Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

Starting to get heartburn these last few days. Looking forward to everyone at work knowing soon, so long as everything goes well, so I can have a litre bottle of gaviscon on my desk to swig away at.

Thanks @fnej01 the second trimester is terrifying! It's hard between the 12 week scan and 16 week appointment. I feel pretty much normal now, with the exception of the bump peeking out!

Has anyone noticed a bit more hair growing on their belly? Normal? Sign of a boy?

@FirstTimeMama91 @fnej01 @rubyroot @sadtoday21 thanks for the reassurance

@fnej01 @rubyroot @Newbie21 @Mistymeow best of luck for your scans this week! Will be looking forward to seeing lots of lovely pictures and hearing lots of good news

@sadtoday21 I have caved and booked a scan for Wednesday! I figure if it gives me a bit of reassurance it's worth the money. I have a bit more hair on my belly too - only noticeable if you really look hard but a line of hair - like where the lines nigra should be but of hair! Not sure it means anything gender wise though

@strawberrye that's exactly what mine looks like! Faint line of more hair where the lines nigra should be. Wonder if it is a precursor to it or something. Do you think you will be able to find out the gender at your scan this week? You will be 15 weeks + how many days on Wednesday? Just curious because I might break down too and get a scan slightly before 16 weeks, particularly if they can tell gender then! Wishing you the best of luck and hope the scanxiety doesn't hit you too much before then Xxx.

@FirstTimeMama91 baths are fine provided they aren't too hot, or always found it helps with backache. They are also part of the standard advice given when you go into the beginning of labour.

@sadToday21 not specifically on my bump but my hair is definitely growing quicker and thicker everywhere as are my nails.

DD1 is very unsettled this week, she's very clingy and moany about everything, not settling for bed well and did end up sleeping in my bed a few nights ago. She's talking about DD2 quite a bit and asking about this baby too, she asked the other day if this baby is poorly too. I'm trying to answer her questions and reassure her as much as I can but it's hard to know what she's actually thinking as she's only 2.5 so doesn't have much of an attention span. I wish she wasn't having to get her head around this.

Thanks for the best wishes everyone!
@rubyroot good luck for your scan too!
@sadtoday21 I think if the scan helps your anxiety it can only be a good thing but do keep an eye on it. Hopefully when you start to feel movements you will feel more reassured.
@fnej01 yes backache has been prevalent throughout. All the ligaments are relaxing and if you have had previous lower back issues it can be more obvious. The pain is worse when I’m lying on my back, shooting pain down my leg urgh.

I’ve heard about the hairy tummy thing, doesn’t sound very welcoming!

For any Londoners, when did you start wearing your baby on board badge? I’m 10 weeks and don’t believe in jinxing or anything like that, but I don’t want anyone I know seeing it as not even our immediate family know. But I have a long journey on the northern line....

Morning everyone. I have been reading your posts over the weekend but not had time to respond.

@Mistymeow I'm not in London but wondered if you could use the badge initially then take it off when you've hopefully got a seat? You're probably quite unlikely so see anyone you know?

@Bluebelltulip it sounds like she is trying to work it out but can't really understand. I'm sure she'll get used to the idea the further along you get.

@strawberrye Good luck for Wednesday. I'm in two minds whether to book an extra scan before our 12 week scan because I find them so terrifying.

@fnej01 I did some housework on Saturday then had to lie in bed on Sunday morning as I was so tired!

I'm really worrying about things at the moment and not sure what to do for the best. I'm currently signed off work until Wednesday and I'm not sure what to do then. I am feeling better with the nausea but I'm still taking the tablets which make me sooo tired. I feel ok pottering around at home but I'm not sure if I could handle a whole day at work? It's really full on from 8am and I can't usually leave until 5.30 when I have to bring work home with me. I'm just not sure if I can manage this while feeling like a zombie? I'm not sure whether to try to see my dr tomorrow to talk it through as it seems like a bit of a waste of an appointment.
I'm also not sure when to ring my boss as I don't really know her and I worry I might say the wrong thing. I've also read that the sickness might come back and I don't want to mess work around by going off sick again.
On top of all this I'm worrying about why the sickness has stopped. My last scan measured a few days behind at 7+5 and I'm so worried something has gone wrong.
Sorry for rambling on. I just keep going round in circles. I'm so bad at making a decision when I'm anxious!
Any advice? I just don't know what to do for the best

@janey15 thank you. When is your 12 week scan? I guess it comes down to what you find more anxiety-inducing - the thought of the scan, or the uncertainty of not having a scan? Its like being stuck between a rock and a hard place sometimes isn't it?!

It sounds like a lot of your worry at the moment is regarding work and whether you can/should go back at the moment. I think it wouldn't be a waste of a GP appointment to discuss it with them - they might suggest giving you a fit note with a phased return on it? It would mean work would have to allow you a phased return back in e.g. with half days to see how it goes - and if work can't accommodate that then it acts as a sick note. Might be a way to ease yourself back in to see if you are feeling up to it?

@sadtoday21 I don't think they'll look for gender - I don't really mind to be honest, as I have already booked and paid for a gender scan at the end of the month! I will be 15+3 on Wednesday, just praying to see a healthy active bubba. I can let you know how it goes though and if they mention the sex on Wednesday?

Thanks @strawberrye that would be great! I'm tempted to book my gender scan for 15+2, but I think they might refuse to do it if under 16 weeks. So I'm not sure whether I should just try to hold out a few more days...feels like forever though! I also just want to go and see if my baby is healthy, more than anything. The weird thing is that the reassurance scan costs more than the gender scan, so it really makes sense just to do the latter. Erghh I'm half tempted to just call my EPAU and beg to be seen, but I also don't think they will take me just for anxiety and don't want to lie about symptoms. Not sure what to do? Good luck with your scan this week!

@Mistymeow I would use it if I were you. You need to sit down, particularly if you are feeling unwell.

@strawberrye I've just had my scan date through the door - 7th October which is still
3 weeks away!
Rock and a hard place is the best way to describe it! I think all my anxiety about work and the baby is mixing together into a panic.
I stupidly read something on Instagram about a pregnancy that stopped developing at the same stage I am at and it's completely freaked me out.
Im going to see my dr tomorrow to talk about it then she'll see what a head case I am at the moment!

@sadtoday21 sorry you are feeling anxious. In my local area they don't seem to do the gender scan before 16 weeks. Not sure if this is because they can't see.

@janey15 I agree with @strawberrye about seeing if you can talk to GP or Occ health about a phased return to work. I actually find that during the week at work really keeps my anxiety at bay, whereas at weekends I have more time to worry and look things up. There is something about keeping distracted.

Re the scans I am having my 12 week scan tomorrow and then am hoping to hold out to 20 weeks if all looks ok. I might not make it, as I have been scanned every 2 weeks so far, but am actually starting to find the pre scan build up more stressful than when I am just bobbing along. Has anyone else thought less is maybe better?

@fnej01 I think it's about finding what works for you, weighing up the anxiety in the run up with the reassurance that scans can give. For me I find having small gaps between appointments helps but for others it doesn't.

@Janey15 yes I think she's slowly getting her head around it but at her age it's difficult, I'm taking her to my appointment with the consultant next Monday on my consultants advice and she will show her the baby which will hopefully help. Hopefully your doctor will be helpful tomorrow, pushing yourself too far won't help, I think it's difficult when you are in the not well enough to work a full day but don't feel ill enough to be at home all day too bit.

@MistyMeow could you use the badge just before you get on and take it off once seated if you are worried about people seeing it?

@janey15 you sound very anxious re reduction of nausea. I think you should get a scan. If you are nine weeks and heartbeat is seen your chance of miscarriage is quite low and it will make you realise that fluctuations in symptoms are fine as baby is still there. Yes the anxiety of going to scan is hard, but way I see it if bad news it is best for your mental health to know sooner, rather than later. Though I am sure you will be fine. Most private scan places you can get in real quick so you shouldn't be stewing on if too long.

I had scan today. I'm 13 weeks 2 according to scan, so one more day further along than last time. Scan pic is cute, it wasn't the best as baby was wriggling all over. They said nuchal looked absolutely fine but they couldn't measure it as baby wriggling so much. But no concerns and didn't look like it was excessive so... They also said they wouldn't usually measure it if I was not opting for screening. I've had the nipt so I'm going with that. Guess I'm just anxious after it was 5.8mm last time, but this is a totally different baby.
Doctor didn't mention aspirin even tho I'm over 40 (I thought she would, maybe it's because I'm not first time mother?) and she said it's fine if I want a C section and I can change my mind. She also said that any invasive testing to check for chromosomal issues wasn't worth it (yes I've been paranoid that all my eggs are somehow chromosomally defunct). She also said any serious issues would show up at 20 weeks and indeed a lot are picked up at 12.

So you hear that ladies lots of issues are picked up at dating scan, so chances are if you've had your dating scan, things are likely to be okay. X

Anyhow, now I'm going to see if I can wait it out til my anomaly scan without having a scan, I hope I do it. I will be having two anomaly scans though as I very much trust the consultant who does it privately.

@rubyroot Congratulations on your scan!
I think I'm just very anxious in general! I was thinking of booking a private scan as I don't want to go back to the fertility clinic of epu if I can help it! We live in a rural area with only one place that do private scans but their reviews are all good and they don't do dildo can - yay! Will talk to do when he gets in.

@Bluebelltulip That's exactly how I feel, not well enough to work, not I'll enough to be off! Also as a teacher you feel a lot of guilt for the disruption to the class.

@fnej01 I'm not sure a phased return is possible but I will definitely ask about it. In a school it seems like you're either in or out. I'm really wary of having so long off as it's 8 weeks currently including the summer holidays! I feel like I've forgotten how to teach!

Hey @rubyroot big congratulations. All sounds fantastic to me. I bet you’re relieved. It does seem many major issues would be evident at the 12 week scan.

I saw my GP today as my sickness has been uncontrollable. She said she’d be shocked if I mc after seeing a healthy heartbeat at 9 weeks. In her opinion most mcs would have happened by now. Obviously we have the dating scan and screening to get through but it’s all looking good.

I hear you @janey15 on the teacher front. I was a teacher for 12 years and I can imagine it’s tough taking time off. Having said that I’m suffering with constant nausea and sickness and there’s no way I could teach like this. It’s exhausting! I completely understand you’re worried about taking so much time out but your health and comfort is so important for the baby’s development. I’d call your boss and see what she says. It’s probably better from their perspective to get cover now rather than have you back and you need to go off again. I’ve had a few days of feeling better and then it’s come back again but worse. I’m 10 weeks now and it’s been horrendous. I’ve heard this is the worse week so there’s ever chance it could come back. It’s good the tablets are working for you. I didn’t have much luck with cyclizine. I’ve now started Rantidene antacids given by the doctor and it’s really helping to calm my tummy down.

@fnej01 good luck with the scan tomorrow. I hope it’s ok. Not long now!

@sadtoday21 I’d be tempted to call EPAU and see if you can get another reassurance scan. I’m sorry you’re feeling so anxious. I think mental health reasons are good enough to need a scan. Hopefully they can sort one for you!

@rubyroot congratulations glad that the scan went well x

@janey15 I would be surprised if a school didn't have an occupational health provider? I work in healthcare and our independent occ health doctor has been really helpful at assessing my ability to fulfil my role - mainly due to the steroids. Might be worth an ask with HR

@Catconfusion sorry to hear your sickness has been so bad. Thanks for well wishes

Hi ladies, I'm sorry I haven't been posting. I've had a crazy couple of weeks life-wise and not really been on Mumsnet much.

Congratulations to those of you who've had great scans in the last few days!

@fnej01, I get so, so anxious about scans too. The hospital even offered to scan me WEEKLY for my peace of mind but I declined - it's not good for me and therefore not good for my babies. My anxiety levels get so bad I am shaking and having panic attacks before and during scans. I have my 12 week scan this Thursday but I'll be 13+4. I'm worried they'll put me even further forward and not be able to do the nuchal translucency test.

On a personal note, we started bereavement counselling two weeks ago after a 7 month wait following the loss of our twin son and daughter in January. I told the counsellor that pregnancy after loss takes away that innocent naivety that pregnant women and their partners SHOULD experience and that it's fraught with worry, which you ladies know all too well. Eveny twinge (or lack of), every little symptom, every scan, it's a lot to take on board.

On a side note (unrelated, sorry), my dog was in a lot of pain last week so I called the vet and arranged for him to do a home visit today to put my boy to sleep. But, he had a very comfortable weekend and he's been better today than he's been for ages so I called the vet and asked him if we could put things on hold. He said yes but asked that I ring him later in the week with an update. My big old pup lives to see another day

Good luck tomorrow @fnej01! Thinking of you xxx.

@rubyroot major congrats on your scan and good luck holding out until 20 weeks! May you have more fortitude than me :).

Sorry to hear about your dog @Squiff70, I hope he keeps getting better!

Thanks @Catconfusion, I guess it is worth a try. The thing is, they basically told me last time not to come back for anxiety and my midwife said she would only refer me for a scan if I said I was bleeding (which I refuse to lie about). It puts me in this stressful position of knowing that I can get a scan if I exaggerate my symptoms, even though I really want to just be honest about it all, but also knowing that honesty will deny me a scan because anxiety and my previous losses aren't enough. So in the end I'll probably pay for a scan, but this also makes me anxious about spending money I don't have and why can't I just relax and wait for the NHS scan. It's a vicious circle!! I'm just going to try to hold out one more week and keep busy. Sorry to hear that you are still feeling poorly, but glad the new tablets are helping a bit. When do you hit 10 weeks? FX for you that the hormones will peak then and you can get a bit of relief Xxx.

Hey @Squiff70 good to hear from you. Good luck for your scan. I'm sorry to hear your dog is poorly. My dog is 12 and I keep worrying he'll get ill while I'm pregnant. I really hope your doggie pulls through and you have some good news to celebrate later in the week! xx

@sadtoday21 I think its such a shame anxiety isn't a big enough reason for hem to see you. In my opinion it should be. It doesn't sound like you'll get much luck if you call up. I guess it might be best to keep busy as much as possible until you can do the next scan.

I'm 10 weeks today and yesterday was probably the worst day. I could not control the vomiting at all. I was laying down and my lunch came up so suddenly. I took an antacid out of desperation really because my tummy felt like it was burning. I've just taken the stronger tablets for the doctor and I'm feeling much better. The doctor said in my case the oestrogen is causing acid indigestion and reflux so it makes sense to get rid of the acid. I've definitely noticed a difference today. xx

Thanks @Squiff70 - I am completely the same. I didnt sleep well last night, and I know I won't tonight. It's the same every scan. My blood pressure goes thru the root. None of it is good for baby, and I'm worried with all my other risks I'm just adding to it.

Sorry to hear you are both suffering @Catconfusion @sadtoday21

On a lighter note. Anyone get their legs waxed? How do they do it when you can't lay on your front. I asked the girl at my local salon tonight. But she was new and a bit vague...? Said maybe a chair or laying on side? She just didn't inspire me with confidence

@Catconfusion I'm sorry your still feeling crap but hopefully the new tablets will help. Some of my nausea is definitely made worse by indigestion. Hope you don't mind me asking but how did you manage to escape teaching? I love my actual job but it's all the rest monitoring, coordinator role, assessment, targets, ousted etc etc that make it unbearable for me.

@fnej01 I'm certain we have nothing like occupational health. School budgets are ridiculous and staff come last always. Same for HR.

@Squiff70 I get panic attacks every time I set foot in the hospital - it's horrible. My dh turned down the offer of an extra reassurance scan because of it. I was thinking of going private as it may be a less anxiety inducing atmosphere?
I'm so sorry to read about your dog. It's awful when you have to make that decision but they keep perking up again. With our elderly jack Russell it was really clear when it finally was time xxx

Thank you all for your kind words and reassurances. I'm feeling calmer now and trying to remind myself that I haven't actually had any signs something is wrong. I'm going to go to the drs tomorrow then ring my boss and see what she suggests. I have had time off in the past 3 years for fertility related surgery and my miscarriage and my then head made me feel awful for letting them down so I'm just extra anxious and feel guilty about it now.

@sadtoday21 I had a scan at 15+3 (for reassurance) and she asked whether we wanted to know the sex as she could identify clearly what she thought it was. It's so hard to go for so long without scans after losses and the crippling anxiety!

Hey @janey15 I loved teaching and working with kids but it was all the other stuff. I also had a bad experience with another member of staff bullying me. I had a prolapsed disc and could barely walk for three months. My doctor signed me off. The school were generally awful about it. There was nothing I could do as I have the complication of arthritis in my hips so it was bad. I had to get my union involved in the end. My headmaster just kept going on about how his sister had one and it healed in two weeks which wasn’t helpful. I was basically guilt tripped into going back too soon and another member of staff who didn’t believe I was ill started bullying me. She made snide comments and even threw some paper at me in the corridor. The insinuation from her was that I wasn’t doing my job properly and I didn’t care any more. It wasn’t that I just could barely move and shouldn’t have been at work. I did my best with very limited mobility. I was putting on a picture of health to the doctor so he would let me be at work because of the guilt and shame I felt. I reported the lady who bullied me and I was accused of being too sensitive and she got away with it. Needless to say I knew I needed to leave this school. In the end I just kept my head down and saved as much money up and I could. I then left three years ago to start my own copywriting business. It was a massive pay cut but I paid the bills. I scaled the business down last year before my wedding and honeymoon so I could take time off. If I’m honest I’ve not really worked much since then as I soon after had my mmc. DH is in a position to support for now but we can’t afford many luxuries. I’m hoping when the sickness gets better I can build the business up again.

I guess I’m telling you this because I know first hand schools can be brutal about sickness. As you say staff often come last. Just try not to worry about the politics. It is just a job and you shouldn’t feel bad about previous absences or the time you’re having off now. It’s the senior managements job to adequately cover staff and make sure all staff are well enough to work. Good luck with the phone call and speak to your union if you have any problems. You’re health and your baby’s health absolutely comes first! Xx

Thanks @Frillyfarmer that’s really helpful! The private scan place says they make you come back if you are measuring under 16 weeks, but I think that’s rubbish because honestly I just want to know the baby is ok and just a guess at gender would be enough for me! I suspect they can tell much earlier but don’t want to get it wrong, but I don’t really care about that. It more just helps distract me from worrying about the baby and helps it feel real. How many weeks are you now? How are you feeling?

@fnej01 I haven’t tried it but I read some ladies do waxing on their sides for legs and Brazilian! I’m not sure I would be brave enough for Brazilian but I guess they want to be groomed before delivery 😂.