17yr old sharing with new baby?

[essexanon]

Hey guys.
Bit of a weird one, I have my first baby on the way. I live in a 2 bed house with hubby and I have custody of my nephew, who is 17. He is in full time education.

When the baby comes, it will be in our room for 6-9 months, after that, I would like the baby to go in the another room but it would mean my 17yr old would have to share his room with the baby.

Is this normal? Has anyone else got a massive age gap with kids Sharing a room?

With a bit of moving around, I could put a temporary screen up and split the room 70/30 so baby has 30% of the room. And it would Be there half first as you walk in the door so I wouldn’t have To Disturb my nephew to get to the baby. But as it’s only a blackout curtain dividing them, I’m concerned his privacy will still be disturbed and they will spend most of the time disturbing each other (him with tv and gaming, baby with crying and playing)

Only other option would be baby sleeps with us in our room until around 2-3 years old, and when he finishes college and maybe moves out. But then does this not disrupt us? Is the baby going to be spoilt and over clingy because they sleep in our room?

Please no comments about him leaving now. I am his legal guardian, and he’s like my son.

Thank you!

No you can’t do that. A baby causes disruption, you knew that when you got pregnant and knew you’d be having a baby while your nephew was still living with you. You, the parents, absorb the disruption, you don’t foist it on anyone else.

Babies are meant to be “needy”. That’s how they’re designed, it ensures they survive. You’re meant to cuddle them a lot, wake up when they do (yes, every single time), feed them on demand, walk around with them, be attached to them as much as they want for months on end.

You’re in for a shock if you think putting your baby in a different room from you makes life easier not harder.

And your nephew will be at an important time in his studies with exams etc so it’s your job to minimise the change you’re bringing into his life.

Hi all!

I Cannot move, extend or covert loft! We simply don’t have the money now.
None of those are cheaply done.

and is a 32tonne lorry driver blimey, in that case you’re going to need a bigger bed!

The baby is going to have to stay in with you, there is no other reasonable option.

If you partner needs more sleep get a good sofa bed for him.

Another vote for baby with you. It won’t harm your baby. He/she won’t know any difference.
On the flip side if baby did go in 17 yo room it would be very disruptive to them. Age 2/3 my Dc were regularly waking at 5am and up for the day. Plus illness/vomiting bugs etc. Wouldn’t be fare on 17yo imo.
Congratulations on your baby

Wtf?! No. You cannot be this unaware of others?! You cannot be this selfish???

The OP has opened her home and heart to her nephew which in my mind is the opposite of selfish.

I can see how this might make the 17yo feel pushed out though, so I think the only sensible option is to keep the baby in your room for as long as possible while looking at moving/extending options.

@annelovesgilbert yea thanks for that, baby wasn’t planned- was wading planning for another couple years. So I didn’t know anything about having a baby whilst nephew was here as it wasn’t in the plan.
However I wasn’t going to abort baby due to this!
I am simply asking for options and ideas
As to how to make it work so everyone is happy 😊

Sent at same time sorry what about splitting your bedroom with a stud wall and a small window?

Get a sofabed. If DH needs to sleep before work he can sleep downstairs without being disturbed.

You could well get one like ours who wants to sleep with you till he's three anyway
Once past the cot stage I would get a bigger bed and all pile in

(Not the 17 year old obv!)

You cannot put baby in with a 17yo! Can your husband sleep on the sofa or get a sofa bed downstairs if he needs to sleep before work?

Thanks @Gazelda thank you! That’s really kind of you. I welcomed him in with no hesitation and At no point do I regret it.

Yea I think baby with us for a few years until we get the spare room back. I think I’m worried because I ended up with my parents until 7 because I refused to go into my own room and would always crawl into their bed. My parents said I was the best form of contraception!!! 🤣

X

You can’t put the baby in with a teenager. Can you not use the same black out curtain set up in your own room?

@Copperleaves our bed is superking so fits 4-5 adults easily anyway 🤣

@8paws8legs we only have 1 window in our room, are the far end so can’t spilt unfortunately (it’s long and narrow so wouldn’t split very well)

Baby stays in your room until your nephew moves out of his own accord. For what it's worth my four year old still sleeps in my room. He has his own lovely room. He prefers mine so it may even be a non issue. My niece sleeps in my BIL and SIL's room as despite their massive London penthouse, it only has two bedrooms and a study which my BIL won't give up. Two oldest share, and my little niece sleeps in their room with a divider up.

I would suggest baby in your room and a comfy sofa bed downstairs for you and baby or DH depending on on the disturbance and who needs to sleep most. Good luck.

It wouldn't be fair to put baby in with your nephew as no doubt baby will still wake during the night and you cannot expect nephew to tend to baby nor can you be traipsing in and out of his bedroom. So keep baby in with you until such a time as baby is a bit older and fully sleeping through or nephew leaves for college.

@NotYourHun @inwood
I think I would prefer to sleep downstairs with baby and let him have the bed. Hes not good with sleeping in anything that’s not his bed, plus he goes sleep at like 7-8 so would mean no one else can be downstairs after that time as it’ll disturb him. Kitchen is literally just off the living room and there’s no door (just an arch) so making a cup of tea
Or using microwave would be off limits.
I really can’t afford for him to be tired at work. I’ll be on maternity leave so won’t have to worry too much about where or how I sleep. I can always sleep with baby upstairs in the morning once he goes work.

Just don't bring the baby into your bed. Once you've done it, it's hard to stop but if you never do it in the first place they'll be happy in their own cot/bed. I've learnt this the hard way with my 4th child, it wasn't something I ever did with the other 3 but I was just knackered and desperate for extra sleep with this one. And now, at 2.5 he wants to be in here wriggling around like a cat on catnip every sodding night!

I only have 2 bedrooms, and 2 children. Dc1 is in one room, dc2 and me in the other, until last week when dc2 decided to move in with dc1. I didn't push for this as didn't want them to disturb each other.

Dc2 will be 3 next month, isn't at all clingy, and I'm really pleased that I left it til they made their own mind up.

Yeah. Most adults can cope with a bit of sleep loss, you need some sleep as well!
When the lo is ready for their own bed, Ikea do some small ones that you fit a tent over - that wouldn't exactly give you privacy but would at least mean you could use a tablet without it waking the child every time.

Can you swap bedrooms with your nephew? If you were thinking of splitting his room 70/30, then would that work for you?

@lyingwanker this is what I’m worried about! I literally climbed into my parents bed EVERY NIGHT until around 7. They’d put me in my room, I’d wake up and go back to theirs!! I’m worried karma is going to hit me lol xx