The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

Me:
No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

@Catconfusion I did this three times this time around...then I made myself stop. And, as you know, I had one chemical too after the mmc, so was also terrified of that line going away. But ultimately taking the test was more stressful than not taking it. Once you have a strong line (and you do), just put the tests down because they won't tell you anything and it is way too stressful. Thinking of you and hoping the scan goes well this Wednesday! xxx

@ReeReeR I’ve done 4 Ic tests and an FRER since Friday. The IC tests show great line progression and the FRER was much stronger than with my chemical. I think I will stop now. I think I just needed talking down.

Thanks @Amanda81 I’d forgotten about the lovely mid wife you saw. You’re right, it’s no guarantee all is well I guess I just wanted to see a solid line, which I’m not far off. I too have a box from Amazon. We’re in the lucky position of having an ultrasound booked for Wednesday as I had a suspected cyst so although we won’t see much hopefully some reassurance. If the scan is ok I’ll call the midwife and see if we can book one for about 7 weeks. Then the 12 week dating scan. I ovulated on day 32 so I’m expecting a lot of confusion about dates but I definitely know I’m just under 4 weeks but 6 weeks by LMP xx

Thanks @Navy123 you’re completely right. I’m going to step away I think until the scan on Wednesday. I really hope you have a nice strong line when you test! Xx

You’re completely right @sadtoday21 it’s a pretty good line for 12 dpo and there’s been a lot of progression. I think I’ll leave it there until the scan. It’s not going to give me any extra information. I know we’ve conceived and only time will tell so just need to stay positive and keep busy. Xx

Thanks @Bluebelltulip it’s just completely different after loss. I think I did 2 tests with my first pregnancy. It didn’t even occur to me to test again. I think the limbo of the chemical pregnancy with the second one has made me more anxious. It just messes with your head when the lines aren’t getting darker. Luckily this time they are so I’m just going to step away and trust my body! Xx

Thank you @Navy123, how are you today?

Thank you @ReeReeR @CodlingMoth @Squiff70 @DuvetCaterpillar :) feels a bit surreal and constantly going to the loo to check.

@Catconfusion, dh and I spoke about testing this morning. I was petrified to test in case it had gone. Last time I tested about 5 times, seeing the digital go up but it gave me false reassurance. Dh suggested I do another next week, as I'm supposed to have the hysteroscopy on 15th, do just to double check it's still there.

Just as a general question, we're under the fertility clinic, so need the hysteroscopy as part of that. Obviously I won't go next week but I'm cautious about coming out the system in case this doesn't work out. I also want to see the consultant in September to get my test results - I'm just unsure how best to proceed?

Hope everyone is doing OK today. X

Hi ladies,

We've got out first scan tomorrow morning then the RMC in the afternoon so it's going to be a long day. Keep your fingers crossed for us please :)

Wishing you the best of luck tomorrow @Squiff70 🤞 🤞 🤞 xx

Good luck @Squiff70 - will keep my fingers crossed for you!

You’re definitely right @VenusStarr as it can just give false reassurance. Even symptoms are confusing. I have the same one sided pain I had with my first pregnancy. I was convinced it could be ectopic. The nurse at EPAU explained it’s likely the ovary I’d ovulated out had developed a cyst for progesterone production. Now when I feel it I just think it’s pretty cool how the body deals with early pregnancy.

I’m not sure what to do about our fertility appointment as we’re waiting for an appointment letter. I’d maybe call them and ask what’s best. They should be offering you an appointment for your results. Xx

@Squiff70 best of luck for tomorrow. Fingers crossed all ok so you can relax a bit more! Xx

So many newbies!! Brilliant to have you all here and congratulations! Crossing all for a happy and healthy nine months for you all!

@ReeReeR have you name changed? Did you used to be Alice something?! Apologies if I've got you mixed up with someone else!

Regarding the line progression and testing, after my MC I went crazy testing every other day and watching the line get darker. Turns out it was pointless as that was my ectopic. This time I only did three tests because even though I was more anxious than ever, I knew only a scan could tell me anything and even then, I know from experience bad outcomes can still happen. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. It's such a rubbish time early pregnancy (and beyond!) as all we want are answers and guarantees and sadly nothing can give us the reassurance we desperately need. I can say step away from the tests and all they want is your money, and yet here I am having fortnightly scans!! It's a waiting game and days drag and it sucks. It's good that everyone has each other on this thread to let out the crazy.

On that note, I'm having a shitty day as I've been so busy with outings and DD, that I don't feel like I've felt any movement in the past two days. I go on holiday next Saturday and even though I had a scan on Thursday I'm tempted to book another before we go! Does this worry ever end?!

@Squiff70 I remember you too and it's so great to see you here! Will be thinking of you tomorrow xxx

@Beaglemum93 congrats on your 20 week scan! What a fabulous mile stone!

Sorry to everyone I've missed replying to properly.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - I've been the same! My nieces have been visiting and we always plan to get them out of the house doing activities (just so they don't mess our house up 😂). As I've been so busy I haven't really noticed movements and it's been really annoying not to have the time to concentrate on what I'm feeling. Give yourself a couple of hours if you can after dinner tonight to feel anything. I normally feel her in the evenings after dinner. I am like you though...scans give so much reassurance, and when I went on holiday I had one just before I flew and then when I got back...totally insane! But whatever keeps us sane (right 🙄)

Re poas my chemical pregnancy I didn't bother, this was when I conceived similar time to @Indreamland. Kept telling her to step away from the tests. This time round I did two pregnancy tests and then I used my ovulation tests to continue testing more than once a day. They were cheapies off amazon and I bought a load and hadny even used them. When I went to the Dr's with pains he did a test and told me I wasn't pregnant. I felt like some loony woman who had gone to the Dr's deluded I was pregnant. Then he said there was a faint line. At this point I crapped myself and bought a weeks indicator test which said 2/3 weeks. I then had an hcg test which said I was 604 so the drs test was really not sensitive. Then I used my other weeks indicator a week later and it gave me a book sign. So I stopped at that point.

@Catconfusion I had left sided pain and they scanned me early to check for ectopic. I did have a luteal cyst, but the sonigrapher said it shouldn't have caused pain. The pain is not there much any more (I'm about 7 weeks) But I'm still getting lots of weird pains and twinges. I did have this with my successful pregnancy though and they scanned me early then to check for ectopic, so I'm trying to convince myself it's a good sign and not a bad one.

I missed that you had a scan on Wednesday @Catconfusion - well that's only a few days away (which I know is going to drag massively), so hopefully you can resist the HPTs until then. Easier said than done. I think given your irregular cycles it's good that you are getting a scan and hopefully a follow up scan so that they can give you a better indication of gestation. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻 for Wednesday.

I'm keeping myself super busy tomorrow as I have the anomaly scan on Tuesday. It's an early morning scan so won't have to wait to long and have too much anxiety build up on the day. I have a love hate relationship with scans xx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Catconfusion. How many weeks are you. I remember it wasn't until I was about 19 weeks where I definitely felt them every day and then even after that sometimes it wasn't til 7pm and this was right at the end. Little one had no routine at all regarding movements so it wasn't helpful when midwives used to say that you ring up when its not normal for you! I would have been in the hospital a ridiculous amount of times. I think I went in re movement about five times. I know they say better to be safe than sorry, but I did feel a bit of an idiot still!

Aha @Amanda81 around 20 weeks then. Don't they say not to worry until about 24?

Good luck with your scans @Squiff70 and @Amanda81

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue yes that’s me 🙂

You are right that there are no guarantees even with strong positive tests and healthy scans. I had no issues during my pregnancy, a great 12 week scan, no issues with the 20 week scan and a 3D scan for fun later on and yet we discovered our baby had died the day before she was due. Having said that, what happened to us was rare, and I think I’ll feel much better if we have a good early scan at 8 weeks and make it through the first 13 weeks / 12 week scan.

I also have pain on the left side. I had it last night and then it went away and came back today. Provided it doesn’t get worse I might just mention it when I speak to the bereavement midwife. I think it’s wind or something like that but I’m not 100%. Anytime I’ve had pelvic pain it always seems to be on the left.

Re movements. If you’re not sure then call the midwife or go in. My daughter had some v active days and some days where she wasn’t active at all but I could usually get her moving if I has a drink and lay on my side in an evening. The second time I went in for reduced movements i couldn’t get her to move and she had died. I felt reluctant to go in to the hospital as I worried I was being over anxious, and I was, but this time around I don’t think I’d hesitate to get checked. The midwives and doctors know what reduced movements can mean so they will never think you are silly for going in. I hope that doesn’t scare anyone. What happened to us was very unlucky and in my experience I’ve heard lots of babies just don’t have a clear pattern. My point is you shouldn’t feel silly for raising it if you’re worried.

Not harsh at all @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue and all stuff I logically know. I guess pregnancy loss messes with your head a bit. I’ve stepped away from the tests now pending our scan result on Wednesday xx

Thanks @rubyroot and I hope yours is just normal ovary stuff. Mine feels exactly the same as my first pregnancy at a similar time. I have pcos and very sensitive ovaries. It went after a few days last time and I didn’t feel anything else after. I’ll happy to just see what the scan shows. Hopefully a normal cyst. I was told luteal cysts can cause pain. Xx

Yes @Amanda81 my gp ordered it as I had some severe stomach pains just before I ovulated. He thought it was worth checking for cysts and fibroids etc. It went as soon as I ovulated but lasted several days. Now I think it was ovulation. I’m so sensitive to changes in my body. Today it’s come back so probably a luteal cyst as I was told ectopic wouldn’t be symptomatic so early. It’s brilliant timing to have the scan. I bet it will be awkward explaining I’m not 6 weeks but 4 as I know when I ovulated. Medical professionals often cant get their heads around late ovulation. Yes I think I feel ready to leave the tests and see what the scan shows. Good luck with your scan. It seems crazy you’re so far along. Time has gone very quickly! Xx

Thanks for sharing @ReeReeR you’ve been through so much and I’m sure there was nothing you could do. It’s helpful though to hear about movements as I’ve never got that far.

I had an bad experience with the midwife with my first pregnancy. I was 10 weeks and had a bleed with cramps. She refused to send me for a scan and said I’d be taking up the place of someone who was an emergency. Turns out I was that emergency.

We paid for a private scan at a 3D scanning clinic because although the bleeding stopped I was worried. That’s when we found no heartbeat. It was horrible finding out there and not the EPAU. When we finally got there they were mortified we’d not been sent straight away. Turns out the bleed was nothing to do with the mmc but still it should have been investigated.

This time around I’ll insist on being seen if there are any concerns. That horrible midwife made me feel like I was making a fuss about nothing and I wasn’t. Xx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue how many weeks are you? The general advice is to go in if it's after 24 weeks. How have your movements been recently? Have you been feeling them everyday? If you have I probably would ring, if it's still been in the sparadic stage then I'd wait.

@Squiff70 good luck for tomorrow! Hope it goes well!
Thought brown bleed/spotting/discharge stopped today as haven't had any during the night and day but just been to the loo and here it is again. Again, not much. No pain, no cramps or clots. Also feeling extremely tired all day every day and nauseous in the mornings, i think. I believe a couple of us from here having a scan on Wednesday. Hope it all goes well for us all 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

I’m sorry the spotting has started up again @Russkispy Good you had a break but can imagine how frustrating it is. Virtual hand hold for Wednesday! Xx

Hi ladies,

Tentatively creeping over here as so many ladies have been brave and come across quickly, whilst I've just lurked.

This is pregnancy #5, no DC, 1 xMMC 2x MC 1xCP

Diagnosis- APS (sticky blood) and high uNK cells. Now on prednisolone, progesterone, heparin and aspirin.

Currently LMP makes me 6+5 but my ovulation was late so I think 6+2 is more likely. Scan last Wednesday (5+5) matched the earlier date and showed a flickering heartbeat.

I was diagnosed under St Mary's RMC so they are keeping me on for first trimester to monitor. Next scan 21st Aug due to hols. Haven't done booking appt or anything locally yet and don't think I will until next scan!

Have felt awful all weekend. I am epically tired but wake up at 3am every morning for about 2 hours. No actual sickness but lots of nausea! I feel like someone has taken my batteries out

Fingers crossed for those of you with scans this week. Lovely to see some of the old crew getting safely to 12 weeks and beyond.

X

Hey @fnej01 it’s so lovely to see you here. Great news that you saw a heartbeat. I hope everything progresses well for you.

I wasn’t sure whether to come across so early but it’s been so helpful to get the other lady’s thoughts on dealing with anxiety when it’s early on. Luckily I have a scan on Wednesday so fingers crossed it will put my mind at ease. Xx

@Russkispy sorry that it's started up again. It seems there's alot of scans this week coming. I hope everyone gets good news.