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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I want another baby but Fiancé doesn't want another right now

169 replies

misstiff · 02/03/2020 08:43

Hello all,

Im 22, and my partner is 27 I'm really suck and conflicted. We already have a son nearly two. But I want another. My partner doesn't want to have one just yet and I don't want to pressure him into having another Baby I don't work so he's does everything for me and my son which I always show him gratitude. So we have come to an agreement to try on 28th of March( yes he's told me when we can try and not when I wanted to) originally he told me to wait until after the holiday which is in may to try but I think it's rediculous that a man is telling me when I should carry his child! I love him but I don't want to force him to have another child with me when he's not ready. He says if I wait then I'm not getting what I want and if he gives me what I want he doesn't want it just yet it's a lose lose situation

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 02/03/2020 08:47

You clearly do want to pressure him into having a baby on your timescale.

It is not “rediculous” for a man to have an opinion on whether or not it is the right tone to try for a baby. You are free to say no if March doesn’t work for you.

Honestly, you sound like a teenager.

purpleboy · 02/03/2020 08:51

What's your actual problem? Is it that he is telling you when you can have a child or the fact you have to wait 4 weeks? Either way I'm sorry but I don't see a problem with either? Having a baby should be a joint decision if he's not on board forcing it will lead to resentment. Waiting 4 weeks??? It's not like it's 4 years!!

Original poster
misstiff · 02/03/2020 08:52

I don't sound like a teenager at all, I said it's ridiculous for a man to put a date t on trying for a baby, of course he can have an opinion!

When I want to try in early March but he wanted me to wait until April which is not fair it's only a month not going to make a difference so now he said we can try on 28 of March

OP posts:
BackyardChickens · 02/03/2020 08:52

You sound your age.

HangryCaterpillar · 02/03/2020 08:54

If it's only a month and not going to make any difference, why can't you wait until he's ready? 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
misstiff · 02/03/2020 08:54

I guess it's a bit of both fact I have to wait four weeks and he is putting a time on it. Of course he's a joint decision and I'm not forcing him but he said if he says no then he's stopping me from getting what I want and if I wait for him he said it isn't fair :/. I know it's four weeks I guess I'm being inpatient

OP posts:
CanIHaveATiaraPlease · 02/03/2020 08:55

I really wouldn’t have a baby with someone who clearly doesn’t want another.

Original poster
misstiff · 02/03/2020 08:56

That's the issue I've been mentioning it for a while and he's always told me no or he doesn't want to discuss it and now he gets to choose when we have one considering how long I've been trying to discuss it and stuff

OP posts:
Original poster
misstiff · 02/03/2020 08:56

He does want another just not yet and in like 2 years or so and I don't want to wait that long

OP posts:
RhymingRabbit3 · 02/03/2020 08:58

I said it's ridiculous for a man to put a date t on trying for a baby
But its OK for you to put a date on it? If he wanted a baby and you didnt would it be a different story? It's not a good idea to try for a baby if one parent doesnt want a baby.

When I want to try in early March but he wanted me to wait until April which is not fair it's only a month not going to make a difference
Why are you so bothered then, if it's not going to make a difference. Your only 22 it's not like you're running out of time.

ArriettyJones · 02/03/2020 08:59

Why are you in such a rush?

Your reason might make a difference to how mad the plan is.

Are you qualified for any job or career? If not, are you planning to train at some point?

RhymingRabbit3 · 02/03/2020 08:59

He does want another just not yet and in like 2 years or so and I don't want to wait that long
If he wanted a baby now and you didn't, would you be happy with trying? Just because you're the woman doesnt mean your opinion is more important

Namechanger0800 · 02/03/2020 08:59

You're both young so waiting should be fine- and it's not fair to pressure him as sounds like he's been clear he wants to wait a few years not a few weeks. You do sound rather petulant

DameSylvieKrin · 02/03/2020 09:00

Give your future child the gift of being equally wanted by both its parents.

Thesearmsofmine · 02/03/2020 09:00

Don’t have another baby, he doesn’t want one and you will likely end up alone with 2 children and no income.

You are 22 just wait.

SpaceDinosaur · 02/03/2020 09:01

Grow up

OllyBJolly · 02/03/2020 09:01

You do sound very young.

What financial protections do you have in place in the event this relationship doesn't work out? You're not married, have no independent income and are not looking to earn one anytime soon (from what you've said here) and planning to have more children (adding costs).

I'd resolve all of that before even thinking about more children.

Wahhhhh · 02/03/2020 09:02

4 weeks??

I thought he was going to be asking for 4 years or something!

What's the deal?

It's just a month.

Original poster
misstiff · 02/03/2020 09:05

He can by all means tell me what month he wants to try but to pin point the exact date is not fair I'm the one carrying the child and stuff. I'm bothered because it's literally a month difference. Like you shouldn't make someone wait a month a year is completely different/ understandable

I did have a job before falling pregnant with our first then he said quit your job and I'll look after you. He keep saying he doesn't want me to work and he wants me to be a stay at home mom cause he can afford to look after us.

I never said my opinion is more important cause I'm a female !

OP posts:
ArriettyJones · 02/03/2020 09:05

I mean, if your reason is you want your family complete quickly, so that by the time you are 25/26 you can have one in school and one in FT nursery (with voucher help) and you are keen to crack in with your education at that point...If it is something like that, then maybe it’s a good idea and you need to have a sit down talk.

Otherwise, back off for at least a year, respect his preference & let him breathe a bit. He must feel the pressure as sole breadwinner so young.

Original poster
misstiff · 02/03/2020 09:06

We not married but we are engaged and we have a house together.

OP posts:
ArriettyJones · 02/03/2020 09:07

I did have a job before falling pregnant with our first then he said quit your job and I'll look after you. He keep saying he doesn't want me to work and he wants me to be a stay at home mom cause he can afford to look after us.

That’s crazy and he sounds a bit controlling.

You’re in a vulnerable position and could be looking at a life of poverty if you don’t use your brains now.

What was your job?

kitk · 02/03/2020 09:08

I really don't get what the problem is!

ArriettyJones · 02/03/2020 09:08

Is the house bought or rented? His name or joint names?

Original poster
misstiff · 02/03/2020 09:08

Arriettyjones exactly that, just cause I didn't mention that, people presume other things, I want to get back to work and I don't want to be a stay at home mom forever and popping out a child when I'm 24/25 I would rather have them young and crack on with a job once they are all older.

OP posts:
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