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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

It’s not my husbands baby!!!

259 replies

Ashley021 · 08/09/2019 06:35

Hello again everyone, I shared a thread a few weeks back about my situation, I didn’t reply but I read everything and I listened to everyone advice and opinion respectively.

Anyway I’m lost I don’t know what to do or where to go as I done a prenatal paternity test while carrying and the results came back as not my husbands.

I’m currently 25 weeks pregnant and my husband still thinks it’s his baby, we already have a little boy together and I’m so devastated about ripping the family apart because of my little boy. I feel so so so guilty, I feel like I have destroyed my life.

The guy who baby I am carrying is a wonderful guy to be honest and has said he wants to be involved and he is very excited about having a little baby girl but at the same time he is very very scared of the future especially because of my situation, and how my husband will react.

So I’m super confused what to do?

Do I tell my husband? now that I know the results so far into the pregnancy? I’m scared his reaction could put me into labour!!!

Do I not tell him and pretend it’s his child to keep my family together?

Do I not tell him YET and wait for baby to be born then do a DNA test?

I’m just so scared myself on what to do, there isn’t no easy way out and I have to suffer the consequences as it was my choice to cheat on my husband. Just not sure what next step to take.

Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
Roozy123 · 08/09/2019 21:39

I was with a drunk violent man and I left with nothing and had to move into a woman's refuge for over a year... I tell you what, I was scared of that man- the LAST THING I would have been doing is cheating on him because of what he was like!!

It's disgusting how this husband has been cheated on and now lied to and SHE is the victim!?

Roozy123 · 08/09/2019 21:43

Any man OR WOMAN can turn when being told such devastating news.... but the people on this thread making out he is an abusive husband when she's stated he's never touched her and will just pack and leave blows my mind.

What she's done is disgusting and I feel for her husband so so much.
Her and another man are about to rip apart his world and their sons..... And other people are more concerned about her being a victim to him!? Shocking.

I hope if it was a man saying "oh I've cheated on my wife and my other woman is now pregnant I don't want to tell my wife just incase she beats her up " I hope you all stick by the husband and tell him the same advice as you're giving op.

He would be ripped apart to shit!!!!!!!

FlowerPowerBecky · 08/09/2019 21:58

I very much doubt we will be hearing from the OP again on this thread 🤣

Original poster
Ashley021 · 09/09/2019 03:23

I just would like to thank everyone for there opinions and advice.

I have never argued the case that I am the victim, I’m the one in the wrong and I have to accept I have destroyed my family. Yes I’m very frightened of his reaction when I tell him but I’m sure if anyone else in this forum was in my predicament you also would be scared and try for the easy route out but unfortunately there is no easy way out of this anymore and it’s my responsibility to own up and tell him and you all are right he has a right to know, just how? I need to find the bottle to do it.

Not sure why people are saying my DH is aggressive, yes I said he could flip out and go crazy but this is surely a normal reaction if any man found out this from there wife. He has been a absolutely wonderful father to my son and has been a great husband also and I don’t have anything bad to say about him I just let emotions take over me and destroyed everything.

So again thank you all for the guidance and advice I appreciate everybody views on this absolutely mess of a situation.

Hope my little girl isn’t gonna suffer to much bless her, she is number one after all and she comes first before any man in my life right now.

OP posts:
Bloomburger · 09/09/2019 04:36

One of DH's friends had this happen to him, she chose not to tell him though and the father turned up on the doorstep when the little boy was 2 years old and told the father that the little boy he was holding wasn't his. Bloody destroyed the bloke for years. You have to tell your husband.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 09/09/2019 05:25

Good luck @Ashley021
Yes it is going to be hard; but as you are doing, think of your daughter.
As one of the pps said, think about renting with your mum for a while, so that you are not on your own, but not with either man; till you figure out the way ahead.

BrokenWing · 09/09/2019 06:11

How do you tell him?

It is not easy news to break and you are just going to have to come out with it. Can you send your ds to a sleepover somewhere? Then sit with your dh, tell him everything at once and then answer anything he asks you factually and truthfully and make no excuses. Be prepared to answer questions like do you love him, how could you do this to us etc. Do not say we didn't mean it to happen, tried not to clichés, because you did.

DerbyshireGirly · 09/09/2019 09:51

@Ashley021 not just your daughter to worry about, this could well affect your son massively. Somebody very close to me had an unfaithful mother and it well and truly screwed him up - took until his late 20s to make any kind of progress in dealing with all the self-destructive hurt and anger. I can go into detail but it isn't a nice story. So while I'm sure it was very fun and exciting sneaking round and boosting your ego, you may have already set your son up for huge issues later down the line.

FlowerPowerBecky · 09/09/2019 09:54

So not only are you probably feeling smug but like the previous poster says, you only care about this child you created being what can only be described as a home wrecker, great! I dont feel sorry for your daughter I feel sorry for you son and husband! Hope they both leave you high and dry its dreadful what you have done!

dollytutu · 09/09/2019 10:25

@Ashley021 I know you must be feeling terrible and I feel for you but what were you thinking confiding this info with the other man and not your husband! I honestly feel like this is another betrayal in its self and you haven't learnt from the affair!
Tell your husband asap unfortunately you have made a bigger mess out of this, if you hadn't told the other man there may have been other options but I can't see any now!

SimplyBeBlythe · 09/09/2019 10:28

If you are putting your daughter first as you say, then you have to be honest about her parentage.
True story: my grandmother came from a huge and complicated family. Her brother lived in Africa and came here as a young man. Fell head over heals with a woman - only trouble was that she was his niece. They went through years of hell, not having a relationship but being very in love. Neither married and became ‘companions’. He died in his mid 40’s and it was then revealed that he didn’t actually belong to my great grandfather and there was no blood relationship between them. They could have married, had children the whole lot. My great grandmother hadn’t told anyone as she was ‘embarrassed’. Selfish more like.

GrimpenMire · 09/09/2019 13:57

SimplyBeBlyth That is such a sad situation. Dreadful.

Roozy123 · 09/09/2019 14:00

@SimplyBeBlythe

That's heartbreaking

Iflyaway · 09/09/2019 19:10

I would have said either keep the secret to yourself for life if DH and the bio dad have similar looks,

Yea, right, fuck everyone up why don't you?! WTF!

Be ready for the shit to hit the fan while not telling your child the truth about his bio dad, and the man that is a relationship with you.

Don't take this bullshit from a stranger OP. (That's her look out). Tell the truth, hard as it is.. It will come out sooner or later.

You owe it to yourself, your child {especially} and to everyone in your orbit.

Jesskir89 · 09/09/2019 20:38

@ashley021 just read this full thread and one thing stuck in my head throughout. Did you have a period after the last sex with om? If so how can this baby be his? You know the first 2 weeks of pregnancy you aren't pregnant don't you? As they go off the first day of your last period. In my opinion tell your dh about the affair and the possibility the baby isn't his ASAP I'm surprised you've managed to keep it to yourself for this long it would eat me alive. Good luck

ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents · 09/09/2019 21:03

Oh OP, how lucky are you that MN double standards work so wonderfully in your favour that you do something so dispicable yet women will still minimise your atrocious actions and find fault in your husband. Congratulations.

You have done a disgusting thing and it's quite obvious you do not have any remorse but only pity for yourself. Had you not fallen pregnant I imagine this affair would have continued? You describe yourself as some helpless woman who could not resist this other man, how pathetic. Honestly, had you been a man and said all this, you would have rightly been put in your place.

Stop the betrayal and lies and face the consequences of your actions. You have destroyed your family, the other man has no loyalty or responsibility to your husband. Also all the flattering comments about him, how nice can a man be that is willing to have an affair?

Tell your husband the truth, and allow him to decide what he wants to do. If you lose him, you deserve it and I for one would hope he would not stick with someone who could do this.

We all can screw up, but what makes us better is accepting when we are wrong and take action to do better.

I wish your husband and son well, and I hope this new child is not lied to either and knows the truth about who her father is.

Nonetheless, it's been disgusting to see the double standards once again on this site, how do we expect honest advise and help when some posters will do anything to twist things to make a man be in the wrong. That is never helpful. Women are capable of being vile and disgusting and abusive too.

Jesskir89 · 09/09/2019 22:59

I think some posts are harsh the girl knows she's fucked up and has come on here for help let's not stress a pregnant woman out more that she already will be.

leaserspottedmummybird · 09/09/2019 23:27

Oh dear op. What a tangled web you have weaved for yourself. Please let us know how you get on.

leaserspottedmummybird · 09/09/2019 23:27

@Ashley021

leaserspottedmummybird · 09/09/2019 23:28

😂

leaserspottedmummybird · 10/09/2019 00:06

Honestly , all the posters here telling her she made a mistake and don't feel bad etc 🤢
You don't exactly get pregnant by having your pig tails pulled. The poor husband with a wife like this.

Heartburn888 · 10/09/2019 07:05

I doubt she will be back to let us know. I wouldn’t after reading some of the posts in here.

DecomposingComposers · 10/09/2019 08:05

What did she expect though? Does anyone really expect people to support a woman considering passing another man's baby off as their husband's?

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 10/09/2019 08:06

q

ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents · 10/09/2019 08:23

@Heartburn888 Why do we need an update? This isn't a soap opera, it's someone's life. She put her situation forward and got responses. We don't need all the in's and outs, we just are here to help and advise as long as the person needs.

As for the replies, she's actually had it very easy, I never see such understanding when situations are reversed.

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