Breastfeeding and negative comments

[nicannie]

Right, please can people just give HONEST opinions on their breastfeeding experience/s.

I plan to breastfeed, since the day I found out I was pregnant I said straight away, I'm breastfeeding. I plan to go back to work when baby is around 10 months so I have been planning to breastfeed for around 6 months and see how it goes from there. I understand that breastfeeding isn't for everyone, and not everyone is able too. But I'm in the mindset of that I will be trying, and all going well it will be the method I use.

My MIL was absolutely gobsmacked when she asked 'you'll be bottle feeding the baby right?' And my response was no breastfeeding. Her response was 'well you'll always be doing feeds yourself' in a snippy tone, which of course I know will be the case at the start but I'm planning to express so that DH also gets to bottle feed my milk and have that bond with baby too. I think because it's her first grandchild she was just a bit disappointed maybe that she won't get that chance to do any feeds right at the start.

My mum, made a comment about how I should prepare and expect to have really saggy boobs after it, I almost felt like she was trying to put me off as well.

My DH is really supportive, all for it and hasn't said one negative word about it.

I'm only 25, but feel like everyone is putting me off by saying I'm going to hate my boobs after I've breastfed and how awful it's going to make me feel. I've came to the conclusion, that regardless of whether I breastfeed or not my boobs have already went up in size quite a bit and I think they will sag after this pregnancy anyways, so what's the difference?

I mean, did any of you breastfeed and then regret it? Or wish that you knew how your boobs would look at the end of it? I am at the stage where I'm not actually bothered, only person that see's them is DH and myself - so what does it matter?

@GoingBackTo505 I hear the first 6 weeks are the worst, so I'm definitely prepared to persevere through that. I'm almost a bit like you in the laziness part, the thought of it being there and ready and free is appealing almost. I think it will be the same for me, I don't actually think I'm going to have to express in the grand scheme of things.

Thank you!

@7dayslater really? they actually said that to you? did you DP say something back and defend you on it (or maybe you did it yourself!!) - if I get comments like that from MIL I will really not be too impressed. Also, if those are the comments you received, how is your relationship with DPs family now, sorry if that's invasive and you don't need to answer.

Haha - I think that's the part that I might enjoy too :)

Expressing is an industry in itself.
For every expressed feed you give them you must directly express afterwards since if you don’t you will affect milk supply and risk engorgement: ie you need to overcompensate at the point of giving the previously expressed feed

First thing in the morning and at Around 2am are when prolactin.levels are highest so if you don’t breastfeed then it would really be important t to express then.

There is a time and place for expressing but many ebf babies are notoriously difficult with bottles and teats so you would need to be sure they would actually take your milk from them. Conversely If you feed too much expressed milk babies cs sometimes develop feeding confusion and not work as hard at the breast. Minbie and Haberman teats are good for avoiding this as they work the babies jaw in the same way as when breastfeeding to get the milk.

Having an expressing routine is not for the faint hearted and I have a ,ot of respect for women who manage it, especially if their babies are premature or unwell or tube fed. I have expressed but only for short periods as frankly it is bloody hard work.

@bananahood Oh wow, you have not had the most positive experience in terms of those around you. That's all just awful! I'm worried about the creepy and selfish comments, but I'm definitely going to just ignore them. Thank you, I definitely will when she is here!!

I think it depends on your supply with expressing surely. I've always been able to express a bottles worth in a sitting, without it either being too much work or impacting on feeding I just whack on the pump at a convenient time, whilst watching TV, or cooking or something. Not every day, but I'll do it sporadically sometimes for a few days in a row, sometimes just once a week or so, and I've never noticed any impact from it.

I'm not saying that it can't affect supply, isn't hard work etc, but I think like with a lot of things, sometimes it's easier than others. I know someone who would put a hakkaa on one boob, and express a feeds worth, whilst feeding from the other boob. And others who don't get a drop out. A huge range!

I breastfed my children for several years (7 in total with no break in between) and my boobs are fine! Boobs do change due to pregnancy, age, etc., not because you're breastfeeding. Just do what feels right for you and your baby. With my first one I made the mistake of listening too much to the 'advice' especially of older female family members rather than current NHS and WHO guidelines. With my second, I couldn't care less what people around me thought, and my son and I were both a lot happier. Breastfeeding has so many benefits both for you and your little one. All the best! xx

@nicannie honestly I just went for it. I never bothered with covers or anything, it's too much faff. I spent a week or so getting used to bf mostly at home and getting the latch right, then from there it just felt right.
I'm in a Facebook group called 'can I breastfeed in it uk' which is great for clothing inspiration, it makes a huge difference having easy access!

I bf-d my first for 18 months and now bf-ing my second. I honestly don't care what other people say/think and luckily no one has been hugely negative about it anyway. I am happy I have bf-d both and feel it's been the best decision for me and my babies.

My main advice is to feed feed feed in those early weeks and remember only nappy output and weight gain are indications of supply - not anything else! People love to suggest giving some formula to "fill them up" if they are frequent feeders - totally unnecessary and can actually be detrimental to establishing supply in the early days. Also "formula makes them sleep" - not true. My first baby was a terrible sleeper and my second is really good yet both are/were ebf. Baby to breast as much as possible and lots of food, water and rest (try to master side-lying for feeding - really good way to rest while feeding) for you! Good luck.

Did you find anything in particular useful for BF in public or did you just go for it and it just came naturally from there, I think that part of it almost scares me a little

I just went for it. The vest top under tshirt top is helpful for being able to pull one up, one under without exposing too much stomach is helpful and generally easier than actual breastfeeding clothes which tend to have lots of flappy bits getting in the way.

Never had anyone looking at me or a single negative comment. Also never bothered with those apron things which draw way more attention to someone breastfeeding than someone just getting on with it.

Feed your baby however you want but try not to get a fixed idea in your head for how it’s going to be, things change.

I expected to hate it, but DS is nearly a year old now, we're still breastfeeding on an evening/during the night (I'm back at work full time) and it's a lovely bonding experience/source of comfort for DS.

I planned to feed until 6 months too then stop so DS could adjust to formula before I returned to work, but I enjoy it and still dread the thought of giving up completely.

To be fair we "mix fed" from day one with DH giving a bottle of formula on an evening so I could have a bit of "me" time (in the early days to go and have a bath/quick nap, now usually to blitz clean the house ) and DS took to that straight away too, which I don't think he would have if we'd waited the recommended 6 weeks. It never affected my supply and was a godsend when he started nursery, whereas I know some of the other mums really struggled because their babies wouldn't take a bottle at all.

Physically, I haven't experienced any negative effects from either pregnancy or breastfeeding. I wasn't the largest-chested to begin with, which probably helped! But breastfeeding has been great for weight loss (I reached my previous-pregnancy weight by 4 weeks post partum and have lost a steady 1.5 stone since then) and has generally just made me feel really positive about what my body can achieve.

Hopefully it will work out for you OP, but if it doesn't then it isn't the end of the world either and don't let anyone else's (small-minded) comments put you off trying

@GrumpyHoonMain I really hope my midwife doesn't try that with me. Keep your fingers crossed for me lol. Yes, I already have bought that nipple cream, have it in my 'hospital bag' list to be packed. Thank you, I will definitely do that.

Oh, great!! I'll download that on my iBooks to read when I go off on maternity. Thank you!

I’ve breastfed my first until I returned to work at 9 months.

Ultimately who cares what anyone thinks - if you want to breast feed because it is so beneficial then do so.

It really is the most natural thing in the world.

Obviously be prepared for the fact it doesn’t always come easily but there is plenty of support out there.

Good luck with your baby and your breastfeeding journey x

@newatbabystuff Thank you, that's great advice as I know now to definitely ask for the right support whilst still in hospital before going home!! I think that all sounds really self satisfying, what a great achievement.

Thank you for your advice, I really will take it all on board!! xx

@Whynosnowyet what an incredible achievement, 11 babies! Zero stretch marks after 11 babies seems an achievement in itself - u must have great genes!!! Or if you have any secrets, care to share? Ha!!

Yes, that is a worry. Luckily MIL hasn't said anything about it since that first time!!

In the beginning you might be self -conscious but honestly you might just end up not caring who sees your breasts - as you will just want to feed your baby and in the beginning it can be intense and very time-consuming (there will be days when you will be doing nothing else but feeding)

@HaggardMumofToddler I wouldn't say unusual as a lot of these comments I've had on here said their MIL were exactly the same, some had similar comments from their mum too. Majority of people around me and that I know bottlefed.

I agree with all that you say. I've never heard formula feeding as being frowned upon, but then again, I think it just depends on who you speak too.

My baby is 10 months and i breastfed until he was 8 months. He took at bottle of expressed milk at 2 months. Expressing is a pain and yes it’s only you that can do it but i found when DH was back at work that it’s much easier to BF. I used to feed on dog walks and in a sling as I went along. Now he’s FF i have the hassle of planning how many bottles to take, formula and constant cleaning and sterilising bottles.

I loved breastfeeding but as with you, a lot of people tried to put me off. There are a world of benefits:

Baby kicking off, you don't need to make a bottle and wait for it to cool down, you can just stick them on

Night time feeds are over with in a jiffy, no stumbling downstairs in the dark

Not paying out a fortune on formula 🤷🏻‍♀️

You can always express if anyone wants to help with feeds

@stophuggingme That's amazing!!

Yes, so true. I already drink a lot of water and also usually eat clean all week, a few little treats since I fell pregnant (cravings!!). Yes, I'll defo make sure that is checked properly before leaving hospital. I have already purchased some nursing bras, and also vests as well as a few sort of 'nursing' wrap jumper/tops. Which if the BF doesn't work out, I can still wear anyways. My boobs aren't at all massive, but definitely have read that somewhere. Thank you!

You'll also want to find local breastfeeding groups you can go to, they are really helpful.

I've been thinking about my bf journey reading this thread and there's loads I didn't know first time that I do second that would have made a big difference. A big one is nipple shields! They saved us in week 2/3. It's ok to ask for help and your midwives and HV can be great in the early days, I've had nothing but support from mine and none have tried to push formula even when my special care, tongue tied baby forgot how to latch!

The breastfeeding support network and kellymom have lots of useful info.

@HaggardMumofToddler I wouldn't say unusual as a lot of these comments I've had on here said their MIL (mother-in-law) were exactly the same, some had similar comments from their mum too. Majority of people around me and that I know bottlefed.

Unfortunately there does seem to be a lot on here about interfering MIL’s wanting to bottle feed and take them overnight etc.! Totally bizarre and such a shame. It must knock your confidence. Luckily I’ve never experienced any negativity around breastfeeding in real life. I think maybe it depends on where you live, your support network and if your family have bf experience. I would never take any advice from someone who has never BF. I think formula feeding is a very different parenting experience in those first few months.

@LightDrizzle to be honest, I feel the same. Even if our baby is bottle fed, she won't be getting passed around for everyone to have a 'go'.

Yes, I quite believe I'll get the 'hungry again' comments! Thank you, I'll definitely prep him for this, as feel it will really help me.

Also in terms of breast sagging, yes they do. But mostly from pregnancy and not necessarily breastfeeding.

There’s plenty of ways to bond with a baby that aren’t feeding them.

@Wisenotboring completely agree. How is the mixed feeding going, does your baby accept the occasional bottle quite easily?

Yay for the body positivity!! Thank you, I'll definitely look into and investigate that as well as look at the FB pages. Thank you for your advice xx