The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread

[KnitKitty]

Hello,

Starting a new penguin huddle for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

As I said in the old TTC thread, getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

My stats:
TTC since Dec 2017
Age: 31
TTC no.1
1 MMC and 3 early losses between 4-5 weeks (or, CPs, but I hate that term) all happened last year within the space of 10 months.
Currently 6+1 with 5th pregnancy

@InDreamland @moonpeace @Bluebelltulip @hayleyfx @Laney79 Please add others I may have forgotten!

Hi all, hope everything is good with you.

So- I’m out I am afraid.

Something felt not quite right last night- weird feeling. Then felt a bit of stabbing in right side. Then later I felt really mild cramps like periods. Then I went for a wee (early pregnancy early morning peeing) and my boobs felt like they’d lowered and deflated slightly. Then up in the morning and pink discharge.

It’s still that way not much leaking on to pad, but when I dab it’s there. Am 18dpo so it’s not implantation, if it wasn’t for the boobs I might have clung on to this.

Please don’t send messages of it might be okay as currently I just need to be realistic and don’t want any hope.

I’m alright, and I’m lucky that I had cuddles with my boy today

I’m going to lurk here a bit on the sidelines to encourage you ladies along and check how you’re all progressing and when this is over I might go back to the over 40s ttc. Don’t feel like wandering back over to the other thread with tails between my legs- wasn’t there that long anyhow- though I had popped in briefly earlier in the threads.

Also- anyone with early miscarriage (5 weeks) how long did it take from spotting to full on bleed?

Sorry to hear this @rubyroot look after yourself and I wish you luck going forward.

@rubyroot I’m so sorry 😐 it’s so disappointing. I’ve never bleed in any pregnancy as I’ve only had Mmc’s so I can’t really help. Is this your second?

Thanks ladies

@Melpops- second miscarriage - yes. Also had tfmr at 13.5 weeks

@rubyroot that is really tough. I had 2 back to back both at 5 weeks but didn’t find out till nearly 14 with number 1 and 8 with number 2. You’ve had a rough journey. I wish you so much luck going forwards and pray you get your rainbow soon.

@rubyroot I’m so sorry, prayers that you get your rainbow soon

Thanks both. The toughest was my tfmr. So feel like I can deal with this. And I was lucky to have a baby - currently 18 months in between. He kept me sane after my tmfr

@rubyroot very sorry to hear that. I had mc below 5 weeks an the bleed was just like a period and lasted a few days, after spotting it only took untill the next day or two for the heavier bleed. Hope your okay.

Thanks @niamhzs did you see the sac? How did you know it had all passed?

@rubyroot I'm so so sorry, your news is just heartbreaking. One day you will get your rainbow and I pray that will be soon for you. My first was mmc but second was mc at just under 5 weeks. Started as spotting and went heavy full flow in 24 hours like a really heavy period. If you can grab some maternity pads as I find them more absorbent than regular pads. Sending you lots of love and hugs

Thank you @SerenaOverjoyed. I think my anxiety is just through the roof. Trying to stay positive but as you can tell I'm failing miserably.

@niamhzs that's fab news about your scan. Fx for the next one!

@moonpeace hope I'm lucky like you and this one sticks. I'm so resigned to losing this one but at same time hoping for some miracle despite DHs test results. Hope you do find the acupuncture over time helps.

Re: exercise, I think I read on the NHS website to continue to do what you usually do but obviously avoid contact sports or where more risk of falling from dizziness. I also am thinking I want to carry on as much as normal because when this one is lost I don't want to have gained even more weight to what I did with #1. I think you should listen to your body and not push it too hard and of course watch your heart rate.

@Beaglemum93 Great news about hearing the heart beat. Congratulations on getting so far!

@DMR1996 Must have felt weird seeing the midwife so early. I'm glad you're getting a scan, even if you do have to pay for it yourself.

@niamhzs congrats on the scan! :)

I'm having a freak out today. No nausea or sickness. Couldn't tell I was pregnant if I didn't know... Just really worried it's all over. I cannot wait to get Friday over with. I just need to know one way or the other but feeling really pessimistic about it right now. Just drove home wondering what I'll do when I get the bad news... Should I try again or not? Jumping the gun I know, but I just can't imagine this going well. I've never seen a heartbeat on a scan and this is my 5th pregnancy. I'm just dreading that sinking feeling again.
Hugs and hand holds needed please.
One more day of trying to act normal at work to get through.......

@rubyroot it was just blood and then on the 5th day the tiniest blood clot and what looked like a tiny sac. Everyone is different though, some people just bleed and don't pass an intact sac. When the bleeding has completely stopped I would say that everything has passed.

@moonpeace I played netball 3 times a week til 12 weeks. I just wanted to carry on as normal. It’s the only thing that kept me sane to be honest so I totally understand what you mean!!

@KnitKitty sending lots of penguin hugs and a massive hand hold. Please try to remember that symptoms come and go and I must listen to my own advice not long now until your scan and you get to see your little bean all snuggled up inside you. I can only imagine what you're going through, no.5 must be really scary. I mean I'm only at no.3 and I'm a mess so I really can only imagine how you must feel. FWIW I think you're doing really amazing for someone who has gone through so much.

@moonpeace dodgy elbow is a good one, can't prove or disprove it unless you crazily wave your arm about. Or say you have a trapped nerve in your toe (just don't be seen walking out in heels). When I had a trapped nerve in my toe it took almost a year for it to totally go.

@KnitKitty I understand the fear, I also know what it feels like to see/hear a heartbeat after a miscarriage. Good luck for Friday, I hope it’s the latter for you. Hugs and hand hold- Not long now x.

@niamhzs- sorry I was so self absorbed today I missed your post and good news- let’s hope it continues.

@moonpeace I’m now bleeding properly and strangely enough I feel better than I do this morning when I was spotting. I know it’s definitely happening now, I’ve resigned myself to it and I’m having a glass of wine 🍷

I’m going to keep going now (well as soon as I get my period and next cycle) as long as I can get my bloke to dtd- fx there’s a good egg in there somewhere. I think with me it’s just my age and its about getting the right egg. If I run out of time I can live with that.

Your man is probably just struggling, they really do have problems showing their feelings. I think I’ve said it before- even though we have to go through the shite, we cope better so much more than them!

@KnitKitty hand hold and fingers and toes all crossed for you. It's natural to feel the way you do given your experiences so far. When I spoke to my gynecologist after MC no. 2 and asked him about why this was happening. He said I know you don't want to hear this but for some the journey is longer and it takes time. You will get there but the biggest hurdle is having the strength to keep going and trying and making sure you are supported. It will happen and you have to try and stay as positive as you can be. He was right - I didn't want to hear it. I wanted a fix and to have my baby but he was also right that it is a test of strength and I've found that strength through the support of my family and through the huddle and you ladies who face this too, this struggle every day and every month. I pray that this time is our time. Stay strong @KnitKitty big hugs.

Hi @KnitKitty, my next scan is Friday too. I know reassurances aren't always helpful when you're feeling this way but just wanted to let you know that I felt absolutely certain at my last scan that there would be no baby there- I was 6+4 by my calculations and had no symptoms + a bit of spotting and cramping. I was so certain the worst was happening. And I was totally wrong.

I'm trying to hold on to that as I get myself through to Friday - I don't always get what's happening in my body right, even when I feel certain. It's impossible to know anything for sure.

Hope you find some moments of peace as you wait for your scan.

@rubyroot really sorry to read your news. I had 2 at 5w and both similar to how yours is progressing. It was just like a period, more painful than usual, with the first I didn’t realise how ‘off ‘ I felt until the second day and proper bleed. Look after yourself xx

So sorry for your loss @rubyroot. Look after yourself x

@rubyroot so sorry you are experiencing bleeding. With my second MC which occurred at 5.5 weeks it was actually very quick - it went to full bleed straight away pretty much there wasn't spotting first. My third MC at 8-9 weeks involved spotting first for about 2 days then bleeding. Thinking of you and hope you have the support around you right now.

Sorry TMI, but is anyone experiencing slightly thicker discharge - creamy white? I'm positive it's not an infection or anything but I'm slightly paranoid that this is a bad sign at this early stage - like stuff is coming out when it shouldn't be. Although it's not brown or blood or anything.

I've also had a cold for two weeks now! It totally bearable but I do have a very runny nose and lots of catar in my chest. It's so annoying.