The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread

[KnitKitty]

Hello,

Starting a new penguin huddle for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

As I said in the old TTC thread, getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

My stats:
TTC since Dec 2017
Age: 31
TTC no.1
1 MMC and 3 early losses between 4-5 weeks (or, CPs, but I hate that term) all happened last year within the space of 10 months.
Currently 6+1 with 5th pregnancy

@InDreamland @moonpeace @Bluebelltulip @hayleyfx @Laney79 Please add others I may have forgotten!

I’ve never heard of bereavement midwives- huw do you get one of those?!

Hi ladies, hoping it’s ok to join? My stats are:

Age: 33
Ttc: since May 18
Mc at 11 weeks in September 18 though scan showed baby stopped growing at 8+ 5.

Currently 7 + 3 with EDD 23 jan. my anxiety has been quite high. Dh and I going on holiday to Majorca when I’m 9 weeks exactly and I’m terrified of another mc especially abroad. Trying to think positive though. Very tough. Every time I go to the toilet I’m inspecting the toilet paper 😢 xx

@rubyroot I've got one as I had a stillbirth, no idea if they also cover miscarriages. My last pregnancy everything was perfect until 27 weeks when my daughter developed a heart signalling problem which also caused hydrops, she fought for another 5 weeks with the help of medicine but died at 32 weeks and was born sleeping. It's really made me aware that there is no safe point and while the odds of something happening at that point are low it can still happen.

@Bluebelltulip I can’t even imagine losing a baby so late. Heart goes out to you xx

Hi everyone

I’m not sure if any of you will remember me but here are my stats
Age 37
3 Ds already
Was TTC #4
Had mmc at 14 weeks in March 2018 with retained products for a further 4 months
2nd mmc at 9 weeks in November 2018

Currently 14+2 and everything fine so far. Been the least enjoyable 14 weeks as far as anxiety but it’s been lovely getting good scan results.
Not taking any medication or anything. Still very scared but hoping this is my rainbow 🌈

Have been scanned every 2 weeks from 5 -12 as told GP I was overly anxious so referred me to EPU at 5 weeks

@Melpops your gp sounds great. I can imagine mine telling me where to go, but I’m going to ring and ask for early scan anyway. Anxiety through the roof and if my pregnancy is not viable I’d rather know sooner than later

Hi everyone, thanks for the thread.
TTC #1 after mmc in February (anembryonic, discovered on scan at 8 weeks)
Had early scan just after 6 weeks due to spotting and cramping and unexpectedly found a baby and heartbeat measuring 6+1.
Currently 7+2 and finally have some symptoms as was driving myself crazy about not having any. However I feel miserable so serves me right for wishing for them!
Follow up scan is Friday. My anxiety has been better since the scan but anticipate it will pick up in time for this next one.
I haven't had the courage to look up the due date as keep thinking I don't want to know it if it goes wrong.

Thank you for starting the thread and taking me @KnitKitty. Lovely to see familiar and friendly names on here.

Me:
Have been TTC baby #1 since June 2013 (yes 6 years). Finally got first ever BFP in May last year after 5 years of unexplained infertility.
MMC in July last year days before our 12 week scan.
MC (or CP but hate that term) in November last year at just under 5 weeks.
Technically AF is due tomorrow (Monday) but stupidly tested early and have taken a lot of tests since Thursday. Absolutely terrified of our 3rd loss but TBH at same time believe this will end in our 3rd loss in the next week or two - given DHs test results from his sperm DNA fragmentation test with high levels of damage for which the cause cannot be found. Basically told highly likely to have further MCs if we could even conceive again.

I've not actually said the words "I am pregnant yet", only that I've had positive HPTs.

AF will probably show tomorrow as expected and I'll drop off this thread and back to the conception board. Especially now I've posted on here.

Good luck to all of you here and wishing you all healthy full term pregnancies and a rainbow to bring home x

Sorry, should've said my age, I'm now 39.

@InDreamland- really hoping for a miracle for you Feel like it’s a bit crappy that some of us have been forced on to this thread when we don’t want to even say we’re pregnant!

I shouldn’t really say anything as I feel like I’ll be back there soon too!

But I do understand that the feelings of others are important. If you’re looking for another supportive thread the ttc 40+ are great and am sure they’ll be happy to have a young 39 year old on there.

On a slightly different note my partners just left the room in a huff because I keep farting. I don’t remember having this early pregnancy before. Anyone?!

@rubyroot all I seemed to do was constantly fart during my first pregnancy until I passed them. I had terrible wind, was so embarrassing.

Thanks @rubyroot I'm just so fed up of this whole journey. 2 lines in my life don't equal baby, they just equal physical and emotional pain. Something I'm psyching myself up for in the next couple of days/ weeks. I don't want to acknowledge this but I also can't ignore it. Just waiting for the inevitable to happen now.

I wonder if @boboelephant would like to join?

I’m sad for you @inDreamland. Is there a possibility you could just be lucky and this one sperm be perfect? I hope so.

Was really hard ‘delivering’ my baby at 13.5 weeks after tfmr, but at the same time I know I’m so lucky to have my little boy.

Sorry, I don’t mean to make it worse for you, but I do honestly completely empathise- you really do deserve this, perhaps more than us who already have little ones. X

@rubyroot I just believe that there is no reason for us to be lucky with everything being healthy this time given the 5 years it took to conceive or first ever and with 2 losses in the past 12 months and no live births I just cannot believe this will be any different.

Just remember that no matter if you already have 1, 2 or 10 kids everyone here deserves their rainbow after a loss. I appreciate your thoughts though.

Fx for everyone here that you stay to 40 weeks x

@InDreamland - you’re totally right and it’s lovely that you feel that way after all that you’ve been through!

I just feel extra sad for people who have lost babies late on and for those with no little one to distract them and make them laugh when things are shit.

All these babies are little miracles, let’s hope you get yours

Hi ladies, hope it's ok to join. I was in the huddle for many threads but dropped off in recent months as tried to reduce my Mumsnet involvement to help me be a bit more chilled about TTC but I recognise a lot of you and am so pleased to see so many familiar names on this thread.

So me:
Age: 38
One DS - nearly 3.
TTC # 2 since Dec 2017
MMC April 2018 - 11 weeks
Early MC at 5.5 weeks - Aug 2018
MMC - blighted ovum - 8 weeks - Nov 2018
Now very early days - 5 weeks today.
I had just started the Recurrent miscarriage route and have a series of appointments booked for July and was meant to start Clomid but fell pregnant :-)
Had spotting over a week ago - only lasted a day - GP referred me to EPU for HCG tests and a scan. I had first HCG test yesterday (Sat) and have the follow up tomorrow morning. First HCG level looks good and midwife thinks it was IB and so epu willing to do a scan but it may or may not show something. The HCG is the important test so I'm super nervous about it. Falling HCG following spotting was how I found out about MC no. 3 but that was later on. However, I have sore boobs today so trying to stay positive but it is very very early days. I wish I didn't know I was pregnant yet... which probably sounds silly!

Wishing you all the stickiest of beans and pregnancies with sufficient symptoms to help you worry a little less but not enough to make you sick as dogs. If only... good luck ladies.

@KnitKitty I'm in Crete. Was booked ages ago (I won it in a competition) but I asked my consultant, my gp and my epau nurse and they all said I was fine to come. Just got to drink lots of water and be careful about too much sun (something to do with body temp regulation). It's all inclusive so thankfully easy to avoid foods that are no no's... although I am a little jealous at missing out on the free cocktails/beer! But It'll be worth it in the end I hope.

My symptoms have been very mild. Very slight nausea between weeks 6-9 but that's gone now. Burpy, but again that feels as if it's easing off (which is scaring the crap out of me) My boobs are bigger and a bit more sensitive and I've had some pulling/odd cramps in my tum but they have also suddenly eased off. Trying desperately not to panic about the symptoms..but it's hard. I just keep repeating no bleeding/discharge, no mc type pain, boobs still huge...it's ok. But when you've had a mmc you know that sometimes that just isn't the case.

My scan so far was on the nhs at my local epau -and they've arranged my next one too. After my previous two losses they know how anxious I am. My nurse is excellent, she's even helped me get progesterone prescribed "just in case" I start to bleed on hols following the prism trial. If all goes well at my next scan I'll have my booking appt the following Saturday then my dating scan at the start of July when I'll be almost 13 weeks...I hope.

I really envy those women who see a positive pregnancy test and can just enjoy it, and not have this primal fear. I miss the naivety of my first pregnancy. Xxx

@Laney79 enjoy your hols. We are off to Portugal on Sat. I told my sister and mum about the pregnancy and my sister has asked me about 5 times whether I'm still going on holiday. There doesn't appear to be any issue in first trimester and we wouldn't get any money back if we cancelled plus I kind of think relaxing (and running around after a 3 year old) should be less stressful than work which should hopefully be good for me and the pregnancy. I will limit sun exposure and drink lots of water though. I'm glad I'm having these HCG tests before to prepare me if things not ok. I know anything can happen at anytime but fingers crossed al will be well and I can have a scan when I return.

Good morning ladies,

Lovely to have you here @niamhz, @UnicornsandRainbows1, @moonpeace, @Dramaqueen14, @Melpops36, @coconutlatte44, @InDreamland, @Newbie21**. It's lovely to see so many familiar names; especially of those who haven't posted on the other thread for a while.

I think we all agree that being on this thread feels a bit uncomfy and we're all at least part expecting to end up back on the other thread. But we must try to hope.
I remember a few months ago when there was a spate of BFPs on the TTC thread I felt really down and left out; even though some of them went on to lose their pregnancies... It's just such a tight-rope walk, isn't it. But I hope being on this thread allows people to feel comfortable about talking honestly about how they're feeling without stepping on any toes.

For the 4-5 weekers... saying I'm pregnant out-loud is really tough, and even now at 6 weeks I still don't believe it. You don't have to either... If you're more comfortable about talking in terms of BFP, that's fine.

@Bluebelltulip I'm glad you've contacted your bereavement midwife. I think the extra support should be helpful.

@Dramaqueen14 Hopefully having a holiday will relax you, but I understand feeling nervous about it. I have time off booked in July and I'm reluctant to book anything...

@Melpops36 Lovely to hear you're doing well so far. Any tips for getting through the first weeks?

@coconutlatte44 I'm really glad you had a good scan. I think the waves of anxiety coming and going is normal.

@InDreamland I know you're in a really tough place right now, with the results of your DH's sperm tests. I think it's really interesting that you've had 3 BFPs in the last year when you went so long without anything... Maybe things have been slowly improving? Miracles do happen. We all have every finger and toe crossed for you that this will work out this time. But you have plenty of support on here (and the other thread) if the worst happens. Stay strong. You're doing really well.

Have you done any more testing? I have to admit I used to be one of the ones saying 'step away from the tests'; and I still think it's better not to rely on them for showing progression... But with this most recent pregnancy, testing every 3-4 days for two weeks was the only thing keeping my anxiety somewhat in control. Do what you need to do, but remember to take the tests with a pinch of salt in terms of line darkness.
I hope AF doesn't show today. Have you considered talking to your GP and asking for progesterone pessaries? Would that help your nerves a bit?

@rubyroot feeling gassy is a good sign.

@Newbie21 I'm glad EPU are looking after you and the first test looked promising. I hope the HCG keeps rising!
I tested early so I could start taking progesterone if it was a BFP before AF, and when to my surprise I did have a BFP I wanted to bury my head in the sand. I'm only 6+2, but I found out 3 weeks ago! So it makes all the waiting even longer. Ignorance is bliss.

@Laney79 Crete sounds lovely! I hope you're getting lots of rest and vitamin D! I'm glad EPU have been so good about trying to reassure you.

I'm feeling anxious this morning. Feeling symptomless again and it's worrying me... Although I'm going off eating cereal and only managed half my breakfast. The idea of eating the rest didn't exactly make me feel sick, I just felt I didn't want to eat it, if that makes any sense?
I tend to find my anxiety is worse at night and early morning. Does anyone else have a worse time of day?
Off to work now... Hopefully it will keep my distracted. 4 more days until my scan and counting. Dreading it, but impatient for it at the same time.

Enjoy your holidays @Laney79 and @Newbie21, I'm going to Devon with my mum, sister and daughter in 2 weeks.

@Knitkitty I find I worry much more in the evening, I think it's because I have more time to think.

Thank you @rubyroot.

@Newbie21 so lovely to see you here. Feels like ages. Glad EPU are looking after you. I hate EPU, I never want to end up there again but then I think i have accepted it will be the most visited unit for me at this stage in life. Fx all goes well for you.

@Laney79 have a fantastic holiday. Amazing you won it! Hopefully the relaxation and rest will help. Lots of vitamin D.

@KnitKitty thank you. Barely slept last night from anxiety and super anxious this morning. I have haven't tested again this morning. lines same as yesterday typing this on the tube is making me feel sick but all the symptoms I have are same as AF so convinced I'll lose this one quickly. Do GPs prescribe progesterone even if all the progesterone tests through gynae clinic came back normal? @Laney79 's comment I really envy those women who see a positive pregnancy test and can just enjoy it, and not have this primal fear. I miss the naivety of my first pregnancy hits the nail on the head. I was so happy in my first pregnancy but after I lost that one when I got my second I was so scared but tried to tell myself we couldn't lose a second one and so quickly but we did. So this 3rd BFP is freaking me out. Going off your food is a good sign though so I have every faith and hope that your scan will be fine and hopefully that will help with your anxiety.

What supplements are you all on? Should I carry on or stop taking any of these:

1. coQ10
2. Vitamin D
3. Feroglobin (iron, B12 and folic acid)
4. Pregnacare during pregnancy (started taking again on Friday)

@Knitkitty I've just been "off" food too, it's not like it's been making me feel sick or anything, I just don't want to eat it...

I'm 12 weeks today and my nausea was the worst it's been this pregnancy, I'm pretty sure it's meant to be getting better, not just getting started... so now I'm worried my hormone levels are wrong... My DH thinks it's just anxiety because of the scan today which could be right to be fair.

@InDreamland I'm only taking Folic acid (the presciprion only dose as I have a family history of spina bifida) and vitamin D but iron seems like a good idea. I'd double check that the pregnacare and the other supplements you're taking don't overlap because although most are water soluble so you can't overdose on them others you can.