17yr old sharing with new baby?

[essexanon]

Hey guys.
Bit of a weird one, I have my first baby on the way. I live in a 2 bed house with hubby and I have custody of my nephew, who is 17. He is in full time education.

When the baby comes, it will be in our room for 6-9 months, after that, I would like the baby to go in the another room but it would mean my 17yr old would have to share his room with the baby.

Is this normal? Has anyone else got a massive age gap with kids Sharing a room?

With a bit of moving around, I could put a temporary screen up and split the room 70/30 so baby has 30% of the room. And it would Be there half first as you walk in the door so I wouldn’t have To Disturb my nephew to get to the baby. But as it’s only a blackout curtain dividing them, I’m concerned his privacy will still be disturbed and they will spend most of the time disturbing each other (him with tv and gaming, baby with crying and playing)

Only other option would be baby sleeps with us in our room until around 2-3 years old, and when he finishes college and maybe moves out. But then does this not disrupt us? Is the baby going to be spoilt and over clingy because they sleep in our room?

Please no comments about him leaving now. I am his legal guardian, and he’s like my son.

Thank you!

I would think it would be better if the baby was in with you, for however long needed. Better they disturb you than a 17 year old studying. Is there a room downstairs you could convert for your nephew?

I think baby in with you and DH for a couple of years would work better tbh.

Keep the baby in your room, don't force your child on a young adult, you'll force him out. You can't make a child needy by sharing your room with them, quite the opposite

I don't think you can do that, sorry.

Why can't the baby stay in with you til nephew leaves? It's your baby so you should be the ones being disrupted to be honest!

Or, what's the downstairs layout? Can you make nephew a room downstairs instead?

I don't think it would be fair on your 17 yr old to have a baby in with him. Can't the baby stay in with you for longer than 9months.

You'll be lucky to get the baby out by 9 months anyway. Babies and young toddlers wake up lots in the night and get up very early. It would be so unreasonable to put the baby in there even with a screen. I'd leave the baby in with you until the nephew leaves home.

Wtf?! No. You cannot be this unaware of others?! You cannot be this selfish???

The baby stays with you until you have another room for the baby that isnt sharing with a 17 year old cousin.

Disrupt you?! Wow. Just wow.

I'd keep the baby in with you too.

Is moving or extending an option? Baby could really do with it's own room eventually. I could think of nothing worse then sharing a room with my toddler.

Surely it is better for the baby to disrupt you than to disrupt your 17 year old nephew?
Teens have completely different sleep patterns to babies. My 11 month old gets up every day at 5.30am without fail. And surely your nephew will need somewhere to relax/study in the evenings?

Thanks all!

Baby can stay in our room with a cot-bed besides our bed until whenever but I was just concerned what impact that would have on baby (not sleeping through the night, wanting to get in our bed every night etc)
big Toys will still need to go in nephews room in the corner though but I don’t think he’d mind that too much.

Unfortunately downstairs isn’t an option, small living room and a kitchen/diner.

I have dd 13 months still in with us because she still wakes up at night and we only have 2 bedrooms I don't want her waking ds aged 3.

If I had 17 year age gap I'd definitely not put them together for probably the first 3 years if I could get a cot bed into our room. Is dn going to be going off to uni because that's when I'd think put them sharing when it's only holiday time.

Keep the baby in with you for a couple of years.

Would be completely unfair to put it in with your nephew.

I don't think they can share. Very selfish to not want baby with you incase it disturbs you but happy for your nephew to be disturbed. If baby was planned didn't you think about this beforehand.

I don't understand why you would stick the baby in with the 17yo over keeping it in your room. Why the hell should they be disturbed so you can get your sleep?

Definitely don't put your baby or toddler into a room with your nephew!

Is there no way that you might be able to move or extend in the next couple of years? What's the loft space like?

But surely being disturbed etc is just as likely if baby is sharing with your nephew?

Either way baby does not have its own bedroom.

So best thing to do is keep it in with you.

But then does this not disrupt us?

Eh, probably, but it's YOUR baby!

With that age gap baby stays in with you until however long is needed

Split your room with curtain instead of nephews? If your nephew has a much bigger bedroom swap with him so u can split the room with a screen as planned but you sharing with baby not your poor nephew who will still have his own space x

Perhaps you and your partner should get a sofa bed for the living room. A17 year old and baby/toddler can't really share.

@CalleighDoodle @BillieEyeIash I think I worded that differently to how i meant it, when I say ‘disrupt us’- I meant as in me, partner and baby! We would disrupt baby too.

My partner starts early shifts and is a 32tonne lorry driver, so him being tired at work worries me, as if he falls asleep at the wheel, it can be obviously Fatal (we know someone this has happened to and it’s a fear I have now with him)

@strawberry2017 moving or extending isn’t an option at present, we own the house but are new owners, and don’t have enough equity to re-mortgage etc. We’re trying to cut back massively and pay off as much as poss as when I go on maternity leave, his wages alone have to cover everything!

Can you move or convert your loft?

What PP have said, baby needs to stay with you until DN moves out. He needs to study and the baby will need to nap, so completely incompatible.

I can see 3 main reasons why this is a terrible deal for your nephew.

1. Your nephew will be woken every time the baby wakes, my son was still having 4 night feeds at 9 months, and still doesn't sleep through the night at 2.5 years! All babies are different but sleeping through the night is not the norm before 1 or even 2.

1. Your son will go to bed at 7pm and your nephew will then not be able to use his room for fear of waking him, he won't be able to relax in his own space. Then your son will be up very early in the morning, probably earlier than your nephew will need to be.

1. when your son is walking/crawling you will need to baby proof the room which is going to very much make it feel the babies room, your nephews belongings will all need to be out the way if he doesn't want them played with and possibly trashed.

You really need to have him in with you for the first few years at least.