The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #6 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[KnitKitty]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the original TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread. Not everyone is on there, so please add to it/update/edit.
Also, thought it might be fun if we add Girl/Boy/Surprise on there too, so we can see who's expecting what

@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 32, EDD 29/01/20 - Girl
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

And a shout-out to the Mamas who have already had their beautiful babas!
@Boboelephant, @Yukka, @Melpops36, @Beaglemum93 and a special mention for our hero mum @Squiff70 who we continue to keep in our thoughts and prayers.

[sadtoday21]

@Rubyroost I'll be thinking of you on Monday! How is the hospital so far? Are you doing ok? You are so close now and soon baby will be here! Wishing you all the best for a straightforward c-section and easy recovery Xxx.

@frillyfarmer I'm so glad to hear your GD test came back clear, although it is really frustrating that they won't seem to take your concerns seriously given your previous pregnancy. It's good you are booked in for induction in a week though, so the end is in sight and soon it will all be worth it. Have you tried clary sage in the bath and eating figs? Nipple stimulation and sex are also options to try to get labour started, but I honestly preferred the clary sage bath at this point! I got the sex bomb bath bombs from lush for the clary sage - some women swear by it! Hope things start soon for you :).

@fnej01 it's good you pushed not to go to 42 weeks! I've definitely found that you have to advocate for yourself the entire way. Do you have a date for your c-section yet?

@Mistymeow hope you are feeling ok and managing with the diet plan! How many weeks left do you have now?

[Mistymeow]

@sadtoday21 oh I’m sorry you’re so distressed. Of course you feel anxious, it’s probably the hardest time. Do you generally suffer from anxiety or has the pregnancy triggered it? I feel you need to speak to someone specially trained to help you through the next few weeks because as you say you’re scared of going overdue but at the same time scared of being induced when baby isn’t ready. Is it worth speaking to the midwife who specialises in perinatal care? Or could you chat this through with your GP? It sounds like you are putting yourself through a lot of anxiety without professional support- I’m sure they can help. I agree it sounds like going into MAU isn’t helping the anxiety and causing you distress. I saw the perimental team because of previous depression- I didn’t need to see them further but the midwife was exceptional and I felt much calmer after seeing her. Why don’t you see if you can get an appointment. You’ve done amazingly well, you can do it! We are all scared but your baby is doing great. It will all be ok.
@Rubyroost ooh good tip about aldi, thanks! Maybe I need to bulk out on grains. Yes sadly I’ve tried every low carb bread under the sun and it’s a no go. There seems to be such a science to it all and no one woman is the same. The GD Facebook page has been helpful with food tips although sometimes I feel it encourages people to eat junk in order to process the carbs better (gd friendly brownies and cream for breakfast? Not sure if that’s good for baby!) Can’t believe you’re in hospital already- hope you can eat some of the food! When is C section?

[Mistymeow]

@sadtoday21 I’m 34 weeks and the plan is to be induced at 39. Ill know more at my 36 weeks scan :)

[RedRobin7]

@sadtoday21 @Laney79 @Rubyroost Thank you all for responding to my post about GD. I'm sure I don't have it and I'll try to cut down on my sugars. My GTT is in just over 4 weeks so not too long to wait.

@Kayjay2018 That's reassuring, thank you. How did you find the GTT yesterday? Mine is around the corner from my office but I've asked to work from home after in case it makes me feel funny. I'm worried drinking it will make me heave!

@Rubyroost Wow what a shock for you. Will be thinking of you on Monday and can't wait to hear your news xx

@Whoamieven Welcome! Pregnancy after loss is so bloody hard but we're here to support you. I'm 22 weeks now and never thought I'd get this far. In 2018 I had a MMC at 12 weeks and then a natural MC at 7 weeks 4 months later. My DH decided he didn't want to try again so I was absolutely broken. This pregnancy was an unplanned miracle and I kept expecting another MC but we've made it over half way now.

@frillyfarmer Sorry to hear about the stress around the GTT. Pleased you don't have GD and you're so close now. Also cannot believe 3 pregnant women were smoking. Disgusting!!

@sadtoday21 I'm so sorry you're struggling. It's so hard when anxiety is taking control. There's not much I can say to help but it's totally normal that you have these worries and also understand how you feel about the coronavirus. After everything we've all been through we just want our babies out safely. Can you talk to your midwife about how you're feev

[RedRobin7]

@sadtoday21 My shaky fingers moved and pressed post 🙈 Can you talk to your midwife about how you're feeling? You shouldn't suffer in silence.

[Catconfusion]

@sadtoday21 didn’t want to read and run. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds so so difficult at the moment. I wonder if there is someone who specialises in birth counselling who could help you navigate the last stretch. Maybe an induction could be brought forward. I’m just thinking your mental health is really suffering and maybe the doctor would take this into account. When is your next appointment? Xx

[Rubyroost]

@sadtoday21 at just over 38 weeks your baby will be fine if induced. Im having steroids as a precautionary measure at 37 weeks and will be 37 weeks and 2 days when he arrives 🤞 (more about that later). Also with gestational diabetes babies lungs tend to be less developed too so steroids are more needed. Could you ring hospital and ask for possible induction, they may just say no, but if you have a justification.. Eg concerns re growth and reduced movement they might go for it. That's a reason why you might want to go in as well as isn't there only so many times they'll have you in with reduced movements befire they induce you? I know you don't want to hear this and I know its a massive inconvenience esp with bus etc, but do go in if you are worried. My little boy last pregnancy gave me so many panics. I swear sometimes he'd not move from 9. 30 am til 7pm. Didn't matter how many times I prodded him. He did that pretty often- the bugger! Has no problem moving around now.. The little bugger. Won't sit still!
It does get easier once they're here @sadtoday21 as you can see them. A lot of people said to me the worry never stops and that is true in a way, but the worry on pregnancy is definitely worse because you can't see and you just don't know what is going on.

After a tiny bit of bleeding on Tuesday eve and weds day and then nothing I've definitely had a bloody show today and fairly strong period pains last night. But I have had period pains a few times over the last two weeks. I'm really really hoping baby behaves and waits until my nice planned c section on Monday 😭🤞. He certainly is not allowed to come today as I would like him to have a birthday more often than once every four years. 😂 So I'm resting up today, not moving off the bed in the hope that will keep him in there. I'm allowed home on Sunday as the blood sugars have been well under control, then I'll be returning Monday. The steroids normally make your blood sugars go wild if you're diabetic apparently.

@Mistymeow I found that there were a lot of people on that group trying to cheat the test, eat dominoes and chocolate and then boast about their good numbers!! 😂. I was just desperate to get my numbers as low as possible to avoid any more accelerated growth. I think it's just different for each individual and though my food has been boring, it's not forever. I've got three chocolate bars at home ready for Monday though!

[fnej01]

@sadtoday like others didn't want to read and run. So sorry you are feeling like this. Very much echoing the words of others about some professional help either midwife or gp.
Have you had a HV visit yet? We had one yesterday and she seemed great and was very engaged about my mental health and keen to support me, as I am expecting that I will struggle with grief from my previous losses when baby arrives. She described lots of avenues of support for me and DH.
If you haven't yet had a visit maybe this is an option? She came to our house for a chat.
I am 36+6 today with section booked at 38+1 due to the autoimmune risks.

[fnej01]

@sadtoday also have you looked at the thepositivebirthcompany.co.uk/digital-pack
I bought this before I knew they wouldn't let me have a natural birth. But I have still used some of the affirmations and breathing techniques and expect I will do some of the breathing through my csection to distract me. It might be a bit fluffy for you, but thought would mention as it's only about £40 and you can play on a laptop or phone x

[Rubyroost]

For you @sadtoday21

www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2020/02/20/807483553/coronavirus-is-contagious-but-kids-seem-less-vulnerable-so-far

I too have been worried about coronavirus. Turns out it's a weird virus indeed and hardly affects babies and children. That's all good news for us and those loads of evidence on the net that supports this. One less worry for us x

[Rubyroost]

How are you feeling today @sadtoday21? x

[Mistymeow]

@Kayjay2018 @RedRobin7 I must have missed a few posts, I didn’t realise you were both having your GTT and yours is in a few weeks Red Robin. I never had the test but if you do have GD I’m happy to advise, mine seems quite bad in terms of insulin resistance but so far baby is doing well. People seem very scared of insulin injections but it’s honestly been fine. Also I felt like it was my fault for eating sugary things but the consultant told me it’s not that at all, just one of those things.
@Rubyroost yes I can’t believe what some of those women are eating- crisps dipped in soft cheese for their snack! What I’d give for some crisps...but I’m not willing to dip them in cheese just so I can have them, no health benefits for little one! Are you in hospital now until delivery? It’s going to be such a relief when your baby is here and all that fluid gone.
@frillyfarmer how are you getting on?
@sadtoday21 how are you feeling?

[Rubyroost]

Yes Im staying in, my blood sugars have been fine with the steroids, just a little elevated, readings of 6.8 from the steroid alone without food. Bthey put you on insulin drip at 8.6. But I had really bad contractions last night fir quite a few hours and five mins apart for 45 seconds each time. Totally panicked as they didn't really have a full team for c section overnight, a registrar locum. I was examined and cervix showed not going into labour. Carried on contractions through the night, had some codeine though which helped. I'm not going home would rather stay here and be monitored etc. So I'm hoping everything holds out til tomorrow. I think because bsby is transverse thst my cervix won't really dilate hugely, if at all.
These babies aren't easy, the very young midwife here had a baby at 26 weeks due to preeclampsia.. bless her. I do think there's a lot of people that have complications regardless of age and past loss etc.

[fnej01]

Thinking of you @Rubyroost - hope today doesn't drag too much, and look forward to hearing about a safe arrival tomorrow.

@sadtoday how are you today?

[sadtoday21]

Thank you everyone so much for your kind messages, it really helped me get through the day yesterday. I feel so fortunate to be a part of this group and it gives me a lot of hope to know that there are such kind, supportive people out there who really understand how difficult this all is sometimes.

@Mistymeow thanks so much for your reply. I have talked to the midwife about this a few times and she has been very sweet and tried to be helpful. I think there is only so much they can do really. I probably should have spoken to someone sooner about all of this rather than trying to do deal with it on my own, but I've never found talk therapy to be particularly helpful tbh (I tried counseling when my mum was really sick last year and then found out in the middle of a session via text that she had passed away). I don't think of myself as a generally anxious person, most people would say I'm really calm and kind of reserved, but there have been a few instances in my life where I feel overwhelmed by these terrible things that we all go through unfortunately at some point. And when multiple things pile up like this I start to feel really stressed and unable to cope properly. I am amazed though at how people have suffered so much more than me and still have the strength and dignity and compassion to to carry on and help others to do the same. People are really resilient - women perhaps especially so - and I really admire that quality. It's a fundamental part of our humanity.

I'm so glad you know you'll be induced at 39 weeks, that must be comforting to have a firm timeframe. 34 weeks is definitely a hard time too, you've come so far but still have a few weeks to go. Not long to go now until your 36 week scan, I hope the time passes quickly and all is well!

@Rubyroost I remember you saying that you had similar issues with your LO. It drives me mad with worry! My bump seems to be harder now and I can't feel his limbs anymore exactly - I don't know if he's moved lower down. The movements are still the same number, but seem different somehow, more squirming and less kicking. Thank you very much for NPR article - that really did help me to read that and try to calm some of my coronavirus fears. I just hate this is happening right now when we so many of us are about to give birth!

It's good that you are staying in the hospital @Rubyroost, I'd want to be closely monitored to in your position. FX baby holds off one more day in time for your c-section? Are you in any pain? Hope that your partner is taking good care of you and you have enough to keep your mind occupied. Not long now! Thinking of you Xxx.

Thanks so much for asking after me @fnej01, I really appreciate it! As it happens, I have my fist appointment with the health visitor on Wednesday, wasn't sure what to expect so I'm grateful for your insight. I can't believe your c-section is just over a week away! FX we both have our babies by then. How are you feeling otherwise?

Thanks @Catconfusion right now just trying to make it to my midwife appointment on Tuesday, so not long to go, and then I'll see what she advises and how the stretch and sweep goes. I've been tempted to a book a scan because I'm so anxious, but not sure whether that would really be helpful at this point. If I can stay sane until Tuesday I will seek some professional advice. Hope you are keeping well!

@RedRobin7 thanks so much for your kind words. I hope your GTT test goes well and that you are able to manage until then. Every stage of pregnancy after loss is so hard!

[Rubyroost]

@sadtoday21 glad you seem to be feeling a bit better now. I hope you have a nice health visitor. I had a really lovely one last time around, so when they gave me someone else after the six week check I told them I wouldn't be requiring their services any more. Midwives were supposed to be sorting the health visitor out this time, but I've heard absolutely nothing.
oh yeah I was in sooo much pain yesterday with the contractions, but worn off today-but then I am a massive wimp. The codeine helped, but they didn't give me that until dr suggested it after having contractions for a good few hours. Midwives say that this can happen to some women a good week or two before they even go into labour. I didn't have real contractions last time, just awful artificial ones during my induction so it's all very weird to have them at 37 weeks when last time it was almost 42 weeks.

I'm thinking they might return at night again so trying to get some shut eye. Tho it's hard as I can't lie on side currently. Baby is transverse and he gets squashed so starts to move and seems to trigger contractions!

[Kayjay2018]

@Rubyroost I'm glad they are keeping you in until tomorrow, at least you are in the best place and won't have to worry about getting to the hospital if your contractions start again. Apparently it's very common for them to start during the night as our body is more relaxed. I can't believe your little one will be here tomorrow
@sadtoday21 being anxious is all part of the pregnancy lark and more so when we have all had various negative experiences in our pasts. When I look back to being 22 and having my son (a long time ago) I can't believe how naive I really was.
@Mistymeow I'm very lucky that my glucose test was negative. Bloods have shown I'm anaemic which may explain why I'm so tired and struggle to get through the working week. Just started on spatone which is a kinder way to take the iron apparently. Good to hear all is well with you at 34 weeks
@RedRobin7 thanks for asking after me - GTT was negative thank goodness. They seem to do mine differently to everyone else I've read about, had to starve for 12 hours, then drink the sugar drink (wasn't too bad) within 10 mins, then be at hospital for a blood test 1 1/2 hrs later. I did have to Mac Donald's for a breakfast before going back to work as I was starving hungry. Oh and the baby was absolutely fidgety as anything, I assume from the sugar hit! Let us know how yours goes
@fnej01 it's good to hear things are going well at nct, I have my second one on Tuesday night and I seem the oldest mum to be by far, DH is also oldest, hopefully i'll be able to make some friends!

On a personal note, I've reached 30 weeks today which feels like a milestone. Next growth scan in 2 weeks and fetal heart scan in 3 weeks. Bump is measuring ok (despite all the rude comments about me being big) and heart rate seems ok. Baby has moved from head down to transverse in the last week and a half and oh my goodness has been hitting/kicking low down in my pelvis with avengence- it's actually been really painful. Other kicks have become a lot stronger this week and DH is amused that my whole tummy now moves.

I've been brave and order my cot and changing unit, and got a baby bath and a few reusable nappies, so my to do list is shrinking. It's weird to think that if this one follows my sons lead it could be here in 7 weeks.

Oh and I got approval to birth in the birthing centre (right next door to delivery suite) as the midwife says they can organise the ecg and paediatrician visit. I would love to birth in their rooms as they seem quite a bit more relaxed.

[frillyfarmer]

@sadtoday21 I know exactly how you feel - I think the irrational fears ramp up towards the end for some reason? I'm 40+2 today and no sign of baby yet, I really hoped she wouldn't do this, I'm beginning to really stress myself as well, about absolutely every possible thing.

The assessment centre is there for you to access 24/7, if you have any concerns call them straight up. I spoke to the consultant when I went in for reduced movements and requested an induction to be booked at 41 weeks because of my anxiety and they begrudgingly agreed. It wasn't a nice meeting and I was made to feel like I was going against their advice but if your mental health is suffering push for an induction.

@Rubyroost I hope you're doing OK and that baby is behaving ahead of your planned section!

We're so close, so so close!

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

Quick one from me (as usual, sorry!) to say thinking of you @Rubyroost and hope all goes well tomorrow!! Excited for you!

Sorry to see so many of you are feeling anxious and having additional things to complicate your pregnancies and worry about. Sending love to you all. Hoping time flies and can't wait to see all these rainbows appear! xxx

[Bluebelltulip]

I hope tomorrow goes well @RubyRoost

[Twitwooo]

Another quick post just to say thinking of you for tomorrow @Rubyroost , hope it all goes well!

[Kayjay2018]

@frillyfarmer she must be too warm and cosy so she thinks she will stay a bit longer. Our nct lady did a brief overview of pregnancy hormones (only had 1 session) and reckons you are more likely to start labour overnight, she suggested a relaxing bath and lots of hugging and 😳 touching, as just 20 seconds of hugging starts to release oxytocin. No idea whether it works as I struggled to keep my DS in (2 bouts of prem labour). I hope your little one starts to make her appearance soon.

[Mistymeow]

Just quickly popping on to wish you all the best @Rubyroost I hope everything goes smoothly, I’m sure it will. Look forward to also hearing about your sugary carby treat too!

[TinyPaws]

Just popping in to wish @Rubyroost all the best for tomorrow.

[TwittleBee]

Good luck today @Rubyroost x