is take whatever you can get because I'm still waiting for my drug free, natural birth medal 7 years on

My first was born two and a half hours after we turned up at hospital. (I thought they would send me home to take a bath and paracetamol!)
Not all labours are awful.
Second? That was damn quick!

You don't eliminate the unknown with a CSection at all. There are many complications - bleeding out still an option here btw. My largest haemorrhage was with my caesarean.

You have to find a way to cope with the idea, not avoid it with an unnecessary surgery.

If I can offer any help here - my second birth was a VBAC and it was the simplest, smoothest possible experience. My caesarean came about because of my baby initially being breech and after being turned, she wasn't really in the right place. We didn't progress and after noticing that she was becoming a little distressed, the decision to operate was made. It was an "emergency" situation but it was still calm. They had monitored me for hours (my labour pains had started 5 days earlier) and kept me informed of everything that was happening.

Your worst enemy will be stress. Adrenaline is a huge inhibitor of oxytocin and will cause your contradictions to slow down or even stop as your body ensures you are safe to give birth.

Something worth considering might be your bag and what could help you keep calm - music, colouring?? Relaxation app etc etc. I coloured in labour, given it was so long and it was surprisingly helpful. It would have been no good for my last who arrived in 1 hour!