Should you expect your in laws to help with buying baby stuff?

[Peonyblush1]

Hi all, I’m 31 weeks today and still have a lot of the big stuff to buy for baby we’re kind of waiting for the baby shower to see what other friends and family will be getting us.

My mum and I have done most of shopping we’ve bought all the clothes and small bits and she’s buying my pushchair which is Expensive!

My in-laws have just bought two blankets and a few slogan vests.
I still have the cot, bouncer, car seat base etc to buy ..
We can afford these of course but I feel like they’re not bothering at all, it’s their first grandchild and they have a lot of money (but they’re tight) lol.

I just don’t think it’s fair that my mum is buying one of the most expensive items and they’re not bothering at all or asking us if we need anything :/
I always mention to my MIL that I still need to buy this and that but she still doesn’t seem to ask or anything ..

I don’t know if I’m expecting too much but I just thought they’d be more helpful because they always help other family members and strangers but not their own children .. bizarre?

I am planning to get most things second hand. It keeps the coat down and it's better for the environment.
Some people even offer things for free on Marketplace on face book. My parents in law are too well off, but I would rather source it all myself.
Hope this helps?

Well I am amazed by this!
Part of having children is budgeting . I would have been really surprised if my parents or ILs had bought big ticket items for our children. I think they gave us the odd babygro as presents after they were born and later for birthdays and things but that was it. Actually newborns need very little and we bought what we could afford, a mixture of new , second hand , home made and borrowed.
In some families there is a 'tradition' eg parents of mother to be buy the pram but I don't think it is usual for new parents to expect their family and friends to provide much for the children. Obviously that excludes hand me downs which it would be usual to pass on.
You often see threads on mumsnet where parents to be complain about ( usually) ils. Buying unwanted or 'tasteless' gifts for their gc and many respondents act as if those GPs are being unreasonable or interfering.

I get where you’re coming from maybe you just worded the post a little differently than you intended?

Some cultures have different ways of doing things ie Asian / Indian / Jewish / Etc Etc where family are all in and supporting with weddings / babies / whatever else so maybe it’s just that.

I fell preggers unplanned but we started budgeting whatever we could afford but then when we told family they all wanted to gift certain things & so it’s ended up we haven’t spent as much as we intended because of gifting.

We didn’t expect it though & even though they are gifting the bigger items I’ve still been sensible and done it in the most cost effective way as it’s their hard earnt money either way & we have options so they could choose whatever suited their budget.

Everyone is just different when it comes to these things I suppose!

I’m not having a baby shower though as I didn’t want people buying stuff to be honest I would feel bad they felt like they would have to buy stuff - I’m just not a fan of the whole attention thing! Haha.

My in laws also have never really been big present people from what my husband tells me but they wanted to get the travel system for the baby. Bit different as they live abroad so won’t be as involved as much as my fam probably.

But I would rather buy my own stuff because I’m very specific with what I want with certain brands/makes etc etc

Why am I not suprised.

I don’t know if I’m expecting too much but I just thought they’d be more helpful because they always help other family members and strangers but not their own children

My family are the type that would splash out on their children too but my in laws have never been like that with their children. My husband never even got a birthday cake when he was younger. I just think before they help other people they should at least be a little more generous to their own children.

I don’t have a SIL just a BIL which just got a brand new Mercedes from his dad

To me, giving your child a brand new Mercedes is splashing out. I don’t know why you say your in-laws aren’t generous to their own children.

Wow. To misquote the late, great Cordelia Chase, you're really campaigning for CF of the year, aren't you?

They've already bought things. For a baby that isn't even here yet. But no, the only way they can possibly "show interest" to your standards is to buy a big ticket item for you, and you are narked that they haven't. Money doesn't equal interest, and no you should never expect your ILs to fund your significant baby purchases when you can clearly afford them yourself.

Also CF: throwing your own shower, and making it clear that you expect people coming to potentially buy you your big-ticket items.

You do sound cheeky and your first post v clearly indicates your in laws should be buying more, because your parents are, and then your subsequent post seem to backtrack because people are saying you sound cheeky.

To be honest you can’t expect things from people. You need to be prepared to buy everything yourself and just be grateful for anything you get. You don’t sound grateful for what in laws have already given you and sounds like you have been hinting a wanting more which has probably annoyed them. It would annoy me.

Also as others have said the baby isn’t here yet so your in laws may even buy more for you. Maybe they want to wait and see what you need or are superstitious as others have said.

I'm so shocked at this thread

I mean the baby shower comments are grabby af

But the expectation of your parents and your parents in laws (as well as friends and family), In my opinion that's being a cf.

You mentioned culture, is there a massive drip feed here or is this just you excusing the fact that most other posters think you are being a bit of a cf?

You say you can afford all of these items? Maybe your parents in law know this, maybe they would rather help people that actually need it?

All this over a baby that isn't even born yet like it's grabby as anything that you are this concerned about all of the things other people are buying for you for a child that isn't even born yet.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant. We had a list. We did the pram first, and then the car seat, and then the cot, and a big item every few weeks staggered from the start so that it was organised and not a financial pressure. At no point would I have dreamt of expecting anybody to buy me anything for my unborn child. I'll be grateful for any gifts they receive but I haven't sat and thought about it because it was my responsibility to provide for my baby from the moment we got pregnant.

It wouldn't suprise me if this thread was followed in a few months time by "aibu expecting parents to provide free childcare"

Anybody else pitying this child already
It has to be a wind up can't believe it's still going.

@RomanyRoots it's probably not real. If it is could you imagine the birthday and Christmas's? Op sat sobbing at the last minute because she's not brought her son/daughter any presents because she was waiting to see what big things friends and family got

Haha I don’t think you get my point here still.
Like I’ve said we’ve already bought everything and we will continue to I shouldn’t even bother trying to explain myself over and over again!
I never told my mum to buy me the pram she offered she would when I had a baby one day and that’s that everything else she buys she buys it because she wants to even though I tell her not to!
I’m not having a baby shower to receive gifts like I said I would rather buy those items myself because I know what I want specifically.
But I know my cousin who had a baby shower did it for the gifts he even told us that we never got offended? I even went out and bought him lovely things.

I’ve bought my child many things even before falling pregnant! His nursery is full of clothes which I’ve probably over bought already.
I don’t understand why people are saying “your child you buy” that’s what I’m doing anyway and always will :)

I don’t understand why people are being so rude! Wow! There’s really no need for it 😂 I think I know to buy my child his things and he has some beautiful bits.

No point in trying to explain myself over and over again because some people just don’t want understand they just come on here to rant!

Wow.

Parents on both sides bought us quite 'big' things but never for one second did we expect it or ask for them!

If you're mum didn't want to be lumbered with buying the pram then she shouldn't have offered (or coerced into it?).

God you just sound awful. The constant attempts to justify yourself are astounding. Literally nobody agrees with you here.

OP the subject of your thread is literally “should you expect in-laws to help buying baby stuff?”

You asked the question, people have answered. You don’t like the responses so everyone else is wrong and only here to rant.

If you only wanted people to agree with you why did you post the question in the first place?

Unbelievable.

My IL's are also wealthy and offered to buy us some expensive items. I declined as I thought that we should do it ourselves.

A baby shower is for presents-hence the name. And hence why you don’t host your own.

Okayyyyy so direct quotes from op so far. Helping out as she seems a bit confused with things....

Haha I don’t think you get my point here still.
Like I’ve said we’ve already bought everything and we will continue to I shouldn’t even bother trying to explain myself over and over again!

I don’t understand why people are being so rude! Wow! There’s really no need for it 😂 I think I know to buy my child his things and he has some beautiful bits.

No point in trying to explain myself over and over again because some people just don’t want understand they just come on here to rant!

And then

Hi all, I’m 31 weeks today and still have a lot of the big stuff to buy for baby we’re kind of waiting for the baby shower to see what other friends and family will be getting

I always mention to my MIL that I still need to buy this and that but she still doesn’t seem to ask or anything ..

God knows how the rest of us (also 31 weeks) are managing at the moment having actually bought everything we need without telling people I still need to buy x or y, and organising our own baby showers for gifts.
So grabby

Is this a joke?!

what?
We bought everything ourselves. Any gifts were welcomed and we are lucky friends and family sent presents, clothes and stuff.
You don't have to buy an expensive pushchair, we didn't.
Our cot, etc is second hand.
We could have bought new expensive things but we chose not to, and we most definitely wouldnt accept them from people.

Honestly

For goodness sake! Bloody mumsnet at its worst again!

It is normal for Grandparents to offer to help towards a new baby. It certainly is the culture of my poor , working class family! My pensioner grandmother pressed £100 into my hand before my child was born and wouldn't take it back! I am one of 19 Grandchildren!
I wont pretend I wasn't slighty upset that my PIL's , who are also extremely wealthy ( and tight) didn't want to buy the baby anything. Of course we could afford it ourselves but I thought it was traditional and showed how excited they were. Quite frankly, coming from my family culture, I thought it was really weird. Its always those who haven't a pot to piss in that are the most generous.

Your updates make this comment look very apt.

Sounds like your in laws have got you sussed. Nothing turns off generosity like entitlement.

Its always nice when people offer you stuff but you really shouldnt expect it. It would be a bit different if you said you were struggling financially and your wealthy in laws wouldn't help but you have made it clear this is not the case.

Nobody else but you and your DP is responsible for providing for YOUR baby. YABVU to ‘expect’ anything, and you are a CF. I don’t blame your IL for not wanting to live up to your ‘shoulds’, I wouldn’t buy you a nappy!