Breastfeeding and negative comments

[nicannie]

Right, please can people just give HONEST opinions on their breastfeeding experience/s.

I plan to breastfeed, since the day I found out I was pregnant I said straight away, I'm breastfeeding. I plan to go back to work when baby is around 10 months so I have been planning to breastfeed for around 6 months and see how it goes from there. I understand that breastfeeding isn't for everyone, and not everyone is able too. But I'm in the mindset of that I will be trying, and all going well it will be the method I use.

My MIL was absolutely gobsmacked when she asked 'you'll be bottle feeding the baby right?' And my response was no breastfeeding. Her response was 'well you'll always be doing feeds yourself' in a snippy tone, which of course I know will be the case at the start but I'm planning to express so that DH also gets to bottle feed my milk and have that bond with baby too. I think because it's her first grandchild she was just a bit disappointed maybe that she won't get that chance to do any feeds right at the start.

My mum, made a comment about how I should prepare and expect to have really saggy boobs after it, I almost felt like she was trying to put me off as well.

My DH is really supportive, all for it and hasn't said one negative word about it.

I'm only 25, but feel like everyone is putting me off by saying I'm going to hate my boobs after I've breastfed and how awful it's going to make me feel. I've came to the conclusion, that regardless of whether I breastfeed or not my boobs have already went up in size quite a bit and I think they will sag after this pregnancy anyways, so what's the difference?

I mean, did any of you breastfeed and then regret it? Or wish that you knew how your boobs would look at the end of it? I am at the stage where I'm not actually bothered, only person that see's them is DH and myself - so what does it matter?

@WillingSpringTime i was a fan of doing what’s easiest, and breastfeeding (after the first 6 weeks which were all consuming, exhausting!) had to be easier than dealing with bottles. And so much cheaper.

Bottle admin can be a faff, though honestly it's the washing, not shoving in a box and pressing on (sterilising) that takes up time. Not that I often did it. When I've tried bottle feeding my second, I pumped but the washing, sterilising and assembling pump were my husband's job not mine. And it is possible to bottle feed without ever getting out of bed, and to boob feed without getting out of bed, so I think that's a red herring to an extent. A lot of people some it's going to be more work than it of.

Despite feeling trapped and not particularly enjoying bf, in glad I'm doing it think as baby tasks such obvious joy in it, and it feels natural and very nurturing. I probably would do it again, though I'm not certain.

I breastfed DD1 when I had her in my early 20s and am bf DD2 now. I've had several negative comments- apparently it was "creepy" when I fed DD1 past 6 months old, I'm "selfish" not to let MIL do bottle feeds, I'm "ridiculous" to eliminate food groups DD2 is allergic to. I've had an older man stare at me while bf in a creepy way, I've had women in cafes scandalised by me. I could go on. But fuck them. I'm doing what I think is best for my baby. It's a tough shift at times, you need determination and I have felt a bit down at times when other mums are meeting for drinks etc and I can't just leave DD2 with a bottle. But I love it! Plus I am FAR too lazy to mess around with bottles! Trust your instincts.

For me the first week of breastfeeding was difficult. You’re injured, getting used to having a baby and feeding it constantly with zero sleep and potentially sore nipples while your milk comes in, and then also have to worry about the pressure of the initial newborn weight loss during which midwives will say or do anything (even tell you to go onto formula) so they can discharge you off their books. If you can get through this stage then you will be fine. Suggest you buy lanisoh nipple cream and that you stay in the hospital for at least one night to speak to a breastfeeding counseller (NCT often sends volunteers) - they will show you how to massage your breasts and check your breastfeeding position / latch for more effective breastfeeding.

Also, the Positive Guide to Breastfeeding by Dr Amy Brown is a really good book. It goes through the key difficulties and how to overcome them along with support lines.

I’m still breastfeeding my 11 month old and it’s the absolute best yet hardest thing I’ve ever done. Make sure you get good support in hospital and don’t leave too soon if you’re not confident about latch or how it’s going. A lot of my friends left hospital same day and then struggled and I just don’t think they ever actually got going. Once you’re home use your midwife and local breastfeeding support groups - they are such a brilliant help when you have questions or difficulties. I have such a huge sense of achievement from managing to feed him myself and whilst it’s been really mentally challenging at times (he hasn’t taken a bottle since he was really small!) I just had to change my mindset and focus on my purpose being to sustain my baby whilst he needs me. I have had to miss out on going out as much in the evening and I’ve not had a full nights sleep since he was born but all that hard stuff is made so much easier when you look at how much theyve grown and developed and realise it’s down to your milk.

It’s worth being open to whatever options make sense for you but don’t let anyone who hasn’t breastfed themselves or a non professional change your mind or muscle in because of “bonding” - there’s a million other ways to bond and my baby prefers his dad now! Best advice i was ever given was “never give up on a bad day”

Good luck and enjoy your baby! x

I have bf all 11 of my babies.
Imo - and dh's - my boobs are more than fine!!
Zero stretchmarks and zero sag.
An acceptable 36c.
Imo get a tough skin now op.
Cf ers who voice unwanted opinions now will only get worse post birth.

I think your experience is very unusual as most people (normal people) are very supportive of breastfeeding. I personally don’t know anyone who didn’t breastfeed.

It’s the best thing you can do. If anyone were to dare complain to me about breastfeeding I would show them the facts and call them out on their ignorance and lack of education. How anyone can disagree with breastfeeding when it reduces the risks of SIDS along with many other things.

In my experience formula feeding is more frowned upon as you are increasing several risks to your own health and your child’s health.

@SaharaRoxy maybe I should have worded that differently then if it has infuriated you reading my post (sorry). DH has never once said he needs the bottle to bond, it was me suggesting it to him. I'm clearly inexperienced, this is my first baby so apologies that I don't know everything. I hear what your saying and will definitely take that on board, as others have stated no point expressing anyways if you don't need too and I probably won't need too.

Well, I think MIL was also planning this, but she was politely shot down by my DH when he stated there will be no overnight stays with baby and no leaving the baby with her without us especially in the early days.

I definitely agree with that, right now I'm not sure I want to even BF in front of my mum or MIL, DH absolutely (obviously!). I guess it's lucky we have two sitting rooms so if I need too, I'll just pop next door to BF and then return if we have visitors. Also, I have asked that all visitors are planned, ie no MIL just turning up as and when unannounced.

I'm definitely passionate about it, thank you!!

I guess it's lucky we have two sitting rooms so if I need too, I'll just pop next door to BF and then return if we have visitors.

Please don’t do this! You will spend so much time in the early days breastfeeding, no need to isolate yourself as they are the ones with the problem. Tell them if it makes them ‘uncomfortable’ they can leave. You are the Mum! Never to early to start being assertive. after a while it’s likely you will give up caring. After a few months latching DD on was second nature no matter who was around. Just wear two tops and it’s very discreet.

@Kungfupanda67 How did the bottle a day go? Did she take it well and I guess in the long run it helped? Same as me, I plan to do until at least 6 months, but I go back to work at 10 months so it might be I continue it until then. When did you start giving the bottle of formula a day? straight away or? Sorry for the 100 questions.

I have a friend who is in a very similar situation to you just described, and if anything it has made me realise that myself and baby might not be able to BF, and if we can't then on to bottle and formula and away we go! I definitely won't be hard on myself or disappointed. So i think that advice is really crucial, thank you!

Again, thank you! Your right, it really isn't the be all and end all x

@HakunaMatataa very very true. I'm glad that's another person said no negativity when they were out BF. thank you!!

@BonnyE That's really encouraging, thank you. Oh, I like that bit of advice with the weetabix and banana, handy to know. Haha - I know what you mean. I'm quite organised, but I feel this pregnancy has made me quite forgetful so it will probably be of benefit to me too to be able to BF!

@addictedtotheflats Haha - that's really good!! Maybe I need to politely tell people that too?!

Yeah I hear you, there are a lot of other ways of bonding and I probably worded that wrong although that is the comments I have received from others so it's hard to see through it sometimes.

My MIL didn't care, she didn't make the breast change comments it was my mum who made the comments about how I wouldn't like my body after if I BF lol.

@Megan2018 I'm like you, I'm wanting and willing to try and know it will be difficult but if I need to switch to FF more than prepared to do so.

I'm so glad to hear that you have had a really positive and fairly easy BF experience, minus the exhaustion in the first 6 weeks which I guess is going to happen regardless.

@53rdWay yeah the more I'm reading, the more I'm seeing expressing can be just a total pain. I think that's the problem with my mum and MIL as well. I think it will just be 'new' to them both

Jesus Christ I have breastfed since March 2014 with only a year off iv that whole time. I am still breastfeeding
My breasts are no saggier than before, they are fine.

Who are these women charging out and getting boob jobs? I know many breastfeeding women none of them have done this.

@nicannie as with many things in life, the best advice I can give you is to try not to give a shit about others’ opinions on an entirely personal choice which has zero impact on them.
If you want to breastfeed then drink lots of water, try to eat well and take care of yourself. Makes sure your baby is checked PROPERLY for tongue tie - posterior and anterior - as this is the biggest reason for failure as it inhibits latch and makes for a frustrating experience for baby and mother, a poor milk intake and a painful time for the mother.
Get some decent nursing bras, some vests, a travel mug and a comfy place. If your boobs are massive lying down to feed is easy and great. There is help and support tout there is you need it.

But never feel like you need to apologise or worry

I get very cross about people assuming that if a baby is bottle fed, everyone can have a go. The most important bond for the baby’s wellbeing in the early weeks and months is with the primary caregiver, almost always the mother. People should wait to be asked if they’d mind giving the baby a bottle, not edge the mother out. Feeding is often the time with the most intense eye contact and closeness. It was the only time my wriggly first was happy to be still and cuddled.
I breastfed, it was tough at first and silicon nipple shields saved my life, however it paid dividends once we got over the initial discomfort as it was so bloody convenient and easy. I believe that nowadays formula is much closer to breast milk in the proportion of carbs, sugars, fat etc. so it no longer leads to ff babies feeding less frequently, so that incentive to bottle feed has vanished.
My mum regarded bf as “3rd world” 😱 She wasn’t too bad once I told her I planned to, but I did get “She can’t be hungry again!”
thing a lot in the early weeks.
Good luck with feeding. Whatever method you end up using, prime your husband to protect your role feeding your newborn in the early weeks.

@codenameduchess I think I worry I will also get those kind of comments. Yes, I want to BF because I want too, I think that's important.

Did you find anything in particular useful for BF in public or did you just go for it and it just came naturally from there, I think that part of it almost scares me a little

You need to completely ignore the opinions of other people when it comes to choosing how to feed your child. If you choose to use a bottle, it should be for you and not because anyone else wants you to or wants to 'have a go'. I have three children and am currently bf my third with an occasional bottle which helps due to low supply and also for a little convenience for me, husband and other children. It is absolutely lovely. My other two were a mixture of breast and bottle. I certainly don't regret bf, and wish I could have fed my other two for longer. Personally I think my boobs are looking pretty good.

What I would consider given you are keen to bf, is to seek out some support of potentially before and after your baby is born from a lactation consultant. They are reasonably priced and their expertise is immense. Unfortunately midwives, health visitors and hca often lack the time and expertise to support effectively. There are some good ones on fb which also provide excellent online tips. The boob lady and Lucy Rundle are two that come to mind.

Whatever you decide, enjoy your baby, remember feeding can be hard in the early days and set up a good selection of support to look after you, especially in the early days when you are establishing feeding. X

P.s i have bottle and breastfed in all sorts of locations and never encountered and negativity.

@BeHereNowx32 I think being able to mix feed until 5 months is a great accomplishment. My midwife so far is really positive and all for BF (which I'd expect) so I'm really happy about that. I agree with the point about not being able to have to get up and make a bottle, almost every one who has BF says that to me as a positive!

I greatest fed till my son was 2.4 yrs old. I chose to stop at that time as I was exhausted. Mostly I got positive comments till about 18 months then people were saying I was doing it too long and it would spoil him. tbh I would never change what I did it was a huge bonding time

I started with a bottle a day basically from birth - on about day 4 or 5 I think it is, your baby will cry and cry and cry because your milk is just coming in and they’ve drank all the colostrum - that’s when I gave her a couple of ounces, because I needed a couple of hours sleep so my husband fed her, put her down, she went straight back on the boob when she woke up. Then she had one bottle a day, at the same time each day so didn’t affect supply - we did the bedtime bottle so that I could go out in the evening when she got a bit older, and my husband could do bedtime sometimes while I cooked or put my other two to bed.

Oh and my boobs are no saggier than before lol

@MommaJP No way!!! That's soooo intrusive! Imagine her actually taking it out your basket, I don't know how I would have reacted. Yeah, I think my MIL is devil in disguise too lol.

I hear what your saying, my boobs were really perky before pregnancy, and now at 30w stilly pretty perky. Yes I feel that's why MIL isn't liking the idea. Yes - I keep saying that, it's my decision. Thank you very much, I really appreciate your kind comments xxx

I haven't really had any negative comments, my family have all accepted it and are happy that not only is it our choice, but we're getting on great and are happy with BF. My MIL doesn't understand BF - she's supportive etc, but doesn't understand being fed on demand as she bottle fed her two boys. We went to visit last week, DD had a feed about 90 mins prior, MIL was holding when DD woke and started fussing. MIL comforted as best she could, so I asked DH to check for hunger queues and show MIL what to look for. He said she was hungry so asked MIL to pass her to him to bring to me (sat on my ass enjoying a drink with both hands for once!!). She laughed at him and continued to hold. He joked back and said something along the lines of 'come on then, wife needs to feed her' and her response was 'what? You're not actually going to feed her already are you?'. We have tried to explain feeding on demand, she's not there yet but I suggest trying to politely educate those around you if they've no experience good luck OP!