The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #3 🐧🐧The Penguin Huddle 🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

New thread as the last one is nearing the max number of posts.

This is a supportive and safe space for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread though and have suffered a loss and are anxious about your new pregnancy please feel free to join the huddle 🐧

So ladies, I hope you are all here for the long haul until our 🌈 are delivered (and beyond if you fancy sticking around).

Let's pull on our positive pants and nerves of steel.

I'll start the roll call of EDD from the last thread:
@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina - 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer - 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

Also tagging: @rubyroot @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @boboelephant @Yukka @Russkispy @VenusStarr @Beaglemum93 @Squiff70 @Navy123 @Bellasblankexpression

So sorry if I've missed anyone. I've tried to include as many as I could.

@rubyroot @VenusStarr I completely hear people on the missed miscarriage. My symptoms are definitely fluctuating by day. My MMC I still had strong symptoms at 11+6, and found baby had died 6+5. It's a total head f£&k for this pregnancy, currently 7+2. I'm basically just pretending I'm not pregnant and putting it in a box.

Also all of the drugs make me doubt whether I really actually have symptoms of pregnancy or just the meds. Anyway on that note am debating a lunchtime nap 😂

@VenusStarr I also had an mmc at 12 weeks and I agree it makes everything worse. I had no idea either that the baby had passed at 9+4. I’m 9+1 today so I’m also really terrified approaching that milestone. Sorry to hear that you are anxious as well. Do you notice any differences between this pregnancy and the mmc? For me, I had horrible acne with the mmc and perfectly clear, glowing skin now. I think maybe the hcg was too high before because of the molar and that’s the reason why. Anyway, trying to take that as a good sign but still really scared. Hope you find some peace and some good distractions ❤️

Hi

Bit scared to post here but figured I might as well as I might not have the chance for much longer.

Same sex couple therefore require fertility treatment to conceive. 3 losses in April, July and December 2018 (MMC at approx 6 weeks but not passed until 10 weeks and 2 x chemical pregnancies at 4 and 5 weeks).

Day 5 blastocyst transfer on Friday 2nd. This time on prednisolone and enoxaparin for suspected immune issues. Been getting positive pregnancy tests, increasingly dark since Monday 5th. 4 weeks today. Currently freaking out because today's test is not noticeably darker than yesterday's, although overall tests have been much darker than with my last chemical and have had decent progression.

Trying to enjoy this pregnancy but anxiety is pretty much out of control at this precise moment. Any tips to calm down much appreciated!

@TinyPaws I guess at some stage the line stays the same colour and doesn't get much darker. Perhaps, if you want to carry on testing try the weeks indicator thing. Good luck x

Congratulations @Tinypaws, the lines probably won't change that much now and comparing doesn't always reflect what is happening in HCG levels anyway. Good luck x

On the coffee discussion, I stick to the NHS limit. I went completely off it in the beginning but am now having it again, generally have less than the limit though.

I've got my first appointment with fetal medicine tomorrow feeling quite nervous. Swimming with DD distracted me a bit this morning but she's now asleep so my mind's wondering. She's also staying with IL's for a few days and I'm feeling nervous about leaving her, I know she will be fine with them but I don't spend much time a way from her normally.

My scan today went well :) all is looking as it should. I've now had three sonographers opinions that everything looks as it should so I'm going to try to relax. Hopefully I'll be able to hold out til my next nhs scan in 3.5 weeks...

Congrats @TinyPaws xx

That’s a lovely scan @Beaglemum93 ❤️ Xx

Congratulations @TinyPaws! Fingers crossed for a healthy 9 months for you! The anxiety after loss is awful, just try to take it one day as a time.

Beautiful scan @Beaglemum93 - is that the 3-d one at the bottom? Do those cost a lot more private and when can you start to see that level of detail? It's amazing to see the face like that!

Congrats @TinyPaws!!! Xxx

Been to EPU earlier and it looks like I passed the sac and the rest on Friday night as it wasn’t present on the scan. Still got blood clots but will pass soon, was told. To rescan in 10 days. No tummy cramps but just pain in my lower back and still bleeding. Oh well. Upwards and onwards and towards donor egg cycle. Not quitting just yet!

@sadtoday21 it was a 3d scan but we hadn't paid for that one he just did it because we have had so many scans with them haha. I've booked in for the proper 3d scan at 27 weeks. It was on offer when I booked it so it was only £20 more than the normal scans. They also did a sneak peek 3D scan as part of the gender scan at 16 weeks and he already looked like a little baby then.

@moonpeace thank you, they are 2 hours away. We see them quite a bit but DD doesn't spend much time with them on her own as we normally do things all together. MIL has recently retired. The last time she stayed with them alone was when I was in hospital when DD2 was poorly.

@Beaglemum93 thanks for the info! Can you see the gender on a 16 week 3D scan? If so, I’m tempted to do it, waiting until the nhs one at 20 weeks seems an eternity!

The scan I had at 16 weeks was mostly 2D and we found out the gender but they showed us the 3D scan quickly and we got a couple of photos @sadtoday21. I think the private scans are worth it because they calm my anxiety for a few hours at least haha.

Hi i’m 5+5, due 08/04. Tired, feel sick especially when when i talk 🤷🏻‍♀️ but havent been sick yet.
I have dc’s already (lucky to have easy ttc ans pregnancies) but also two mmc at 12 and 16 weeks after each other. No reasons found for the later mmc (pm done) and i had normal 12 week scans with both...
i really wasnt going to try again, but here i am.
I’ve been promised a lot of scans and monitoring this time, i saw a consultant after the post mortem of my 16 week mc. He was great and very supportive.
Im a bit “meh” about the whole thing atm... just waiting for it to go wrong again and have to deal with all the physical and emotional shit that comes with a mc... i suppose its natual to feel like this after what happened and only time will tell this time i suppose if things will work out, or not.
Congratulations to you all x

I don't know what to do about telling my friend? I promised myself if the scan was good at 11 weeks I would tell her, we have a wedding together in three weeks and I need to tell her before then.

We've been through previous MC together and she had another early loss last week- I imagine that although she will be happy for us, this news will really hurt her. I thought by message would be best as she doesn't have to respond straight away like she would in a phone call? I was going to message tonight but she had responded to say she's had a better day, turning a corner and obviously I didn't want to shit on that. We haven't really told anyone other than very close friends but I absolutely need to tell her as I would hate her to think I was hiding it. I just can't find the right time to do it - has anyone else been in this situation - @InDreamland did you have something similar?

Thanks ladies. Sorry not to reply individually, just catching up. I spent the weekend at a spa with a friend and had a lovely time although annoyed I couldn't use my favourite facilities because they're not suitable for pregnant women. I won't lie I felt anxious but I got through it and had a lovely time. Strange how a good healthy positive 12w and 12+3/4 scan and low risk Harmony and NHS combined tests (got NHS letter in post just before I left the house yesterday) all come back low risk 1:10000 and I'm still feeling so worried.

@sadtoday21 great news on the scan!

@Mistymeow lovely to see you here. Congratulations!

@Frillyfarmer lovely scan photo. Yes, I had a kinda similar situation, needed to tell friend who has fertility problems and unlikely to ever to get pregnant (although I'm secretly hoping she gets a surprise miracle) that I am. Had to tell before this spa break because it would affect what I could do. She's been amazing and seemed to want to ask about it more than I really want to talk about it - because I'm still jot able to really ready to connect and accept or believe this baby will join us live and healthy. I did send a text so she could process it in her own time but she's been very quick to congratulate me. I do think text is best. Maybe text next week if you still have 3 weeks to go before the wedding?

@Beaglemum93 what a fab scan photo!

@TinyPaws great to see you here! Congratulations on BFP! Fx this is your rainbow.

@Beaglemum93 lovely scan. How many weeks are you now? x

I'm 21 weeks now @rubyroot.

Glad your results have all come back as low risk @InDreamland :)

Thanks for the advice and support yesterday 💜 feeling a bit better today, 5 weeks!

I told dh about how I've been feeling. We've hardly spoken about the pregnancy, almost like we can't let ourselves discuss it or be excited because of what happened. I told him how scared I am and how I need to check everytime I go to the toilet and he gently said no you don't but I understand why you do. We had a big hug and I'm feeling like whatever happens we will be OK. I am struggling that I can't control the outcome, but I know worrying won't change it either.

Hope you're all OK today xx

@frillyfarmer tricky situation. I have been on the receiving end of this with a friend who had two previous miscarriages and who I had been close to as we'd supported each other through our losses. Literally in reply to my message telling her I was losing my third pregnancy she told me she was pregnant again, hadn't been trying and was a similar gestation to what I.was. That really hurt me and I still feel hurt about it and angry towards her (most of which is probably grief for my own loss). It made watching her (thankfully successful) pregnancy really tough and has had a lasting impact on our friendship.

I've also had to tell a friend with infertility with three failed rounds of self funded IVF I am pregnant at the moment.

I agree a text is better so she has time to react in whatever way she needs to without feeling she needs to out a brave face on. And I agree with @InDreamland perhaps wait a week or so before telling her so she has had a bit more space following her loss? The thing that really hurt me about above friend was the immediacy of reply (I was literally still at home bleeding), telling me they weren't even trying, and the same due date.

It sounds like you are already much more sensitive than my friend though and whilst it will be difficult news for her to hear regardless, I'm sure you'll do it in a way that lessens the pain.

@VenusStarr it's perfectly normal and natural to feel like that. DH and I don't discuss the pregnancy much either. Usually only after a scan to say how relieved we are and maybe about when to tell certain people as necessary but other than that there is no excitement and no planning. I'm still on 24 hour knicker watch .....at 13w tomorrow. Take each day as it comes, that's all we can do.

I still have dregs of this cold. Got thick mucus phlegm stuck right at back of my nose and throat that just won't shift and if making me gag. Embarrassing when on the tube. Tried hacking it up and blowing my nose, no joy. Any ideas ladies?

@strawberrye I'm sorry about your friend, that's really hard. I think the reason I'm so worried is because I had quite a similar experience to you - it has really affected our friendship and I don't think I can ever forgive her for how selfishly she behaved.

I'm going to leave it another week or so and then message her one evening. @InDreamland I'm glad your friend has been supportive and so glad you went to your spa weekend. Sorry you're still feeling so anxious xx