Mother in law pulled out of childcare?

[Youngdoginthevillage]

Hi new poster on here, lurked for a while but looking for some impartial advice.
Me and my partner have been looking at trying for a baby in the next 12 months . His mother had said that she plans to retire in the next 24 months and had many a time said that she would cover childcare. On this we planned two days with her, two days with childminder and me returning four days a week. We could afford this. However this weekend she has accepted a promotion at work meaning that she has committed to four years full time, by that it puts us back a couple of years for having our first child. She openly says - oh I’ll be ready to be a grandma by then. But to be honest I’m upset as I’m ready to be a mum now, or within the next few months and it feels a massive blow to have to wait two more years before we can try for a baby. We couldn’t afford four days a week child minder, I have no family within 200 miles. I’m just unsure on what to do and looking for some perspective? Should we wait the extra two years before trying knowing that we would have support with childcare or start as planned and cripple ourself financially?

@Youngdoginthevillage I'd get this post deleted personally.

There was certainly nothing wrong in stating your points and asking your questions. I bet all of us on this site have asked questions at times others thought were silly. Particularly to do with children!

My mother once gave me the best advice: There is never a good time to have a planned child. There is always a dream / job / lifestyle / house you are chasing, and having a child forces you to reevaluate all of that. She also told me that you can never really afford them, you just make it work!

Affordability is all dependent on outgoings. If you had a huge mortgage then the prospect of losing a salary to raise a child could be terrifying regardless of joint salaries. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just take a breath and have a think. It might be that this was a way post was a subconscious way to delay children because you aren't quite ready.

If you are ready, take the time to really look at how it would work for you as a woman, you both as a couple / as parents, and then either hold off a little while or crack on! Conceiving is so out of our own personal control that you don't want to lose the enjoyment of trying when the time comes. So long as you can rely on yourself and your partner, you'll be fine. Anyone or anything else will be a bonus.

Oh and start saving, you’ll need it.

I think you are being unrealistic if you think you can have a baby and not have any changes to lifestyle. If you are not willing to make these sacrifices and not just in terms of money then you aren't ready to be parents. Your MIL could change her mind at any time or be unable to cope with a young baby (after a day spent looking after my two granddaughters it is easy to forget how much hard work they are especially when very little).

Sort your finances out so that you can afford childcare and ignore the offer from MIL. I cannot get over her telling you she will be ready to be a grandmother when she retires in a few times. Have kids on your agenda not hers. How old are you?

@Anothertempusername - what????

I really don't think you mean me with your 16:48 comment on Sunday.

I understand you being disappointed at having a few years believing it would pan out one way and now you’ve been told otherwise, that in itself it’s unreasonable.

However it is unreasonable to realistically expect your MIL to provide childcare, not because you will struggle but because you cannot maintain your current lifestyle AND pay childcare. That is cheeky fuckery at its finest.

The majority of my friends get some level of free childcare from their parents enabling them to work and keep lovely houses, have holidays, girls weekends away, nice cars etc and honestly it makes me feel
People feel almost entitled to this family help and I really really don’t understand the perspective. If you can’t afford children then don’t have them - or sacrifice some of your lifestyle to accommodate it.