Anyone out there who thinks they DON'T want to breastfeed....?

[ballanj]

Clue is in the thread title really!

I'm interested to learn of any expecting mums (old hands and first timers) who were very much of the view that they didn't want to breastfeed, for whatever reasons.

I'm just under 12 weeks, so some way off for me and I may feel differently about it as the months progress, but right now I'm very much thinking 'no'. I know a lot of mums say 'breast is best' but for some reason, no idea as to why, it just doesn't appeal to me as being the option I'd choose. Does this make me a terrible person?! Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like a milking cow and being on demand and wanting my partner and other family members to share in the feeding. Are there any other mums that just express in order to bottle feed? I'd be really interested to know what everyone else really thinks. And please, no judgment or 'this way is the right way' as everyone is different and I'm still trying to find my own way on this and gauge what I really feel! Thanks x

I didn't want to. I hate being touched, I hate (strangely) the feel of other people's skin .

I don't think I would ever want to whip a boob out whilst have eating meal in a restaurant. I would feel massively uncomfortable and uneasy. I don't really feel comfortable when other people feed in front of me.

I also don't think I would have physically coped having to do all the feeds. Me and dp shared the feeds and he has a great bond with ds. I bottle fed ds and read that the difference in kids who are ff and bf only exist till they are about 5. No one makes a deal of if a child is bf or ff after the child is about 3. I've never met and adult and asked how they were fed as a baby.

I didn’t feel this way (I was actually the other extreme and was completly obsessed with trying to breast feed - which looking back was a result of the total lack of control post labour but anyway)

Well done @immigrantsong for missing the point of the “fed is best” mantra.

We all know about the benefits to breastfeeding. No woman who goes through NHS maternity care can claim to be ignorant of that.

Fed is Best is usually said to try and make women who feel disappointed or a failure as BF hasn’t worked for them. It’s a reminder that FF isn’t letting your baby down, not a reason not to BF.

No one says “Fed is best! Give him some carnation milk. Fuck it, just blend up a Big Mac and he’ll sleep all night!”

Posted too soon! I have friends that knew in advance that they didn’t want to breast feed for similar reasons to what you listed and I was so jealous of their certainty! Not a single one of them regrets it and have happy healthy babies so if it’s not something you want to do then don’t do it!! I actually ended up getting into the swing of things and did enjoy feeding but I can totally understand why not everyone would feel that way. Oh and congrats!

Going back many years i bottle feed the very thought of bf made me feel sick both my sisters bf my daughter also ff both of hers, i was also asked why i was ff and then she stared to have a go at me i told her to mine her own business .
Daisy2990
you cannot make up bottles in advance read the tin you can buy ready made milk in cartons or get a startpack

36 +1 here, pre made bottles already packed. I have chronic arthritis and need to go back on my tablets ASAP (we couldn’t convince on them so I’ve been in pain since June 2017). I will give the bfing a go but if I feel like post birth I am exhausted and in pain then out come the bottles. My midwife and health visitor have both agreed that I need to look after myself as much as the baby. Plus a cranky mum and hungry newborn is not the situation I want to be in.

@YourHandInMyHand OP here. I am so glad I decided to post having read your comments. I think we put ourselves under ENORMOUS pressure to do everything 'right' or 'best' or 'by the book'. I thought I was a minority but having read all the responses this evening, I feel so much better for having my own view and knowing that whatever I decide is the right decision for me and my baby.

It shows how far we have to go in supporting women breastfeeding when people say ‘I shudder at the thought’

It’s such a natural thing which has been perceived as unnatural.

Though I would say, those women saying ‘I want to get my bodies back’ breastfeeding is awesome for weight loss. I ate soooo much food and the weight fell off.

Bringonspring - rather than supporting women to breastfeed, we should support women to make a decision which is best for them, their baby and their family regardless of whether that is breast or bottle.

I was lucky, I decided to bottle feed, was supported by DH and didn’t have any guilt or negativity.

I don’t think it does. I shudder at the thought of lots of natural things. Vaginal birth. Dairy products. Blood.

I’m not against breastfeeding, I mixed fed DC1 and plan to do it again but I don’t think it’s strange that some women are squeamish about it.

“It shows how far we have to go in supporting women breastfeeding when people say ‘I shudder at the thought’”

I can totally see why though- I’m from NI where bf rates are abysmally low. Midwives will halfheartedly suggest bf knowing fine rightly that the majority of their patients have made the decision to FF long before they even conceived.

I have never been around family or friends who breastfed for more than a few weeks, and the one person I did know well who bf would always do it privately. It would be extremely rare to see a woman BF in public- I don’t even think it’s a case that she’d expect to get nasty comments, it’s just The Norm is to FF.

So when I was pregnant with DC1 I had to really try and educate myself and rewire my thinking about breastfeeding being the default- as I said previously, BF didn’t work for us, but I totally get why some people get that “shudders” feeling.

@Bringonspring Spot on!

"Pain and suffering" is such a loaded way to describe breastfeeding. In fact there is a lot of negative comment on this thread about bf - fair enough if you've tried it and it's your own experience, but some people are just speculating. When people post about their experiences online it is of course going to be the problems - cracked nipples, mastitis - they don't post when it goes well or about how nice it often feels.

The obsession with doing things "naturally" is just a cheap way to shame women. Lots of natural things aren't good for your kids. And what comes naturally to you may not come naturally to the lady in the next bed along.
I can also point to lots of mums who got PND specifically because other mums made them feel like failures.
Just saying.

My point is that if you want to breastfeed, do it, but don’t delude yourself into thinking you’re a better mother who’s kids will do better than those who used formula.

Most people happy in their choices wouldn’t deride those who chose a different way, but some breast feeders choose to shoot down formula feeding women with cries about how they prioritise convenience over their baby. Which says to me that these breastfeeders felt inconvenienced by breastfeeding but struggled on because they buy into it being better, and resent women who don’t.

I mixed fed and then formula fed because my DS was allergic to milk and wouldn’t latch properly. I’m open minded. My plan is always to try breastfeeding, and if it’s too painful, difficult or complicated to move to formula feeding. I don’t care either way.

Parker231 I’m not joining a breastfeeding is best contingent. What I think is a challenge is PP have making valid points that because BF isn’t common around them it’s perceieved as ‘not the done thing’ ‘unnatural’ if everyone who was able to BF anywhere they wanted to without a care in the world then people may not ‘shudder’ at the thought. It would be no different to drinking a cup of tea.

When do you ever see a BF baby on Tv, eg soaps etc

I never wanted to have a baby sucking my nipples. Just no.

The cluster feeding, the sore nipples, the noises... that's not to mention the potential problems you can have.

I felt shackled and bored when DD was 2 weeks old. I sat there crying, thinking 'am I nothing but a mum now? Is there nothing for me to do all day but change baby, feed baby, hold baby, put baby in pram, rinse and repeat?' I cheered up instantly when I did some work.
I just think an unhappy mum makes an unhappy baby. You'll be a far better mum if you're happy too. And if that means bottle feeding, then people need to accept that.
I couldn't imagine having resented every moment of what would practically have been DD's waking hours. She didn't deserve that. She's a star.

So is my midwife 😊. She didn't judge.

Blairwaldorf two posters on this thread who bf have said they found it easier/convenient/the lazy option. Making up formula bottles correctly (I am aware not everyone tries to do this) takes much longer than bfing.

struggled on because they buy into it being better
*
^^*

This sentence is unbelievable. Breast milk is better for a baby than formula. Breastfeeding mums aren't deluded into believing their milk is better than formula, it is, it's a fact.

I didn't want to post on this thread but that really annoyed me. I think it's offensive to people who went through hell to breastfeed and almost had to use formula as the last resort. I truly do believe formula should be a last resort for people who really aren't able to breastfeed not for people who want an extra few hours kip by letting their dh do the night feeds.

I am not anti formula, I think it's amazing that we live in a world where there is the back up of formula, it truly is brilliant stuff to keep babies alive when their mum can't breastfeed.

Bravo @sleepisneeded! Hallelujah!

“I truly do believe formula should be a last resort for people who really aren't able to breastfeed not for people who want an extra few hours kip by letting their dh do the night feeds.”

Wanting to balance parenting responsibilities isn’t something that any woman should have to feel guilty about.

Is breast milk better than formula? Yeah, studies indicate that it is. Brilliant.

Does that mean every woman who can breastfeed should despite being in pain, dog tired and at the end of her rope mentally because some person on the Internet thinks that she should purely because she’s physically capable?

No thank you. I don’t buy into the belief that the more of a martyr you are to your kids the better mother you are.

I don’t buy into the belief that the more of a martyr you are to your kids the better mother you are

Yes! Love this!

"No thank you. I don’t buy into the belief that the more of a martyr you are to your kids the better mother you are."
Neither do I, I totally agree with you there. Lots of women on this thread have said they went straight to formula without trying to breastfeed, they may have found breastfeeding very easy but they'll never know.

Ff my first two and BF my last two children. I made my decision on how a felt at the time I don’t regret any decision and enjoyed all of them as babies. I really did miss BF when my youngest weaned at around 18 months I’m so glad of the experience.

But that isn’t what you said in your previous post.

I agree that breastfeeding is criminally under supported by the NHS, leading to a lot of gaps in women’s knowledge which can be filled by horror stories from friends, family, even threads on MN and as a result scaring people from even attempting it.

What I don’t agree with is telling women they should breastfeed just because they can, regardless of their preferences.

There is no other conversation where it would be socially acceptable to tell a women what she should and shouldn’t be doing with her body, and I don’t think this is any different.

I’m not too worried about being offensive to women who “went through hell to breastfeed and almost had to use formula as a last result.” That is their choice to push on through, and while I admire their determination and grit, I don’t feel that the Formula As A Last Resort mantra is something anyone should be pushing on a vulnerable new mother.