Should I have a baby if I can't afford it?

[Yellowhearts]

Hi. This is my first time posting here and I really need some advice.
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I would really lime to have a baby soon (30) and my boyfriend would like to have a baby but he is worried about our finances. I lost my job over a year ago and my boyfriend earns £22k a year. All of his pay girls to our mortgage and household bills. He has no money to save at the end of each month so we don't have any savings to fall back on. He already opted out of his pension to help cover the bills so that's not an option either. We are very careful with what we have and don't go on holiday, eat out etc. I have my own credit card debts which he and family help with. I know it might sound selfish but I really want a baby. I know it sounds bad but I don't know if I could stay with my boyfriend if he didn't want us to start trying soon. I love my boyfriend but I really want to be a mum - it means so much to me! It's something I've always wanted.
Should I try and get my boyfriend to see that we could afford it? I don't want him to think I'm putting pressure on him to find money for a baby but I desperately want to be a mother. Ideally I would like to stay at home until our child(ren) are in school. What should I do? I'm really confused.

I agree that there is not necessarily a right time to have a baby. I also understand the desire to have a baby and the fear about the biological clock (I had my first child at 36).

But I do agree with the majority here. I find it difficult to understand why you haven't been able to work for a year - you've said nothing about having a disability or long term sickness which could explain that. Especially given that you have debts.

This is definitely not the time to have a baby, or to use your boyfriend's £10,000 investment to get married and have a baby. You need to get a job and pay off your debt first, and then get married (cheaply) before you think about children. This is especially true given that once you have children you want to stay at home until they go to school. Most of us can't afford to do that! If you got pregnant now and had two children a couple of years apart it could be 8 years before you work.

It's natural for you to want a family and to resent his saying no. It's also very natural for him for want to delay a family given the circumstances. If I were him I'm afraid I'd resent being the only earner now and would be very wary of agreeing to a child at this stage. I'd also be very worried about the future, given that he is not able to pay into a pension.