Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Should you expect your in laws to help with buying baby stuff?

313 replies

Peonyblush1 · 19/01/2019 12:42

Hi all, I’m 31 weeks today and still have a lot of the big stuff to buy for baby we’re kind of waiting for the baby shower to see what other friends and family will be getting us.

My mum and I have done most of shopping we’ve bought all the clothes and small bits and she’s buying my pushchair which is Expensive!

My in-laws have just bought two blankets and a few slogan vests.
I still have the cot, bouncer, car seat base etc to buy ..
We can afford these of course but I feel like they’re not bothering at all, it’s their first grandchild and they have a lot of money (but they’re tight) lol.

I just don’t think it’s fair that my mum is buying one of the most expensive items and they’re not bothering at all or asking us if we need anything :/
I always mention to my MIL that I still need to buy this and that but she still doesn’t seem to ask or anything ..

I don’t know if I’m expecting too much but I just thought they’d be more helpful because they always help other family members and strangers but not their own children .. bizarre?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
ithinkiamgoingtovomit · 19/01/2019 12:59

There must be something else going on here. Surely no one can be that selfish, entitled and grabby.

clutches straws

scatterbrainedlass · 19/01/2019 13:01

We bought all the big stuff, when parents/in-laws asked if we wanted anything we suggested small stuff like clothes, blankets and muslins. My MIL brought a massive box full of nappies, blankets, clothes and toys when our first (and her first grandchild) was born. We chose to have children, and wouldn't dream of expecting someone else to pay for them!!

SoyDora · 19/01/2019 13:02

You shouldn’t ‘expect’ anyone to buy you anything.

SarahET · 19/01/2019 13:02

Clearly people are not free to get you whatever they like as you're complaining in-laws have just bought two blankets and a few slogan vests.

Maybe they will get you something when baby is here, or put some cash in a savings account, maybe they won't, it's not something they are obliged to do.

aidelmaidel · 19/01/2019 13:04

We bought everything second-hand and it's been fine. You don't need all new stuff. Baby is a marathon, not a one-off

BiscuitsMcSnugglepuff · 19/01/2019 13:04

Wow, I think you need to understand that no one is under any obligation to get you anything! And you should be incredibly grateful to your mum for her gift, not just think that’s the norm - because it really isn’t! You decided to have a child, not them and in doing so you accepted responsibility for looking after them.

NorthEndGal · 19/01/2019 13:05

Perhaps they are waiting until the baby arrived to buy more gifts?

ithinkiamgoingtovomit · 19/01/2019 13:07

Maybe they don’t want to step on anyone’s toes?

didihearthatright123456 · 19/01/2019 13:07

I’m 5 months pregnant with twins and refuse to have a baby shower as it just seems to grabby! The people that love you will buy stuff, in their own time. I hate that it’s expected that other people will buy all the stuff you need/want. Anything anyone buys us after the birth will be a huge bonus.

You are being a bit cheeky with your expectations

MeredithGrey1 · 19/01/2019 13:07

YABU. I’m currently pregnant with my first and my ILs have kindly bought us a Moses basket, and grandma-in-law very generously bought us a cot. My parents have not bought anything, nor made any reference to buying things/giving us money etc and I’m not at all annoyed or angry at them.

Darkstar4855 · 19/01/2019 13:07

YABU if you think people have to buy you stuff to show love for your baby!

SoyDora · 19/01/2019 13:08

We’ve just had a baby. My dad bought some clothes, my mum a play mat. In laws gave us some cash towards the Co sleeper crib. All lovely and very much appreciated.

crosser62 · 19/01/2019 13:09

No.
My in-laws barely had enough money to cover their own bills they had nothing.
We saved up and bought stuff as we went along.
Tbh we had to buy cheap and second hand stuff as I needed to save my pay to cover maternity leave.
It was a very financially challenging time.

Since2016 · 19/01/2019 13:12

JC. How old are you?

I didn’t expect or anticipate anyone buying us ANYTHING other than cute baby clothes. In the end we got tons of clothes, my mum bought us a sling and my sisters a bouncer. Entirely normal surely? I’ve never heard of expecting people to buy the big things, least of all in laws. How odd!

SleepingStandingUp · 19/01/2019 13:15

I just don’t think it’s fair that my mum is buying one of the most expensive items
Then you should have told her not to.

they’re not bothering at all or asking us if we need anything is the baby a tually your FIL's? I can think why else you'd expect them to contribute. Obviously it's nice if they do but you shouldn't expect people to buy you expensive things because you got pregnant.

You're obviously expecting lots of presents from your baby shower so it's not like baby is going to go without.

kmreeve · 19/01/2019 13:18

Why should they have to/want to... they've already supported and raised their children... it's time for you to your job at raising yours.

Not buying you/baby gifts doesn't mean they don't love you or the baby ... ever thought that your mum is worrying about the expense of your chosen pushchair and is to frightened to say no in case you slate her like you are your in-laws.

Stop expecting people to buy you stuff...

Baby showers - urgh... tacky grabby things... it's "shower me in gifts" what a horrid concept!

Buy your own stuff, stop complaining and move on!

SarahET · 19/01/2019 13:19

We bought lots second hand for ours too, not so much that we had to financially but they use stuff for such a short time and most of the second hand stuff is pristine anyway.

Annasgirl · 19/01/2019 13:22

No! Whyever would you think that? Are you a teenager? Otherwise, no and even then, no. Do you still live with your parents?

Seriously you sound like a 14 year old. Also, your in-laws have done their duty to society by paying for their own DC. They do not need to pay for yours.

Annasgirl · 19/01/2019 13:23

and also a baby shower?????

Do you live in the US?

Gazelda · 19/01/2019 13:23

Maybe they're going to do a grand presentation at the Baby Shower?
Or they are superstitious about getting stuff before the baby's arrival?
Or they've caught whiff of your expectations and are holding back.
You are unreasonable to expect. Be grateful for any gifts that are given, the rest is your responsibility.

JustHereForThePooStories · 19/01/2019 13:26

We’ve already spent so much on the baby shower and we’re going all out

Maybe they think you’ve already grabbed what you need off of everyone else?

SPARKS17 · 19/01/2019 13:26

Sounds like your in laws have got you sussed. Nothing turns off generosity like entitlement.

Perhaps they are waiting for the baby’s safe arrival?

CarrieBlu · 19/01/2019 13:26

You’re a right CF. Spend less (or nothing) on a baby shower and fund the things your child will actually need.

ZogTheOrangeDragon · 19/01/2019 13:28

Sounds like your in laws have got you sussed.

I agree. I bet they are thrilled their DS married you. Although if he is just as grabby, they need to look at their own parenting as well.

InlawIssuesAgain · 19/01/2019 13:29

I actually don't think this is unreasonable. Surely family, excluding abusive or negligent ones, would be excited to help out with stuff for the baby. Expecting it is a bit much but I fully understand why you're disappointed they don't seem interested.