Should you expect your in laws to help with buying baby stuff?

[Peonyblush1]

Hi all, I’m 31 weeks today and still have a lot of the big stuff to buy for baby we’re kind of waiting for the baby shower to see what other friends and family will be getting us.

My mum and I have done most of shopping we’ve bought all the clothes and small bits and she’s buying my pushchair which is Expensive!

My in-laws have just bought two blankets and a few slogan vests.
I still have the cot, bouncer, car seat base etc to buy ..
We can afford these of course but I feel like they’re not bothering at all, it’s their first grandchild and they have a lot of money (but they’re tight) lol.

I just don’t think it’s fair that my mum is buying one of the most expensive items and they’re not bothering at all or asking us if we need anything :/
I always mention to my MIL that I still need to buy this and that but she still doesn’t seem to ask or anything ..

I don’t know if I’m expecting too much but I just thought they’d be more helpful because they always help other family members and strangers but not their own children .. bizarre?

@stilllRise87
That’s exactly how our family is you’ve got it 100%
My husbands uncle bought every single thing for their grandchild his cousin didn’t buy a single thing! I think that’s a bit OTT but that’s what our tradition usually is like.

Love how the op has chosen the only 3 people that have offered any kind of support to reply to. And completely ignored the other 200

Perhaps , if the OP's in-laws behaviour is offensive to her it is because it violates her cultural norms.

If that’s the case that’s fine but (1) she only mentioned her culture once told several times she was being unreasonable and (2) why ask on MN if her expectation is unreasonable if it’s so normal in her culture?

And she did call a PP racist because they said they weren’t aware that baby showers were the norm in Asian culture.

OP is not suggesting racism its just that different cultures have different norms, values and beliefs around life passages.

She had suggested racism - see above! I’m Asian too andstl think OP comes across as cheeky and greedy and has a bad attitude, grasping at and supportive comment she can find.

OP asked if she was being U and the answer is clearly that people think she is.

You have your answer now OP but it’s up to you do

I think it’s rude and racist to say they didn’t know it was part of an Asian culture because it’s not something that’s really part of any culture it’s something that has now become very common all over the world.

It’s pure rudeness and your name has the word “Cunt” in it very nice.. shows your personality 👍🏻

sometimes I feel like they forget I’m even pregnant

Sounds like you are the first person to ever have a baby and it should be announced immediately on the national news.

I hope you’ve started a blog about this entirely unique situation and offer any future woman interesting facts tips and insights to your experience.

Here take an award for most deluded thread of the year

OP, please correct me if I'm wrong but by reading a little over the thread I think it's mostly the fact your in laws seem uninterested in the pregnancy/baby than the not buying gifts. Some people are like that including my in laws until baby arrived and then they were besotted.
Your mam is obviously very excited and is enjoying helping you provide for your first baby so just ignore these other comments.
I haven't been on Mumsnet long but have noticed a lot of people have an issue with baby showers. If you want one then have one lovely whether you organise it or someone else and have a wonderful time celebrating the upcoming birth of your son.
All the very best for the rest of your pregnant and the birth x

Well DH and I are white, had our first nearly 25 years ago in our 30s and were very comfortable. My mother bought the pram (offered), IL's bought the cot and mattress. It was similar for most of my friends.

I don't think the op's expectations are unreasonable but perhaps voicing them is. Thankfully prams then weren't the price of a small car.

@OhTheRoses that reminds me of when my dad bought our pram last year with the comment " if his pram now is the price of a small car I dread to think how much I will be paying for his 1st car lol

Victim behaviour.

Thanks for noticing my UN.
ravishly.com/2016/12/28/why-i-think-its-important-reclaim-word-cnt

Omg are you serious? You shouldn't expect anyone to provide anything for your child other than yourself and your child's father.
Anything you do receive you Gould be grateful for and not compare to what another person gave you. You sound rather spoilt.

Reading this thread makes me feel terrible about my baby shower...it was rather grabby and I got a ridiculous amount, I was so embarrassed when my mum pushed me into opening all the gifts with huge audience of family and friends. Got a sleepyhead costing 150 from John Lewis which is basically just a pillow, Ive barely used it so far and they only last 8 months. I had all the big things bought for me too, I’ve actually got two prams an egg and a bugaboo, as I wanted the egg for when I use my parents car or country walks and the bugaboo to fit in my fiat, a cybex car seat...silver cross cotbed and draws, swing bouncer chair bath, just about everything you can buy...

Now I have the baby none of all the stuff matters, I too wanted certain brands. It’s embarassing now!

I won’t be buying any new toys! I’ve learnt my lesson. Babies are little humans, you show them love with time and patience, they don’t need all the stuff! You’d be best saving it for their future.

OP, please correct me if I'm wrong but by reading a little over the thread I think it's mostly the fact your in laws seem uninterested in the pregnancy/baby than the not buying gifts.

See title of thread.

Fucking hell my children aren’t old enough to even have relationships but if you were my DIL I’d leave the country, get a grip. Also you’ve tripped over your own feet in this thread, first page you haven’t bought much as waiting for the baby shower gifts and are only 31 weeks, a few pages later your baby has everything they need and more as of preconception?

Only on mumsnet

"Mumsnet should I expect my in-laws to buy me stuff"

MN - No you are being a CF

OP - None if you understand, I don't expect my in laws to buy me stuff at all

It's your baby, why should others pay for it?

And you are all racist for not knowing baby showers are part of Asian culture even though they aren't.

It's just embarrassing

Spot on @grinchypants

It's the most narcissistic thread I've seen on here for the 6 & 1/2 years I've been here.

Someone's on the wind up... surely?

@grinchypants has it spot on.

Your in laws probably don't think you need anything. They probably think you are well off if you can afford a big baby shower and your own parents are also buying item.

If you were struggling they would probably by you more, as they have done previously for others.

I think you should stop over thinking this and count your blessings.

And this is the reason I'm not having a baby shower. I don't want people feeling like they're obligated to buy anything for my baby. And the forced fun of it all 🤮

Grow up OP. Please.