17yr old sharing with new baby?

[essexanon]

Hey guys.
Bit of a weird one, I have my first baby on the way. I live in a 2 bed house with hubby and I have custody of my nephew, who is 17. He is in full time education.

When the baby comes, it will be in our room for 6-9 months, after that, I would like the baby to go in the another room but it would mean my 17yr old would have to share his room with the baby.

Is this normal? Has anyone else got a massive age gap with kids Sharing a room?

With a bit of moving around, I could put a temporary screen up and split the room 70/30 so baby has 30% of the room. And it would Be there half first as you walk in the door so I wouldn’t have To Disturb my nephew to get to the baby. But as it’s only a blackout curtain dividing them, I’m concerned his privacy will still be disturbed and they will spend most of the time disturbing each other (him with tv and gaming, baby with crying and playing)

Only other option would be baby sleeps with us in our room until around 2-3 years old, and when he finishes college and maybe moves out. But then does this not disrupt us? Is the baby going to be spoilt and over clingy because they sleep in our room?

Please no comments about him leaving now. I am his legal guardian, and he’s like my son.

Thank you!

www.buzzfeed.com/mikespohr/hacks-to-make-room-for-a-baby-in-your-tiny-home some great ideas on here!

Thanks @IdiotInDisguise I will sleep downstairs on sofa with baby in cot if need be, DH needs to be in bed by 7-8pm and I can’t ban use of the kitchen after then.

@sugarisbitter I’m not bothered about my sleep, only my DH as if he is really tired at work, he could kill/injure himself and others.

@MamaFlintstone @Dinoctoblock thank you sooo much! That’s so helpful, I’m really excited to give it a go.

@Dollymixture22 I said he’s like my son yes but at no point did I say I adopted or fostered him, no adoption or foster papers have been signed etc. he has a mum that he sees (my sister) regularly, we all do.
I just have custody of him atm.
So I think the way I “referred” to it was correct thanks

And yes I admitted also previously that my first post was worded badly, thanks for the reminder. Total mistake on my behalf which I owned to.

Baby stays in with you, then when you need to just get a sofa bed downstairs. Won’t be forever.
I had to share my bedroom with both of mine till youngest was 3 and eldest was 6.

I think your nephew's lucky to have you OP. Good on you. I'm sure you can make it work.

I didn't read your OP as selfish at all! Just you trying to work it all out. After all you haven't had a baby yet!

My babies were in with me till they were 15/18 months. They mostly slept in their cots. They were good sleepers. It was lovely to wake up and see them standing up in their cots smiling at me.

The awkward thing was not being able to get changed etc in the room as they were in there with the light off. I did have a small night light in the end that didn't wake them so I could see my way around.

I kept my changing mat on top of the chest of drawers - but not essential as you could change them downstairs.

Tbh I don't think you'll be watching much TV in the bedroom.... not if the little one is going to bed in there!

And really you don't need lots of stuff! What you do need, you will need loads - like a portable basket with changing bits in it . A changing mat of sorts. You don't need a changing unit.

Good Luck OP.

Just want to say that planning is useful but you may find that once the baby is here and shows you his/her personality and sleep patterns your plans may change anyway. I've had very different sleepers amongst my various babies and found I did many things I didn't think I'd do.

Also have you actually asked your nephew? Maybe he's dying to have the baby in his room and would think that was brilliant! Unlikely but possible!

@Letthemysterybe haha I actually wouldn’t mind it as it means I can sleep in the bed and not downstairs! Tbh he sleeps through my snoring 60% of the time and that can be loud! And all night. So hopefully he can sleep though a couple cries during the night, until I can settle baby. X

Op but he is a parent too. Exdp was a police officer on shift patterns and I live on 4 hours and drive 2.5 hours a day, some days leaving at 7 some days coming home at 1am.

Okay sorry, shouldn’t have posted on this thread, struck a personal nerve and shouldn’t have projected.

you could get a bed chair or old fashioned z bed (get thicker mattress type)
www.idealhome.co.uk/bedroom/best-chair-beds-236078
www.johnlewis.com/jay-be-prestige-folding-bed-with-3d-airflow-pocket-sprung-400-mattress-small-single/p3340723?sku=237160834&s_ppc=2dx-KELKOO-HOME92700048850242757&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8ZqNl7jo5gIVia3tCh1l1w4wEAQYAiABEgJXQfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Thank you @sleepingpup that’s really reassuring! Yes I really don’t want unnecessary bits so will make do with what I have if I can. Xx

@memaymamo yea I asked him, he said ‘not if the baby is going to cry all night’ lol.
But I know when the baby comes, he will give me a break Often and take the baby in his room to play so I can sleep/get on with bits for a while. And he will happily keep toys in his room so he can play with baby when he wants.

@sugarisbitter I agree and on weekends DH will do it all. But he starts work early and drives a 32 tonne lorry all day, we know someone in the same job that fell asleep at the wheel and killed him self and 4 others.

I will be on mat leave so not working, I will not push it onto him to be awake with baby when he has work the next day.
I would rather him sleep then him not come home and my child not having a father because he fell asleep at the wheel.

We still share with DD and she's 8. Not spoilt or clingy and lots of tetris-ing with funiture(that also doubles as storage).

I'm constantly amazed by people who only ask this sort of question AFTER they expect a new baby. Surely the time to consider it was before you got pregnant!

So you're thinking of chucking out your nephew when baby gets too old to share with you? Just as he's taking A levels presumably? I presume he lives with you because he can't live with his own mother? Poor guy. This is actually pretty unfair on him, you know. At the very least you should be thinking of what HE thinks about this, and what HE wants to do.

@mumwon I actually have 1 of these at my mums!! I could sleep on that in the living room and baby in cot next to me and just fold it up every morning! That could work! I forgot about about that fold up bed! Thank you xx

Just another viewpoint re bedsharing, I co slept with both my two DC from birth until about 8mo with DD and 12mo with DS and they both went into their own beds without a fuss at all.
We had a transition period of them in their own beds in our room, then moved into own room.

Why does sharing a room with someone make them clingy? Babies get scared, need comfort through the night as well as the day.

Haven't read through all OST's but I would firstly like to say how refreshing it is that family takes in family. Not ideal but try and keep baby with you and have one room , then have 2 beds in other room so husband can sleep in other room with nephew so he can have sleep before/after work. Just work with the space without any more outgoings xx

@Jaxhog pls read above comments before stating such a reply about getting pregnant.

He is not being chucked out! Where the f* did u even get that from!
He lives with me for reasons I do not wish to disclose And it’s makes no odds but he is still close with his mum
And sees her every other weekend.
And yes. He has been asked! If you read the previous comments then you would know W that.

If you didn’t- then Do not make comments like you have done without knowing the facts.

Op I understand that but until you have that lo you should stop thinking that way. You may well manage it but you also may need help.
Also exdp slept through it, only occasionally helping. But as much as you have great intentions, you yourself can just fall asleep, you won't even realise it has happened,

I would just be mindful because the exhaustion to come is not something you can prepare for.

You should be getting a decent amount of money for kinship allowance (or whatever it's called in whatever part of the UK you're from) that would help you to convert, if you aren't receiving this, it may be something to look into. It could perhaps help you to afford to convert.

Thanks @SilveryMountainStream and @pooboobsleeprepeat think I’m scared as I think karma is going to repeat on me. I refused to go in my own room and bed and slept with my parents until 7. Usually I kicked dad out and he had to go sleep in my princess bed lol.

@sugarisbitter thanks but weekdays I just can’t allow him to do it. Fridays and Saturdays nights will be his time! And I can sleep!!

Thanks @Mlou32 I’ve not heard of this, I will look it up x

Baby and a 17. Absolutely not.

Sorry if I've missed this in your replies OP, but if you Nephews room is easier to split could you swap with him and then split the room when the baby is 6 months or so?

Whatever you decide to do, loads of children across the world stay in the same room as their parents until the are much older than 3 years so I am sure it would be fine.

I am lost for words

@Justontherightsideofnormal I did think of that but it Wouldn’t work. DH needs to be in bed by 7-8pm. Nephew is usually studying still then, and usually watches a film until midnight in bed, before bed.