Breastfeeding and negative comments

[nicannie]

Right, please can people just give HONEST opinions on their breastfeeding experience/s.

I plan to breastfeed, since the day I found out I was pregnant I said straight away, I'm breastfeeding. I plan to go back to work when baby is around 10 months so I have been planning to breastfeed for around 6 months and see how it goes from there. I understand that breastfeeding isn't for everyone, and not everyone is able too. But I'm in the mindset of that I will be trying, and all going well it will be the method I use.

My MIL was absolutely gobsmacked when she asked 'you'll be bottle feeding the baby right?' And my response was no breastfeeding. Her response was 'well you'll always be doing feeds yourself' in a snippy tone, which of course I know will be the case at the start but I'm planning to express so that DH also gets to bottle feed my milk and have that bond with baby too. I think because it's her first grandchild she was just a bit disappointed maybe that she won't get that chance to do any feeds right at the start.

My mum, made a comment about how I should prepare and expect to have really saggy boobs after it, I almost felt like she was trying to put me off as well.

My DH is really supportive, all for it and hasn't said one negative word about it.

I'm only 25, but feel like everyone is putting me off by saying I'm going to hate my boobs after I've breastfed and how awful it's going to make me feel. I've came to the conclusion, that regardless of whether I breastfeed or not my boobs have already went up in size quite a bit and I think they will sag after this pregnancy anyways, so what's the difference?

I mean, did any of you breastfeed and then regret it? Or wish that you knew how your boobs would look at the end of it? I am at the stage where I'm not actually bothered, only person that see's them is DH and myself - so what does it matter?

@reluctantlondoner Definitely, I think what your saying is right. Thank you for your well wishes, I think I defo will be ignoring from now xx

And to reassure you about bond with Daddy, my baby absolutely adores Daddy even though he was EBF and never had a bottle...!

I get infuriated when Dads push mums into expressing so they can feed and bond. If you want to express it should be for your reasons not just to let Dad bond. There's baths, nappies, cuddles in the night and so many other great ways to bond with baby :)

i breastfed my first for 20 months. he never had a bottle. i did it in bus stops, pubs,
libraries, restaurants, cafes, shops, didn't faff about with any 'modesty' blankets either (i don't think breastfeeding is immodest!) and no one EVER batted an eyelid. i wholeheartedly encourage you. I'm older, i imagine at 25 i might not have had the dgaf confidence already in place, also i have a very supportive family, so i just want you to know your MIL is a twat and she's in the minority.

also don't feel pressured to express if you don't want to.... dad's do not need to do mum jobs to bond
with the baby. i think expressing is unpleasant!

@Frezia after the tongue tie was corrected (I'm just assuming it was) was it a lot easier? That's good you were off until he was 1.

That's a really nice way to think of it.

A lot of ebb and flow. It just takes patience. Totally know what your saying about the whole preference and going back and forth.

Yeah your right, it really won't effect anything long term. Thank you, I totally agree and will be doing what's best for me and baby regardless of what they say or how they act, especially when baby is here.

I'll give that website a look at, thank you! Thank you very much xx

haven't RTFT however, OP
why are you even discussing it with your MIL and DM? If either had succesfully bf themselves they might have been helpful or supportive, but it seems they want to undermine you.
It's good that your DP is supportive, that bodes well. I suggest that both of you educate yourselves on how bf works so when the time comes you will recognise common problems and not be surprised with how it goes. If either your DM or your MIL are going to be around much when the baby is born, be clear in advance that your choice isn't up for debate, when your confidence is low it's easy to be undermined.
My personal experience (many years ago now)
DC1- difficult to bf at first, suppemented with formula for a week or so then fully bf for - I think- 4 months, but still occassional feeds till 2 yo
DCs 2&3 (twins) both easy to bf from the start, exclusively bf till 5 months and again had bedtime feeds till age 2
DC 4- bf from birth, no problems, weaned as above.

Best of luck- your body knows how to grow a baby, it knows how to feed one too. The reason so many of us struggle is that we don't grow up seeing it done, and when we hit the inevitable hiccups we don't know how to deal with them, so they seem insurmountable.

I'm not sure how it could happen as I got sore if I got too full of milk, but she was really self conscious about it. As I say, the only thing I would have done differently is not keep trying when it was failing. It was ok for about 12 weeks then it was like getting blood out of a stone and it was just really frustrating and demoralising - it just started getting in the way. Plus you've passed on a decent amount of antibodies by that point.

I wish you all the best with it OP. In my experience, negative comments are more about the commenter's own hangups. I didn't take any notice. I wouldn't dream of trying to persuade anyone one way or the other.

I breastfed my four children for over five years between them. I'm in my 40s now and I still have great boobs. My tummy - not so good thanks to lots of stretch marks and a mum-tum so pregnancy definitely took its toll, I'm not genetically blessed or anything.

I'm glad to hear someone in the 'older generation' say that. Did any one close or around you also BF or did you find it was something that wasn't done as regularly as today?

In my experience, there was a similar mix of breastfeeding and bottle feeding that you see today but I don't recall any of us feeling as judged as women seem to feel now. Maybe it's to do with the internet - you get to share experiences and ask for advice more easily but it's harder to filter the negative views!

I did find that my parents, inlaws and others from their generation (born in the 30s and 40s) were supportive and encouraging of breastfeeding. Once my babies and I got the hang of it, I breastfed everywhere without a second thought.

When my children were born, there was formula provided in the hospital if you asked for it but it was assumed you'd give breastfeeding a go unless you said otherwise. Again, I didn't encounter any judgement either way but that's not to say that it didn't exist.

Btw, breastfeeding didn't make my boobs sag - pregnancy and age have done that!

I'm still BF my 5 month old and I love it. We've had our tricky moments, for me the shock was just how much she fed to begin with, not helped by keeping reading things which say "by x age they should be feeding every x hours" etc which is of course rubbish. Since I started ignoring that and feeding on demand I haven't looked back. So convenient, it's free, the cuddles are amazing, particularly sleepy feeding cuddles I've brought her on planes a couple of times (my family live in England, I'm in Ireland) and it's been so handy to have feeding on the go... can't imagine the hassle of that if I was FF. I've fed in public loads of times and never had a negative comment.

As for expressing I was advised to start expressing quite early on as one week she hadn't put on much weight so was advised to top up with expressed milk. I've always found it a pain but i am glad to have the option of bottles for if I want to leave her for an hour or two. I also introduced a bottle at bedtime as it helped her settle quicker (previously mammoth BF sessions of sometimes 2+ hours before she settled!). However I do confess that I do now give formula in the evenings simply because I struggled to find a convenient time to express every day.

Also a pp have said do find a breastfeeding support group - mine was great!

Good luck!

They did indeed! DP wasn't there to hear it, but I did tell them that their comment was ridiculous. I get along with them on a basic level, but it is clear we have very different ideas about the world & different parenting styles. That said, I don't know them particularly well as we don't see much of DPs family.

Best of luck with your new baby. It's bloody hard at first but I found it much easier after the first weeks. Get loads of Lansinoh.

I had teeny tiny boobs pre pregnancy, barely noticeable, I went up to an E/F cup when breastfeeding and once I stopped they went back to how they were before much to my husbands disappointment they probably have a few stretch marks on the , but not massively noticeable and a few years on are smaller than pre pregnancy, so no real change if that helps, and I'm in my late 30's

Also bond wise, bottle feeding I don't think makes a difference, my DH would burp her and rock her back to sleep after feeding, he'd also do the nappy change etc. Plenty of ways to bond with the baby

Hi,

Best of luck! None of us know until we try it, but worth trying. I would second researching good breastfeeding support prior to the birth and going as soon as you leave the hospital. Sadly, apart from the ones that helped me with my premature baby, there wasn't much help. The 'mainstream' midwives were too run off their feet to help. And when they do help, they aren't as able to advise as you might think.

I learned a new tip with my youngest, which was that you can feed pretty discreetly and easily without needing tons of fancy tops and covers or to strip off. Best way I found is a soft stretchy low neck vest top underneath another quite loose top. Then you can pull the vest top down while lifting the outer top up. I found that a load easier and more practical than messing about with fancy feeding tops or blankets.

breastfed 2 for just over 2 years in total. No saggy boobs here.

it's hard work but I don't regret it at all. ignore the negative comments

I had my first baby at 25 and my Mum was exactly the same, she thought that bf was disgusting and was mortified if I ever did it in public. My MIL kept making snide comments about how I was depriving my son of the extra vitamins he would be getting from formula! I kept shutting myself away in my bedroom to feed him when anyone came out and avoided going out for longer than a couple of hours so I didn't have to feed him. I ended up giving up bf'ing at 9 weeks and regret it now so much as I wish I hadn't listened to the negative comments.

With baby number two I had changed my attitude and ignored the negative comments. I realised that nobody could see anything they shouldn't if I bf in front of any, and nobody even cared! I planned on bf'ing her until 6 months, but continued until she decided to stop at 17 months old. I was much more confident with baby number 3 and am still bf'ing her on an evening at 2 years 2 months. I have tried to cut down her feeding gradually as I'm pregnant with baby number 4 and would like a little bit of a break from bf'ing before I start the journey again, but at the moment that's only happening if hubby puts her to bed. I couldn't have done it for as long as I have without the support of my husband, he has been amazing.

Oh, and I've bf for 3 years 9 months so far and I don't have saggy boobs!

I think it's being pregnant that changes your boobs rather than breastfeeding 😁 congrats and hope it goes well for you - it's difficult and testing at times to stick to but I've found it to be worth sticking out in the first few difficult weeks.

I've not had any direct negative comments but the only people I've encountered who are negative about bf in general are people who either didn't bother trying or did they and gave up :)

@Indecisivelurcher what age would you advice to introduce the bottle of expressed? I think it really just depends on baby and the family I guess right ?

@Horehound Yes, I feel like what I'm getting from all of this is that it's going to be down to my personal experience with BF and for my baby too. I have no idea when people say large breasts what is considered large these days? I was slightly underweight when I fell pregnant and my breasts just now are 34E/F, although when reading that sounds big, to me they aren't large breasts at all compared to others but I guess they maybe will be considered large in terms of BF?

I'm sorry to here your disappointed, I'm not sure I understand fully why? You hate the BF part or the fact your baby won't take a bottle of expressed milk? When I first read it I thought you meant you hate expressing. Don't be disappointed in yourself for feeling like that, no one not even you could have determined how you would feel, no none can. Try not be so hard on yourself as sounds like you are doing great.

I agree, 3 months isn't too long at all. I think I will find bottles hidden away in the MIL house too!!

@Cotswoldmama Good to hear the weight gain would have been the same with a bottle or BF. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been with him being 2 months premmie as well. Was your second son quite big when born? I'm only asking because some people say a bigger baby at birth is harder to BF.

That's really good to hear they actually returned to your size pre pregnancy essentially. Thank you, that's all really useful

@Pipandmum I know, the MIL was probably saying those negative comments to try put me off and move to FF so she could jump in and 'help'.

Yes, I think that's another thing I've learnt, I should try get baby to accept a bottle in case we need too. Did you introduce a bottle of expressed? And if so, what age?

My second son was average weight 7lbs 5 but seemed huge compared to my first he was 3lbs 14 and went down to 3lbs9. I think it’s a missed conception about bigger babies being harder to feed I think it’s just that milk takes a certain amount of time to come through and then to adjust to the right amount for your baby. In theory a bigger baby will need more milk and therefore it might take a day or so longer for the supply to be correct whereas a small baby may need less and therefore the correct supply would be there quicker. I think that’s why bigger babies seem to be topped up with a bottle because they might loose initial birth weight. But that in its self means that because the baby’s not put to the breast whilst it’s having the bottle the supply isn’t being increased as it’s not being demanded!

My second was especially easy to nurse. I had him in my breast within half an hour of being born and he naturally woke to feed/stimulate milk supply every 2 hours after he was born. My milk came through within 24 hours. He didn’t loose any birth weight and went from 50th to 75th percentile writhing 3 months and by a year he was on the 99th!
Even with my premmie it wasn’t too hard I had freezers full or expressed milk!
Good luck! I think it’s just luck of the draw as to how easy it will come but it’s good to try to understand all outcomes and how to overcome and drawbacks x x

@nicannie
Sorry I didn't make myself clear. Basically I had built up breastfeeding in my head to be this super duper thing. It was Gona be me and my babies major binding thing and yet it went wrong from day one. I had a 72 hour labour so I was exhausted and so was my baby. I didn't feed him over the first few days, I had midwives come out and hand express me onto a spoon and for my baby to lick up the colostrum.
I couldn't ever get him to latch so he lost weight and was jaundiced so back to hospital. They put us on a feeding plan and had to express and top up with formula which I hated doing.
He was sick having formula and it just cemented in my mind how bad it is for babies.
That was only for a few days though then I managed to express good amounts of milk. Finally managed to get him to breastfeed and it's nothing like what I thought it would be.
My boobs are usually 32E but went to 34G and when full if milk they are massive and hard and the baby cannot get his mouth wide enough to latch but what I found was the reverse pressure technique worked wonders. Also breast massage like kneading your breast from the outside working your way inwards towards the nipple.
So great..managed to breastfeed and now baby does ever take a bottle but it's not bonding I don't think. Since boobs are big he looks straight towards my arm not up at me (although now he is 18 weeks he is starting to), he fidgets about, pops on and off. I just find the whole thing irritating but I am happy he is getting the best milk for him which is why I will persevere.

Basically, it is hard, things may not go as expected, you sit up in the night feeding your baby whilst starting at your husband/partner with hatred that they can't do it!
My advice is if you have any issues please ask to speak to a a breastfeeding consultant in hospital.

I've breastfed 2 babies so far and both for a year and my boobs are far from saggy! Its actually pregnancy itself that can make them saggy not breastfeeding! In pregnancy your boobs change regardless of if your going to breastfeed or not