Should you expect your in laws to help with buying baby stuff?

[Peonyblush1]

Hi all, I’m 31 weeks today and still have a lot of the big stuff to buy for baby we’re kind of waiting for the baby shower to see what other friends and family will be getting us.

My mum and I have done most of shopping we’ve bought all the clothes and small bits and she’s buying my pushchair which is Expensive!

My in-laws have just bought two blankets and a few slogan vests.
I still have the cot, bouncer, car seat base etc to buy ..
We can afford these of course but I feel like they’re not bothering at all, it’s their first grandchild and they have a lot of money (but they’re tight) lol.

I just don’t think it’s fair that my mum is buying one of the most expensive items and they’re not bothering at all or asking us if we need anything :/
I always mention to my MIL that I still need to buy this and that but she still doesn’t seem to ask or anything ..

I don’t know if I’m expecting too much but I just thought they’d be more helpful because they always help other family members and strangers but not their own children .. bizarre?

Does mil have a dd? I had the first grandchild, ils bought me a second hand moses basket and factory seconds sheets. I was very grateful.
Sil had a dc a year later and got a top of the range pram combo.
A year later she had another dc.
Top of the range twin pram combo.
Could she be holding out her spending for dd? Some people actually think proper dgc come from dd not ds.

Yeaahhhh OP your still not listening to what anyone is saying to you.

Continue being grabby then and raise grabby children

@PeonyBlush I know how you feel... is it more about them not joining you in the excitement and preparation than the actual stuff?

When I was pregnant I did NCT classes and the other mums-to-be discussed the stuff that their families were getting them. Travel systems worth thousands of pounds was common along with all expenses paid babymoons and matching nursery furniture. It was hard not to be jealous of the financial support they had but I always knew that we would have to manage by ourselves...My parents couldn’t afford anything, they live abroad and I support them financially.

My PIL could have afforded to help (properties abroad, retired early, several holidays, regular ski trips ect) but generosity is not their style, they are very reserved with gift giving and each child is always given the same amount for any special event. A cheque made out for £30! A wedding gets you a little more!

So, I get your disappointment. Youre excited and want them to join in your excitement with baby preparation. Perhaps they know you are a bit fussy though and don’t want to get the wrong thing. But, you never know, they might have something up their sleeve for when your baby arrives. Could you text MIL and ask her ‘advice’ on something? Maybe send her links to 2 different co-sleepers (or whoever is on your list) and ask which one she reckons would be better given her experience.

Please don’t equate gifts with interest. There are lots of reasons why they might not be giving you stuff but it doesn’t necessarily mean they love their grandchild any less or are not interested.

We’ve already spent so much on the baby shower and we’re going all out
So you clearly don’t need have things bought for you.

I’m so glad some people understand me!
Every culture and family is different.
Most of the people around me from my culture go on about how their families bought them this and that.
My family are the type that would splash out on their children too but my in laws have never been like that with their children.
My husband never even got a birthday cake when he was younger.
I just think before they help other people they should at least be a little more generous to their own children.
And yes it’s true rich people are much tighter!
Who knows they might surprise us when baby is here.. if they don’t then that’s ok.

my in laws have never been like that with their children.

My husband never even got a birthday cake when he was younger.

So why did you think they would be different now if they weren’t like it with their own children?

Mil gave us a box of useful odds and ends when we had DS. Nothing very expensive, things like Muslins, baby bath and a cuddly toy. But each item was selected with love and care. You say in your post that you in laws have bought you some things and of course there is plenty of time for them to buy more. But your last post clearly shows that you consider splashing out to be the only sign of caring. Perhaps you should read your last post again and realise that different people show live in different ways?

I know what you mean op our family's are the same 😊

I would ask them in conversation if they was planning on buying something before you start buying the main things. That way you should get a straight answer x

Why have you and your mum done most of the shopping? Me and DH did most of ours. I never understand all this help people seem to need when having DC. Our PIL bought us nothing btw, and could well afford to. I suspect it wasn't the same for SIL.

I don’t have a SIL just a BIL which just got a brand new Mercedes from his dad
(they favorite him more)
I did most of the shopping with my mum because it’s my first I didn’t know what to buy exactly and didn’t want to buy unnecessary things so she’s helped me out there.

I remember the only baby shower I have gone to (most people I know have not had them). It was hideous. She sat there opening presents “live” and there were loads of duplicates. Argh. I would rather cut my own foot off.

Maybe you could ask your inlaws to join you going shopping to make them feel included? Maybe they assume as you're from a family who spoil their kids that you'll have more than enough?
Maybe they're cringing (like me) at this totally over materialistic situation and don't want to get involved?!

I wouldn’t of even let them it’s just the thought that counts.

YABVVVVU for using "of" instead of have.

but you can’t expect everyone to be the same can you.

No. So why are you?

I'm not CF.

Yes. Yes you are.

I think you're embarrasing yourself and coming over as grabby and immature. Plus you go on about culture blah blah, it sounds horrible whatever it is, people going on about who bought you what and all the material things. I consider myself lucky to live in a culture where we're more interested in the health of the baby or the mother to be.
I took my mum to help me shop too. But I paid.
In many cultures, though clearly not yours, it would be considered crass or unlucky to give a large gift before the birth. You clearly are going down a different route. The pick and choose your traditions route. If you were doing things really traditionally, you wouldn't even consider holding your own present collecting event - sorry, babyshower.

Just don't expect anything and then if you do get something, it's a great bonus!

I kind of get where you're coming from, but kind of not. How you've worded your post makes you sound very entitled and grabby, particularly by saying you're waiting to buy the rest of the expensive stuff until after your baby shower. I'm not having a baby shower because if people felt obliged to buy me something I would be mortified, not all of my friends and family have a lot of money and I expect nothing from them.

I have felt angry at my in-laws too though, not necessarily because they haven't bought us anything (which they haven't, other than a sleepsuit for my birthday a few weeks ago) but because they haven't particularly shown any interest either despite trying to include them. They don't show much interest in DH so I can't be too surprised, however they had their first grandchild 5 months ago and my brother in law was bought many of the 'expensive items' by them and they are very involved in the baby and absolutely dote on her. And it's that that bothers me, not the gifts and the cash but the lack of interest and how my DH has been treated so differently.

My parents did buy us the travel system, but they offered to do so and we have never expected anything from them. We budgeted for everything ourselves and are not 'relying' on any gifts to see us through.

OP you shouldn't expect anything from anyone. If anyone chooses to buy you stuff or offers to then great, but you can't begrudge anyone if they don't.

You should never expect anyone other yourself and the babies dad to buy anything!

Whne you have a child it's nice that people offer to contribute things and babysit, but it isn't expected and they don't have to.

I think it's a bit strange that you've bought all the little things and are waiting for other people to buy the big stuff for you?
You'd usually do the opposite, buy the large, expensive items yourself as you generally recieve small, easy items that you won't generally have a preference on as gifts. Your whole attitude seems a bit strange tbh..

No, you pay for your own children's things...

Put your hand in your pocket and pay for your own child.

This cant be real 😂

I dont think the baby will be the only one who is throwing their toys out the pram.

Your mum has been very kind to do all that.
I think it's very possible that your PILs might not want to overstep since your mum is so involved. Or perhaps they think it's unlucky to buy big items before your baby is born.
Fwiw my in-laws gave us some knitted clothes and a cheque when I had our first because they guessed we'd like to choose the cot or pram ourselves.

Jesus I can’t believe you’ve posted in complete seriousness to look for people to agree with you that your in-laws are being unreasonable for not buying you enough stuff.

The baby shower is about you so going all out with the baby shower is your choice and not a reason anyone should buy you anything. You obviously have high expectations for gifts from your guests if you’re waiting to see what people buy you before you buy anything else yourself. Classy.

Do people host their own baby shower? How very odd........