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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

It’s not my husbands baby!!!

259 replies

Ashley021 · 08/09/2019 06:35

Hello again everyone, I shared a thread a few weeks back about my situation, I didn’t reply but I read everything and I listened to everyone advice and opinion respectively.

Anyway I’m lost I don’t know what to do or where to go as I done a prenatal paternity test while carrying and the results came back as not my husbands.

I’m currently 25 weeks pregnant and my husband still thinks it’s his baby, we already have a little boy together and I’m so devastated about ripping the family apart because of my little boy. I feel so so so guilty, I feel like I have destroyed my life.

The guy who baby I am carrying is a wonderful guy to be honest and has said he wants to be involved and he is very excited about having a little baby girl but at the same time he is very very scared of the future especially because of my situation, and how my husband will react.

So I’m super confused what to do?

Do I tell my husband? now that I know the results so far into the pregnancy? I’m scared his reaction could put me into labour!!!

Do I not tell him and pretend it’s his child to keep my family together?

Do I not tell him YET and wait for baby to be born then do a DNA test?

I’m just so scared myself on what to do, there isn’t no easy way out and I have to suffer the consequences as it was my choice to cheat on my husband. Just not sure what next step to take.

Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ashley021 · 08/09/2019 07:06

@Teateaandmoretea

Well as I said in previous post, this is one of the worse things a women could do to a man, it’s disgusting, disrespectful and pure right evil, and I truly hate myself for this and don’t think I will ever recover, so he has every right to want to go after the “dad” he has never laid a hand on me don’t worry but thank you for caring.

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 08/09/2019 07:07

You need to tell your DH.

The only question remaining is when.

It does seem fairer to tell him sooner rather than later.

So I think you are going to have to tell him that there is at least the possibility asap.

And yes, your affair has destroyed your previous family so you and your DC will need to start again from scratch to build a new life.

londonrach · 08/09/2019 07:11

Op. i didnt think dna tests were reliable until after birth. Tbh you cant keep the fact he slept with someone else quiet as you already told the other man this baby is his. You need to be honest with your dh. How you feel if he slept with someone else and didnt tell you. I dont thinkyour marriage survive this but sounds like you want to be with the other man anyway. Just remember your other son and dont introduce your boyfriend too son after the birth to your son.

Original poster
Ashley021 · 08/09/2019 07:12

Just to clarify if you haven’t seen my pervious thread is that i got my dates completely wrong this is why I told my husband it is his child, I was 100% convinced as we was actually trying but it was before my period not after. And I did not have unprotected with the “dad” he wore condom but he was not very good with them so must of been a spill or leak or something.

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 08/09/2019 07:13

You need to put the child first, not you or either man, and tell everyone.

NerrSnerr · 08/09/2019 07:15

Why were you trying for a baby while shagging someone else? Why were you actively trying to bring another baby into this mess?

You need to tell him. That needs to happen ASAP.

saffy1234 · 08/09/2019 07:20

As long as you are ok @Ashley021
It's a terrible position to be in

Original poster
Ashley021 · 08/09/2019 07:22

@NerrSnerr

I only got married to him last August, and we was trying since then. I actually tried my best to get pregnant so I could stop all this mess and focus on my family but it didn’t happen but I just could not stay away from him I keep going back.

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Original poster
Ashley021 · 08/09/2019 07:27

@saffy1234

I’m generally not ok if I’m honest, I’m just so so scared of the future and so scared all this stress is so bad for my baby and it’s so hard to accept.

I just completely destroyed my life and my husband. I married him because I thought he was the one, we was together for 5 years and travelled had a beautiful son together and I had no interest in other men I swear! but then I met the “dad” we work together and we just got on very well, was just friendship nothing more, we had a lot in common and it went from there.

I just cannot believe I’m in this situation. I will never judge anyone ever again.

OP posts:
Goldenglory · 08/09/2019 07:28

You need to separate from your husband. The fact that you are contemplating a life with this other man says it all.
Do the decent thing

SunshineCake · 08/09/2019 07:30

Everyone involved, I mean. Your husband, your child and potentially midwife as you'll red the dads medical history.

Jesse70 · 08/09/2019 07:31

There could still be a chance that it is your husbands! Dates can be a bit out ! A DNA test is the only way to positively know for sure
If I were in your position I would wait until I could get a test done
But the possible father may like someone else have confided in someone else and already maybe a few people already know so it's not guaranteed that it won't get back to him somehow
I know it must feel like if it's his baby then all will be well and u are probably right it's just the what if's u are going to have to think about
I think it would kill me keeping secret like that but good luck whatever you decide and I hope it all works out

AuntieStella · 08/09/2019 07:34

The sort of stress that is bad for a baby is considerably worse than this - think besieged cities or refugee camps (and even then most babies are unaffected)

So you can out that out of your mind, and get on with dealing yourvsituation.

You wrecked your family months/years ago when your affair started. Spinning out the consequences will make things worse not better.

You need to tell your DH. and you need to do so asap. You are currently being cruel to him by continuing to choose deception. You can at least spare him that.

Whenaretheholidaysover · 08/09/2019 07:34

How reliable was the test?

Original poster
Ashley021 · 08/09/2019 07:35

Jesse70

I already done a prenatal paternity test with DDC, cost a ton but needed to know as was driving me insane. The results was the biological father was not my husband and was the other guy 99.9%

OP posts:
SexTrainGlue · 08/09/2019 07:37

Jesse10 - she's had a DNA test done. It says so in OP.

The muddle about dates is just a piece of the background about why she lied to her DH (the wrong date made it look possible it was his)

SexTrainGlue · 08/09/2019 07:38

x-post (slow typing)

saffy1234 · 08/09/2019 07:38

Mistakes happen @Ashley021 ,just do happens you have fell pregnant so have now a different dilemma.I really think you meed to tell your husband though.This stress cannot be good for you or the baby.

Lollypop10 · 08/09/2019 07:43

I agree with everything already said you need to tell your husband. One thing not mentioned is your unborn daughter. She has a right to know her true father. It’s cruel to let your husband think he is the father and equally as cruel to bring a child up thinking someone is her father but not.
Yes people have affairs and are mistakes but there isn’t any saving this family/marriage. You decided it was over when you’d started an affair. Yes it may have crept up on you and not wanted it but the decision was made by you. You need to be honest with all involved. Staying with someone for the sake of a child’s happiness does not work. Children are very clever and will notice there’s an issue or that your unhappy. Good luck x

BustedDreams · 08/09/2019 07:44

@Ashley021 I just never wanted my child to have his mum and dad separate, it breaks my heart it really really does, and il do anything to keep my little boy happy, maybe the love for my husband isn’t as strong as it once was but this is something I never wanted to happen

I agree you’re in a horrible situation. However you were not thinking of your children or you dh during your affair. It’s a bit late now. This isn’t just about your own selfish needs now.

The best thing you can do for your dh, children and unborn child is come clean by starting to be honest about what you’ve done, what you want and what happens next. Sit your dh down and tell him!

Original poster
Ashley021 · 08/09/2019 07:44

Thank you everyone for you reply’s and advice.

Mostly everybody is saying I should tell him which I need to find the courage to do which I don’t think I can do to his face unfortunately but honestly should I be worried about his reaction? He is a very hard man and very serious, he has never laid a finger on me but in his past he use to drink a lot and fight, his family have always said since he met me he has calmed down a lot so this worry’s me that he could completely flip out and go crazy and I’m genuinely worried for the biological father.

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PotteringAlong · 08/09/2019 07:49

I had an affair with him for 4-5 months before I got pregnant, we are very very close, we talk daily

So are you still having the affair?

ShippingNews · 08/09/2019 07:51

There is no easy way to tell your DH. All I can say is that when you decide to do it, make sure that he hasn't been drinking and make sure that your child isn't around at the time.

Putting it off isn't going to make this any easier - your baby will be born within the next 15 weeks and if you don't do this before that happens, it will be 10 times worse afterwards .

Wereeaglesdare · 08/09/2019 07:51

This is your punishment for doing an awful thing to another person. You need to do the decent thing, find accomodation and move out. Set up an arrangement with your husband for access to his DS and be 100 per cent honest with him about this DNA test but only after you have a safe space. Sorry love but you brought about this stress for yourself and its only you that can fix the situation. I agree you were utterly selfish trying for a baby with a man who you were cheating on and if you were a man telling this same scenario you would get absoloutely slated on here. Do the decent thing.

Original poster
Ashley021 · 08/09/2019 07:52

@PotteringAlong

No after I found out I was pregnant and was convinced baby was my husband it all stopped.

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