Breastfeeding and negative comments

[nicannie]

Right, please can people just give HONEST opinions on their breastfeeding experience/s.

I plan to breastfeed, since the day I found out I was pregnant I said straight away, I'm breastfeeding. I plan to go back to work when baby is around 10 months so I have been planning to breastfeed for around 6 months and see how it goes from there. I understand that breastfeeding isn't for everyone, and not everyone is able too. But I'm in the mindset of that I will be trying, and all going well it will be the method I use.

My MIL was absolutely gobsmacked when she asked 'you'll be bottle feeding the baby right?' And my response was no breastfeeding. Her response was 'well you'll always be doing feeds yourself' in a snippy tone, which of course I know will be the case at the start but I'm planning to express so that DH also gets to bottle feed my milk and have that bond with baby too. I think because it's her first grandchild she was just a bit disappointed maybe that she won't get that chance to do any feeds right at the start.

My mum, made a comment about how I should prepare and expect to have really saggy boobs after it, I almost felt like she was trying to put me off as well.

My DH is really supportive, all for it and hasn't said one negative word about it.

I'm only 25, but feel like everyone is putting me off by saying I'm going to hate my boobs after I've breastfed and how awful it's going to make me feel. I've came to the conclusion, that regardless of whether I breastfeed or not my boobs have already went up in size quite a bit and I think they will sag after this pregnancy anyways, so what's the difference?

I mean, did any of you breastfeed and then regret it? Or wish that you knew how your boobs would look at the end of it? I am at the stage where I'm not actually bothered, only person that see's them is DH and myself - so what does it matter?

Just to counter the 'it's the older generation's view' thing, I'm more than twice your age, OP, and breastfed my children (born in the 80s and 90s). Nobody batted an eyelid, and I don't remember anyone being unsupportive.

As with so many decisions you make around parenting, how you feed your baby will depend on what works best for you and your baby, and it's nobody else's business! The role of everyone around you, whatever their generation or relationship to you, is to be supportive.

@Kungfupanda67 That makes sense, I think I heard day 5 is the hardest, so what your saying completely makes sense. I like the idea of the bed time bottle a day, that's a good idea we will consider. Thanks again

My DS is 11 months and I’m still breastfeeding. I’ve just gone back to work and expressing unfortunately doesn’t work well for me so I’m just feeding him before and after work.
I never had any negative comments about feeding. I’ve fed out and about wherever I am.

@Andersonx3 That's really encouraging, I'm glad it's been really positive for you. That story is really useful, as I think it will be the same for us, glad your DH is really supportive especially in situations like that, I think I'll prep him for that as well!!

@stophuggingme Yes! that completely makes sense, I have a friend who recently had a baby and gave up BF after day 5, but she was BF in hospital, as well as then trying a FF bottle, and then she ended up with engorged boobs and had to express, so then she was expressing, and FF it was just awful for her and it almost put me off, but if anything it made me sort of realise expressing isn't always the right way forward.

Thank you for the teat recommendations, I'll be looking into them!

The more I hear, the more I feel that expressing is hard work..

My mum sounded almost proud when my sister in law said she was bottle feeding, but that could be that she made my mum feel validating as she got a lot of flack from the nurses for refusing to try.

I went into it with the same attitude as you - I'll try, and see how we go. I had a 10lb 5 baby by c section and couldn't keep up, so started supplementing with bottles and dried up. I'd sit trying to express while he was asleep and was lucky to get an ounce out. So I stopped. I wish I hadn't kept pushing it as long as I did, but I breastfed him for about 3 months so it was a start.

And my boobs aren't saggy! I wore a crop top to bed though to stop them flopping about (nice!). One of my friends warned me years ago never to breastfeed as she ended up very unbalanced, so I always made sure I swapped regularly.

Negative comments are more about other people's worries/insecurities. Is MIL perhaps annoyed/bitter because she thought she'd be getting to babysit when your baby comes along but now thinks that won't be happening because you'll need to have he/she with as you're the one producing the milk? Don't take any notice of others peoples opinions on this matter. It's your baby, no one elses.

@Hugtheduggee can I ask at what stage did you start doing the expressing? As it sounds like it worked well for you.

One of my close friends, she told me she would feed on one boob, and express at the same time from the other. It worked really well for her for over a year!

@TooGood2BTrue Wow, that's really incredible. Yes, that's what I've came to the realisation that many things effect boobs. Thank you, I'm really looking forward to the little one arriving now and giving it a real go! xx

My wee one won't take expressed milk and honestly it's extra steps for the same outcome. My husband has an amazing bond with our son eventhough i do all feeds, he does most nappy changes when he isn't at work and honestly for the entire 4 months my son interacts more during that than feeds! It's so much easier than having to think about taking formula out as I've always got milk with me. There's a lot of misinformation about bf so I'd recommend doing your own research first. I find The Thompson Method (info on facebook/youtube etc) and The Positive Breastfeeding Book to be useful. For us although it's natural that doesn't always equate to easy but i chose not to have formula at home in case we had a bad night id have to make a conscious decision to go get it as it would have been easy to give in at times but I'm so glad i didn't. I now have prescription formula in case of emergency due to him having allergies but I've not had to use it. I've had a lot of negativity from some close family "it's selfish to bf, it's just cause you dont want others to feed him" amongst other ridiculous statements. It makes me less comfortable feeding him at their house eventhough I'm confident with it all now, i just don't visit as often as i would usually and try to go between feeds.

Do your own research and have appropriate replies for the silly comments you might get, especially once you are breastfeeding, you're tired and sore with a new baby, getting used to your new life it's easy to let things get on top of you but just remind yourself why breastfeeding is important to you, your baby and your husband and how that's more important than what other people think about it.

Hi op,

I breastfed my son until he was 16 months old. He never had formula or expressed breast milk.

I had my share of negative comments too so you're not alone there. A few from strangers, a few from friends who didn't understand breastfeeding/ kept asking about stopping and a few from relatives who weren't able to breastfeed and were trying to project their own feelings onto me (although they'd have obviously never admitted that's what they were doing).

I strongly feel that part of the reason negative bf comments are so common in the uk is that our bf rates are so poor compared to other countries so bf is seen as 'going against the grain'.

It's best to ignore the comments or if someone is really upsetting you have a few decent come-backs up your sleeve and ready to go. Formula feeders sadly get negative comments too (from what I've heard) so there isn't one way of feeding that'll save you from annoying people unfortunately.

I can assure you my boobs are absolutely fine now that I've given up breastfeeding. They look and feel normal, not remotely saggy and even if breastfeeding did have that effect on boobs I still would've done it.

Good luck breastfeeding, Emily Norris on YouTube has some great tips.

And not every district or individual health care professional are as supportive of bf, have a look at a local breastfeeding support network group, laleche league etc. It's ok to say it's not easy at times without expecting people to say to use formula instead. If you choose to change to formula it should be your choice not being forced or influenced that way. Again, information is power. Good luck!

@codenameduchess that sounds like good advice to me. I think once you get the hang of the latch and feeding etc in the comfort of your own home it will make a huge different. Ohhhh, I think I'll send a join request now!! thank you for that!!

@KatnissK That's really great, did you ever express? Just curious..

Yes, so like you say just feed as and when baby requires. And don't do the 'fill them up' technique. Again, I think your right, sleeping is down to the individual baby. Thank you for all your tips and advice, that's really useful x

I am still breastfeeding my 11mo DD, although she's self-weaning now which makes me a bit sad but it's probably preferable to trying to wean an unwilling toddler when I've had enough! We had a rough time getting started but once we got established it's been brilliant. The key to dads bonding IMO is spending time with their child, not bottle-feeding. My DH takes DD for a couple of hours every morning before he starts work, rain or shine, and now she's started saying 'Dada' when she wakes up in the morning as she knows she's going to spend time with him

I'm a year older than you and 3 months into breastfeeding, it's not easy but it is SO worth it.

My baby struggled to latch, I didn't know much about breastfeeding and ended up with really sore cut nipples - Lansoh nipple cream is amazing, it's my new best friend.

None wired nursing bras are amazing.

You can comfort you baby, feed your baby and have that special time alone. It's lovely.

@DappledThings That's really useful, thank you! the vest tops will be my best friend ! ha.

Yes, I'm not sure I'm keen on the look of those apron things....

OP, my in-laws were all really anti-Breastfeeding. For lack of a better description, (and this is my DH's opinion) they're a "bunch of chavs" anyway. Piercing babies ears the second they can, baby rice in bottles from a week or so, early weaning, MIL trying to give my one month old a chocolate button, fizzy juice in toddlers bottles and Lucozade Sport drinks in their buggies. So basically their opinions didn't count for shit with me.
Some of the things they said were that it was creepy and weird. That it just wasn't "bloody natural" fucking eejits. And that it was selfish on DH who wouldn't get to bond with the babies. Well I did BF and DH was as much a part of that as me. When the babies woke I'd get myself ready for a feed while DH got the baby and handed them to me. After feeds DH did the winding and the nappy changes. He put our babies to bed. He rocked them. He held them and he played with them. A full on hands on dad.

Ignore your IL's. It's nothing to do with them. And your boobs won't go saggy because of breastfeeding. Do you know many middle aged women with boobs like a 20 year old? Unlikely. Because boobs naturally sag with age anyway. They change with pregnancy too whether you BF or bottle feed.

BFing IS hard though sometimes. Mine hurt like hell. (And I mean actual hell, like they were being chewed off) but I persevered with all three kids and after the initial pain it was a breeze. No pissing about prepping bottles half asleep. No sterilising or carrying spare formula everywhere. Once we got stuck in a traffic jam caused by an accident. We weren't supposed to be gone for more than 20 minutes but we were stuck for hours with only the basics of outlet nappy bag. Thankfully I could feed screaming DD myself.

@rottiemum88 That's really good that your still doing it now and enjoying it, both of you.

So do you still do the one bottle in the evening at a year old, and did that continue from day 1 to now?

Yes, see as my mum thinks my chest are quite large (maybe for my height and weight but not large in the grand scheme of things) she made the comment about them sagging. Wow!!! That's incredible, were you just eating right then and drinking enough water along with the breastfeeding to manager that in 4 weeks? That's really good.

Thank you, I really appreciate your response and time as it's a huge help hearing all the positive stories!

@Meshy12 How did it go when you returned to work? did you then move to bottles and did your little one take to it ok?

Thank you x

@TriangleBingoBongo I definitely hear what your saying about it being easier once your sort of in the house and just getting on with it on your own. Did you find the sling useful for BF? Or just when out on the dog walks? (we also have dogs)

@Engard thank you, I think your listed benefits are all really good reasons, especially the night time stair stumbling lol!

@codenameduchess Thank you, I have found one local that I think I'll get more details on.

I think I need to read into the nipple shield thing properly, as I haven'y actually got much knowledge on what the purpose and main use for them is.

Yes, my MW is sooo supportive about BF and was really for it when I said. I have heard locally that there are some MW who aren't really that useful, but mines seems to be really knowledgeable and helpful so far each MW app they speak to me about diff things regarding it.

The mixed feeding has gone very well for us. I would advise some caution as it can cause it's own issues. In our circumstances we introduced some top ups on day 2 due to no wet nappies, sore nipples. It has now changed to just using the bottle instead of 1 or 2 feeds, little one is still on the breast loads though as bf babies don't generally fit nice 4 hour schedules and that is normal! We haven't quite followed the textbook on this bf journey, but it has been my best yet!

@HaggardMumofToddler There does, which isn't positive. I'll be honest, when she made the comment I left and thought it would knock my confidence or want to BF, but it actually did the opposite. I said to DH as soon as we left, did you hear that comment? He agreed that it wasn't called for. None of my family have BF experience, so that certainly doesn't help.