Should you expect your in laws to help with buying baby stuff?

[Peonyblush1]

Hi all, I’m 31 weeks today and still have a lot of the big stuff to buy for baby we’re kind of waiting for the baby shower to see what other friends and family will be getting us.

My mum and I have done most of shopping we’ve bought all the clothes and small bits and she’s buying my pushchair which is Expensive!

My in-laws have just bought two blankets and a few slogan vests.
I still have the cot, bouncer, car seat base etc to buy ..
We can afford these of course but I feel like they’re not bothering at all, it’s their first grandchild and they have a lot of money (but they’re tight) lol.

I just don’t think it’s fair that my mum is buying one of the most expensive items and they’re not bothering at all or asking us if we need anything :/
I always mention to my MIL that I still need to buy this and that but she still doesn’t seem to ask or anything ..

I don’t know if I’m expecting too much but I just thought they’d be more helpful because they always help other family members and strangers but not their own children .. bizarre?

You sound like you're equating interest in the baby with how much they buy you! I've recently had a granddaughter and couldn't afford to buy anything more than a few clothes. I felt bad because the pram was bought by the other grand parent along with a load of other stuff. I love my granddaughter just as much!

Gosh, you are spoilt, a lot of people manage on their own, you chose to have a child,
I think your ils have it about right, they bought you a nice present.
They probably think you've been bought enough by your mum, to not want anything else.
You might get a few odds and ends from your baby shower, my dil got lots of practical things like nappies and toiletries for baby.

@bourbonbiccy
Thank you! One of the most understanding replies.
That’s what we will do anyway I’ve already made a list of what’s left to buy we’re totally capable of doing everything on our own we just thought it would’ve nice for them to offer but we’re not going to throw a strop because they didn’t get us something.

We’re from a culture we’re families are as helpful as they can be to their children yes that may sound spoilt but that’s what it’s like where we’re from. :)

You should provide for your own children without the expectation that others will pick up the big ticket stuff. I thought it was not the done thing to host your own baby shower...

You organised your own baby shower??!

Entitled doesn’t even come close to this OP!

I wasn’t sure who hosted the baby shower as it’s something we haven’t done very much so I’m doing it all by myself obviously my sister is helping with some of the planning.

You do sound incredibly grabby but I think I sort of maybe get it, partly. My BIL (i.e. DH’s brother) his wife had a baby last year and I was really astonished that his parents (i.e. my PILs) didn’t show much interest in the pregnancy or the baby, or get them any gifts at all - either before or after the baby was born. They then have the cheek to moan that they aren’t very close to the baby/that the maternal grandparents are ‘monopolising’ the baby etc.

I’m now pregnant and they’re showing very little interest in my pregnancy as well. I think some people are just like that.

I am at this thread. What age are you OP?

Maybe they’ll buy a gift after the baby is here safely? That’s what my parents did.

Aw, it's sad that somebody was raised to think that money spent has something to do with love, or showing an interest.
Your parents have done you a disservice there OP.
I agree though it's not fair your mum is buying an expensive item, when you can afford it yourself and of course presuming you are an adult, capable of standing on your own two feet.
Why let your mum spend that money, if you think it's unfair

I can see where you’re coming from. Yes it would be nice they offered to buy something for the baby, but they haven’t. My ILs didn’t. But my parents got us the pram/pushchair/car seat combination. But each to their own.

I wasn’t sure who hosted the baby shower as it’s something we haven’t done very much so I’m doing it all by myself obviously my sister is helping with some of the planning.

So you don’t know about baby showers, when a quick google would have told you, but you are full of expectations about what you believe your PIL should do.

I suggest you don't teach your children that the only form of showing love is via gift giving, you don't want to set them up to feel unloved by the paternal grandparents.

What's the love language of the paternal grandparents, do you show them love in any way other than gifting?

A lot of people will wait till the baby is here safe and sound before giving gifts. You don't need much for a baby.

No, why should they? Your mum buying something is lovely but it's not to be expected. I hate this modern baby shower grab, an American thing that should have stayed stateside, so me me me, grabby.

Babies need very little - most of the things I bought hardly/never got used. Sounds like you have a long list of things you must have. With the exception of the car seat and cot mattress, everything else can be got second hand if you are struggling.

we’re not going to throw a strop because they didn’t get us something.

I think that’s exactly what you’re doing on this post OP.

Some people think it is bad luck to give baby stuff before the baby is born in case it dies.

Yes, I know that in that event the stuff is least of your worries but I have heard several colleagues mention this (I'm not in/from the UK though)

We're in a similar position except I didn't expect to get any gifts or much interest from the in-laws as my BIL's wife had forewarned me that they're not very keen on spending time with her children and they don't like buying gifts in general.

My parents have very generously bought the pram and car seat (I didn't expect it - they insisted) and I think my DH feels a little bad that we won't get anything from his parents, but to be honest I'd much prefer for them to want to spend time with baby once she comes along! Of the two things, that would be much more important to me...

I do think different families do things differently - my dad genuinely get joy from spending money on his children and grandchildren, whereas I know DH's parents have said previously that they don't intend to spend or leave money to their children. It's not for me to judge, but I plan on spoiling my daughter as much as we can (comfortably) afford.

Oh and on the baby shower - again each to their own. My friendship group has always had baby showers and I'm really excited about mine (my sister is arranging it, it will just involve lots of cake!) I'm one of the last of our group so it's been a long time coming!

Wow the OP is getting some harsh replies!
I completely understand where you are coming from.
It would be nice for your PILs to be just as invested as your mum and want to buy a big present (as they obviously have done this for others).
I just find the richer people are the more tight they are.
Just enjoy your baby shower and put them out of your mind

Are they usually very generous to you around birthdays etc?

My in laws often spend a lot more on birthdays/ Christmas than my family where it’s more important to be thoughtful and get something very personal.

People have different ways of showing support. I don’t think you can ever expect people to contribute.... as PP have said this is your baby.

I actually felt very uncomfortable accepting gifts from family... I would feel more content getting everything ourselves... if we do receive any money when the baby comes along it will be going straight in his bank account for the future.

What does your partner think?

That's very cheeky of you.

Most grandparents do help out. We did anyway although there was no expectation. I have just sold a baby swing chair, baby mat and car seat through our local Facebook selling site. My daughter sold her next to me crib too. Baby stuff is used for so little time buying second hand makes sense. They might be waiting until the baby is born and there will always be stuff to get. Just get essentials to start with. The baby will be in with you presumably so rather than buy a cot go for a next to me crib or Moses basket. Do they seem excited about the new baby?

We’re from a culture we’re families are as helpful as they can be to their children yes that may sound spoilt but that’s what it’s like where we’re from

Are you from a traveler/gypsy background? I know some people from those cultures and buying lots and lots of stuff for babies, even before they’re born, seems to be the norm. I’ve seen travelers I know get gifts of motorised cars etc. when they’re pregnant- gifts that the baby won’t be able to use for a good 4 years.