I want another baby but Fiancé doesn't want another right now

[misstiff]

Hello all,

Im 22, and my partner is 27 I'm really suck and conflicted. We already have a son nearly two. But I want another. My partner doesn't want to have one just yet and I don't want to pressure him into having another Baby I don't work so he's does everything for me and my son which I always show him gratitude. So we have come to an agreement to try on 28th of March( yes he's told me when we can try and not when I wanted to) originally he told me to wait until after the holiday which is in may to try but I think it's rediculous that a man is telling me when I should carry his child! I love him but I don't want to force him to have another child with me when he's not ready. He says if I wait then I'm not getting what I want and if he gives me what I want he doesn't want it just yet it's a lose lose situation

I'm not fussy like him. But thank you all who have been helpful and giving me advice. Without the whole bashing me thing

I'll mention getting married, at the registry office agian but he will say no as he has too much pride to go to a place like that

Why can't you plan the "proper" wedding. It doesn't have to cost the world. Just get a second hand dress, book the official stuff and a church if necessary, do a morning wedding with immediate family and invite them back for a sandwich lunch with soup.

People telling you that you are being immature and unreasonable isn't 'bashing' you. This is a discussion forum. You were unsure enough of your behaviour to create a thread about it. You chose to post and ask other people's opinions. If you aren't going to take them on board then why do that?

"A place like that" Ffs

Was my registry office wedding a fake one? 🤔😂

Maybe I can take the cat and run away without my husband knowing then 😉

I'm up for getting married in a registry office but I know he doesn't so😂😂😂😂

Adding a second child to a one-child family, especially when the first is so young, is a huge step-change and he may be wise to think that waiting a while is the best option. It is a massive upheaval when the second child arrives - which is fine and natural - but you need to be clear how this might affect your lives.

I had two close together, then a bigger gap between second and third - having the two was a huge challenge, but the third was easier because of the bigger gap.

Please stand back and give this some serious thought - it is a big decision to bring a new human being into the world.

One month is neither here nor there. Get some perspective and breathe - there's no guarantee you'll become pregnant right away anyway.

He doesn’t want a baby.

He’s put a time limit on it to shut you up and stop you nagging at him, hoping when the date comes he can move the date a bit further away, repeat until he’s ready, if he ever is.

Sit him down. Explain your reasons for starting now. Listen to his argument for waiting. Is it because he is concerned about your realationship? Or more mundane stuff like feeing the pressure of being the sole wage earner.

In the mean time what are your job prospects? Can you enrol on some courses, maybe do some access to uni stuff if you don’t have a’levels. As well as increasing your future warning power should anything happen and you’re left a single mum, it will reassure your Oh that you are planning a career after the children and will help him support the family.

“ Some people on here are really horrible and forget once they were 22”

And working and paying rent. Do you have any earnings or income?

Are you sure he’s not looking for excuses? He only wants a proper wedding - whatever that is. He wants to wait before trying for another child.

Take care as I think you may need it. Don’t isolate yourself by having another baby. I’d look for work if I was you.

I have a feeling at 28 March he’ll delay again. He’s probably worried how much you’re hassling him.

I have a separate source of income which is my allowance he gives me each month but that's it

Your boyfriend sounds like the only sensible one here.

What 22 year old quits their job because their boyfriend says they are happy to pay for everything unless they are a lazy fucker who is happy floating through life doing nothing productive? What happened to you people have drive and ambition?
He didn't FORCE you to quit work. He sounds quite a reasonable guy. You could have said "no" and carried on working. But you didn't. You jumped at the chance for a bloke to pay for everything whilst you drift through life oblivious to the world.

Instead of sounding like a childish brat for not getting your own way, why don't you do some English courses and improve yourself (I'm assuming by your posts that your education level isn't at too a high level) and start thinking about a career to show the child that you already have that you can improve yourself if you really want to?

You have your next child when you're BOTH ready. Not a minute before.

He didn't force me to quit but guess what he offered me the choice to leave cause he wanted me to have a chilled pregnancy without the stress of work and he could afford to look after me without me working that's a damn good guy

I’m guessing that your first pregnancy was unplanned?

In which case it’s very easy to see why he doesn’t want a baby yet. Very easy to accept and embrace a pregnancy when it’s already on the cards than to consciously decide to have another baby.

I can see why, given you already have one so young, you would want to have another quickly. My parents had me and my sister when they were 20 and 23, but the fact here is that he doesn’t want another baby, and truth be told, even if he said that you could start trying now there are no guarantees that you will fall pregnant straight away. It could still take you a couple of years to conceive and then you could still (in your own words) be popping another one out at 25.

Your language is very petulant and very dismissive e.g. “popping out another one,” it doesn’t actually sound to me as if you want a baby as such, but that you want to fall pregnant again. Why is this?

Having another baby is a life-long commitment, and having two rather than one is much, much harder or so I’m told as I only have one.

Admittedly there’s never a perfect time to have children, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t something which shouldn’t be thought through.

The stress of work 🥱

Ffs, you're 22. Get a job

I think we are forgetting this guy is only 27 too.

I wonder what job he has to support two kids and a girlfriend and pay for a mortgage.

I think your living in a dream world op. Forget the next baby for now. Go to college or get a job, and enjoy your early twenties with your first born and boyfriend.

“ I have a separate source of income which is my allowance he gives me each month but that's it”

That’s not a separate source of income, that’s money he gives you!

Yeah he does sound like a good guy but you're coming across like you don't appreciate that and want to be the partner who gets their way in the relationship.

You know what happens to people who do that? They make their partner sad and unhappy and / or leave them/

Some people on here are really horrible and forget once they were 22

This is such an immature thing to say I'm afraid. I was 22 ten years ago and working my arse off doing 12 hour days for £15k a year. It was worth it. Now I own a business and am still grateful for everything I have even though I've earned it myself.

Try a bit of appreciation for your life. You have what sounds like a lovely partner and also a lovely little baby.

You can wait until both of you are ready for another. Or, if it's so important for you to have one this soon then you can leave your partner and do so alone.

Aren't you excited to plan a marriage? He wants proper, get proper sorted.

You say you don't understand the difference between a month, I think he's probably delaying. But he's also supporting a young family, the difference of a month could mean another pay check cleared, either to start building up savings or pay some things off.

I've a feeling you'll fall pregnant by summer though, if he wants a child or not. If I were his family I did be advising he handles contreception and pulls out as well.

He didn't force me to quit but guess what he offered me the choice to leave cause he wanted me to have a chilled pregnancy without the stress of work and he could afford to look after me without me working that's a damn good guy

Yes everyone agrees that he sounds like a good guy. You've been incredibly lucky and well looked after in a way that you like. Don't throw that back in his face, he doesn't deserve that.

“ Some people on here are really horrible and forget once they were 22” actually no, looking back I remember being 22, and although I didn’t have mine until I was 28, looking back I think that at 22 some of the things I wanted to do and thought I knew everything about were crazy.

If you’re already a stay at home parent and you have two children you are going to put yourself in a position where returning to work becomes very difficult if not impossible. Most SAHMs find it’s much harder to go back to work after time out, as a 22 year old you will have no job history or experience to put down on a CV and you will have been at home for x amount of years, no employer is going to take you seriously.

If you have a baby at 22, even if you don’t go back to work that baby will be out of the house by the time you’re 40, and then what are you going to do for an income when you’ve never worked?

You need to do serious thinking here. I was a SAHM and in hindsight while I absolutely don’t regret having done it for a second, I do wish that I’d been a bit more practical re going back to work part time at least.

I never throw anything back in his face matter of fact. I tell him how grateful I am on a daily basis.

I totally understand the feeling of desperately wanting another baby. I was 23 when I had my first and once he turned one I was so broody and really wanted a baby again! I think it's hormonal, natures way to make sure we have lots of babies! As a 42 year old with four children if I could go back in time I'd tell myself there was no hurry and to wait. Children can start pre school at 3 so it would be nice to be pregnant or have a newborn once your other child is at pre school because you'll get a little break and time alone with your newborn. Having a second is hard as you are often shattered from the pregnancy and running around after the toddler. I think your partner is thinking rationally rather than emotionally but I totally understand where you're coming from.