The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #6 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[KnitKitty]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the original TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread. Not everyone is on there, so please add to it/update/edit.
Also, thought it might be fun if we add Girl/Boy/Surprise on there too, so we can see who's expecting what

@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 32, EDD 29/01/20 - Girl
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

And a shout-out to the Mamas who have already had their beautiful babas!
@Boboelephant, @Yukka, @Melpops36, @Beaglemum93 and a special mention for our hero mum @Squiff70 who we continue to keep in our thoughts and prayers.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue and @Rubyroost you two have really made me lol with the bush downstairs chat! I still try to keep it fairly tidy down there although I've not been able to actually see it for a while now unless in front of a mirror but I think because I've been doing the bikini line for so many years in the shower I just know where to go so have so far managed it okay.

@sadtoday21 it is hard isn't it to have stuff then getting anxious about it which is why I have just put it off. I do know that I need to sort out the car seat as a priority but also need to have an idea of what other things we absolutely need to get and so what we want to buy. DH and I have a john lewis nursery advice appointment tonight after work to get an idea of next-to-me/moses basket, prams and car seats. At least then if needed DH will know what to get if he is left to buy last minute. Also, SIL wants to give us a load of baby stuff so I want an idea of what we will and won't want before we end up with a house full of stuff that just won't work for us. Yes I find myself randomly crying or welling up in the third trimester. I'm an emotional wreck. Sad thing is too is that when I finish work in 5 weeks I know I won't be returning after maternity leave to the same office/job/team/colleagues etc as our Department is being wound down from end of January so I'll be found a new Department and role or return to my Home department and they'll find me a new role. I'm not worried but just sad about it. Sounds to me like you have a mixture of anxiety and hormones setting you off which given our experiences if not surprising. Hope your scan tomorrow goes well!

@Rubyroost I can't believe you're 26 weeks already! Feel like you're catching up with me!

@Bluebelltulip hope the scan on Monday goes well and you can stick to your plan.

@Flyfisherlady lovely to hear from you and wow! Over half way now. Sorry you've been so unwell. Hopefully everything settles down soon and you can enjoy Christmas and the rest of your pregnancy.

@frillyfarmer ooh into the 30's! Good plan with the bag packing. I said to DH last night that I will sort out my hospital bag at new year as I do recognise whatever happens good or bad I will need it. Do all belly buttons pop? Mine hasn't yet at 31+3!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue hope you enjoy your wine later! You definitely deserve a treat. Love the idea of party food! Mmmmmmmmmm!

@Laney79 glad your pre-op went well!

Had my 31 week midwife appointment yesterday and she seemed happy with everything. Of course though this morning I've woken up worrying bump isn't growing much as only 1cm bigger than at my 28 week appointment but everyone measures slightly differently don't they and I saw a different midwife to my usual one, I'm trying to talk sense into myself. Another midwife who came into the room commented on the fast HR on the doppler and asked if it's a girl which has made me worry it's too fast even though I was then told it's still within range.

Sorry to pop in again after a while away, I can't believe how many people are now in their third trimester! Due dates are rapidly approaching
@InDreamland let us know how the John Lewis session goes, I've not done any research or purchased anything yet and don't plan to till after 30 weeks
@Bluebelltulip I hope the scan goes ok on Monday. It sounds like they are keeping a close eye on you.
@Flyfisherlady glad you are on the mend after being poorly, I've succumbed to another stinking cold which is making me feel awe full. It's lovely feeling then kicking away
@Pandora71 @Tazzle2007 welcome to the group, it's sad you are here, this is such a supportive and informative group, I'm a bit behind a lot of people so get loads of information from the posts.

So I had my 20 week scan yesterday @ 19 +4 and all seems to be ok. Baby still obsessed with its face, managed to not find out what we are having(phew) but was a little naughty that it wouldn't move its bottom to allow a full spine check, I had to do various gymnastics, drink a ton of water and eventually they got what they needed. It then gave us a face shot, yawned and put on a sulky bottom lip! Sounds like a typical taurean (like me)

His/her heart looks ok so far and heart rate is still high, I have my next fetal heart scan in 10 days so just taking each day and milestone as it comes.

Thank you @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, @InDreamland and @Kayjay2018.

@Laney79 glad your pre op went well.

@InDreamland how did your John Lewis visit go? It must be odd knowing that your job will change but at least you know about it beforehand. It's hard not to worry about little comments but I'm sure if the heart rate was fast enough to be a problem then they would have referred you.

@Kayjay2018 congratulations on your scan and good luck for your next heart one.

Overnight I didn't feel much movement whenever I woke up just light shuffles so I went in to be assessed at 6am. All was fine but shattered now, really looking forward to not having to rely on movements to check that they are ok.

@InDreamland the heartbeat beats fast and then slows down, depending on what baby is doing. If you've been monitored at hospital you may have noticed. So maybe she just listened at a fast point?

@Bluebelltulip I'm pleased all was ok when you went in for a check up. It's such an anxious time, I do sympathise with the worrying, my problem is one where movements don't really mean anything, as it's heart rate could drop and it still be moving. I've chosen to monitor heart rate at home (an American study from 2 years ago recommended in my circumstances) as the situation can change in hours, this way I can get checked out if I hear anything abnormal. Did I see you have reached 37 weeks now? My son arrived at 37+3 nearly 16 years ago, after having to have labour artificially stopped at 29 weeks and then it stopping itself at 34. I'm sure if there is any worry they will whisk you in to have little one
@InDreamland sorry I didn't see your comment about heart rate. I'm monitoring mine daily and my little ones measures from 145bpm up to around the 160 mark all the time. If they have just had a mad exercise session it can beat a lot faster, I think the time between me eating or drinking and me measuring may also impact so I try and be consistent with times if I can. I'm told anything under 110 should be checked not been told to contact them with an upper limit issue. I have had readings at scans of 168 and 163 and no one has said anything. Oh And apparently the high heart rate is an old wives tale and if relevant at all, only during labour. I remember you are team yellow as well - everyone seems to think ours is a girl too (the way I'm carrying or heart rate) but I am still blissfully ignorant. Hope the John Lewis session gave some inspiration as I'd love to hear yours and other people's thoughts on products before I start looking in about 10 weeks time!

@Kayjay2018 I had that problem with DD2 as well, her movements were fine even though she was very poorly and her heart rate over 200. If her heart rate wasn't checked I wouldn't have known anything was wrong. Yes I'm over 37 weeks now and being induced next week, this baby's heart rate has been all over the place recently (dropped to 80 in a scan and has been 180 on the monitor) but as it's gone back to normal quickly hasn't been too much concern.

@Bluebelltulip it gets to the point where you just want them here in your arms doers time it? I e made it to 19+6. Which is about halfway through the major time my body can cause harm to the little ones heart. It's only a 3% risk but can mean pacemaker needed or be fatal, so my anxiety is fairly high and no one in real life really understands. Is there a chance they might decide your little one should come on Monday and not wait any longer?

@Kayjay2018 half way through your riskiest bit is great, what gestation does it get less? All you can do is take each day at a time and I hope the best for you. The chance of DD2's condition occurring again has been static throughout. Yes the results of the scan Monday will determine if I'm induced Mon/Tues or Thurs.

@Bluebelltulip how have you stayed sane! Does the risk of an issue go away or reduce once the little one arrives?

I have a nearly 16 year old and don't believe I had this condition all that time ago, got tested for lupus after the miscarriage and whilst I have no active condition, these damaging antibodies were detected, by the time someone explained them to me I was expecting this one. According to St. George's where I see the fetal cardiologist, the most dangerous time is 16-24 weeks, risk decreases then to 30 weeks and unlikely after that. All the research paper I have read seem to back it up, all though recommend weekly fetal heart scans (as they are American studies) and that's not offered here, so I decided to go rogue and follow the last American research paper on the topic and add in the self monitoring piece. I think I would be an emotional wreck without it.

@Kayjay2018 my thoughts are with you through the next few weeks and I'm glad you are finding monitoring yourself useful. I don't really know how I'm getting though any of it tbh, mainly one day at a time, sometimes hour by hour. It's uncommon to develop the condition after 1 year old, not much is known about causes and therefore if it is genetic or not, some studies indicate that it is but others that it's not. After birth it's a very manageable condition, before birth is the riskiest bit.

@KnitKitty How are things going for you? Hope you are managing ok.

@Bluebelltulip Can’t believe you are so close, well done for managing your anxiety so far.

35+4 now and definitely feeling things have gotten a lot harder these last couple of weeks. I’ve gone from being able to handle quite a bit of activity to having discomfort/pain when I walk (and sometimes even when just standing) and I’m feeling terribly unmotivated to do anything. And now I’ve been up since 2:30 AM feeling restless. At least school’s out for a couple of weeks. ☺️

@coconutlatte44 I'm feeling it at 27 weeks! Absolutely knackered and so need this holiday. Not quite in pain when walking, but I have permanent braxton hicks almost!

7 more weeks of work when I get back with a half term in between. I passed my extended probation in the end, but I'll be looking for a job while I'm on mat leave without a bully for a hod. 🤞

@Rubyroost glad to hear about your probation, even if you don’t want to return at least it’s a worry off your chest. Finding a place where you’re comfortable is so important and I imagine it will be even more important once you return post baby!

Quick one from me - I'm exhausted and struggling to get basic stuff done now as I can't walk far, have pelvic/leg pain and everything leaves me out of breath. Plus just the general discomfort of Little Brother pounding my bladder and squirming about. Can tolerate all that because I know it's worth it, but really sick of people telling me to "just rest" - how the F are you meant to do that with Christmas and a three year old?! 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

Anyway, came on to check in on @KnitKitty and say I will be thinking of you tomorrow @Bluebelltulip.

Virtual hugs to everyone else xxx

Hope everyone is ok! I’m soooo out of it, baby George breastfeeding every 2 hours night and day 🤪
Just wanted to to come on to send my love to @Squiff70 for tomorrow. I’ll be thinking of you and your family. Xxx

Omg - sorry I forgot you @Squiff70. Lots of love and strength being sent to you virtually for tomorrow xxxx

@Melpops36 great that you're keeping up with breastfeeding! Be proud of yourself. It's relentless in the early days but it does get better! 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

Thank you so much for the good wishes and prayers etc!

We've had to postpone Elliott's funeral for now as Ava was transferred to a hospital 60 miles from home on Friday and had emergency surgery yesterday. She is being transferred again to another hospital tomorrow, 70 miles from home. She is very poorly but stable, so we can't even consider going home to say goodbye to our little boy as we'd be too far away should there be an emergency with Ava. We've been told we could be at this other hospital for weeks or months.

Sorry again for the selfish post. I haven't had time to catch up on this thread! If anyone could do a quick summary and tag me in it I'd be so grateful. I want to keep in touch with you all but things are just absolutely crazy here.

Love to all you mums and babies!!!

@Squiff70 sorry to hear that. Hope little Ava pulls through all of this. Sending my thoughts xx

Thank you @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, yes I'm not sure how rest is possible with Christmas and a 3 year old. I hope you do manage to get some though.

@RubyRoost congratulations on passing your probation, I hope you find a better place while you are on mat leave.

@Squiff70 sorry to hear Ava has been unwell and needed to moved and have surgery. I hope she recovers well.

@Melpops glad you are doing well.

Not got my scan until 4 tomorrow so meeting with friends to distract me in the morning.

I am so so so sorry you're all going through such a difficult time @Squiff70 - really hope Ava pulls through this all and I hope that you're getting support away from home? Sorry you've had to postpone Elliot's funeral too. Sending love (P.S. your posts are not selfish at all, take care of yourself lovely)

Morning ladies. Sorry again for the silence over the weekend, as usual it's been a busy one.

@Squiff70 oh goodness I'm so sorry to hear Ava has had to be moved so far from home and you've had to postpone Elliot's funeral. My heart really goes out to you. Keeping fx and praying Ava pulls through and you can have her back closer to home soon. Stay strong, you're doing amazingly well given the circumstances. Hope you have lots of support in RL to help you through such a tough time.

@Kayjay2018 glad the scan went well. Fx for all going well at the heart scan.

@Bluebelltulip that must have been so scary going in for movements. It's a horrible few hours isn't it, I'm really hoping this one keeps kicking regularly until it's out and then like you say not having to rely on kicks to know whether things are okay or not. Good luck for your scan later this afternoon! Keeping fx that all goes well so you can stick to your plan.

@coconutlatte44 you're really very close now I'm not surprised you're feeling the discomfort. You're doing great though! Not long to go!

@Rubyroost fab news you passed probation but definitely look to get out. For now though focus on baby. Thanks for the advice about the HR being high. I had eaten a bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes about an hour before the appointment which I wonder may have contributed to the high HR being full of sugar.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue sorry you're struggling but not long for you either now. Hang on in there! You can totally do this!

@Melpops36 lovely to hear from you. Glad to hear you and George are doing well. That does sound like a lot of feeding which I guess we have that fun to come.

A couple of you asked about the JL nursery advice appointment we had. It was very informative, probably a little overwhelming at times with the info we were given but overall a really good session and I'd say well worth it for a FTM who doesn't really know what she needs/wants. They actually make you up a "gift list " which is useful for remembering all the products you are seriously considering then you can go away and think more about them after the session so there's absolutely no pressure to buy - the guy actually told us too to wait until the sales as we might get some discounts. We've now got bedding options and narrowed down the pram/pushchair options to 2 models which is amazing. Plus we know we need to get ourselves to a specialist car seat place in Essex to check the seat we're considering is actually right for our car. I definitely feel more informed and like I gave an idea now of what to buy. So glad we went. Oh, and at the end of the session we were given 2 free sample Mam bottles in case we decide to bottle feed. I'd certainly recommend doing it if you're a FTM and feeling lost with all the options.

Bubsy this weekend has been super active, to the point I could barely sleep Saturday night - wonder if it was the curry I had (which was delicious). Felt like the kicking and wriggling just was constant and those kicks were so strong, even DH was shocked at how strong they were. He could see my stomach moving too. Not a bad thing I guess but I am getting uncomfortable. I am so slow now as starting to get some discomfort around the pelvic area.

A really quick one from me because I'm super busy and deep into Christmas now until Boxing Day.

I hope today has gone ok @Bluebelltulip, I'm thinking of you and will be over the next few days. I hope the induction goes well.

@Squiff70 I'm so sorry to hear about beautiful little Ava. This must be so hard for you but great that she is in the best place possible. Keep strong and know we are all thinking of you and praying.

To everyone else (sorry I'm so crap at individual replies this week!) I hope you all have very merry Christmases and manage to keep the anxiety at bay to relax. Thank you all for being the best support I've had this year, I wish for nothing but good things for you and all your families. Much love and bright festive shiny light to you all xxx

Scan went well, growth has improved. Induction booked for Thursday! Still can't believe that I should have a baby in a few days time.

@Bluebelltulip so excited for you!!

@Squiff70 I'm so sorry to read your news, it must have been really difficult to have to postpone the ceremony and deal with all the stress traveling so far with Ava. I hope she is doing better now and that you all are able to rest as much as possible. Thinking of you Xxx.

@Bluebelltulip that's so soon, congratulations on your scan! You must be so relieved. End is in sight now, so excited for you!!

Thanks @InDreamland the scan went well on Saturday and the 4d was both amazing and a bit scary! I had some movements scares right after that because I was hiking a lot and baby seems to sleep anytime I move around. Are you still having hiccups? I haven't had any yet. Sounds like your nursery appointment went really well and you are starting to get prepared! It's great that you feel confident to buy a few things now.

I just got booked in for my antenatal NHS class and its when I will be 36 weeks...anyone think that this is too late? It's just one half day class.