17yr old sharing with new baby?

[essexanon]

Hey guys.
Bit of a weird one, I have my first baby on the way. I live in a 2 bed house with hubby and I have custody of my nephew, who is 17. He is in full time education.

When the baby comes, it will be in our room for 6-9 months, after that, I would like the baby to go in the another room but it would mean my 17yr old would have to share his room with the baby.

Is this normal? Has anyone else got a massive age gap with kids Sharing a room?

With a bit of moving around, I could put a temporary screen up and split the room 70/30 so baby has 30% of the room. And it would Be there half first as you walk in the door so I wouldn’t have To Disturb my nephew to get to the baby. But as it’s only a blackout curtain dividing them, I’m concerned his privacy will still be disturbed and they will spend most of the time disturbing each other (him with tv and gaming, baby with crying and playing)

Only other option would be baby sleeps with us in our room until around 2-3 years old, and when he finishes college and maybe moves out. But then does this not disrupt us? Is the baby going to be spoilt and over clingy because they sleep in our room?

Please no comments about him leaving now. I am his legal guardian, and he’s like my son.

Thank you!

@CatToddlerUprising my room is actually bigger but isn’t the same shape so I can’t split mine 70/30 like I can do his. Plus mine has built in wardrobes, furniture and storage etc and his doesn’t have any so I would be in his room every 2 mins getting stuff for us or baby. He wouldn’t get a minutes peace

I agree, baby in with you and this might have to be a long term solution because your nephew will need a home and place he feels he belongs and can return to for a long time yet. From your previous posts I know you get this and wouldn't do anything to push him out anyway. You say your bedroom is long and thin, can you chop off a bit to make a sort of baby room? I know it would have no window but needs must, you might be able to move or extend in a few years.

You absoloutley cannot put the baby in with a 17yo. Please don't. Its not fair on the 17yo. Keep the baby in with you. Don't bring them into your bed if you don't want them bed sharing.

And please don't put the toys and clothes in the 17yos room either. Clever storage in your room or the lounge.

Surely if the baby is in your room you don’t need to split it 70|30, you just need to be able to hang a curtain between you so the baby can’t see you when they are in bed? That way they can’t wake up and see you. Surely that would solve the problem? It doesn’t matter if you still need to access wardrobes etc, this can still be done quietly when they are asleep.

I agree that it’s not fair on your nephew to have a young baby share his room. It will probably make him leave home sooner than he wants. Your nephew is lucky to have a lovely auntie who is caring for him and considerate 💐

I had a 6yo DS when DD was born in our 2 bed house - she slept in with us until she reliably slept through the night so as not to disturb him. She moved into their room when she was 3...

They're 13 and 6 now, still sharing and eldest hates it so we're considering using the livingroom as a bedroom for us and they can have a room each. I really wouldn't put a baby in with a 17yo!

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz thanks, it would take more than clever storage. With our bed, cot bed and the wardrobes (built in so can’t move) and the 1 chest of drawers in the room, there isn’t much room for anything else. We will probably Need to get dressed in the bathroom as the cot will take up the only bit of floor space.

Living room is tiny! And only spare wall/corner for storage as a radiator there which we cannot afford to move for a while. (Only radiator downstairs too 😩)

Do you really want the 17yo wanking in the same room as your baby? Because you can’t expect a 17yo not to wank. The best solution is to keep the baby with you until the teen moves out.

DH and I still have 15mo DD in our room and it’s working fine. We use white noise and have done since she was tiny. We find this covers up noises we might make going into the the room/snoring/getting up before her so she isn’t disturbed. She sleeps all night 7-7 without waking. We play a 12 hour white noise track from YouTube which has no adverts.

Good luck OP, it is possible to make sharing a bedroom with your young DC work.

Your 17 yr old nephew is nearly a man @essexanon - you'll be in and out of his bedroom all night and it won't be fair on him or his right to privacy.

@PlatoAteMySnozcumber thanks, in my room, it would need to be a 3 sided curtain put up as the only space the cot bed can do is directly next to our bed, so we could need to shield both sides of the cot and the bottom of the cot. Head end is against a wall. It’s an option if I can find a way to do it.

@Yetanotherwinter thank you, hes he’s very grateful towards me and my hubby and what we do for him.

Changing mat on top of the drawers (or tbh I did all nappies in the lounge apart from middle of the night which I did on our bed).

Designate a spot inside the wardrobe for the baby's clothes.

Get a shallow wide underbed drawer to put under the cot bed for baby's other buts and bobs.

@Dinoctoblock I’ve heard about this white noise, can you hear it though? I don’t fancy listening to it too all night lol?x

No way should your 17 year old have to share a room with a baby. He will end up moving out and I’m sure you don’t want this and your nephew isn’t ready to move out. Baby shares your room like lots of householders have to with one bedroom.

Also, we keep a blackout blind over the window so the room is always completely dark so she doesn’t really see us. She is aware when we’re there now though but she hasn’t bed shared with us since she was tiny so she doesn’t expect to get in with us. She just chats away in her cot when she wakes in the morning and that is just sweet.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz drawer has tv on top, I really can’t get rid of my tv,
Is I’d cry but will change nappies on bed if need be. Wardrobe I can make space for clothes, that should be fine.
Our bed is too low for under bed storage due to the frame unfortunately

Just want to say congratulations on your pregnancy. Pp are being harsh saying your being selfish, your just trying to plan ahead. Some dad's sleep through when mums wake to feed baby so due to your husbands job, hope he does. Mine didn't, but he had a few months off and did a night feed.

Tbh your first post sounded really selfish. It seemed preferable that your nephew was disrupted rather than you and your husband.

It’s really unfair to expect a 17 year old share a room with a small baby. He would have no privacy and his sleep would be disturbed. He would also have to manage some of the night time Crying. It’s not his baby, it’s yours. Teenagers need more sleep needs to confer age on school work.

Keep the baby in with you for a few years.

Keep baby in your room

Yes we hear it too. It doesn’t bother me but DH says it does bother him a bit. Which is odd because he needs to listen to podcasts through his headphones all night in order to sleep!

You could give the white noise a try and see how you feel. It has really been a revelation with DD, she takes great long naps which I attribute to the white noise, and it is really helped with room sharing. We tried to get rid of it a month or so ago, because it irritated DH, and she started waking at 5am. DH also managed to wake me at the same time with snoring so I guess that’s what bothered her too. Once you get used to the white noise it’s fine and if you can fall asleep with it on it won’t wake you up.

I'd defo keep baby in with me if that was an option and there's enough room for a cot and bed. I'd probably get a cot that turns into a toddler bed x

Thanks @Dollymixture22 hilarious really. I’ve taken in a teenager in my home, given him everything I have and more, given his access to good education and he financially depends on me 100% and I get no help YET people think I’m selfish.

I have even mentioned that I will sleep on the sofa permanently with a cot downstairs if it’s the best solution so hubby gets a goodnight sleep every night so he doesn’t kill himself or people whilst he’s at work and I’m still selfish.

@Hellohello2020 thanks hun for your kind words. Yea I’m sooooo hoping he sleeps though baby but knowing my luck he won’t 🤣🤣

In the short term it’s fine, but once the baby can stand up and peer over the cot at you, I would definitely find a way to put a curtain up if possible. Plus as pp have mentioned, white noise. If you get a good machine the noise is actually quite pleasant after a while. If they can’t see or hear you, it should remove the distraction.

I understand your reservation, it’s warranted but can be managed. It’s lovely that you have taken in your nephew and are taking his needs into consideration.

I had a 16 year gap and theres no way i would have put a new born in with my ds.It just wouldnt be fair on him.

You don’t have to put the child in your bed with you. I shared a room with each of my children for the first year of their lives as both had medical conditions and I was too anxious not to. Never once did I have them in my bed with me.