Anyone out there who thinks they DON'T want to breastfeed....?

[ballanj]

Clue is in the thread title really!

I'm interested to learn of any expecting mums (old hands and first timers) who were very much of the view that they didn't want to breastfeed, for whatever reasons.

I'm just under 12 weeks, so some way off for me and I may feel differently about it as the months progress, but right now I'm very much thinking 'no'. I know a lot of mums say 'breast is best' but for some reason, no idea as to why, it just doesn't appeal to me as being the option I'd choose. Does this make me a terrible person?! Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like a milking cow and being on demand and wanting my partner and other family members to share in the feeding. Are there any other mums that just express in order to bottle feed? I'd be really interested to know what everyone else really thinks. And please, no judgment or 'this way is the right way' as everyone is different and I'm still trying to find my own way on this and gauge what I really feel! Thanks x

It doesn’t matter though does it, if it’s harmful it’s harmful, unless you believe that the moral taint of someone who does something by choice causes harm all by itself.

When I gave my kid that first supplement I felt like I was poisoning them. All the people who breastfed saying they wouldn’t have felt shame if they’d “had to” give formula - I call bs. The narrative is basically that if anything besides breastmilk passes your kid’s lips you’re going to ruin them. Some people won’t even give paracetamol for vaccinations in case it wrecks the “virgin gut”.

DieAntword given your experience then you know your suggestion that the women who do successfully breastfeed should be expressing and donating milk en masse is absurd. As a working mother I get enough to cover my babies for when I'm away from them. I had a few bags left over when DC1 weaned that I offered to donate through a personal network, but that's not going to even come close to meeting demand that is filled by formula.

And obviously formula in your case was medically indicated. Very different from someone who decides off the bat not to even try or offer colostrum. I would also bet the type of person who doesn't want to BF at all, is unlikely to take another woman's breast milk either.

I was adamant I wasn't going to bf dd2 after a horrible experience with dd1 (reflux, tongue tie, slow weight gain, pain at every feed for 6 months). I talked it through with dh and we both decided that the physical and emotional distress wasn't worth whatever benefits she may or may not have had from being breastfed. I took bottles of ready made formula with me into hospital so I wouldn't have to fight about it with midwives. In the end, when I was knackered and out of it after dd2's birth, a midwife brought her over and latched her on, not realising I wanted to FF. Dd2 latched no problem and fed like a dream.
I decided to carry on breastfeeding as long as it stayed easy - as soon as there was any pain or weight loss for the baby or any drama at all, she'd be straight on to formula. She's 4 months now and still bf. I guess I'm saying that it's worth having an open mind. Not everyone has a bad experience with bf and if you've given yourself a mental 'out' from the start it's easier to be relaxed about it - if it works great, if it doesn't then use formula - it's all good.

It matters massively dieant - the fact is formula is there for people who can’t safely feed their baby another way. It’s not poison! Of course not... but it’s not as good as breastmilk. The problem is formula companies have marketed it and culture has allowed us to get to the point where many people think it is. Hell some even wrongly think it’s better!

It’s not something you should feel guilty about giving a child but really really not something you start off off actively solely wanting to feed to your baby with zero breastmilk alongside.

Ca55 - my experience was that too is second just latched but I was going to ff if it was hard

The difference between us and the op/other pp is that this was our second child and WE HAD TRIED IT with our firsts. It’s very different making an educated decision based on facts and first hand experience then it is these people who just say it’s my first, bf isn’t for me, I’m not going to do it. And don’t even TRY even for one feed to see what it’s like.

And as the case happened I bf my second for 2 years

Oh and we still TRIED it with our seconds

I can’t understand the lack of trying. I think everyone owes it to their baby to at least give it a week or so

Even if topping up alongside in that week (which happened with my first before we moved to exclusive bf in her second week)

I expressed for 3 months as my son was premature, it was hell, my life revolved around the expressing machine, I know it's entirely different if it's an actual baby, I was intent on carrying it on after he left the hospital, but he wasn't gaining weight and I wanted him home, so I chose to put him on formula. I felt guilty, like I was a bad person but at this point my sanity mattered most and I wanted him out of hospital. We've shall got do what's best for our own circumstances. We all know breast is best but everyone is different and what one person finds a breeze another one finds it hell.

Buster you did amazingly well to keep that up for 3 months. I can only imagine how difficult that must have been. And your son got the best possible start when he needed it most. 3 months is way longer than most mums manages to breastfeed in the U.K.

Thanks Cous, I really had no choice as I knew the dangers of premies and formula. It was truest an endurance test but I gave him the only thing I could at the time. I was helpless in every other aspect!

I'm interested in this thread. I have a 9mp dd who is now formula fed, but I attempted bf with her for 3m and she never managed , so I expressed and bottle fed her ebm for most of first 3m.

Long story but had a vvvv long traumatic back to back labour, complications after, zero proper support with bf and like others have said the first 3m of dd's life were pretty miserable for me.

I am pregnant with dc2 now (will have 2 under 2) and am super excited but already worrying about what to do with feeding. DH will manage two weeks off work but then I'll be largely alone and I'll have two babies to care for so can't get into all consuming failed bf mode again.

I'd really like to try bf dc2 and will have a little more knowledge this time, and have a little more support now (mums groups etc) but so worried that it will take too much away from dd1.

Also if I ebf I'm worried that DD1 will get even less attention from me... whereas as any friend or relative / DH can bottle feed the newborn if I really need them to!

Has anyone else failed miserably to bf their first baby but had subsequent success with other babies ?

Honestly for me with my second (when my first was 18 months) this is the reason I gave up (only a few weeks in). He dropped a lot of weight after the birth and was crying constantly and stopped when I gave him formula (aka he was hungry). I mixed fed for a couple of weeks (half an hour on the breast topped up with a bottle) but I felt so bad for my first that I wasn’t playing with him and he was losing out on love and attention I just switched to the bottle (which at the time still took half an hour, so feeding had been an hour long process and I cut it in half).

I still hope with my third (hopefully when both kids are much older!) I might manage it, but I don’t even know why? To see what it’s like? To feel like a proper woman? I dunno... I suspect I won’t be able to. I have tubular shaped (though large) breasts which are a big risk factor for lactation failure so maybe I never had the ability to sustain a baby with them to begin with.

When I was pregnant I knew I wanted to try it but planned to switch to formula quickly if it didn’t work out.

I surprised myself by how much I wanted to breastfeed when my daughter was born. It hurt and was hell for about a week or two but is great now at 9 weeks. I did give some formula to top up at the start. Cluster feeding is hard work and I wish I was warned about it.

If anything I’m too lazy to get up in the night and make up/ sterilise bottles so breastfeeding has been more convenient. I also get a better lie in each morning as I bring her into bed to feed. Im a shy person but have got used to feeding in public and now feel quite confident with it. I’m really enjoying breastfeeding now but if for whatever reason that changes then I’ll look at switching to formula.

See how everything goes and do what’s best for you and your family

Me too! Everybody acts disgusted when you tell them, I'm expecting to be pushed into trying and I can assure you, nothing is changing my mind. I have absolutely NO INTEREST in it. Weird because never hear of woman being against breastfeeding so I feel so out of place! Nice to know I'm not alone 🤗

Thank you ... perhaps a good idea to consider formula top ups at first don't know how I'll cope with cluster feeding. I will probably give it say, a month, and hope it clicks by then. I'll def make sure dc2 gets a couple of weeks at least (when DH off work). But I'll just have to be open to FF so that I don't feel Uber mum guilt for dd1.

Sadly I suspect had I not had such a bad time with BF the first time round , I wouldn't even be worrying about this.

I wonder if it's true that those who bf first baby are more likely to bf later babies , and the same with FF.

Shaza - I had a nightmare first 3-6 months bf dd1 - I was seriously going to formula feed if it didn’t work next time round (although I was going to try and see - wasnt just going to assume it would be bad again).
Dd2 came out and latched straight away and was the easiest to feed ever.
It helps to have a low intervention birth (this is not something you can control ) and also try and bf AS SOON as you’ve given birth - in first 15 mins literally make that first cuddle a cuddle at the boob and hopefully baby will do what’s they’ve been programmed to do and latch well.
It was partly easier second time round as my boobs worked well and had loads of milk because they had fed dd1. First time round your boobs are a little bit - what is this?!
So fingers crossed you should find it much easier but see how you go. If there’s problems latching don’t forget to ask them to check for tongue tie. And also use nipple shields to help the latch if you need to- it’s actually how I ended up feeding dd1 in the end (for 20 months!). It was still tricky using the shields but much easier than expressing. Dd2 didn’t need shields at all.

Read halfway through this thread (it's very long!) so apologies if repeating but the study cited by Blair actually only looked at asthma and BMI/obesity as health factors and did not look at benefits to the mother of reduced breast/ovarian cancer risk, neither did it look at risks of respiratory, ear and gastrointestinal infection in babies.

Saying 10/11 effects were down to socio-economic factors was true for the benefits they studied, but they left out other well known benefits (why? Because they did find that breastfeeding offered an advantage? Or because they didn't even look? We don't know).

Remember you can prove anything with statistics, often the abstract (headline) can give a skewed impression.
(Another personal bugbear is articles that claim a certain vitamin/tablet/activity can prevent miscarriage. As if having a m/c is somehow the mother's fault. But that's for another thread).

Shazzafied if you look upthread there are a couple of mums who had a hard time feeding their first babies who found second time round much easier. It's worth keeping an open mind. I agree with a pp that cluster feeding is not really talked about but is something all three of my babies did. IME it was hard but seemed to be necessary to build my supply. If I had given in and topped up with formula at that stage I would never have had enough milk to feed my baby. It depends how much you want to BF but I personally wouldn't advise formula top ups until your supply is established at around 6 weeks (assuming feeding is going ok and your baby is putting on weight of course). Those evenings when you're glued to the sofa aren't easy though without full support from your family.

Thanks. I do want to BF but with an older baby to look after, mostly alone after 2w (no family nearby) I may not manage if cluster feeding is a big issue. Unless I give top ups.....but thenthat may be problematic too!

I simply can't be glued to sofa from 4-8 pm for example, with another child to attend to, feed bath and put to bed.

I don't really but the idea that success at bf depends on how badly you want to do it. There are many other factors.

I didn't want to, just felt sick at the thought of it. I thought the staff at the hospital would be nasty about it but they just said that's fine. My two children were fully bottle fed and are now very healthy adults who never had anything go wrong with them. You do what you want, and don't be railroaded into bf. Best wishes !

To be honest this is making me question whether or not to have a second DC. I managed to establish BF with DD but it was so time consuming. DD was the sort of newborn who screamed when put down and I hate the thought of effectively having to ignore DD for 12 weeks because I'm going to be tethered to a newborn who wants to spend most of the day BF. Problem is I think I will feel guilty BF one and not the other.

Bf is much easier than ff with a second child! It’s established much quicker and you just pull up your top wherever you are - no running to the kitchen to heat up bottles etc
On the putting kids to bed - I used to read stories and then sit with my older one whilst she feel asleep all whilst bf.
At the park you find a quiet spot and feed whilst watching the older one.
I’m truly surprised people think ff is easier with two. Ime bf much easier as you can stay in the room with them (no having to get bottles) and you can bf whilst playing or watching it reading to older child. It’s multi tasking because you are at same time meeting young ones needs.

Snuggybuggy don't be deterred. It's harder, there's no doubt but it's totally doable. As I mentioned before, baby wearing is a good solution if you can get used to feeding in a carrier. There are some really comfortable carriers around now that you can feed in while you deal with your other kids. If you're able to get some meals in the freezer before baby arrives that helps on those evenings where you just don't have time to cook. Books and TV for older kids when you're occupied with feeding baby. It just takes a bit more planning. It's a challenge but I know heaps of people who've breastfed all their DC. Just requires a bit more juggling. And we're already good at that, right?

Exactly Redteapot.