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Original poster

It’s not my husbands baby!!!

259 replies

Ashley021 · 08/09/2019 06:35

Hello again everyone, I shared a thread a few weeks back about my situation, I didn’t reply but I read everything and I listened to everyone advice and opinion respectively.

Anyway I’m lost I don’t know what to do or where to go as I done a prenatal paternity test while carrying and the results came back as not my husbands.

I’m currently 25 weeks pregnant and my husband still thinks it’s his baby, we already have a little boy together and I’m so devastated about ripping the family apart because of my little boy. I feel so so so guilty, I feel like I have destroyed my life.

The guy who baby I am carrying is a wonderful guy to be honest and has said he wants to be involved and he is very excited about having a little baby girl but at the same time he is very very scared of the future especially because of my situation, and how my husband will react.

So I’m super confused what to do?

Do I tell my husband? now that I know the results so far into the pregnancy? I’m scared his reaction could put me into labour!!!

Do I not tell him and pretend it’s his child to keep my family together?

Do I not tell him YET and wait for baby to be born then do a DNA test?

I’m just so scared myself on what to do, there isn’t no easy way out and I have to suffer the consequences as it was my choice to cheat on my husband. Just not sure what next step to take.

Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
Adrianneannanne · 08/09/2019 11:58

If she's genuinely scared then yes. Which would you rather- humiliation or being pummelled? Maybe not a cafe... but if you're scared, I wouldn't do it at home.

DecomposingComposers · 08/09/2019 12:05

I honestly don't know - writing a letter or text seems unbelievably cruel too. I just think doing it in a public place is awful. What's he meant to do when told - sit there impassively because there are people all around? Cry and cause a scene?
What a mess..some people are just utterly selfish.

Ginger1982 · 08/09/2019 12:06

Do not do it in public for God's sake!!

Roozy123 · 08/09/2019 12:16

you rather- humiliation or being pummelled? lol... when has she stated he is a violent woman beater!?
She's stated he would get physical with the man.... not her!!
How it's got twisted to this is disgusting in all honesty. The husband hasn't done a thing wrong!!!!
She has even stated he will probably just pack and leave!? Not hit her!?

She wasn't that scared of her husband while having sex with another man.
They're not both scared he will leave her as she said pack up and leave and the om is being selfish thinking of him getting a smack maybe... instead of the husband's life about to be ripped apart!!!

She is not the victim.. the husband is!!

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 08/09/2019 12:18

You have to start taking responsibility for your actions

You CANNOT deceive your husband bad enough he already things the baby you're carrying is his. You can't expect him to love and financially support her when he's not her father

FlowerPowerBecky · 08/09/2019 12:24

How are we meant to believe that he is violent? You might just be saying that to justify the awful thing you have done and get women to feel sorry for you! Grow up! Tell him and expect him to he mad, you have destroyed this relationship because you slept around, no sympathy is needed, get on with your life and dont ruin anyone else's!

EscapeTheOrdinary · 08/09/2019 12:25

Tell him sooner rather than later. If he decides he wants nothing to do with the baby you have 15 weeks to prepare. If you wait until the baby is here you won’t have time at all. Yes it will be difficult whilst pregnant but it will be even tougher the closer you get to your due date or when the baby arrives. Don’t leave it until you give birth in the hope he might accept them as his own. What’s done is done and you can’t turn back the clock but 1 night is a mistake. 5 months whilst ttc is not. What ever you reasons for starting and continuing the affair you need to face the consequences. It will be better for your other child as well to have all this happen before the baby is born as they may associate their dad leaving with the coming of the new baby which could also cause issues later on

duebaby2 · 08/09/2019 12:33

I think the term is you've made your bed now sleep in it!
You chose to sleep with someone else less than a year into your marriage and then lie to your husband about it.

Tell your husband you had an affair and then tell him about the baby, rather than dragging the poor man down the river for years. You did this so you deal with the consequences it brings even if it rips your family apart. You should have known that would happen the moment you chose to lay in another mans bed.

This happened to my dad, except it was my dad who did a dna test on a child he thought was his, it wasn't his and it broke him. The woman lied and she knew yet chose to not tell him, it's just a good thing this was done by the time the child was 5 so not that much time had passed. However I don't think the child will ever know who their father is because the mother is delusional and has moved on to different men probably spinning the same web of lies.

mrsmuddlepies · 08/09/2019 12:37

@Reezy123, I said that a man unknowingly bringing up another man's child is relatively common. I did not say I thought it was right.
Many threads are so sympathetic to a woman who has an affair. A man would never meet any such understanding.
A previous poster pointed to the massive double standards on here. A thread like this highlights the double standards.

SoupDragon · 08/09/2019 12:40

There is a chance your new baby is your husband’s

There is also the chance that Elvis is alive and well and living in Southampton.

Roozy123 · 08/09/2019 12:51

@mrsmuddlepies i think that was me that pointed out about the double standards lol.

It's disgusting.

Butchyrestingface · 08/09/2019 13:18

If you're genuinely afraid that your husband will do the father physical harm, then I wouldn't tell him who it is.

One way to make this shit storm even worse is for your husband to end up doing time at Her Majesty's Pleasure for GBH on the baby daddy. 🙄

Mind-blowing that after being married for a few short months, you not only start an affair with a work mate, but decide to try to conceive with your husband.

tinkz92 · 08/09/2019 16:52

Defo tell your husband that he might not be the father and explain you've had a previous test and the CORRECT results of that test BEFORE you have the baby, and give him the choice of what he wants to do. Then you can confirm with a DNA after the baby has been born whether the first test was correct or not.
It's not fair that he believes this child is his and to fall in love with this child when it might not even be his. He has a right to decide and if it means the end of your family unit then you have no one to blame but yourself! But your husband deserves the truth especially when you've been having an affair while trying for a baby with him Shock Confused

SunshineCake · 08/09/2019 16:58

All posters saying don't tell dh as he might kill the father really aren't thinking about the baby are they ?

Butchyrestingface · 08/09/2019 17:28

All posters saying don't tell dh as he might kill the father really aren't thinking about the baby are they ?

I think posters (well, me anyway) who were sounding caution about revealing the father’s identity weren’t saying don’t tell the husband at all. Rather to think carefully about telling him who the father is if the OP truly fears the husband may assault him.

And of course the baby would be a huge concern in the circumstances. Not great for the baby to begin life with its mother’s husband having assaulted its father, surely?

GrimpenMire · 08/09/2019 17:36

OP, did you say you had a period after you had sex with the OM? If this is the case it's unlikely that he is the father surely?

SunshineCake · 08/09/2019 17:41

In terms of the baby knowing who her biological father is..

Heartburn888 · 08/09/2019 17:51

You need to tell him. It’s not going to be easy as I have been where you are but you need to tell him. He will be heartbroken and it’s not going to be an easy road but you need to tell him.

FluffyCloudsInTheSky · 08/09/2019 20:44

OP you have to be honest with your husband over the uncertain paternity. He deserves to know. As the test is unreliable tell him this also

Sparkle0109 · 08/09/2019 21:17

How is the DH getting all this bullshit that he is abusive? If I did this to my DH I would expect him to lose his shit as would I if the roles were reversed... probably every man I know for a fact would react badly to this kind of selfishness... who wouldn't??

CorBlimeyGovenor · 08/09/2019 21:33

@ those saying that the husband is not abusive. He may well not be. And yes, he is a victim. And No, he has never laid a hand on the OP before. But the OP has admitted on a couple of more occasions that she is worried about what he will do to the other man, that he is a hard man and that he used to drink and get into fights. Although he has calmed down, she does appear scared about his reaction. If he is prone to anger/fighting, then it wouldn't be outside the realms of possibility that he could attack the OP and her unborn baby. It is a potentially volitile situation. Domestic Violence rates increase during pregnancy. As I recall, she has also stated that she would be scared of telling him to his face. So, which would be better: afford him the benefit of the doubt or ere on the side of caution and ensure that the OP and her baby are safe? It seems like a no brainer to me.

Ginger1982 · 08/09/2019 21:34

Sounds like an excuse.

Skittlenommer · 08/09/2019 21:35

You need to tell your DH immediately! It’s not fair to deceive him.... again. You made your choices now you have to live with them!

CorBlimeyGovenor · 08/09/2019 21:36

It possibly may be. But only the OP really knows that and I'm only going on what information she has told us (whether one sided or an excuse or not).

Roozy123 · 08/09/2019 21:37

She couldn't have been that scared as she was banging another man for months!!!!!
She still would be now if she hadn't fallen pregnant! Also.. she has said herself he would just pack and leave her!?
The husband is the bloody victim!
They're worrying now because their affair now has to come to light!!!

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