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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I want another baby but Fiancé doesn't want another right now

169 replies

misstiff · 02/03/2020 08:43

Hello all,

Im 22, and my partner is 27 I'm really suck and conflicted. We already have a son nearly two. But I want another. My partner doesn't want to have one just yet and I don't want to pressure him into having another Baby I don't work so he's does everything for me and my son which I always show him gratitude. So we have come to an agreement to try on 28th of March( yes he's told me when we can try and not when I wanted to) originally he told me to wait until after the holiday which is in may to try but I think it's rediculous that a man is telling me when I should carry his child! I love him but I don't want to force him to have another child with me when he's not ready. He says if I wait then I'm not getting what I want and if he gives me what I want he doesn't want it just yet it's a lose lose situation

OP posts:
Original poster
misstiff · 02/03/2020 09:09

The house is brought under both of our names

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mrsdede · 02/03/2020 09:10

Sounds like he doesn't want another baby yet, stop forcing him. Wait until your both comfortable, or find a man who wants the same as you if you can't agree.

Original poster
misstiff · 02/03/2020 09:10

He's far from controlling! It's just he's blessed with a really well paying job and I'm grateful he can look after me and our son plus everything else with no help

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Original poster
misstiff · 02/03/2020 09:11

I'm not gonna find a man who wants the same thing as me. I love him obviously so :/

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mrsdede · 02/03/2020 09:11

Simple then. Leave him alone until he's ready?

attatiti · 02/03/2020 09:11

You are being ridiculous. Perhaps going back to work would be a good idea, then you might have something more important to think about than whether you are trying for a baby now or in 4 weeks time.

Keyboard91 · 02/03/2020 09:12

I waited when my fiancé said he didn’t want a baby yet ... what’s the issue? Just because I am the woman it gives me no more right to a baby than he has in our relationship. I really wanted to start sooner but it’s about compromise and communication. And I’m 29 so still not old.... It’s not like you are 40 and running out of time!

You do sound very young and like you’re being ruled by hormones rather than your head at this point. It also sounds like he doesn’t actually want to start on that date, he wanted to wait longer, so potentially you’re pressuring him into a decision he doesn’t want which never helps relationships...

ArriettyJones · 02/03/2020 09:13

Arriettyjones exactly that, just cause I didn't mention that, people presume other things, I want to get back to work and I don't want to be a stay at home mom forever and popping out a child when I'm 24/25 I would rather have them young and crack on with a job once they are all older.

The house is brought under both of our names

Well, getting married quickly and cheaply would be a good idea to protect you through the SAHM years anyway.

And a month is nothing. Pass the time by stating a file or a mood board about you career ambitions, gather info.

Let everyone calm down and talk to him once the mood is better, armed with details of your career plans, school start dates and childcare funding.

AutumnRose1 · 02/03/2020 09:14

You sound bonkers.

Original poster
misstiff · 02/03/2020 09:14

Well maybe cause the first one we was so laid back about it and stuff I just thought it would be the same for the next one :/

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Original poster
misstiff · 02/03/2020 09:15

Where on earth is this I'm a woman I get to choose and decide coming from? It's nonesense I never stated that his opinion is invalid in the relationship?

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Original poster
misstiff · 02/03/2020 09:17

Just wanted some advice and end up getting called bonkers and stuff wow

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ArriettyJones · 02/03/2020 09:17

Ha! The second baby everyone knows what they’re letting themselves in for Grin

I do understand your hurry to get the nappy years over and be back in a career but just dial it back a bit. Put your energy into making plans privately. Research the job market and training courses privately. Then you’ll feel like you’re doing something constructive towards your plan.

You’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

user1423578854468 · 02/03/2020 09:19

I imagine people are responding to this line:

I think it's rediculous that a man is telling me when I should carry his child

I don't understand what you mean by that?

ArriettyJones · 02/03/2020 09:19

(I don’t think you sound bonkers. I think you sound like a young mum with ambition and a very driven attitude Flowers)

aSofaNearYou · 02/03/2020 09:19

He can by all means tell me what month he wants to try but to pin point the exact date is not fair I'm the one carrying the child and stuff.

Why? Surely the date is just a loose "we can try from here" rather than a "we can try on this date and if you don't get pregnant that's it"? What on Earth is your problem with the concept of pinpointing a date to start trying? How is it "not fair"?

I'm bothered because it's literally a month difference. Like you shouldn't make someone wait a month a year is completely different/ understandable

In what way is it better to have to wait a year than a month? You're not making any sense at all, this is completely illogical. I have never heard this "you must never make someone wait a month, specifically" rule. I wonder how many people I have inadvertently been unfair to in the past....

mrsdede · 02/03/2020 09:20

I don't think this is anything to do with wanting to get babies out of the way so you can focus on your career. I think this is a case of 'my baby is growing up, I need another quick!'

And that's normal trust me. I went through it. (It passes and I never had another one 🤣).

Some people DO have another and that's also fine. But only when BOTH parents want that. Your boyfriend doesn't. So there's really not much you can do than wait.... or pressure him of course.

Every single persons advice has been the same to you so I think you should take it on board.

TorkTorkBam · 02/03/2020 09:23

When is the wedding? Soon?

MummyJasmin · 02/03/2020 09:23

You're only 22, wait.
Of course he has a say, it's his child too. If anything he sounds very responsible.

HangryCaterpillar · 02/03/2020 09:23

You may not have said his opinion's invalid, but you have said that it's ridiculous a man is telling you when to carry a child, you've said that it's not fair and seem to be acting really irrationally over having to wait 4 weeks..

By the sounds of things he doesn't even want to try at the end of the month but you're pushing the issue so he's given in. That's the only thing that's not fair in this situation. If one person in the relationship isn't ready yet, then no baby.

RhymingRabbit3 · 02/03/2020 09:23

I never stated that his opinion is invalid in the relationship
But his opinion is that he doesnt want a baby for another few years and you're ignoring that, so you do seem to think his opinion is invalid.

It is totally illogical to say it is worse to make you make a month than a year, surely you can see that! You do realise that you might not fall pregnant immediately - nature might make you wait more than a month.

Original poster
misstiff · 02/03/2020 09:24

I'll guess I'll just have to wait till end of March to try as that's the date he picked :/

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SheWolfofFrance · 02/03/2020 09:24

I really don't understand your issue. My husband asked the same of me. I wanted to try in Jan Last year for DC3 .... he asked that we wait until the beginning of Feb instead for various reasons. I waited because having another baby is a joint decision ... just because your the one that carries the baby doesn't mean you can force him to conceive when he doesn't want to

TorkTorkBam · 02/03/2020 09:25

Get married soon. You are in a precarious situation being a SAHM without being married.

Original poster
misstiff · 02/03/2020 09:25

I'm not ignoring it, he SAID if he makes me wait it's not fair on me. And I've stated I don't want to pressure you into having one when you don't want too so it's a lose lose situation

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