Breastfeeding and negative comments

[nicannie]

Right, please can people just give HONEST opinions on their breastfeeding experience/s.

I plan to breastfeed, since the day I found out I was pregnant I said straight away, I'm breastfeeding. I plan to go back to work when baby is around 10 months so I have been planning to breastfeed for around 6 months and see how it goes from there. I understand that breastfeeding isn't for everyone, and not everyone is able too. But I'm in the mindset of that I will be trying, and all going well it will be the method I use.

My MIL was absolutely gobsmacked when she asked 'you'll be bottle feeding the baby right?' And my response was no breastfeeding. Her response was 'well you'll always be doing feeds yourself' in a snippy tone, which of course I know will be the case at the start but I'm planning to express so that DH also gets to bottle feed my milk and have that bond with baby too. I think because it's her first grandchild she was just a bit disappointed maybe that she won't get that chance to do any feeds right at the start.

My mum, made a comment about how I should prepare and expect to have really saggy boobs after it, I almost felt like she was trying to put me off as well.

My DH is really supportive, all for it and hasn't said one negative word about it.

I'm only 25, but feel like everyone is putting me off by saying I'm going to hate my boobs after I've breastfed and how awful it's going to make me feel. I've came to the conclusion, that regardless of whether I breastfeed or not my boobs have already went up in size quite a bit and I think they will sag after this pregnancy anyways, so what's the difference?

I mean, did any of you breastfeed and then regret it? Or wish that you knew how your boobs would look at the end of it? I am at the stage where I'm not actually bothered, only person that see's them is DH and myself - so what does it matter?

@Butterfly02 Was Bf twins hard? I definitely think that would be even harder work! I think I will try find a local group, as it's been recommended a few times so definitely worth trying.

100%, I think it's more the pregnancy that does it and not just the BF part.

I'm sorry to hear your eldest has heath issues, and thank you for sharing your experience with BF x

@benandhollyagaaain losing a bit volume isn't always a bad thing!

That's really great to know, so you BF for a while when you went back to work then and it all worked fine? Oh definitely, I am prepping myself (as much as I can) knowing that it's going to be very difficult regardless. Thank you x

@Sexnotgender Have you went back PT or FT? Again, sorry for the questions I'm so inquisitive!!! It's really good that your body is adjusting to his feeding habits changing

@nicannie when he was newborn I fed him every 3 hours and monitored the time of feeds, they lasted sometimes 10 minutes but could also last 45 minutes.

After the first month I started feeding on demand when I learned his hunger queues, he would cry and make a kind of coughing noise, also he learned to mooch quite early so he would turn to who ever was holding him's chest 😂 I feed him whenever he wants, which works well - though I never let him go longer than 3 hours without a feed.

I found it such a help to have my husband write down times and durations of each feed, especially for the first few weeks when you're sleep deprived and it helps with midwife appointments so you can have a log of feeds

Oh and definetly switch boobs each 15 minutes, but id also recommend a milk catcher, it's like a cilicone pump you attach to your boob whilst feeding on the other one, to help your let down and you don't waste milk and feel uncomfortably full

Good luck, it's not easy and it eventually becomes the new normal

I’ve gone back full time.

I’ve been quite lucky (I think) in that my supply has adjusted really quickly generally. I only needed breast pads for the first few weeks and stopped leaking very quickly. When we night weaned it only took one night for my supply to adjust!

@EasterIssland that's ok, it's better to hear what everyone has to say so just thankful for your response !!

So encouraging, 21 months that's fab. So the mix feeding worked then? Yeah, I think if you fully know it's going to be hard and difficult at times especially the early days then that's half the battle.

Was it people around you IE any family members that disapproved or didn't like it?

Thank you, I'm definitely going to find some local groups!

@IncyWincy23 Definitely, I think it all comes with it and is expected right? I think it's amazing as well. I'll definitely stock up on the cream!! Thank you x

@nicannie yes bf when back at work was no problem. By that age they are eating a reasonable amount of food and drinking water so can manage without you (😢) for a good few hours. As I say she just made up for it by feeding a bit more when I was home.
Even though I'd been through it once so knew what to expect, I still struggled through the first weeks. The only thing that kept me going was knowing it does get easier eventually.

@firstimemamma that's great to hear that you friends went back quite early and still managed. really encouraging, thank you! x

OP for me with DC1 it took a good few months before BFing was pain free. That is rare though. DC2 was a month or two. DC3 was the same. I ended up combination feeding with formula with DC1 which I don't think helped. DC2 was breastfed until she self weaned at 21 months because I became pregnant again and my milk must have changed. She never had any formula at all. Every single feed was from me until we added solids at 6 months. She still only had milk from me though.

@EasterIssland those points really make sense, thank you!!

@Sexnotgender I'll keep that in mind about the cream, and I only noticed you quoted the wrong bit when you pointed it out HAAH!!

To answer your questions, I breastfed my baby for just over a year and loved it - absolutely no regrets. It's a wonderful precious bonding experience and (in my opinion and fully recognising that it's not for everyone and not everyone even gets a choice!) gives your baby the best possible start in life by giving them the best possible food source that nature intended for them.

My boobs are pretty much the same after! And as you say pregnancy can affect your boobs as well.

Good on you for giving it a go and I wish you all the very best of luck. Ignore the idiotic and unsupportive comments of others xx

I'm still breastfeeding my two year old, he was exclusively breastfed until we started with solids. After the first few weeks which were really hard (we had issues with latching and tongue tie) it became easy and convenient and I never regretted persevering through the initial difficulties. I tried expressing a few times but DS didn't really take to milk not coming from the boobs, and I didn't have to go back to work until he was 1 so I didn't pursue it.

I once heard someone say up to 6 weeks formula feeding is easier but after that breastfeeding is, and it rang true to me. The way I see it it's a relationship and like every relationship it requires commitment, however it also gives plenty of rewards.

As for worrying about the bond between the Dad and the baby: babies have their own preference. My friend's DD is a daddy's girl, even though she was also exclusively breastfeed. But babies also go through phases, sometimes they're clingy to one parent and sometimes they like both, and sometimes they change who they like more, then go back to how it was before, etc. A lot of ebb and flow. It just takes patience.

The more caregiving the dad provides (bathing, playing, babywearing, comforting, even the indirect caregiving such as being supportive and looking after the mother because babies can pick up on those cues much better than we think), the stronger the bond, though it may take time to really start to show.

My DS was super clingy to me for the first 6 months or so. And then spent about a year being fascinated with daddy. Now that he's going through the emotional toddlerhood he usually likes mummy for comfort and daddy for play. You just have to keep in mind it's a long term relationship which will go through many changes one way or the other, and if dad doesn't do the feeds when they're tiny it won't hurt their relationship long term at all.

With due respect, your mum and MIL clearly have very little to no knowledge of breastfeeding and I wouldn't take any of their advice or opinion about it. It's so sad when families are not supportive but their opinions shouldn't matter: this is about you making the decision what's best for you and your baby.

There's a lot of misinformation about breastfeeding coming even from health professionals, let alone uninformed family members, it's not easy to find your way in it all. Kellymom.com is a great knowledge base where I found answers to my questions more than once. You could also look up Dr Jack Newman, and La Leche League. And if you encounter any issues but don't want to give it up, I'd recommend contacting an IBCLC, a specially trained lactation consultant. Having the right support and resources is key IMO, especially if family members continue with negative comments. Also a positive mindset really makes a difference.

Good luck with everything!

my in laws have Never breastfed so find it amusing/funny when my son raises the top to have a "shot" of milk... (sometimes it's annoying that he just raises my top to have no proper feeding haha) or that I'm still breastfeeding and how long will I last for

my auntie the other day said her dad (my mums grandad) would have been surprised if my mum had done the feeding in front of him... I replied back saying that afaik my nan had breastfed all my aunts and mum plus someone elses child as their mum couldn't do it... so I'm sure he'd not have cared at all...(guess she meant a 21 month baby but I didn't care)

OMS suggest AT LEAST 2 years of bf (if possible) so as per that I've not still done what it's recommended and as far as I've planned I'm not planning on ending once we hit the 2 years

btw my son prefers my husband as well(maybe not what you wanted to hear haha) but I think our bonds are different he prefers dad for fun times (I guess that my husband was at home 6-12 when baby was starting to play was helpful) whilst if he's crying or wants to sleep or is scared then he prefers me

• my auntie the other day said her dad (my mums grandad) my mums dad should have said

I'm another one who would advise introducing a bottle of expressed milk before 6wks, based on my experiences and those of friends. Those who introduced it later (me included with Dd) found their baby wouldn't take it. Those who introduced it earlier (including me with ds) found they would. I understand about waiting until bf is established so that baby doesn't develop a preference for the 'easier' bottle. Ds did end up being ff so there may be some truth in that, or that may have been me doing too many bottles. It's a tricky line to walk so you'll need to use your judgement. I have friends who successfully combination fed for 2yrs.

and OMS is WHO sorry (I was thinking in my native language and the way it's called)

We can all share stories of bf but really, you'll just have to see how it goes. I was determined to bf and initially my milk wasn't in and my boy list too much weight so we got admitted to hospital and u had to express then top up with formula. When we got home my milk was estabyand I filled a huge bottle in minutes then it settles down again. I think they just needed emptied initially. Be aware if your boobs are so full when your milk comes in it might be hard for your baby to latch. Especially if you have large breasts (I do). Look up the reverse pressure technique as that really helped me.
Anyway I persevered with breastfeeding and that's all we do now. Baby won't take a bottle of expressed milk. I actually hate it. I thought it was going to be some special bonding thing but it's not for me. I have to persevere now though because he doesn't take a bottle.

I'm disappointed it's not what I thought it would be and I am disappointed in myself for feeling this way.

Only comment I had was from my mum who didn't breastfeed me or my brother and I think at three months she said about switching to formula as I'd been bf for a long time now. I was like err no I just started!

And I found bottles of formula hidden away in her house. They won't be touched!

I breast fed my first until he was 5 months old. He was two months premmie and I stopped because I was paranoid that his weight gain wasn't enough. It turns out it was the same even when he had a bottle! With my second I breast fed until he was nearly 3!
I've never had anything negative said to me by my family or when feeding In public and my second son is massive so he's quite noticeable.
My boobs look the same as they did before. I was a small 30b went up to 30e/f whilst he was at his peak feeding then slowly went down to what they were. At 6 months when I starting weaning he fed less as he ate more food he nursed less and me boobs slowly went down to their original size shape etc when he stopped completely. Bigger boobs may be different or maybe it's the type of skin I have or genetic I don't know but in my experience my body apart from slightly wider hips is exactly the same as it was before kids.

I'm amazed you got any negative response to breastfeeding! Most people find that the health professionals are totally anti bottle feeding to the point that mums feeling like total failures if for whatever reason they can't.
I breastfed my son for five months before returning to work and my daughter for a year. I couldn't get the hang of expressing and don't get the 'bonding' thing - your husband and mil and whomever can do lots of bonding without it involving feeding.
It is useful however of your baby will accept a bottle if need be in case you have to leave him/her for any amount of time.

@b0nnieN no way? can't believe they went as far as buying you the stuff required for FF!! Yes, I feel I'm going to get treated exactly the same. Have you had any similar comments this time round yet?

Did you put on much during pregnancy? I've put on quite a lot during pregnancy, my own doing. Just learning to love my body as it's growing a human and will deal with the weight gain afterwards, maybe I'll be lucky and drop the baby weight quick too!

@nicannie

So do you still do the one bottle in the evening at a year old, and did that continue from day 1 to now?

We dropped the evening bottle when DS started nursery at 7/8 months, so he has two bottles a day there now instead of the evening bottle at home.

Were you just eating right then and drinking enough water along with the breastfeeding to manager that in 4 weeks?

Yes! I drank gallons of water (with lime) Didn't consciously eat in any particular way, just tried to make sure I ate fruit for snacks and had half a plate of veg with every meal, which is really just what I did pre pregnancy anyway. I was conscious not to start the habit of eating/snacking during the night feeds as feel that would have been a slippery slope for me personally, but honestly it's just whatever gets you through in those early days!!

@melissa1215 I think I will monitor as well, I was just about to ask how you monitored it but you answered that! I'll definitely investigate a few ways to monitor the feeds.

Adding milk catcher to my list of things to buy! Thank you for that!