Should you expect your in laws to help with buying baby stuff?

[Peonyblush1]

Hi all, I’m 31 weeks today and still have a lot of the big stuff to buy for baby we’re kind of waiting for the baby shower to see what other friends and family will be getting us.

My mum and I have done most of shopping we’ve bought all the clothes and small bits and she’s buying my pushchair which is Expensive!

My in-laws have just bought two blankets and a few slogan vests.
I still have the cot, bouncer, car seat base etc to buy ..
We can afford these of course but I feel like they’re not bothering at all, it’s their first grandchild and they have a lot of money (but they’re tight) lol.

I just don’t think it’s fair that my mum is buying one of the most expensive items and they’re not bothering at all or asking us if we need anything :/
I always mention to my MIL that I still need to buy this and that but she still doesn’t seem to ask or anything ..

I don’t know if I’m expecting too much but I just thought they’d be more helpful because they always help other family members and strangers but not their own children .. bizarre?

One of the things I like about mumsnet is that posters cannot go back and edit their initial posts. So if the story changes they still stand there, in testament to the truth.

For example, this situation is grabby as fuck

Fact - Not everyone will be as excited as you are about your baby. Even your ILs.

It feels like they forget you're even pregnant?
Maybe because it's 31 weeks and you wont stop telling people what you haven't bought yet and wondering what you will buy them. This isn't normal.

Overall it comes down to lack of interest I think I just assume everybody is like my own family.
There’s nothing wrong with my attitude, if I was talking to a friend at work or even a customer for example about this they would fully see where I’m coming from
it’s just mumsnet users they think because they’re anon they can be as rude as they like.

Or maybe your work friend or customer can’t be completely honest with you?

Yes, it's alllll of us that are rude. All of us

@iboogy
yes it’s exaclty like that.
We’re Asian and usually families and grandparents would show great interest and help out as much as they can just to show their generosity.

I didn’t realise that baby showers were part of Asian culture

Let's see how far you get in life with the "it's always someone else's fault" attitude. Good grief.

OP genuinely can't believe how rude people are being on here lol well I can believe it but just seems so disproportionate for the post lol
I'm not knowledgable enough about your culture to say if this is the "norm" or do I believe in the norm in any culture. But probably right it off that you won't be getting any gifts from them. You can afford it all yourself so I wouldn't be too worried, and if you get anything after the birth then it's a bonus.

Good luck on the birth and congratulations.

Generally in most cultures families and grandparents show a great deal of interest, I would say. Certainly those I have personal experience of.

But it's not "just to show their generosity".

It's because they actually really care. Not to show anything at all.

Feeling a bit sorry for as you do seem really very superficial.

What so an British Asian person couldn’t throw a baby shower? Before it was an American tradition and now people all over the world do it?

Your comment seems pretty racist to me ..

@Peonyblush well that sheds light on the issue. I have several Asian friends and their expectations would completely tally with yours . My family is Caribbean and although I wouldn't expect help I would assume that they weren't interested if they weren't trying to press money and gifts on me.

I'm guessing the reason the in laws aren't interested has more to do with the grabby entitled personality than the massive drip feed about Asian culture.
Just a guess though

Neither my parents nor my in-laws gifted us anything more than some clothing or toys for either of my children. I never knew it was expected by some.

And BOOM there it is....knew it wouldn’t take long for racism to come up.
Not a single person on this thread has said anything remotely racist

OP I think you should go back and read your original post again, you keep changing your story, it’s weird and just sort of screams that you know your attitude is wrong but don’t want to admit it.

@Tigger001

I know I’ve seen it many times on here,
Yes that’s what we will do and thank you so much 💐

I think Gabbygirl has it right.

Yabu and an absolute cf.
It’s the sense of entitlement you have, for example you have held off buying things to see what you get for your baby shower! I really can’t believe this.
I enjoyed my baby shower as it was a lovely way to catch up with friends before the baby is here.
Not anything to do with gifts. Some people didn’t bring any at all, some made a tray of cakes and brought them.
Others brought very generous gifts. But it wasn’t the point my mum didn’t arrange the baby shower for gifts it was about time with friends.

Buy your own stuff, keep the receipts and then if your in-laws or friends at your baby shower do surprise you with anything that you already have, take it back and exchange it.
But don’t expect gifts value people for their time not their money.

In answer to your question, No, you should not expect your in-laws to help with buying baby stuff.
Not buying stuff and not showing any interest are two very different things and I would be more upset/concerned if they weren’t showing any interest in their first grandchild but that’s not the case here as they have bought gifts and you’ve said you spend lots of time with them so you can’t accuse them of ignoring the pregnancy.
Perhaps if you feel it’s unfair for your mum to have bought a big item then you should have bought it yourself but as she offered and wanted to do it then you can’t say it’s unfair.
Also, you say your in-laws have bought big items for other people, well, maybe they feel those people are more in need than you are. As you’ve said you can afford to buy these items so maybe they feel their money is worth more to other people.
One more thing, I have only attended two baby showers but with both the presents bought seem to be smaller items like a nice outfit/ sleepsuits /nappies etc so don’t “expect” too many big items there either!

OP is not suggesting racism its just that different cultures have different norms, values and beliefs around life passages. The sense of extended family and financial support is very strong in some cultures. A couple of my Asian friends expected houses bought for them by their families or substantial deposits provided. This was in exchange for marrying someone of their parents choice. Being financially taken care of was an implicit part of the bargain and they would have felt slighted if it wasn't provided.
Perhaps , if the OP's in-laws behaviour is offensive to her it is because it violates her cultural norms.

‘Your comment seems pretty racist to me .‘

So that’s not an accusation of racism?

To quote the OP:

*What so an British Asian person couldn’t throw a baby shower? Before it was an American tradition and now people all over the world do it?

Your comment seems pretty racist to me ..*

She’s definitely suggested racism when there is no evidence of it in the slightest