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Original poster

17yr old sharing with new baby?

173 replies

essexanon · 03/01/2020 20:34

Hey guys.
Bit of a weird one, I have my first baby on the way. I live in a 2 bed house with hubby and I have custody of my nephew, who is 17. He is in full time education.

When the baby comes, it will be in our room for 6-9 months, after that, I would like the baby to go in the another room but it would mean my 17yr old would have to share his room with the baby.

Is this normal? Has anyone else got a massive age gap with kids Sharing a room?

With a bit of moving around, I could put a temporary screen up and split the room 70/30 so baby has 30% of the room. And it would Be there half first as you walk in the door so I wouldn’t have To Disturb my nephew to get to the baby. But as it’s only a blackout curtain dividing them, I’m concerned his privacy will still be disturbed and they will spend most of the time disturbing each other (him with tv and gaming, baby with crying and playing)

Only other option would be baby sleeps with us in our room until around 2-3 years old, and when he finishes college and maybe moves out. But then does this not disrupt us? Is the baby going to be spoilt and over clingy because they sleep in our room?

Please no comments about him leaving now. I am his legal guardian, and he’s like my son.

Thank you!

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Oct18mummy · 03/01/2020 22:38

No that’s not fair on the 17 year old. I have that gap and would t even consider that as an option. Buy a sofa bed and let the two children have a room each if you don’t have any other option

Original poster
essexanon · 03/01/2020 22:38

That’s ok @LH1987 yea it’s been mentioned before but my room is actually bigger but isn’t the same shape so I can’t split mine like I can do his. Plus mine has built in wardrobes, furniture and storage etc and his doesn’t have any so I would be in his room every 2 mins getting stuff for us or baby. He wouldn’t get a minutes peace

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IHaveBrilloHair · 03/01/2020 22:56

Excuse after excuse about how you can't possibly do this.
Ugh.

holly40 · 03/01/2020 22:59

Shocked you've even been considering this set up Tbh.

mumxthr33 · 03/01/2020 23:00

I agree with @IHaveBrilloHair. Switch rooms, infrequent use items you leave in the built in storage. Daily use items you switch with your nephews belongings. That way you won't be in and out of his room.

Original poster
essexanon · 03/01/2020 23:07

@IHaveBrilloHair @mumxthr33

Again the full thread hasn’t been read I’m guessing? If so, you will see that I have said I will sleep downstairs on sofa with baby in cot. DH gets main bedroom and nephew gets his room.

Swapping with Nephews room isn’t an option, unless we fill the space he does have with furniture. He has NO storage! He has 1 small clothes rails and a bedside for underwear. He’s fine with that as he doesn’t have much clothes.
Moving daily items into that room for 2 adults and a baby requires furniture and I’m
Not wasting money on furniture that isn’t needed.

We would also need to buy a new bed unless you expect me and OH to sleep in nephews single bed???? Our bed won’t fit in nephews room. Neither would adding another single bed in there.
But Again- why would I buy another bed for no reason??? Both beds are only like 18months old.

You lot must have money to burn 🤣

OP posts:
claireyjs · 03/01/2020 23:16

"You'll be lucky to get the baby out by 9 months anyway"

Both of mine were in their own room from 3 months but I do think YABU to expect a 17 year old to share with a baby.

IHaveBrilloHair · 03/01/2020 23:20

I absolutely have read the full thread.
I stand by what I said.

Original poster
essexanon · 03/01/2020 23:29

@ihavebrillohair as it’ soo easy to swap, fancy lending us a few hundred £ then to get a new bed and a chest drawers/small wardrobe? Guessing you have so much disposable cash at hand you’d like to give away?
Or How good is your diy? Fancy extending our bedroom for us?
I mean, if not, nephew could sleep in our room, OH could sleep in nephews room and Bed and I could sleep in the bath couldn’t I?

Yep! That’s the room swap sorted 🙄🙄🙄

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Original poster
essexanon · 03/01/2020 23:32

@8paws8legs not for a good number of years. We bought this house 18months ago, first time buyers. So Moving or converting loft requires lots of cash which we just don’t have. Especially with me going on mat leave this year. OH’s wages will have to cover all bills and support all 4 of us.

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AnotherEmma · 03/01/2020 23:50

I totally understand that you want to ensure your DH gets plenty of sleep. Usually I roll my eyes at that but given his job and the fact that he knows someone who fell asleep at the wheel, absolutely fair enough.

However, it would be utter madness for you to sleep downstairs on a shit bed (sofa bed or fold up bed) while he gets a super king size bed in a big bedroom all to himself. It would just be madness.

He just needs earplugs (the silicone ones are best) and he will probably sleep fine with you and baby in the same room. Most men do (it's fucking tragic but they do). Absolute worst case scenario if he is disturbed by the baby, he can go and sleep downstairs (on sofa bed or fold up bed) which won't be the end of the world. Obviously if it doesn't work and he's really not managing to sleep enough you should rethink. But there is absolutely no need to set out with the intention of martyring yourself and sleeping downstairs. You say that your DH can't sleep downstairs because he goes to bed early and you'd disturb him in the evenings. Well the same goes for the mornings - if you and baby are downstairs and you're finally sleeping after a difficult night, and he's getting up early to go to work, it will be incredibly frustrating for him to disturb one or both of you.

You are vastly underestimating the impact that sleep deprivation could have for you. You might be lucky and have a baby that sleeps well (I hope so) but if not, and you're doing all yourself because of your DH working, you are going to need every second of sleep you can get. If you're severely sleep deprived you will be at risk of accidents too (admittedly not lorry crash accidents but nonetheless you'll be responsible for a tiny baby) and your mental health may well suffer.

Please don't move out of your room. Baby can go in with you and DH. See how it goes and if it's not working come back to mumsnet for ideas Wink

Copperleaves · 03/01/2020 23:54

There's not much point complaining about suggestions such as a new bed or storage, when you are entering into the biggest financial drain you will ever know!

Original poster
essexanon · 03/01/2020 23:58

@anotheremma I really appreciate you taking the time to read previous posts and responding so much. Thank you for understanding my points about DH, and I am hoping he sleeps though it as he’s usually pretty good when it comes to nephew up and down the stairs when he’s asleep, or me snoring. I think I’m just panicking with the ‘what if he doesn’t sleep properly with the baby’. Earplugs I will look into, although he did try them before because I can snore bad but they fell out as soon as he moved lol.

I really do appreciate your reply, and totally take on board what your saying about my rest and mental health.
I’m just tying to think of a way to keep nephew and DH happy and usually I always put myself last but now it’s going to be me and baby so your right, I have a responsibility for them also to look after myself.

I will try white noise and earplugs for sure, and see how I get on. Thanks again xx

OP posts:
Original poster
essexanon · 03/01/2020 23:59

@Copperleaves exactly! So why waste money on things that aren’t needed when there is lots of money that needs to be spent on necessities! Unfortunately my bank account cannot do both!

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AnotherEmma · 04/01/2020 00:00

You're welcome. These are the ear plugs that DH and I used when we sleep trained DS. Very effective and they don't fall out if you squish 'em in good Grin

www.boots.com/boots-pharmaceuticals-soft-silicone-earplugs-pink-3-pairs-10112955

candycane22 · 04/01/2020 00:00

You need a house with another room. Something you should maybe have planned for prior to getting pregnant but what is done is done. Think you would be better leaving it now and start looking for something bigger when the baby is a few months old.

Copperleaves · 04/01/2020 00:02

Hopefully your dh has days off too and can help with the baby then and let you get some sleep on those nights. If you find it hard to put yourself first remember regarding you getting enough rest it's really your baby you are putting first.

Original poster
essexanon · 04/01/2020 00:13

@candycane22 lol selling my house that i only bought 18months ago and getting another house with a bigger mortgage when I will have no income will not be possible but thanks. Ps- when I bought my house, I didn’t think I would have nephew that would be moving in and so I DID think about this before, as I bought a 2 bed house as I knew I wanted a baby in the future.
However, circumstances have changed and I know have my nephew and would never of not taken him in.

And what made you think I was planning on getting pregnant now??
I was also told by dr’s that conceiving naturally would be a really slim chance, and we wasn’t trying to get pregnant yet but it happened, after 1 time, and I would never terminate as I know how lucky I am to conceive given my medical history.

But thanks for Your concern and advice about preparing my life better 🙄🙄🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
essexanon · 04/01/2020 00:14

@Copperleaves oh yea, OH works mon-Friday so on his days off, I will be leaving it all to him. 😬😬 so I can catch up on much needed rest. Thank u x

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Original poster
essexanon · 04/01/2020 00:15

@AnotherEmma brilliant! Will defo be picking those up!! Thank u xx

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Ash39 · 04/01/2020 00:24

Can't you rent out your existing house for a year or too, enough to cover your mortgage, and rent a three bedroom one instead?

Original poster
essexanon · 04/01/2020 00:26

@Ash39 well...not legally, I bought under a help to buy scheme on the basis I don’t buy to let for 5 years.

OP posts:
Coffeeeeee · 04/01/2020 00:42

Your baby will be absolutely fine in your room for a few years. I have 4 children and the youngest slept in our room until he was nearly four as there wasn't enough space in my other children's rooms to accommodate another bed. We have a much bigger house now and they have their own rooms now but to give you some reassurance my youngest has not turned out to be needy or spoilt for spending his first few years sleeping in our room in fact he is quite the opposite!...loves his own space and is very independent Smile tbh I thoroughly enjoyed having to share our room with him for those first precious years and is especially convenient if you are breastfeeding too!Wink Husband works shifts too but it didn't ever seem to be a problem or disturbance to any of us. Hope this helps and reassures you xx best of luck with your new arrival and congratulations Thanks

BlueEyedFloozy · 04/01/2020 00:47

I know you're reluctant to spend but as space in your room is tight could you sell your bed and downsize to a king with under bed storage? This would free up floorspace for you and maybe some extra storage.

We lived in a bedroom in my mum's house when my eldest was born (7 of us in a 3 bed - 3 of whom were under 9 months - so space was at a premium!) we had a wardrobe with our clothes in and one of those canvas hanging shelves inside for all the folded baby clothes. Toys, nappies and bedding were kept in a drawer under the cotbed.

GrumpyHoonMain · 04/01/2020 00:58

Your DH should get the downstairs sofa when he’s working, because accidentally co-sleeping on a sofa (as opposed to a bed) is known to increase the risk of SIDS.