Should you expect your in laws to help with buying baby stuff?

[Peonyblush1]

Hi all, I’m 31 weeks today and still have a lot of the big stuff to buy for baby we’re kind of waiting for the baby shower to see what other friends and family will be getting us.

My mum and I have done most of shopping we’ve bought all the clothes and small bits and she’s buying my pushchair which is Expensive!

My in-laws have just bought two blankets and a few slogan vests.
I still have the cot, bouncer, car seat base etc to buy ..
We can afford these of course but I feel like they’re not bothering at all, it’s their first grandchild and they have a lot of money (but they’re tight) lol.

I just don’t think it’s fair that my mum is buying one of the most expensive items and they’re not bothering at all or asking us if we need anything :/
I always mention to my MIL that I still need to buy this and that but she still doesn’t seem to ask or anything ..

I don’t know if I’m expecting too much but I just thought they’d be more helpful because they always help other family members and strangers but not their own children .. bizarre?

It's your child, you should expect to buy everything yourself. If someone buys you something you say 'thank you very much' you don't then compare that and think other people should get you stuff. 🤦‍♀️

Wow rude! my inlaws didn't buy any large items as I didn't want them spending their savings, they got bubba some beautiful blankets and baby grows, at least they got your baby something. You sound spoilt and rude.

My ex SIL was like you OP. She sat in my parents house talking about all the inheritance that my brother was going to get. My parents are in their 50s and still very healthy and alive. Luckily he realised what a CF she was and she is long gone!

Wow. We haven't asked for anything but my mum wants to buy something big and is also happily knitting. My dad wants to come and help build furniture/decorate etc and I'm sure there will be a blanket or outfit or two from them when baby arrives. MIL has barely acknowledged her first grandchild is on its way and FIL has been out and bulk bought all the essentials because that's what he enjoys doing. It's not for us to dictate how people want to get involved. I don't really want to take money from my mum and I wish DP's mum gave more of a shit, for his sake, but there isn't anything I could or should do about any of it.

I actually don't think this is unreasonable. Surely family, excluding abusive or negligent ones, would be excited to help out with stuff for the baby. Expecting it is a bit much but I fully understand why you're disappointed they don't seem interested.

But they have bought gifts for the baby. The OP says that they have bought blankets and vests. Interest and love has nothing to do with the amount of money spent on a child.

You are a CF. If you can't afford cot etc then scale down the baby shower and get ready for the baby. You are an adult couple who shouldn't need handouts for a child that you created.

they can get us whatever they like - they don't have to get you anything. Your baby, buy your own stuff and stop 'hinting' what MIL should buy.

Surely this is a pisstake? Do people really expect other people to buy their baby things?

Also OP a pushchair doesn’t have to be expensive, if you feel it’s unfair on your mum to pay so much then get something cheaper or a second hand one.

I'm interested to know what "going all out" on the baby shower is.
I never got to have mine as the baby came early but it was just going to be friends coming round for sandwiches, cake and tea.

Could you elaborate?

I’m not “CF”

I beg to differ!!

You sound like a CF. I got pregnant at 20 and bought everything muself, I lived at home for the first 3 months and still paid rent when I was pregnant.
My mum bought some clothes in the sale, and my baby bouncer because she picked it up in the Asda baby sale. I think I spent £25 on a Moses basket, £250 on a Mothercare travel system and probably £100 on clothes/nappies/couple of bottles/Moses basket sheets/blankets. I earned around £900 a month. I didn't find it that expensive and still saved money to move out. It's as expensive as you make it.
It's not about them buying gifts for their first grandchild and I'm sure they'll help in other ways when the baby arrives.
Also, why the baby shower when you still have things to buy?

I actually don't think this is unreasonable. Surely family, excluding abusive or negligent ones, would be excited to help out with stuff for the baby.

If you can't afford stuff for the baby why have the big baby shower that the OP alludes to? The baby won't have a clue about this event.

EXPECT?????

FFS, your child your responsibility, end of.

Really want to know what pram OP chose for her DM to buy.

Maybe they have helped out other relatives because they were struggling financially? Or maybe they just seemed more deserving than you do because they didn’t keep hinting at stuff?

I would understand if you’re baby had arrived and they’d bought nothing for it (not even a teddy or a single sleepsuit) but I think expecting them to buy expensive items that you’ve said you can afford is odd and rather rude.

Wow

My DM bought our pram, which was lovely, PIL bough a gift for the baby once DC was born. It never occurred to me to expect them to buy anything. You do sound grabby and entitled expecting it, along with throwing a baby shower so people buy you things.

we just thought it would be nice if they offered to buy something

Nice, yes. But should you expect your in laws to help with buying baby stuff? absolutely not.

Your baby, your responsibility to buy things for said baby. Sure, other people buying stuff for you is a nice touch, and welcomed, but you shouldn't EXPECT that from people. You say she's loaded, how do you know the state of their finances?! Complete and utter CF. Them being excited about the baby is completely separate from buying the baby lots of things.

Like I’ve said before if you read properly we can afford everything we’re financially capable of buying everything we need we just thought it would’ve been nice if the in laws seemed a bit more interested and offered maybe I wouldn’t of even let them it’s just the thought that counts.
I guess I’m just used to having generous parents but you can’t expect everyone to be the same can you.
Yes it’s ok if I don’t get presents at my baby shower that’s not what I’m doing it for but I know my friends and family will buy us stuff anyway.
But I would rather buy my own stuff because I’m very specific with what I want with certain brands/makes etc etc ..

Also yes this is why I'm absolutely NOT having a baby shower and will be mortified if anyone plans a surprise one for me (though I would be polite and run with it I guess). Just screams of CF to me I'm afraid.

I know you have said you can obviously afford all the things you need you would just expect them to offer to buy one of the big things like your mum has, but some people just don't think like that, nor should you expect them to.

They may wait until the baby is here and buy something you still need then or they may just not think that they should. But either way i think you should buy all what you need and forget about them helping you, that way you are all sorted and ready for the baby

I’m pregnant (due today actually) and don’t expect anyone to buy us anything!!

Not having a shower as honestly I find them tacky.

My parents very generously bought our cot but I never expected them to.

In laws have bought one sleepsuit and that’s absolutely fine. It’s our baby not theirs! I expect nothing from anyone, our choice to get pregnant our child to fund.

But I would rather buy my own stuff because I’m very specific with what I want with certain brands/makes etc etc

So what is the point of your post and complaining about your in laws then? Maybe they have realised this about you and dislike it so are choosing not to buy anything or perhaps they feel they have bought enough.

Hmm I think it depends on a whole lot of other factors. But I will say that my MIL didn't buy us much with our DD, she does help with childcare, and she has given us some pricier items for her bday etc. She's also not her first grandchild so she's a little less in to it all than my parents are, who like to buy everything!

YABU

How old are you, OP?

I suspect your love language is gifts being bought for you. You see your Mum loves you and her grand child because she is gifting practical goods.

People show love in a variety of ways.