Anyone out there who thinks they DON'T want to breastfeed....?

[ballanj]

Clue is in the thread title really!

I'm interested to learn of any expecting mums (old hands and first timers) who were very much of the view that they didn't want to breastfeed, for whatever reasons.

I'm just under 12 weeks, so some way off for me and I may feel differently about it as the months progress, but right now I'm very much thinking 'no'. I know a lot of mums say 'breast is best' but for some reason, no idea as to why, it just doesn't appeal to me as being the option I'd choose. Does this make me a terrible person?! Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like a milking cow and being on demand and wanting my partner and other family members to share in the feeding. Are there any other mums that just express in order to bottle feed? I'd be really interested to know what everyone else really thinks. And please, no judgment or 'this way is the right way' as everyone is different and I'm still trying to find my own way on this and gauge what I really feel! Thanks x

Breastfeeding is the thing I’m most proud of. Give it a go, if you don’t like it then the formula is still there and baby will have colostrum.

There is something very empowering about growing a baby from a newborn to a toddler in milk you’ve produced. And also BF is a bonding experience. Both of mine took bottles also when I went back to work, they experienced something different when we nursed versus the bottle. There’s a comfort and emotional connection too.

I know people don’t want to hear this but that’s my experience.

Good luck whatever you decide!

I do find some of these comments a bit offensive tbh. Of course you have to personally weigh up what is best for YOU and the baby. If breastfeeding is going to negatively effect your mental health, quality of life and bond with the baby and you just dont want that then formula feeding is a valid option..... but please dont undermine women who struggled on to try and provide breastmilk for their babies...
Some of the comments here are suggesting that is a worthless and pointless sacrifice and that is a pretty harsh thing to suggest.
Saying its hard and yet you struggled on is not suggesting you are better than anyone else BUT it IS a good thing to have done. Im super proud of breastfeeding for as long as I did. I wanted to do it after having looked into the benefits and I did manage to carry on doing it despite it being hard and suffering from DMER. I do not think it was pointless.
I would never judge anyone for formula feeding... I know for some women the struggle is too much and they give up or cannot begin... and not because they are weaker but because evidently they find it or the idea of it harder than I did. I was lucky and I understand that but I also put a lot of effort into keeping it going as do many other women so please do not slag off people who do that. We should all support each others choices and women who have decided that breastfeeding is best for their children and have stuck with it despite it being very hard are NOT wasting their time.

"But that isn’t what you said in your previous post."

Dinosaurkisses was that to me? I haven't changed my point, I just added that some women may find it easy to breastfeed but they'll never know if they don't try.

"I agree that breastfeeding is criminally under supported by the NHS, leading to a lot of gaps in women’s knowledge which can be filled by horror stories from friends, family, even threads on MN and as a result scaring people from even attempting it.

What I don’t agree with is telling women they should breastfeed just because they can, regardless of their preferences.

There is no other conversation where it would be socially acceptable to tell a women what she should and shouldn’t be doing with her body, and I don’t think this is any different.

I’m not too worried about being offensive to women who “went through hell to breastfeed and almost had to use formula as a last result.” That is their choice to push on through, and while I admire their determination and grit, I don’t feel that the Formula As A Last Resort mantra is something anyone should be pushing on a vulnerable new mother."

I think that breastfeeding (or at least trying your best to) is a consequence of being pregnant and having a baby so I think we'll have to agree to disagree. Other than on your paragraph about BF being underfunded by NHS and horror stories being everywhere, I couldn't agree with you more about that

to the OP:
I did say that I personally found breastfeeding difficult, but I do know some mums who found it incredibly easy and also found it strengthened the bond between them and their baby.
You cant really know how it will pan out before you give it a go.
Whether or not its better for the baby it can also end up being better for the mum. Some women just find it loads easier than bottle feeding. Its much cheaper, its much faster, you dont forget or get confused about feeding times because you can feeel when your breasts are full so know baby is about due a feed, you dont have to carry equipment about, no washing up.....
Sometimes the negative things some people experience outweigh those positives but it is just a bit of a lottery. So id honestly just see how you feel when the baby is born and dont rule it out (unless its a real psychological aversion you have of course). It might be for you or it might not.
Congratulations and good luck with it all!

I desperately wanted to bf, had a preemie (34 weeks) expressed colostrum for the first few days, managed to get her to latch and expressed for the first 3 weeks but she had a nightmare with jaundice. Was strongly advised to at very least mix feed as apparently breast fed babies are more likely to be jaundice (if it had been picked up by our community midwife just how high her jaundice levels were this may have been a different story). So we mixed fed until she was 8 week (expressed only) and eventually just ff. I was most upset about the whole ‘breast is best’ and the perseverance we had shown with it, for it to all be shot down due to jaundice. I guess In the end tone expressing just got on top of me so I gave up

Did six weeks with DS, didn't bother with DD who was born 3 years later.

I got mastitis, thrush and terrible cracked nipples with DS, he never seemed full and I didn't like being constantly feeding 24/7.

I couldn’t imagine not even trying to breastfeed my children. For me it was instinctual - like needing to hold or cuddle them. All my hormones wanted me to do it (after birth).

Maybe see how you feel after the birth when your boobs are a leaking!

Not saying it’s easy though - it took a massive effort on my part with both my children to do it.

I think it’s nice to combination feed if you want the freedom that comes with bottle feeding etc.

This sentence is unbelievable. Breast milk is better for a baby than formula. Breastfeeding mums aren't deluded into believing their milk is better than formula, it is, it's a fact.

I didn't want to post on this thread but that really annoyed me. I think it's offensive to people who went through hell to breastfeed and almost had to use formula as the last resort. I truly do believe formula should be a last resort for people who really aren't able to breastfeed not for people who want an extra few hours kip by letting their dh do the night feeds.

Breast milk is marginally better than formula. The only proven benefit is the antibodies in the milk, and by the age of five, that doesn’t matter much. None of the other benefits of breastfeeding can be conclusively proven as down to breastfeeding. When adjusting for class and education, it’s funny how it’s not as clear cut.

Your post is exactly the type of thing I’m on about by the way. Mummy martyring. It’s annoying and pathetic. I’m confident enough in my choices, that I don’t feel the need to insist that everyone should do it my way.

I think that breastfeeding (or at least trying your best to) is a consequence of being pregnant and having a baby so I think we'll have to agree to disagree

God, I love that.

Tell someone who wants an abortion that having a baby is a consequence of being pregnant and you’re considered archaic and anti feminist.

But when someone actually wants a baby, suddenly “her body her choice” goes out the window and things like breastfeeding and vaginas births are just “consequences of pregnancy”.

It’s almost as if people treat women’s bodies as commodities.

I think it's offensive to people who went through hell to breastfeed and almost had to use formula as the last resort

No, it isn’t, and nor is it suggesting breastfeeding mothers are eating their time. We shouldn’t have to pretend breast milk is the same as formula to validate formula feeding mothers but equally we shouldn’t have to pretend its benefits are greater than they are to validate breastfeeding mothers (and you’ll see from my post i wanted to breastfeed). I linked directly to the study. We should support all mothers in their feeding choices.

And I totally agree with @blairwaldorfshairband that women’s bodily autonomy seems to go out of the window when it comes to breastfeeding.

We shouldn’t have to pretend breast milk is the same as formula to validate formula feeding mothers but equally we shouldn’t have to pretend its benefits are greater than they are to validate breastfeeding mothers (and you’ll see from my post i wanted to breastfeed).

A lot of people DO pretend formula is equal to breast milk though.

As an example when your baby is congested breast milk up the nose is an incredibly effective way to flush out mucus. Better than saline. It clears crusty eyes too.

Breast milk is more than food and breastfeeding is not the same as a plastic bottle. I bottle feed too (expressed milk) so I’m not anti bottles! But with my eyes I see a difference. Maybe the long term outcomes are same but in the moment my babies got comfort from my breast that they did not from bottles. I wish people would consider that also.

My dd is 3 now and I'm 22+5 with number 2.

I had in my mind that I really wanted to bf however dd was premature and so this meant that she was on neonatal and I was on a separate ward having to have surgery after her birth to remove after birth, placenta etc

Neonatal formula fed her without asking me, I was very poorly and in bed for 6 weeks in the hospital, out of it on painkillers so I thought I'd lost my chance. I was very upset at the time.

I got home and cried to my lovely community midwife about it and she got he a huge industrial milking machine and I pumped and got a good amount off I was happy! I fed my baby when she was 7 weeks after I'd mastered the latching on bit and then continued to combination feed until she was 1.

It was quite stressful and I put myself under a lot of pressure to do it. Will I do it again? I feel (to be fair) I should but it was hard work and stressed me out.

On the plus side it helped me loose some of my pregnancy weight!!

You have to do what's best for you, 1 friend exclusively bf for about a year was just mentally and physically drained it made her quite poorly

What I would say is make your own decision it's your body, your baby and don't let anyone, family or medical professional "persuade" you if it's not your choice - good luck

The treating women’s bodies as commodities idea is interesting, while I know this isn’t what the poster meant the whole formula industry is all about a commodity, and it massively serves them to promote a “almost identical” milk and they must rub hands with glee at so many generalisations of bf as involving being stuck to the sofa, painful etc. If you are having your first baby it is worth knowing that the hardest part of bf is at the very beginning.
No one should be forced into breastfeeding but do not ignore the fact that it can be a very empowering experience for women, it’s not all doom and gloom as posts here would suggest.

I breastfed my first for about 5 minutes and it just repulsed me. I expressed for 6 months with both of mine.

You need to do what's right for you and as long as your supported by your partner then whether you FF or BF they will be able to share the load.

Breastfeeding rates in the UK are incredibly low I'm sure it's only 1% of babies who are still exclusively breast fed at 6 months so your definitely not going to be in the minority by a long way.

Have to say some of the comments on this thread are extremely sad and go a long way to explain why the rates are so low.

I didn't want to breastfeed. DS and DD were formula fed from the start. It meant DH could be fully involved - which he loved. We took turns at night. We had a Tommee Tippee Perfect Prep- which we took to bed at nights for night feeds. All very straightforward and two very happy babies. If we have DC3 he/she will be formula fed.

Do ANY BF threads in MN not descend into a BF vs. FF row?

The OP was asking mum's if anyone simply did it WANT to breastfeed, so why have people jumped on the thread defending BF and banging on about the benefits over FF again?!

Just the same as if there was a BF thread having FF mum's jump all over it. These threads pop up on a weekly basis so can't we just have one where people simply answer the OPs question?

Most people don't BF.
Not sure why you wouldn't at least give it a go though OP?

I don’t buy into the belief that the more of a martyr you are to your kids the better mother you are

Funny how men don't get anything like this, isn't it. For example, a great idea would be if expectant dads went and got second jobs they did at night or on weekends, in the lead up to baby being born, and banked the money to send baby to private school, or invested it for them. If you say well they have to sleep - why? New bf mothers don't. Now that would give the child a real advantage that would last a life time. But no one would ever suggest that. Instead, if the dad changes one nappy, he's a hero.

I ff from birth OP, because I wanted to avoid pain. Whats wrong with that? I would say most living creatures avoid pain. I did have an instinct to feed the baby when he was born, and felt a little sad that I wasn't bf. But when I tried, it was painful, so I stuck to my decision. And later seeing the bf mothers in my mother's group literally crying in pain and exhaustion, I was happy that wasn't me. People say things like "it's only hard for the first 8 weeks or so", but 8 weeks is a long time! For me it was the best time of my whole life so far. I'm glad it wasn't marred by bleeding nipples and cluster feeding.

Why don't you just see how you go? You don't need to make up your mind now.

Breastfeeding doesn't always equate to martyrdom though, not in the slightest! With dd I had maybe 4 weeks of us both learning, sore nipples and cluster feeding and then it just became the easiest thing in the world. No washing up, no sterilising, food within seconds, comfort, pain-relief, an easy way to settle. I am completely pro-choice in regards to women and what they do with their bodies, but feel I must speak up on the positive side of breastfeeding.

It's not all doom and gloom, and whatever anyone wants to believe, it is endlessly better for baby. Formula doesn't change it's constitution to hydrate baby more if it's hot, or produce antibodies for them when they're ill. It truly is magical stuff. Formula is grand and saves lives, but breastfeeding is not this thing that should be downplayed and belittled just because other's didn't do it/enjoy it. Breast is and always will be best. That's fact, not opinion. And it saddens me that there might be a woman who reads this thread and sees the worst bits of breastfeeding and thinks she can't or wont do it.

I didn't BF because I just simply didn't want too, I have no regrets in my decision.

DD is and has always been very healthy, but I'm sure she would of been, if id decided to BF too.

Just do what suits you OP and whatever choice you make is the right one, because it's your decision!

The OP was asking mum's if anyone simply did it WANT to breastfeed, so why have people jumped on the thread defending BF and banging on about the benefits over FF again?!

It's very hard for me to see a thread where people say BF is pointless, disgusting, etc. and not comment on it. MN is accessed by many people and I hate to see such stuff unresponded to available to anyone who googles. Sorry.

What I don't understand is this feeling that people have to discuss how they feed their babies?

It's completely the parents decision and I don't understand other people's need to inject an opinion! (Not aimed at the OP or any other PP, more at the horror stories of DM and DMIL giving their opinions!).

OP, it's completely up to you. If you don't like the idea of BF then I can't see the benefit of putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation.

I do believe it's time we just accept however people choose to feed!

it is endlessly better for baby.

That statement really isn't backed up by the evidence though.

Certainly it is better. ENDLESSLY better? Not so much.

The issue is that breastfeeding is hard work to establish and people who do manage this don't want their work devalued by people saying "Meh, there's barely any point and it's not going to work for our family so no thanks".

OP here.

I actually feel quite saddened reading some of the comments on here this morning. Clearly breastfeeding stirs up lots of emotions in all of us. @GreenMeerkat makes a very good point. My post was about those who DO NOT WANT to bf. Totally appreciate everyone who has shared what their experiences were of bf and ff, whether those were positive or negative experiences. But when we start trying to, or feel we have to, justify our own decisions and start arguing against one another on this, it's really not good.

As to what I will do, who knows! Right now, I just wanted to know that my own thoughts weren't just exclusive to me. At the same time, lots of your comments have given me food for thought in that I wouldn't rule it out completely. What this thread has done is reaffirmed my mindset that it is my choice and whichever way I choose to go, it will be the right one.