Breastfeeding and negative comments

[nicannie]

Right, please can people just give HONEST opinions on their breastfeeding experience/s.

I plan to breastfeed, since the day I found out I was pregnant I said straight away, I'm breastfeeding. I plan to go back to work when baby is around 10 months so I have been planning to breastfeed for around 6 months and see how it goes from there. I understand that breastfeeding isn't for everyone, and not everyone is able too. But I'm in the mindset of that I will be trying, and all going well it will be the method I use.

My MIL was absolutely gobsmacked when she asked 'you'll be bottle feeding the baby right?' And my response was no breastfeeding. Her response was 'well you'll always be doing feeds yourself' in a snippy tone, which of course I know will be the case at the start but I'm planning to express so that DH also gets to bottle feed my milk and have that bond with baby too. I think because it's her first grandchild she was just a bit disappointed maybe that she won't get that chance to do any feeds right at the start.

My mum, made a comment about how I should prepare and expect to have really saggy boobs after it, I almost felt like she was trying to put me off as well.

My DH is really supportive, all for it and hasn't said one negative word about it.

I'm only 25, but feel like everyone is putting me off by saying I'm going to hate my boobs after I've breastfed and how awful it's going to make me feel. I've came to the conclusion, that regardless of whether I breastfeed or not my boobs have already went up in size quite a bit and I think they will sag after this pregnancy anyways, so what's the difference?

I mean, did any of you breastfeed and then regret it? Or wish that you knew how your boobs would look at the end of it? I am at the stage where I'm not actually bothered, only person that see's them is DH and myself - so what does it matter?

@DappledThings I guess some babies will take expressed in bottle and some don't? So I'll need to see how that all goes.

That's so nice all those lovely things that people did to help you out. I really hope I get the same treatment, not that I'm looking for it.

I think the best way is to not take notice of them, what does it matter anyways really..

I breastfed my third and my mum was the only one who made any negative comments 🙄 it was very easy with my third, she got it straight away, never had mastitis etc. She did have a bottle of formula every day because I was worried about wanting to stop breastfeeding and ending up with a bottle refuser! She fed until 10 months when I went back to work.

My main bit of advice to you though would be to relax a little bit - you might not find breastfeeding easy, you might be desperate for an hour to yourself, your baby might be tongue tied, or you might just hate it. The more you dig your heels in now the more difficult it will be if when baby’s here you do want/need to bottle feed - I was adamant with my 1st that I was going to breastfeed, I was only 20 and had lots of comments about how it would be really hard but I was determined to do it. My son lost 15% of his birth weight with severe undiagnosed tongue tie, I ended up bottle feeding when he was a week old but felt like a massive failure and ended up with severe pnd, because I put too much pressure on myself.

Good luck, just don’t give it too much thought - it’s ok to want to breastfeed but it’s not the be all and end all

Everyone always has an opinion. Not just on BF,, but on any aspect of how you decide to raise your child. I've been BF 11 months and I've never had negative comments when out. Tends to be people closer to home but just take it with a pinch of salt. They'll be lots of opinions. Just let them wash over you if you don't agree.

Yes I found that DD started going to longer stretches between feeds around 3 month mark and I could leave her and pop out to the gym, supermarket etc. Little things like that. Absolute bottle refuser but once we started weaning around 6 months I used to leave DH with expressed milk which we mashed up with banana or weetabix and that worked very well! I can be disorganised so found going on holiday and out and about so much easier bf too. Woulve been a disaster if I had to remember bottles

@DappledThings I guess some babies will take expressed in bottle and some don't? So I'll need to see how that all goes

Indeed. Although with DC1 I had an incentive as I wasn't going to be able to go to the day part of my SIL's hen do if he wouldn't take a bottle so we persevered. With DC2 I had no such plans so I couldn't be arsed with the hassle of it and only half-heartedly tried twice. She might well have taken a bottle too if we'd properly tried.

Mandarinfish, same
Well sightly sore nipples at first, but not bad. I think I dwelled so much on how difficult it was supposed to be that I didn't think that baby might actually have a boob preference. All the stuff about it jeopardising bf giving a single formula in the early days, yet I would alternate with bottles from day zero, sometimes go 6-8 hours without feeding from me in the first week. Pain free, sufficient supply was still achieved when baby finally decided that bottles were evil or something. I know some women would have half killed for that, but it trapped me because I assumed that since bf was 'soooo hard' that it wouldn't turn out like that.

Basically, if you are happy to go either way, then try mix feeding. If you have a firm preference, then be wary about giving baby a choice, or accept that they may choose something different from you

I didnt consider bottle feeding, breastfeeding was the only option for me and luckily I have had minimal problems. I absolutely love bf and have never recieved negative comments, perhaps because I am so passionate about it and post regualrly about normalising bf on my social media etc, I dont think anyone would dare say anything negative 😂 and if they did i would politely tell them to fuck off and mind their own business.

I express infrequently and have a little freezer stash for when I want to leave baby with Dad or a my Mum. I dont get the bonding over feeding comments, there are SO many (less boring) ways to bond with a baby than feeding!

Yes your boobs probably wont look the same, but feeding a baby is what they are for...Id be a bit concerned that your MIL cared what your breasts looked like

At the end of the day it is YOUR choice how you feed your child. Breast is best as they say but formula is the next best alternative.

@CmdrCressidaDuck I can quite believe how challenging it can be at times, I'm sure I'll be experiencing some of my own shortly enough. And I agree, the pregnancy hormones are the main part of it.

I wouldn't mind if they went a big smaller, that would actually be nice (haha!).

That's really nice you had those positive comments in public about it.

I am already investigating local BF groups just now, and my beautician is also due a week after me and this will be her second baby, she plans to BF again so I think that will also be a huge help for me.

I didn’t get any negative comments, my DD is 16 weeks and we are EBF. I was on the fence, happy to try it but prepared to switch to FF if necessary.
We’ve found BF to be easy, baby latched immediately she was born and no latch issues. it’s bloody exhausting for the first 6 weeks or so, I can see why some people give up but after that its no bother. I’d read so much negativity on mumsnet but we’ve been lucky.

I’m not getting on with expressing though so I am tied to baby but absolutely loving it.

@nicannie yes mum is very supportive and so was midwife.

I think I am going to try an electric pump but I haven't really looked into it more yet. I should probably get a wiggle on though as I am 29 weeks so need to start getting a bit more prepared in all aspects of baby arrival as I have hardly purchased anything!

@BabyMoonPie I believe in my local area we have a sort of BF midwife or support person or something that can visit the house days after birth to help, so I'm going to be definitely requesting this. Thank you!

@Mandarinfish Yes, both my mum and MIL bottle fed both their babies (they had 2 children each). You might be right, DH is 31 and he's the youngest so I'd imagine it wasn't much support for it all back then to BF even if she had wanted too

@okiedokieme Thank you, I'm glad my mum wasn't the only one to make a comment!

I have bf two babies. I was lucky in that it was pretty easy from the start. Both mine refused bottles after a while though which was annoying (they would drink out of cups after about 5 months at least).

I had planned to do a lot of expressing to let Daddy bond/give me a break, but in the end I didn’t find it very useful. It wasn’t much of a break for me (expressing can be a pain the arse and you have to express around the time you’d be feeding them anyway) and they bonded fine with their dad regardless.

I didn’t really have outright negative comments but I had a lot of ‘advice’ that wasn’t very helpful, particularly from mum/MIL who’d had babies in a very different era of bf advice. So lots of concern over why the baby was ‘always hungry’ because she wasn’t going 3/4 hours between feeds from newborn, “she’s just snacking, you should give her a bottle so she takes a full feed” that sort of thing.

SaharaRoxy, your point about dads is not true at all. My husband took 6 months off to care for his baby. In that time he did most of the nappies, wore her in a sling daily, often with prolonged skin to skin contact, took her to classes, played with her, sang to her and paced her at night.

She still wants me because I have the boobs.

My first was equally happy with either of us.

@thisusernameun Interesting that you say you would introduce the bottle before 6 weeks, but some others say not too. Thanks for sharing how it was for you xx

My first was equally happy with either of us.

Mine was too, and was exclusively breastfed. Second was more mummy-focused despite me doing more expressing for bottles/cups. Sometimes it just depends on the baby.

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee I'm the same, MIL had both her babies in the 80s so I'm guessing that's where her sharp quick comment came from. DH is supportive like yours so that's positive for me.

I'm not assuming anything when it comes to BF, never mind expressing it's just something I also plan to try especially in the later months. Thank you, I'll maybe update this thread in March/April on how it's all going (if I get the chance!!)

I've only really had comments from older people, with dc1 I bf for around 2 months and had a lot of 'you're spoiling her/she's feeding too much/are you sure your milk is enough' comments. I'm bfing dc2 now and he's a boob monster! Will not settle without a boob. I've also coslept with both of them.

This time I've had 'you're spoiling him/he's feeding too much/just switch to bottles or he'll be clingy' but my dh has also voiced some frustration because baby won't settle for him but dc1 always did (because she was never that bothered about boob) which has annoyed me more than anyone elses unwanted opinions. I'm bfing because I want to and the baby is thriving.

Saggy boobs never occurred to me, by the time I was thinking about bfing I was already pregnant and that's such a major change to the body it didn't strike me as important. I was a little worried about feeding in public but I've never had any negative comments or even looks.

I'm feeding dc2 as I type and I'm amazed that my body is giving this little human everything he needs, my dh knows that too.

@Hugtheduggee That's interesting, I do worry about that a bit.

I can see why people maybe thought that, it's weird how someone will always have a comment on whatever you choose to do. Thank you - we will see how it all goes I suppose!

@nicannie unfortunately, I didn’t have much support during BF. My mum had a bad experience and so encouraged me to bottled feed. I found it very difficult, due to cluster feeding and baby blues that lasted months! I mixed fed, using formula to give myself a break when I needed to. I managed to mix feed until 5 months. Baby refused to BF, and showed preference to a bottle.

However, I don’t regret BF at all. I feel like I tried my best, and I would definitely do it again if the opportunity happens. Make sure you get support from midwife, if needed. I think it helped me bond with my baby. It’s also so much better for the night feeds when you don’t need to get up and make a bottle!

I had exactly the same with MIL, she went to the extent of bumping into me whilst shopping and I had a pump in my basket and she took it out ! She's the devil at the best of times lol anyway.
I did it and would 100% do it for longer if or when I have anymore my boobs were never perky before but they defo aren't now but I'd argue if that was because of breastfeeding or pregnancy. I found people hated me breastfeeding more because they couldn't feed him but I also loved the fact I had that, I think some people forget you've grown this baby for 9 months and if you want to feed your baby it's your choice and they need to support you and let you choose your mom at the end of the day. Good luck with BF I hope you can do super well xxx

I've been breastfeeding my DS for 10 months now and I'm so so pleased I chose to breastfeed. For me it's out of pure laziness (and maybe being a bit tight on money!!) the thought it getting out of bed to make up bottles in the night, and to have to sterilise stuff is too much for me! And no way was I going to pay out however much formula costs when I've got it right there at the right temperature for him. The first 6 weeks were painful and hard but it's been a breeze ever since. To be honest, I never expressed, as other than the first two weeks with my other half being on paternity leave, he couldn't have helped with night feeds anyway, as he needed sleep to get up for work every morning, and I didn't!
Ignore what anyone else says about your choice on how to feed your baby. Nod, smile and carry on doing what you were going to do anyway.

I breastfed DS until he was 18 months. My DP's family were all negative about it. They told me he'd be clingy, that I'd have saggy boobs & they said it was "weird" past 6 months.

Anyway, it didn't bother me much & I enjoyed the quiet of them leaving the room if I needed to breastfeed. Ha.

@Iwillsleepin2020 Sorry, maybe I should have worded it like that.

I think that the option for boob job is definitely a reliever for those who aren't happy with their boobs after BF.

Yeah I definitely agree, so true all of what you said and makes me feel a bit more relaxed about it.

Thank you, I'll definitely take those comments on board about protecting my sanity and confidence as I think that will be so important!!