It’s not my husbands baby!!!

[Ashley021]

Hello again everyone, I shared a thread a few weeks back about my situation, I didn’t reply but I read everything and I listened to everyone advice and opinion respectively.

Anyway I’m lost I don’t know what to do or where to go as I done a prenatal paternity test while carrying and the results came back as not my husbands.

I’m currently 25 weeks pregnant and my husband still thinks it’s his baby, we already have a little boy together and I’m so devastated about ripping the family apart because of my little boy. I feel so so so guilty, I feel like I have destroyed my life.

The guy who baby I am carrying is a wonderful guy to be honest and has said he wants to be involved and he is very excited about having a little baby girl but at the same time he is very very scared of the future especially because of my situation, and how my husband will react.

So I’m super confused what to do?

Do I tell my husband? now that I know the results so far into the pregnancy? I’m scared his reaction could put me into labour!!!

Do I not tell him and pretend it’s his child to keep my family together?

Do I not tell him YET and wait for baby to be born then do a DNA test?

I’m just so scared myself on what to do, there isn’t no easy way out and I have to suffer the consequences as it was my choice to cheat on my husband. Just not sure what next step to take.

Thanks for listening.

@dreamingdaisy Please do not tell me how to put my opinions forward, I'm open to say what I wish and I have not meant anything in an unkind manner but a realistic one. You do not have to agree, but please do not try to police others. Say what you want to the OP as you are entitled.

Also refrain from making accusations that I've said something untrue. What exactly about my words is untrue? I've commented exactly on the information provided by the OP and have not added anything.

I don't practice double standards as many like to on here. My words were not directed to you and I will continue to post as I wish and if I have broken any rules of MN, I am certain they will delete my comments.

Here's hoping we see you showing some kindness on threads where men ask for advice and are getting abuse. I look forward to it.

@CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt Yup, and if you give honest real answers and advice to tell the truth apparently you're the worst.

Just the double standards as usual on display over here.

I'm just shocked at how many are telling the OP to lie.

@ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents if you take a moment to actually read what I've said and not jump to conclusions you'll see I said NOTHING YOU SAID IS UNTRUE, IE YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.

However you have thrown very nasty words at OP so if that is your version of not being unkind then sure go ahead.

@ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents also I note you mentioned about men getting abuse. So that draws conclusion that you admit OP is getting abuse. So as I said, go ahead, carry on "NOT" being unkind.

@CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt off topic but your username is perfect.

This is such a sad thread

@dreamingdaisy

I think if the op had posted asking for advice on how to tell her partner, rather than saying all options were on the table including her and I'm colluding in passing the baby off as DHS, I think the replies would have been a bit less judgemental.

The fact that anyone could be contemplating such a monumental lie was a step too far for me.

The op has had 25 weeks to consider what to do. It should never have got this far without her telling her DH that she has doubts as to who the baby's father is and the fact that the affair continues, albeit as an emotional affair now, just compounds it.

Let's not get away from what this thread is about. A young woman stuck in a mess that Yes we all know she created but is asking for help and advice. @ashley021 have you decided how and when you're going to speak to dh?

@dreamingdaisy Please don't twist what I say. I mentioned abuse as many have also said, when men make threads about affairs, or when a woman posts about a man's affair, there is hardly ever any understanding and consistent abuse.

OP has not had abuse thrown at her at all, no one has sworn at her or actually called her any names AT ALL. Some have called out her behaviour, and majority have tried to excuse it and paint her husband as abusive, despite OP stating multiple times he is not.

As mentioned previously, I do look forward to seeing you being so kind and understanding when a man posts about his affair and asks whether he should lie or tell the truth. If I come across a thread, I'll be sure to tag you so you can grace him with your kindness.

Nonetheless, you can continue to make of my words what you wish, I won't be engaging with you further. Best wishes.

@DecomposingComposers Thank you, you have summed it up perfectly.

I just want to highlight your comment once again.

*I think if the OP (original post/poster) had posted asking for advice on how to tell her partner, rather than saying all options were on the table including her and I'm colluding in passing the baby off as DHS, I think the replies would have been a bit less judgemental.

The fact that anyone could be contemplating such a monumental lie was a step too far for me.

The OP (original post/poster) has had 25 weeks to consider what to do. It should never have got this far without her telling her DH (darling husband) that she has doubts as to who the baby's father is and the fact that the affair continues, albeit as an emotional affair now, just compounds it.*

Here's hoping the OP does not take the advice to continue to lie as that will prolong her suffering and make this situation worse. Honesty is what is needed here so all involved can make decisions and move forward. Honesty also allows the opportunity of forgiveness.

I clicked on this thread then other day but didnt have time to respond (DS toddler mayhem).

I'm disappointed, but certainly not surprised, that it's turned into a bashing the OP thread.

Seriously, she already said she felt awful. Why do people do it? Why pile on? Does it make you feel better? Does it affirm for you that you are morally superior?

If you suffer from lack of empathy, that's fine. Leave the thread. Why add to an already shitty situation?

@plinkplink spot on. Op isn't following thread, everyone on here is following hers

Isn't following their thread sorry

I think id change my name, and move far away

@Ashley021 I would tell a friend/ someone close to you and your husband but from your side, then ask them to be present (in the house, not the room) when you break the news to your DH. It's a big blow and I think you may need another person around to defuse a potentially volatile situation.

The right thing to do is tell him now, once the baby's born he will be even more attached and it will be tougher on him to take.

@PlinkPlink 👏👏👏👏 Exactly my sentiments.

Completely agree with everything @ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents has said - I don't think she has been rude or overtly judgemental at all.

Everyone advocating for not judging the OP etc have zero moral fibre to encourage lying to her husband and perpetuating the terrible lies she has already told

MN is full of double standards

@PlinkPlink
Punishing herself would be to own up to what she's done.....she hasn't. She feels GUILT - it's not the same

@Wonderland18 blushes 😂

I meant.. I’m blushing haha.