Should you expect your in laws to help with buying baby stuff?

[Peonyblush1]

Hi all, I’m 31 weeks today and still have a lot of the big stuff to buy for baby we’re kind of waiting for the baby shower to see what other friends and family will be getting us.

My mum and I have done most of shopping we’ve bought all the clothes and small bits and she’s buying my pushchair which is Expensive!

My in-laws have just bought two blankets and a few slogan vests.
I still have the cot, bouncer, car seat base etc to buy ..
We can afford these of course but I feel like they’re not bothering at all, it’s their first grandchild and they have a lot of money (but they’re tight) lol.

I just don’t think it’s fair that my mum is buying one of the most expensive items and they’re not bothering at all or asking us if we need anything :/
I always mention to my MIL that I still need to buy this and that but she still doesn’t seem to ask or anything ..

I don’t know if I’m expecting too much but I just thought they’d be more helpful because they always help other family members and strangers but not their own children .. bizarre?

I'm naming this the Teresa May effect.
99% don't agree with my approach but I will not back down.

🤣

OP I think you have gathered by now that the answer to them buying stuff is no.

In relation to showing an interest what would you expect?
My MIL asks how I'm doing and has knitted some baby things which I'm grateful for. We have bought everything ourselves and spread out the cost.

Maybe they are waiting until the baby arrives safely before getting excited.

My Dad is like this he had a brother who died after a few hours he won't refer to our unborn son as as he or a baby (just bump) or to being a grandfather. He is genuinely worried about me giving birth and didn't like us having baby stuff built (I'm 37 wks this was at 34 wks) but there were too many boxes about. I understand that he is cautious and why.

Maybe your PIL have had something in the past your unaware of. If they continue lack of interest when you're baby has arrived then that's different.

I also think they are old enough and wise enough to see a silly young girl spend all her money on things that don’t matter - expensive brands, baby showers, cots, peaks must have suits etc and they know it’s all artificial self promotion.

They probaby know all a bay need is love warmth and food. The stuff is irrelevant.

You’ll get it OP eventually.

I'm 7 months pregnant and no one has bought anything for me at all! It can be done on a tight budget, I got my pram on Facebook for £20 it looks brand new! it's only as expensive as you make it. I would never expect anyone to buy anything for the baby I created

You sound like a dick - 'we've gone all out on the baby shower'! Yeah because that's so important...perhaps only for your Instagram so everyone can comment on how amazing it looks!

You also don't throw your own baby shower. Someone is meant to do it for you. If no one does then tough shit.

So for them to be excited the have to buy you a big expensive gift? Get over hours of OP you are being a complete CF!

I was a single mother at 18 and no one bought me a sitting thing, I bought it all myself. You need to get a grip.

Lots of nasty comments!
OP, have you involved your MIL in your excitement about the baby? She may feel excluded or perhaps she doesn't want to interfere?
Ask her to go baby clothes shopping with you and spend time with her. She may want to buy you a cot or whatever.

'we’re kind of waiting for the baby shower to see what other friends and family will be getting us.'

Ugh

Just starts off so grim and then crescendos really ....

You're grabby and entitled. If you can't afford a child then you shouldn't have one!

I’ve noticed you mention your in-laws buying others food and baby things etc. Is that possibly because these people are actually in need? There’s no reason to buy your perfectly well off children a load of stuff they can get themselves. In contrast, helping out a low income family is admirable. I don’t understand why you find that so appalling?

Just LOL’in at all these stupid comments haha 🤣
I’m going to carry on being “Grabby and Enitited and spoilt!🤔”

Anyways I will definitely be enjoying my beautiful baby shower with all my family and friends, and take lots of pics for the gram 😘 😜

Keep Hating haha

Baby showers are thrown to celebrate the mother and arrival of the baby by people who love them.

Throwing your own is desperate, weird and naff.

Measuring love by gifts is fucked up and sick.

Please don't pass this materialistic and calculating way of thinking on to your children. The world is shit enough as it is.

I think its quite telling that none of the OPs friends or family have organised the baby shower for her. I wonder how many will be ill/have an emergency on the day?

I don't think I've ever heard of anyone throwing their own baby shower.

It sounds like OP is one of those who uses their pregnancy to gain Instagram likes and that definetly needs a good old #babyshower picture surrounded by gifts.

Whatever your culture, people are people. YABU to say that your PILs “should” show an equal amount of interest as your own.

And you’re not even saying that. You’re saying the should show a certain amount of interest in their grandchild, expressed through the purchase of things.

I mean, seriously. You’ve led a very sheltered life if you think this is reasonable.

Is your mil invited to your baby shower? Have you/do you include her in the baby excitement?

Sounds to me like you probably alienate them. Your attitude towards gifting is beyond superficial.

People show love in different ways, clearly you're very closed off to this and only see and feel love by the giving of material things.

Open up to love of other kinds- you might be enlightened!

I missed the 'throw your own' baby shower

I'm so glad you're not my sister in law!

Oh goodness, you don't throw your own baby shower.

Someone - a friend of family member - offers to throw it for you, and if no-one offers, you don't get one.

Too many people are raised by wolves these days 😬😬😬

Gosh OP you don't sound too mature

• Just LOL’in at all these stupid comments haha 🤣 I’m going to carry on being “Grabby and Enitited and spoilt!🤔”

Anyways I will definitely be enjoying my beautiful baby shower with all my family and friends, and take lots of pics for the gram 😘 😜*

I know people that have organised their own baby showers, and personally don't see a problem with doing that.

But....your post does sound quite expectant and materialist. I know people that have told me we won't need to buy anything for our baby other than the pram, as family will get you the rest. Personally, I hate this outlook. DM has helped with little useful bits when I've been out with her, e.g. bottles, bibs, sterilizer and a cute outfit. FIL gave us a bit of money at Christmas for carpeting the nursery. Some friends have passed on clothing bundles, and some family members have given/lent nothing (which is fine). These are all individual choices and I would never expect anyone to buy anything. It is our child, we will fund it, nobody loves it any less based on what they have or haven't bought.

I think it is a little unkind to say people can't throw their own baby shower. Why not?

Not everyone has friends who can host a party for them.