Pregnancy after Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Starting a new thread for all of us that find ourselves pregnant again after one or more heartbreaking losses. I know it is really hard to join a pregnancy thread after miscarriage and we all fear the worst will happen again, but let's go on this journey together and hold hands along the way.

This is a safe place for all the ladies on the first pregnancy missed miscarriage thread and for any newcomers who want to join - you are all most welcome! All of the ladies on here have suffered one or more miscarriages and most of us have had particularly difficult losses, such as mmc and other complications. You don't need to be pregnant again to join - you are also most welcome if you have had a loss and are trying again. But we will be sharing scan photos and details of the new pregnancies, in case anyone might find that to be triggering.

Tagging @Catconfusion @Amanda81 @Kiki061190 @3204ECL @Babypending @Ginmonkey84 @MrsMGE and please add anyone else I may have left off. Without further ado, let's start the roll call.

About me: Age 31, trying for my first baby. Previous mmc at 12 weeks in February (hb stopped at 9+4), this turned out to be a partial molar pregnancy and I was monitored by CX hospital for three months. CP in March.

Now 9 weeks, EDD in March, if I make it that long. Oscillating between hope and extreme anxiety every day!

@Amanda81 that’s so lovely! These are life changing moments and just makes it even clearer why loss is so traumatic. I’m so pleased it’s going well and you’ll meet baby girl soon. The tears are totally understandable. Xx

Hi ladies!

I thought I would check in as this is the first time I’ve sat down today. My 20 week scan went amazing. Baby is perfect! Also we pretended we didn’t know the sex and the lady confirmed she is a girl! I can feel her moving every day now and I just feel so in love now.

We celebrated by buying the pram and bedside crib today. It’s starting to feel very real now 💓

Yay, so pleased for you @Kiki061190 It’s amazing, isn’t it! Such a huge milestone and great reassurance. I’ve been buying a few more bits too. Good news on the movements as well. Our chances are really good now since nothing showed up on the scan. Have a lovely weekend! Xx

That’s fantastic @Kiki061190!

@Catconfusion It was amazing seeing all her organs! She is so cute! I asked about placenta and I don’t have an anterior one which is why I’m feeling movement earlier. It’s all very real and exciting now. I think we’ll book a private 4d scan for the end of January. I finally feel relaxed about the pregnancy and I’m going to kick back and enjoy it!

@bananamonkey You next! Is your 20 week scan next week?

@kiki061190 it’s so good to have a positive scan experience. Good news about your placenta as my movements are still quite subtle due to AP. I don’t blame you for booking another scan. I bet the detail will be amazing. You deserve to relax now and enjoy it. I’m feeling much more chilled. The anxiety has melted away. Xx

On Monday @Kiki061190, I’m happy there’s definitely a wriggle baby in there but now terrified there’s going to be a health issue. Can’t wait for it to be over!

Congrats @Kiki061190 that's amazing!! So happy you are doing so well and good for you for buying those big items. It's good you don't have AP, it makes the worry much worse.

@Amanda81 sorry to hear she hasn't turned yet, but at least you will get a firm due date this way! Many ladies seem to prefer a c-section, so I'm sure all will be well. Do you have a date yet?

Good luck for Monday @bananamonkey!

25+2 today. I also bought the pram, crib, and a bouncer yesterday and the last two came today! Really cute and got them for a great price. Of course, then I was up until 1.30 am counting kicks because I thought baby was moving less. I almost called the hospital but then he started to kick 12 times very late at night. Still monitoring closely today, but feeling quite exhausted. I have a consultant appointment this Thursday, hopefully all will go well. I think buying things made me more nervous, but its also a bit exciting.

@bananamonkey I think the worry there would be a health issue was my biggest concern too. I feel much better knowing everything is well. Your scan will be amazing! Can’t wait to find out what you are having.

@Catconfusion It’s so nice to be at this point and amazing we are all so close together due date wise. I’m excited we’re over half way now. The hard part seems out the way.

@sadtoday21 I think there’s always something to worry about. I’ve found baby girl quietens down when I sleep, wakes up and squirms about mid morning and then is active most of the day. She’s super active after dinner until bed time as well. How is bump now? Mines still isn’t that big but I feel my trousers getting tight now!

@sadtoday21 I’m so glad you bought some stuff. It’s great to have some big items and there was some good deals on this weekend. Our pram is due to arrive tomorrow and I can’t wait!

@Kiki061190 it is lovely to be hear. It’s not been easy for any of us but great it’s worked out and so soon as well. I certainly don’t expect to be 24 weeks pregnant by Christmas on my birthday in June. I’m fact I was fully prepared for another 6 months. It’s all good! Xx

Good luck @bananamonkey for tomorrow. Will be thinking of you! Xx

@sadtoday21 it’s great you bought some stuff. We bought the cot at the weekend. It’s so exciting. The way I look at it we can’t control the outcome but we can try and enjoy it. I’ll be devastated if something goes wrong whether I have bought stuff or not. Try not to worry about the kicks. I know it’s hard but could seriously affect your mental health. My friend barely felt anything for her whole pregnancy and gave up trying to monitor the kicks as it was driving her crazy. Maybe talk it through with the consultant. I hope the appointment goes well! Xx

Thanks @Catconfusion, I really appreciate that! I get really anxious because everyone online says call, you need to go in, be seen, etc., and if you don't you'll feel guilty forever if something was wrong. I made myself sick staying up until 2 am trying to count kicks to decide if we needed to go or if I could go to sleep. And so now I have a bit of the flu and feel terrible. But I honestly have very little idea if movement has changed, it's just not that strong yet and the AP blocks most of it. So I'm just doing the best I can and trying to stop thinking that I somehow need to "save" the baby. Definitely impacting mental health, but not sure what the consultant can do really about it.

At the very least, I took advantage of black Friday sales and booked a super discounted 4-D bonding scan for 28 weeks just before xmas. With the limited movement, I know I can't get through the next 15 weeks without some more scans, so I'm just going to accept that and do it. This one comes with a video clip, which I'm really excited about.

What did you guys end up buying @Catconfusion @Kiki061190, out of curiousity? We got the schnuggle moses basket crib with rocker and its so so cute! DH and I couldn't resist putting it together and it looks great with his little stuffed rabbit. It's so lightweight and I love that I can move it up and downstairs easily, plus its a really classic look and great for rocking. Also got a silver sheep bouncer (adorable and half off) and the icklebubba moon 3-in-1 pram in black, which comes Wednesday. Today I also bought baby boy his very first outfit ever, a really cute fleece jumpsuit with bear ears. And that's all I'm going to do now until I'm well into the third trimester. Thank goodness black Friday is finally over!

Good luck @bananamonkey, I'm sure everything will be great tomorrow! Let us know how you get on Xxx.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way @sadtoday21 it must be torturous and is also preventing you from getting rest. It’s understandable though after everything you’ve been through to worry. My midwife said not to worry about counting kicks until 28 weeks as long as baby is moving every 12 hours or so. You still have time for the pattern to become more established and baby will be bigger and more powerful by 28 weeks. It will also coincide with your scan so hopefully you’ll feel better by then.

My movements are not super powerful but they are there. DH can’t feel them through my tummy yet. They seem quite sporadic so I’m not sure I could work out any pattern or count them as such. Obviously I’m only 21 weeks so still early. I’m probably feeling him a few times a day.

It might be an idea just to get the consultant to explain what’s normal with an AP so you can understand a bit more about why you’re having spells where you’re not feeling as much. Explain it’s affecting your mental health and see if there’s any advice or solutions. I really hope you’re feeling better soon, especially if you’re now not well on top of it. I’m sure your Midwife is aware you’ve been feeling anxious but is she someone you could call when you’re worried?

As for buying stuff, we got the cot on Saturday. Actually won on eBay. I’ve also bought some clothes now I know it’s a boy. Sainsburys have an amazing sale and extra 25% off. Gap have 50% off so got some summer bits and a couple of warmer outfits for 6-9 months. I’m not going to get any more clothes now as I’m sure we’ll get gifted a lot.

Your purchases sound amazing. So glad you got some bits to get started with. Rest up and get well soon! Xx

Grr wrote this really long post and MN deleted it all! I won't try to rewrite, but just summarise here.

Thinking of you today @bananamonkey! Xxx

@Kiki061190 have you started thinking of any names yet? How's the nursery coming along? Don't worry about the bump size, I know many women who don't really show until later. Even at 25 weeks, some people still don't register that I'm pregnant (weird, as it's quite bump-like to me!). At least you won't need to buy many maternity clothes!

@Amanda81 how are you feeling these days? Any updates on baby girl? Thinking of you and excited that this is your birth month!

@Catconfusion thanks for your kind words of advice, that's really reassuring. Interesting that your midwife said not to track until 28 weeks, mine said start at 24 but that counting is old guidance and now you are just supposed to recognise patterns. I think the combination of passing the viability mark and buying larger items spiked my anxiety honestly. Not to mention this is the time of year I associate with loss since my mum started to get really sick end of November.

I'll be really interested to learn about your experience with movement with AP, particularly as you get further along. They say all babies are different and there is no "normal," even with AP, but it makes it difficult to know what to do. My baby definitely does have an established pattern now where he kicks at almost the same time, five times a day. But when I am moving or busy it's hard to be certain if he has moved. The consultant appointment is more to do with the previous molar, although it's odd it's this late. I expect they'll just do bloods, urine, bp and so forth, but would really love it if I could have a routine growth scan just to check on him (highly unlikely, I know). Anyway, the 28 week scan is giving me something to ease the anxiety for now and my midwife does already see me every two weeks.

How are your hips doing and your tummy troubles? Are you able to get out more and feeling more like yourself now? Congrats on buying the larger items, I think we all have the cribs and prams now! What cot did you end up going with? I'm honestly not sure whether to go for summer or winter clothes in March - still a bit chilly then, no? I won't buy many clothes though for now, as I think these are all pretty inexpensive and easy to find. But I couldn't resist the one jumpsuit!

Thanks ladies, the scan was super quick as baby was behaving nicely and luckily appeared on screen very quickly! The sonographer was good at saying things were normal without a delay and we saw some lovely images of the lips and feet. Everything looks ok and it seems to be team girl, my dd will be so excited. I hate going back to that ultrasound department so hopefully that’s it now unless I get GD. It’s such a weight off, I feel like every step has been overshadowed by the MC experience so I’m really looking forward to enjoying it now.

Apparently I do have an anterior placenta again but it must be in a different place because the movement seems so different from last time, there must be such variation which is why you end up with mixed information.

@sadtoday21 The same thing just happened to me with my lovely long message getting deleted. Just wanted to say go with what your midwife has said and maybe have a chat with her about when you should worry and when you shouldn’t. It sounds like it’s a difficult time of year and it’s stressful being pregnant after loss so completely understandable you’re feeling anxious. Just take each day as it comes. Decide at what point you would worry and maybe go to hospital. I’ve decided at 21 weeks it would be if I go 12 hours without movement. Unless that happens I’m not going to worry.

My tummy is fine thanks. I had some kind of virus I think. Hips are good too with the physio. We got a Stokke mini crib with extenders for the toddler bed, all for £100 on eBay. We’ve got stuff we can layer like cardigans and jumpers as April might be cool though figure we won’t be out much until May so got summery stuff too. Not much need to get loads now. Xx

Wow @bananamonkey so happy for you. Congratulations on your baby girl. Your dds are going to be best friends. How many years between them? Glad baby behaved. Interesting you have AP too but lots of movements. I wonder if being the second helps. Although I’m getting quite a lot now. I’m conscious of it while I’m asleep now too. They are subtle though and can’t feel through my tummy. So glad you can enjoy it more now! I’m certainly feeling better now.

We have a pretty even spread now of girls and boys. I think it’s lovely we’ve all got to this point without complications. It bodes well for a group of very healthy babies! Xx

Absolutely amazing news @bananamonkey - very thrilled for you. We are all doing so very well on this thread!! When is your due date? Now that the 20 week scan is smoothly out of the way, I hope this means that the anxiety reduces. I know this can be so hard though. It's weird how the AP can lay differently and create different sensations if movement.

I'm going to write separately to peeps considering how some of you have lost your posts xx

Hey @sadtoday21 - I would agree with @Catconfusion, set yourself some guides/rules that you are happy with regarding the movement. At least this way you can feel like you have control. It's gunna be hard with the AP. I heard of one last who was constantly at the hospital being monitored as she just couldn't feel the movement. I think she ended up going in every 48 hrs for monitoring which was agreed upfront by the hospital and she just turned up. If you are feeling no movement at all, then this might be a way forward. However, it sounds like you are feeling movement. My MW also said that the pattern won't be established until 28-30 weeks. My LO has never fallen into a routine, but generally I can feel her. She does however go quiet on occasion and it does worry me. It happened on Saturday morning, where I didn't feel her through the night/morning up until noon. I was about to call and then she started wriggling. It's hard to know where the line is, but I think the 12 hour rule is a good one for me. It's harder when you get further on aswell as the movement (in my experience) has changed. She has less space to move, so naturally the sensation has changed. Try your best to stay calm, and allow yourself to rest.

Well ladies - as @sadtoday21 says I have entered my birth month! OMG so exciting! I'm also starting to get a little panicky 😱, but that's just the fear setting in. I won't let it take control as I have come so far now. The weekend has been hard as the heartburn is making me sick 🤢. I'm seeing the MW on Wednesday and will see if I can get something stronger as it is making me struggle, probably unnecessarily. She is still head-up...I'm 36+3 today. Scan is next Monday to confirm if she is still breech...me and DH had a lovely lunch out today. It was our last swanky meal out before she arrives. We also bought our Christmas Day crackers, and got her one. Not that she will be able to eat it of course, but we can pull it for her (assuming she will be here before then).

I have my scan next week (early scan at 8 weeks) and I'm so nervous after my MMC in July. Hoping if there is a heartbeat then that'll let me relax a little bit!

Thanks again.

@Catconfusion I think there's an element of that but this is such a change. I do seem to get quiet and active days though, I guess there's still a lot of moving around at this stage so sometimes she's hiding behind it. I'll have a 3.5 yr age gap, more than I wanted which I feel a bit guilty about but it's out of my control now. Although as a positive it means less time paying double nursery fees! And DD is much easier to entertain nowadays so hopefully that'll make things easier with two.

@Amanda81 my due date is 20-Apr. That's so lovely you'll have a little bundle for Christmas.

I don't really need to buy anything but have treated myself to a fancy changing bag on a Black Friday deal as I had some unexpected bonus money from an old share account I was closing.

@sadtoday21 Catconfusion's advice seems really sensible, I can't even remember counting kicks last time, just feeling a general pattern. She got a lot of hiccups though so I knew things were active in there and only ended up going in for monitoring once a few days before labour. My MW also said that after 28 weeks is the time to track the pattern. Take care of your MH x

hi @Chlosavxox, good luck for your scan!

@sadtoday21 sorry had a little nosey on this thread and just wanted to add my two pennyworth. I had anterior last time, I'm not sure how much it affected feeling movements as felt first fluttering around 15/16 weeks.

BUT, I had many panics regarding movements. The advice is not to count as people have mentioned, but to be aware of routine.
However, my little boy was much like a newborn in that way and had no routine! Sometimes I'd go from 7 am until 9.30 pm without feeling anything, start to panic and just about to set off to hospital. And then he'd move! And this was after 30 weeks.

I know the advice is to get checked if you notice change etc, and I'd be irresponsible to suggest any different. However, if I'd have stuck to the rule I would have been at hospital at least 3 times a week. The midwife qualified the routine thing with its what's normal for you so if baby is inconsistent that's fine. Totally confusing as I had no normal. I think I went to hospital about 4 times in total, but had many worries when baby had not moved all day. This one however, is a different kettle of fish and dare I say it, it irritates me sometimes with how much it moves. 😳

Congrats @bananamonkey on your baby girl, that is wonderful news! I am 4 years older than my sister, and I think it's a good age gap honestly. Thanks also for your advice on the movement, it does seem like most people say 28 weeks.

That's a good rule @Catconfusion, I hadn't even thought of that honestly. How did you come up with the 12 hours? For me, it had only been 4-5 hours, but was later than his usual time so and he was generally quieter so I was worried. But he kicked me in the bath for the first time today! And DH could also see my tummy moving earlier this morning. Glad to hear you are feeling better now and nice work on getting your crib on sale, seems like a great price!

@Amanda81 I'm so excited for you! Remind me when is your exact due date? I can imagine you must be a bit nervous, now that's its so close, but you and baby girl will be great! Sorry to hear that the heartburn is so bad, I hope the MW can give you something to ease the pain. How have you found the third trimester generally? When does it start getting uncomfortable?

@Rubyroost nice to see you here! Thanks also for your advice on movement, that's really helpful. I do feel like the general advice to get checked, etc., just makes me panic more and I would probably be there every day. I really just wanted to hear a voice of reason to calm me down, like yours! In fact baby boy is starting to settle into his own pattern, but I don't know exactly how closely he needs to stick to it for me to be worried. And the AP definitely doesn't help. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one with these worries though and not a total lunatic :). BTW, so sorry to hear about your mechanic, that is absolute rubbish! What were they thinking leaving the wheels loose and then yelling at a pregnant woman?? I hope they fixed your car in the end. Xxx