17yr old sharing with new baby?

[essexanon]

Hey guys.
Bit of a weird one, I have my first baby on the way. I live in a 2 bed house with hubby and I have custody of my nephew, who is 17. He is in full time education.

When the baby comes, it will be in our room for 6-9 months, after that, I would like the baby to go in the another room but it would mean my 17yr old would have to share his room with the baby.

Is this normal? Has anyone else got a massive age gap with kids Sharing a room?

With a bit of moving around, I could put a temporary screen up and split the room 70/30 so baby has 30% of the room. And it would Be there half first as you walk in the door so I wouldn’t have To Disturb my nephew to get to the baby. But as it’s only a blackout curtain dividing them, I’m concerned his privacy will still be disturbed and they will spend most of the time disturbing each other (him with tv and gaming, baby with crying and playing)

Only other option would be baby sleeps with us in our room until around 2-3 years old, and when he finishes college and maybe moves out. But then does this not disrupt us? Is the baby going to be spoilt and over clingy because they sleep in our room?

Please no comments about him leaving now. I am his legal guardian, and he’s like my son.

Thank you!

@Dinoctoblock thank you!! I will give it a try! How old was baby when you started using white noise? I could put it on the iPad near baby on low volume and hopefully DH isn’t disturbed too much. I might not tell him it’s on an see if he notices.

How about baby and nephew get a room each and you sleep on a sofa bed in the lounge? You can keep all your things in your bedroom but sleep downstairs. Please don’t tell your nephew he has to share with a baby, it will make him feel so unwelcome and pushed out. I couldn’t put my five and two year old together as my two year old wakes really early and it’s not fair on my five year old never mind a 17yearold. I do honestly think you would be fine sharing with baby for a few years anyway.

Agreeing with everyone, keep dc in with you. My 4dds were in with me for between 12-18 months. I had side of their cot off and connected to our bed. I’d put a comfortable daybed downstairs for dh to sleep in. Babies are a bit noisy and fart a whole lot, but if your dh got used to sleeping with earplugs, that may help.

Op, I've lived in tiny homes with kids. Look on Pinterest for storage ideas. Put a radiator cover over the heater in the living room and put baby's toys against that. Get bed risers for your bed frame and get under bed storage drawers. There is no way in a tiny property I would be buying a bed frame from day 1, they take up far too much space. I would co sleep or borrow/buy a cheap Moses basket for the first 3 months and then reassess the situation. You already have space for a baby in your bed and Co sleeping saved my sanity.

@essexanon if you are considering sleeping downstairs could getting a sofa bed be an option so you can get a better nights sleep yourself ?

Re: white noise disturbing your husband, the good thing about it is it works both ways. It cuts out random noise for the baby but also for you. I couldn’t have slept without it with a baby dinosaur sleeping next to me!

Thanks @GameSetMatch but DH needs sleep in a proper bed and I would be worried sick sleeping downstairs and baby is in room alone upstairs, I’d feel so far away. But worst comes to worse, if DH can’t sleep with baby in the room properly, I will move cot downstairs and I will sleep downstairs permanently on sofa. X

A flick flak or click clak sofa bed doesn't take up much space dh can sleep there .
Of course you can move your tv away for a few years you can use a tablet instead.
It s your baby not your nephew s so should sleep in with you until nephew can move on to uni or college

You sound like a really nice person OP taking in a teenager, he is lucky to have you and your DH. I agree that having him in with the teenager probably isn't a good idea. Could you split your nephews room anyway with a screen so as you can store baby items in one half of the room without encroaching too much on his space. In your room, maybe you could get a nice foldaway screen so that when the baby is a bit older you might get a bit of privacy. Get your DH an eye mask and some noise cancelling headphones I am sure he will adapt to the extra noise :)

Not sure you’d get much chance to watch TV in bed with a baby in your room anyway! We have a TV in our room, it hasn’t been switched on since DD1 was born 6 years ago (we have 3 DC)

Check out myhummy, it’s the best white noise ever I loved it when baby slept in my room and I thought I’d hate it. The myhummy turns off after an hour and then goes to a different mode that only switches on when noise is detected or baby moves. It’s lasted us two children so worth every penny.

You can't put a baby into the room of an almost-grown man!

For a few years you'd be in and out of his room at all hours of the night and it's not fair or appropriate.

Thanks @imip I would rather sleep downstairs than him. He needs to go bed between 7-8pm and the kitchen is just off the living room and I can’t ban use of the kitchen once he’s in bed.

@devoedtobitsandback thank you, I think bedside crib initially would be best-agreed. We already have a Moses basket! It’s actually my nephews and is 17 years old but it’s really sentimental to me so I would be using that too!

@MoonlightMistletoe I would have to get rid of my sofa to fit a day bed as there isn’t space for both so that’s ok, although I think people sitting on my bed all day might irritate me.

@PlatoAteMySnozcumber brilliant! I’m going to try it on DH and see if it works, I won’t tell Him it’s on and see if he notices or hears it. 😬

But you said he is like your son, so of course your educate, feed and love him? You are his parent - I have never heard an adoptive parent referring to their role in their adoptive or foster child’s life in this way.

I also didn’t say your were selfish I said your first post sounded selfish when you said if your baby stayed In your room you would be disrupted.

I don’t think you read my post correctly, and I suspect the wording of your original post was a little clumsy.

Here’s the website myhummy.co.uk/ make sure you don’t buy a. Fake amazon one like we did first it doesn’t have a sensor.

DH and I got used to sleeping with white noise (just rain sounds played on an old iPad) when DD was little and in our room and now she’s in her own room we can still hear it through the monitor.

I’m a really light sleeper and it actually helps me sleep better now because I’m less likely to pick up on sounds outside like cars or people walking past.

No, you can’t put them in the same room. But considering your husband is a lorry driver and for the sake of his safety and those around him, he needs to sleep well as well, so I suggest getting a sofa bed in the living room to allow him to get some sleep if the baby doesn’t settle.

You can keep the baby with you when he is travelling no problem.

You can't keep walking in to a 17 year olds room. That is extremely unfair.
Also it is yours and dps lo and lack of sleep it part of that.

My ds was in bed with me until 2.5 and then sleep alone fine.

How old was baby when you started using white noise? I could put it on the iPad near baby on low volume and hopefully DH isn’t disturbed too much. I might not tell him it’s on an see if he notices.

I used it from about 4 weeks, although you can do it from birth. Do it while she’s still little so it’s just always been part of the sleep routine.

I used a white noise machine with my older two DCs. It stayed on for a set period then switched off but kicked back in with noise/movement. However, I switched to the YouTube track on the kids kindle with my current baby and I’ve found it a lot more effective than our white noise machine.

If your bed is big enough for 4/5 then a smaller bed for you would free up space I imagine. Agree, Pinterest has some amazing storage ideas, especially for toys as toys in nephew's room isn't really practical.

@Embracelife thanks, it would only work if can be used as a main sofa for us all to fit on also as we don’t have the space for 2 sofas.

@LH1987 yes I could! He doesn’t have much for a 17yr old male, clothes and PlayStation really and books, but I could make a discreet corner in his room for toys/stuff that isn’t used daily! And thank you for your kind words! Xx

@Elbeagle hilarious!!! Oh my! I love my tv. I feel like I’m going to be one of these mums that doesn’t know what’s going on in the world as I won’t be watching news etc anymore.

@GameSetMatch thank you!!!! This sounds amazing! This white noise thing sound like a game changer in helping me Boss parenthood!

Haha, to be fair I didn’t watch much TV anyway! I read the news on my phone/iPad. Do you have a TV downstairs?

Check tiny homes ideas online to create space for a baby. My friends managed to make a tiny little bedroom that hold the cot for the second baby on the hallway leading to their room.

Only thing I can add to this discussion is I have a 7 year age gap between my ds they share but it's really too much for my eldest he wants his own space.
Bedtimes really were the worst when youngest was little. Ide have to kick ds1 out to get ds2 to sleep then ds1 would have to keep quiet.
Keep baby in with you for a bit but get a travel cot so nights when dn is out your dc can go to sleep in there.

It’s very common for people to keep their babies in the same room as them for 6 months to a year. And it’s also very common for the dad to find it very easy to sleep all night and not notice any crying!! Especially with ear plugs in. But it is also very common for the mum to get rather annoyed at the soundly sleeping man beside her as she is getting up for the umpteenth time that night, and to find that when she gets back into bed she accidentally elbows said man in the back.